(!!Warning!! Sensitive scenes and topic of miscarriage! Angst)

*

Time took it's course........

During the Four months after our wedding, we finally continued working hard in recovering the Scout Regiment and new soldiers were flooding in. It wasn't many but enough, to give us leverage and support for now. Levi and the 104th squad and a few others have been going beyond the walls, taking short mission annihilating any titan that was left standing. Supporting Hanji on the side, I was given reports and paperwork instead.

Having to sit behind the desk, I did it for my child so it will become a healthy delivery in almost less than four months.

Levi has been making sure to be by my side from time to time, but remained doing his duties as Captain and keeping things in order. Aiding Hanji when he can, and assist with any issues that might have to be looked over. It was simple, hectic it was, but it was just simple after the heavy loss we experienced in all our years behind these isolating walls.

"There we will need to improve on the thunder spears," Hanji runs over her experiment, that a few months ago she worked on for the armoured. "Given how they worked with precision and impact on the force, it broke through the thick armour......gosh I'm rambling again...." shifting their glasses, she held the thunder spear in hand. "......at least we worked on these after the unpredictable attack, hence, we must improve our weaponry.....make them furthermore endurable for when we do come towards enemies...."

"Right," blinking a few times, feeling the heaviness of my eyelids drooping. My hand rubs my swollen stomach, cramps not subsiding at all. "Well, I'm just impressed that you thought it out before hand.....without them, I don't know what our second option would've been......despite the circumstances..."

Inhaling sharply, I try to take a few deep breaths while trying to focus.

Hanji notices before I could cover it up, hearing the solid thump on the table where she laid the thunder spear. Her feet shuffle before walking up to me, pressing her forehand against my temple tenderly. Murmuring a, "I'm alright," she didn't buy it, while grabbing her handkerchief in her pocket and wipes away the sweat from my temple.

"You've been like this for a while, it's concerning Akira," Hanji presses further, knowing they have been making sure I was eating normal portions, sleeping comfortably, not overexerting myself and watching over me seen Levi has been on missions lately within the Maria walls."I'm not an expert on pregnancies, but I know something is up........how about we leave everything for today?" suggesting to come back to our conversation work later, but I felt terrible knowing I'm preventing for our work to move forward.

"Hanji, I'm fine really......" reassuring that it's normal, but to be honest I don't know. I'm new to all this, and my body has taken a toll on the pregnancy. ".....I can still listen and give you my opinions, so please?" taking her hands, I squeeze them. "I'll be fine....."

Hanji hesitated for a moment, but soon my cramps only increased.

"Shit," my voice strains for a moment, my body hunching over for a moment trying to ease the pain but it wouldn't subside. Hanji quickly rests a hand against my back, rubbing my arm trying to bring comfort while my breathing grew shallow for a moment. Feeling something warm run between my legs, making me inhale sharply with surprise and shock. "Fu-...."

"Easy Akira......it's gonna be ok--" Hanji pauses, when she realises what had happened. The air grew heavy, feeling my body run cold instantly. "Your bleeding, this isn't good........okay. Stay still, we're gonna get a doctor straig--" she pauses, feeling her eyes on mine. "....Akira...."

My hand grabs her arm tightly as my eyes widen, while my other hand rests over my belly for a moment. 

Something wasn't right, my body was telling me, but I couldn't understand this feeling at all. Not realising my hand was trembling, I was too afraid to stand or move from my seat. My limbs felt like led, heavy and I felt nauseous. It wasn't contractions, but the cramps were causing so much dreading discomfort, I was afraid to move. "P-Please.........don't leave...." my voice shook. ".....I can't move...."

Hanji reading the situation soon grunts with assurance, "Just give me a few seconds, I'll get one of the young soldiers to get your doctor,"

Hesitating to allow her to leave me, I knew it would be pointless. I needed help.

Hanji rubs my arm a bit more before rushed vehemently out the door, before hearing her calling for anyone. Yet my mind was spinning, my body feeling strange like I couldn't feel any movement in my stomach. I'm in my second trimester, so I don't understand.....what's going on with me? 

"L-Levi.......I....I need you," I barely whisper my plea, before Hanji rushes back inside. Her footsteps shuffle with purpose towards me, before kneeling in front not caring that my pants were stained with red. She rubs my knee, looking in my eyes.

