*

Things were becoming busy within the Garrison Branch, Military Branch and also within the Interior. Though I was still in bad shape, Hanji seemed to be hesitant about discussing something with me.

Even when I was alone with her when she accompanied me, she was rather strangely quiet.

Regardless, she still made sure I was alright as she was concerned for my life, but I didn't want her worry much. With everything happening, of course I felt the need to worry about everyone else. Especially with Historia and Eren, as the two were kidnapped and Eren almost became titan fodder.

Being guided to our assigned rooms for the time being, of our stay, they were definitely quite large. With tiles so clean and polished, and walls with elegant patterns upon the darker shade grey walls, it definitely felt out of my comfort zone. I wasn't use to this, nor was I even prepared to stay in such fine rooms.

I can't believe so much room for few royals, was beyond my comprehension.

The furniture aside was definitely sumptuous, and extra detail to the wooden ends of the edges were elegant. Stepping towards the windows, it was definitely larger than what I expected. It was all too much, that I almost stepped out of the room feeling like I didn't deserve such a place to stay for a few nights.

"Corporal, Erwin wishes to speak with you in an hour or so," Tobias informs me, who guided me here for support. The others were occupied with other things, such as the preparations for Historia's coronation and ceremony in becoming Queen tomorrow.

Turning on my heel, my hand drifts over the golden laced table top, as the coolness seeps through the warmth of my fingertips.

"Thank you, any news on Captain Levi?" I ask, almost grimacing at the subtle shift of my arm. My good hand drifts to my arm with discomfort, while black dots seem to blur my vision for only a few seconds. Blinking it away, I place my jacket over the armchair of the couch that rested tidily against the opposite side, of my queen-sized bed.

"No, but one of the soldiers returned rather quickly," he replies, standing chilly against the door. "Said they found Kenny, but he might be a little later than usual with his return."

"They found Kenny?" I ask with disbelief. "Alive or...?"

He nods but with a troubled expression, before pushing himself off the frame with a deep exhale.

"I will leave you to rest up...." turning on his heel, but pauses his steps while resting a hand upon the doorframe. "....you've done alot for us, so please? Don't over exert yourself anymore, than you have already."

He was right, I've overdone a lot in the past few days.

Hell, I'm still standing and managing to keep myself upright, after the shit we went through.

"Thank you Tobias, you may take your leave," giving him a nod, with assurance that there was nothing else to be said. It's been a long journey, and my body hasn't fully caught up on rest. Though I hated to relax, my body wasn't responding to how I react from wounds.

Saluting with upon his chest, he bids me his farewell as he leaves the room.

Finally having alone time left me to my own thoughts, sinking into solitude for only a few minutes. Slumping against the couch, my body couldn't move anymore. Warm anxious tears that I held back, finally were released coaxing my cheeks. Leaning back, I rest my forehand over my eyes to shield the light, to dim the brightness.

I couldn't help these tears fall, especially all the stress I held in since the beginning.

To add onto the pile, I'm finding out about a family beyond the walls that I never knew about from the beginning. An unknown clan that even my own Uncle, if he really is, wanted to kill me. Why do something, if the rest of our clan was murdered? What is his goal, once he finishes with me?

The air felt musty in here, which made it difficult to breath. Pushing myself up slowly, I went over to the windows and managed to push apart the heavy frames. Being greeted with fresh air, I take a deep breath allowing my body to adjust to relax.

~Knock~Knock~

Swiftly smearing away the tears that lingered upon my cheeks, I turn to the side before fully seeing it was the Commander.

"Thought you didn't need to see me, til about an hour?" I assume, as my voice came out more croaky than I thought. Clearing my throat behind my fist, my body faces him giving some respect to his approach.

He scoffs lightly, "No, I um.......came here to talk a little more sooner," he replies, more honestly. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that--"

"Don't apologise," I cut him off, while shaking my head, leaning against the side table that rested near the window. "You almost got yourself killed, in our place.....so don't do that...."

He arches an eyebrow, "What?"

I wave my good hand to him, "This.....apologising," pointing out, trying to find more words to express the frustration that was slowly surfacing. "I got myself hurt, we make mistakes on our own........"