"Akira, just hang in a little more....we'll get answers soon," She spoke confidently, knowing she's trying to share some comfort and support. Peering through my locks meeting her brown eyes, I could see she was concerned and worried. She was keeping it together for me, but what am I doing? "I'm here Akira.......I'm not going anywhere, Dr Kraiser will be here very soon. Okay...." rubbing my knee, she squeezes my hand in the other.

*

SCOUTS INFIRMARY

Not long after when I was carefully taken to the infirmary of the Scouts building, and Dr Kraiser arrived. He began to explain the symptoms to something, that I dreaded the most. As if words could only convince you, I wanted to deny it all. Sitting there in discomfort, the news numbed it all while I sat there enduring the reality of my situation. Dwelling if I should believe it or not, wondering what Levi's reaction would be. 

"I'm very painfully sorry Mrs Ackerman," Dr Kraiser solemnly spoke, hearing him sincerely meaning it. The silence fell too heavy for a moment, as a heavy gruntled sigh follows after, "Symptoms are all there, and I've checked for a heartbeat.....you've had a miscarriage."

My eyes were wide in horror as everything falls silent, as if my ears were ringing continuously. 

"Most pregnancies like this don't happen, but I've discovered the cause," He breaks the chilling tension in the room, while my throat felt dry like sand paper. "With your previous fatal wound near your lower belly, as it barely just missed your child........it seems some of that damage later effected some of the tissue and your child as it grew. It's my fault for not checking and making sure you were healthy, but with our equipment we don't have much to warn us weeks before. I'm sorry...."

Tears faintly roll down my cheeks, my body growing colder the more realisation begins to hit me with the harsh truth.

My hand shakes subtly but fast while resting it over my swollen bump, feeling nauseous and my eyes becoming blurry with tears. I couldn't utter a single word, nor could I swallow to help my throat to be soothed from the dryness. Droplets drip down onto my lap, when an arm wraps around my side and pulls me in. "It's gonna be okay Akira, it's gonna be okay...." Lena's voice shook, not realising how much this was impacting her and Hanji as well. "....I-I'll make sure you'll be okay, we'll get through this together......for Levi.......okay?"

Levi..........he's not gonna happy about this, I got his hopes up from the beginning and now.....?

"As following protocol, we must continue with the full birthing process with a medicine to induce labor," Dr Kraiser spoke up, after giving me time for my thoughts. "That said, it will be the same as a normal pregnancy...but you must be admitted to a proper clinic or infirmary to continue forward. It will be painful, so we'll need to get a carriage in to take you back to my clinic. It's safer, if that's alright with you Mrs Ackerman....."

Parting my lips no sound leaves me, as if my voice was lost.

"We'll do that then Dr Kraiser, her husband is unable to attend due to a mission beyond the walls," Hanji spoke up for me, rubbing my back in circular motions. "Will Ms Hoffmann and I be able to accompany Akira?"

"Yes, you two are able to accompany her.....she's going to need it after the delivery," He says, concern lacing in his voice. "Alright, we'll organise everything....and be prepared."

*

A FEW HOURS LATER - TROST CLINIC

Hours of constant pain and through the overbearing agony, I never felt so emotionally and physically there. Between heavy pants and painful bloodcurdling screams, all of it was in vain for my child. After Hanji signing papers, and Lena's words of encouragement, I tried to hang on a little longer during the painful hours of labor. 

It was all for nothing, my mind and body now learning reality hit heavier than I anticipated. 

Everything felt like a blur so fast yet agonisingly painful, as I kept enduring it all. Trying to hold on, my hands griping the edges of the bed while my chest burns. Hot tears stream down, my voice cracking and breaking the more I tried so hard. My hair messily covers my eyes, the sticky sweat clinging to my temple making me feel more uncomfortable than I already was.

Yet, I felt so pathetic for not seeing sooner.....

After finally having my child delivered my breath shook, tears streaming down while my throat grew sore and harder to swallow. Sweat glistens against my temple, my face a dark hue and my face blotchy from my break down. It was all too overwhelming, and I tried my best to stay strong through it all. I wonder if my mother had problems like this? Maybe she did, but I'm not too sure and I only wish to ask her...