"I came to check on you," he says softly. My lower back rests against the side table, as my hands brace my weight against the surface behind. "You had me worried, especially when I heard you were shot...."

Chuckling softly, "Well, I'm alive aren't I?" jokingly I remark, while he held a serious look in his eyes. "Anyway.......how is the ceremony preparations coming along? The day is almost at it's end, so..."

I wanted to shift the topic, as my wound is old news. I'm alright for now.

He nods, "Yes, we've gathered more soldiers to set up the podium, and got some papers signed over," he replies, more firmly. "At the moment currently, she's getting a fitting done, along with settling herself within the kingdom."

"I see, and Hanji?" I ask, tilting my head to meet his cold stare that somehow softened within moments.

He sighs with defeat, "Always shifting the attention on others, than yourself," he leisurely gazes around the room, while admiring the golden details that was drafted upon the furniture and walls. "So.....you wanna tell me about this man, who was reported that he was in league with the Anti-Personnel squad?"

My body was on pins and needles the way he addressed the man, as his daunting expression imprints in my mind. It was unforgettable, that it was beyond terrible a man like him was after me.

"Was he the reason for your wound?"

My hesitation was dead silent, that even speaking of him left me cowering behind these walls. Never have I felt this scared before, that even his eyes alone was sinister and formidable to even look back on.

"........"

My eyes trail along the marbled patterned tiles, trying to forget about the man himself.

"Akira, we must know who he is so he can be reported," He sternly spoke up, while I felt my lungs burning with every second in thought. "He has no name, so we must fin--"

"Don't talk about him," my voice grew shallow, cracking slightly at the end.

The moment I saw the man for the first time, my first thought was 'he looks exactly like my mother' which was unrelated at the time. Slowly piecing it after he blabbered off about everything in the underground cavern, that's when everything began to make more sense.

~

"You don't understand, what I had to do go through since your mother fled our home!" he snapped angrily, eyes lit ablaze with bloodlust already consumed him. "You don't understand the pain that was inflicted upon me, when your mother left us defenseless!!!! My own damn sister!!! You even let her die! It's your fault that she's isn't here!!!! Your whole existence is meaningless, so rot in hell after I kill you!"

~

"Akira.......Akira!"

Snapping out of my daze, I couldn't help but shift the blame upon myself. I didn't save them when I was almost at arm's length, I didn't save Mei when I heard her screams, nor did I ever forgive my father after everything he put me through.

Many regrets were left unsaid, and the heavier my heart felt.

"Maybe take it abit more easier," Erwin suggests, while he looks down upon me with concern. "Or......did something happen?"

Shaking my head, I ran my fingers through my hair messily.

"Nothing, don't worry......" I assure him, not even realising my own hand my slightly shaking for some weird unknown reason. Tucking it behind my back, I soon begin to worry about the recruits. I wonder how they're after all they've been through?

"You sure, you seem hesitant,"

I nod confidently, "Yeah, it's been heavy few days, things to process, you know?" chuckling lightly, before clearing my throat. "Anyway, how were things on your side?"

His jaw slightly clenched for a moment, his eyes averting from mine as if something did happen. The light contrasts softly, even though his eyes were slightly dull in response to my question.

"Complicated.......I have no other words to further say," He replies, blatantly. "Anyway, there was something I wanted to discuss with you........well, both you and Hanji."

Raising a brow I tilt my head with confusion, "What is it? Did I do some--"

He shook his head, while I lean up against the wall behind me.

"No, no you didn't.......more like what you've done right," He corrects me, which left me more confused what he wanted from me or even Hanji. "We'll discuss it another time, for now we've got a ceremony tomorrow to worry about, so best to get some rest while we can."

What did he need to discuss with me and Hanji about, and the shift of his tone seemed kind of off for a moment.

*

Afternoon came by and went quickly, as many soldiers went back and forth preparing for the ceremony. We all had gotten our share of food, as it was a lot more than what we usually get in the Scouts. Tables full of food, comfortable setting, even though we would get two nights at the royal home.

I felt out of place, but Historia was very persistent in us having at least a night or two to rest in the comfort of her rooms.

Levi hasn't returned back yet, and the pain in my arm had slowly settled down to a comfortable ache. My mind still was drifting off, only waiting for him to come back which concerned me most of the afternoon. I hope he was okay with Kenny alone, with him being once a mass murderer.

With my head clouded over and my body uncomfortable, I decided to check on the children. After all they have experienced too much, within a month. They all have been through shit, with survival, betrayal, having to murder others, and so on. I didn't want it for them, but here we are.

Walking down the stairs to the next level of the place, I could hear the children talking and laughing together.

"Corporal?"

Blinking in surprise I halt upon the steps, before my eyes trail up to see Jean walking down towards me.

"Jean, I was um......." gesturing my good hand to their room. "......gonna check on you all, make sure....."

My eyes avoided his with shame for bringing them along, having to get their hands messy and kill people against their will. Though I was proud with how far they came along, I still felt conflicted with it all.

"....you're alright," I finish, when he caught up with me.

"I actually was......wanting to speak with you," He honestly replies, which I was taken back a little.

"Me? Hope I'm not in trouble," I joke lightly, when he shook his head with a soft laugh.

"No....um, I just.......wanted to say thank you," He says, his tone shifts to a mellow warmth. "You and the Captain, have really went through it all head on than any of us and I'm amazed."

I shook my head, "No, I should be proud of you and the others," placing a warm hand upon his shoulder. My eyes tenderly soften, "Your actions lead to your survival, and the things you've sacrificed hasn't been overlooked. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, just fresh out of the cadet corp."

"No, you don't have to apologise," He firmly says. "You protected us, both you and the Captain gave us that motivation........so without you, I don't we all would've survived any of this."

My surprised eyes softens, "You've matured a lot, since day one, you know that?"

"Really?"

I hum with a nod softly, "You wanna know my first thoughts?" I arch an eyebrow, leaning against the walls of the staircase.

He looked rather hesitant, but bit the bullet and nodded.

"Hmm........I thought you were quite a handful with your short-tempered episodes," I admit honestly, which I noticed he grimaces at the thought. "Slowly, I begin to see a natural born leader surfacing upon the young boy, who seemed to cower from facing reality...."

"Really?" He groans, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

"...but..." I pause, to gather my thoughts for a moment. "I see a soldier, who's overcome so much, more than he anticipated. To me, you all have been like children to me......as if you were one of my own......."

"Corporal......."

"I'm also very sorry about Marco, I never got to console with you," I brought up, hearing his breath hitch in his throat.

"Wait......you remember him?" he asks, with disbelief.

I nod, "I remember every soldier that we've lost, even my own cadets......" admitting to him, while he stood there speechless since the battle in Trost. ".....Thomas Wagner, Nac Tias, Mylius Zeramuski, Franz Kefka, Ruth D. Kline, Marco Bott, Hannah Diamant, Mina Carolina, and Tom Perish....."

Jean was taken back by the many names I've given him, as if he's forgotten already. I couldn't blame him, I just have a curse in remembering the names of the lost soldiers.

"That's.......impossible....." he breaths out, while covering his eyes for a moment. He takes a few deep breaths, seeing he was met with old memories again. It was hard for him, but I knew he was strong now.

"I hope you see yourself strong, and fight alongside Sasha and Connie," I muse softly, while my eyes trail down to see Sasha and Connie fooling around. Pillows thrown at each other, as laughter echoes down the giant hallways. The warm glow softened the dimed halls, which left comfort. "Those two maybe dumbasses, but they're your family now.....they've always been there for you Jean, I hope you know that."

Without warning arms suddenly wrap around me, following with me yelping in surprise.

He realises what he's done about to pull away, but my good hand holds him back into my arms willingly. Welcoming him into a warm hug, my sore arm slowly wraps around before finding myself comfortable holding the young boy.

"C-Corporal, I'm so--"

"Shut up, no apologies....." I scold him lightly, rubbing his back comfortingly. He heavily sighs, ".....you needed this......I can tell, it's okay to hug me. No need to ask, just do when you feel comfortable at anytime."

"But isn't it innappr--"

I shook my head, "No, it isn't........and the same goes for anyone else," I firmly assure him, when I felt something dampening my shoulder. I knew this would happen, I knew he break after everything went through. It was a scary journey, but we're back in once piece and very much alive than we thought we would be.

"Thank you, Corporal......" He muffles into my shoulder, with his voice slightly cracking.

With my back against the wall and the soldier in my arms, my eyes rest upon the wall ahead of me with heavy eyelids threatening for sleep. We all haven't rested enough, but my children comes first right now. 

After a few minutes, his silent sobs begin to fade as he comfortably clung onto me as if he never received a hug in a long time.

He soon pulls away, "Sorry about that, it was improper..." he apologises again, but I arch an eyebrow.

"What did I say about apologising?" tilting my head up, waiting for him to remember.

He sighs deeply, nodding while remembering what I told him.

"Don't apologise......." he meets my eyes, seeing how red and puffy his skin was. ".....I'll try."

Smiling tenderly I pat his arm, "Go wash your face, and get some rest," I instruct. "You look exhausted, so rest easy."

"Yes, Corporal!"

With that he continues heading down the staircase, while I do the same heading to Sasha and Connie's assigned quarters. Reaching the fit of giggles, I see Sasha dodging a pillow attack before throwing one back at Connie. The two haven't noticed me, as one went flying right past my head as a wave of wind blows by.

"Dammit, my aim is terrible!" Sasha whines, while reaching over the bed to grab another one without getting hit.

Connie's steps jump side to side, back facing me without feeling my presence.

Leaning up against the door I folded my arms and waited patiently, until they are tuckered out from their journey. Seems like Historia's generosity for the rooms made them excited, especially with the lavishing and comfortable furniture they have. It was so different compared to our normal rooms, filled with so much space that you can fit a few bunk rooms in.

"I'm gonna get ya--" Sasha cuts herself off, as the pillow went flying. "Corporal, watch out--"

My good hand thankfully caught it before hitting my face, as I lower it.

Smirking softly, "Having fun?"

"C-Corporal, you're okay!" Connie exclaims, with surprise. "W-We thought you passed out, from the surger--"

"You didn't die!" Sasha cries out, rushing towards me before hugging me with relief washing over. "I'm so relieved!"

Almost stumbling back a few times I drop the pillow, and welcomed her into a warm hug while Connie was staring at me with worry and concern.

"Are you okay? Do you need to sit? Do you need something to relax with?--" Connie rambles on, and on while I shook my head.

"No, no.......I came to check on all of you," I reply, while Sasha still held me close. Her mood definitely switched quickly, as I swear I could hear dry sniffles. My fingers threaded through her auburn hair. "Seriously Sasha, I'm stronger than you think I am..."

She pulls away, "I know, I just........you scared us,"

"Yeah," Connie folds his arms, with a nod of agreement. "Anyway, how is Hanji as well? Is their arm alright?"

I nod, "Yeah, she's back to her feet again," assuring the two, knowing they shouldn't be worrying about anything. "Well, I'm just glad you two are looking and feeling alright........it's also getting quite late so, I recommend some sleep will help."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Call me Akira, when we're alone.....okay?" I insist, correcting the two hating that I'm addressed like an elderly woman. "Now, you two get ready to rest up.....alright? Tomorrow is a big day, and we need you to be awake and not sleeping through Historia's ceremony."

"Thank you," Connie smiles, with somewhat relief. 

*

It was close to midnight and the place went quiet and still, which left me feeling quite alone in my bed. The sheets felt so soft and silky, with the mattress sinking to the touch. It felt different, but it somehow made me feel more relaxed despite my arm aching painfully. Waiting for Levi's return, I sat up against the headboard with one of my sketchbooks in hand.

Lena managed to collect my satchel, and brought it back during today.

Her and Tobias went with a few Scouts to collect a few things anyway, so she didn't mind grabbing my few things. It wasn't much, which made it easier for her to grab and go. Still, having no permanent place to stay, it left me wondering if I will have a place that I can call home someday.

The pencil grazes the rough fawn pages, sketching