Waiting after the doctor and Hanji cleaned up everything, all I could do was see my child laying in a small temporary bed not far from where I laid. 

My lips tremble as I couldn't tear my eyes away, hoping and wishing this wasn't true. Lena places a cool wet towel against my temple, while rubbing my shoulder and arm. We all were devastated, but this pain I feel in my chest.....it wouldn't go away. The disappointment in myself, the blame I place myself in.....it was all me.....I did this because I went to war blind, not realising the consequences.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut tears stream down, not bearing to look at my child anymore.

"Easy.....easy...." Lena massages my shoulders tenderly, while whispering softly with words to console me. The air soon gathers before I began choking in louder sobs, before arms wrap around me quickly as I lean against Lena. Grasping onto her tightly, my body was shaking in shock and distress. Everything crashes down on me, not knowing what to do only wanting to hold onto someone. 

"Oh....god....." my voice cracks, before burying my face into Lena's chest. She runs her fingers through my hair, with her hushing me quietly to put me at ease. I couldn't comprehend how I felt, but it definitely didn't feel pleasant or positive. 

A few nurses walks in quickly not being able to hear anyone but my own sobs, as the blood pounds against my ears. My heart was still beating heavily against my chest, and my body aching and throbbing in pain. Gripping her jacket tightly, my knuckles turned white in desperation to not be left alone. I didn't know what I wanted, nor how to go forward.

"Mrs Ackerman, let's get you to a warm bath," one of the nurses softly spoke, her voice warm and mellow to ease the tension within the room. 

Hesitantly I pull away from Lena, revealing my red and blotchy face, my disheveled hair and clothes. Trying my best to move forward, my heart wouldn't dare budge. It was all too much, the weight of losing my own damn child because of my own damn actions. With Lena's support and the nurses', they aided me to the bathroom not far. Gathering all strength in my legs, my weight remains mostly against Lena before walking into the bathroom.

The bath was already heated up, and prepared allowing my mind to process everything.

"Ms Hoffman, are you able to help dress and aid her when needed?" The nurse asks, while placing a few things down such a towels, and the necessities I might need for after a miscarriage which they've prepared for. Laying out a few things, my eyes rest on the foggy air of the warm steam from the bath.

"I will, I'll call you if anything comes up," Lena replies, before hearing the door close. "Come on Akira, let's get you rested...."

"O-Okay......."

*

TWO DAYS LATER  - TROST CLINIC

Lena sat next to me while I laid in bed in a seperate, having to be checked on for a bit longer and check for any health complications. I couldn't tell how many days since that traumatic experience, I couldn't tell the time or the last time I ate. Everything felt flat, numb, and my mind wasn't awake in reality. Yet the only thing i felt was warmth, coming from Lena's hand and Hanji's voice while discussing a few things with Dr Kraiser.

~Knock~Knock~

My eyes rested upon the ceiling while feeling my cheeks freeze a little from my tears, hearing voices before recognising a certain voice. Feeling my body emotionally heavy, all i could do was glance over only to see Levi rushing towards me with worry. He kneels without hesitation, taking my hand delicately, "Hey baby, I'm here.....hey.......what's going on...?" while glancing over my weary state and condition, his eyes widening with distress which wasn't characteristic of him.

"Mr Ackerman, as we tried to inform you just before....." Dr Kraiser walks up to him, ushering him to take a walk with him. Levi hesitantly releases my hand, his eyes lingering upon me before returning to his usual stoic exterior. Knowing what he was going to Levi, brought more tears brimming to my eyes. Covering my mouth, I try to hold them back the best i could, but my emotions couldn't be controlled.

Tears roll down continuously, my lungs straining to breath in pain.

Lena's hand squeezes my left one, drawing small circular motion with her thumb over my knuckle. Hanji walks to my side and sits down with a heavy sigh, raking her fingers through her hair. "Lena, could you take care of Akira for me.......seen Levi is back I have to return back to my Commander duties," Hanji spoke, as if she didn't want to leave. 

"Right, that's okay........thanks Hanji,"

Closing my eyes i tried to calm myself while waiting for Levi to come back, and not long after he soon stood beside me with a look of shock and distraught. He pulls a seat up and takes my hand, and kisses my hand feeling his own shaking from the news. I didn't know what to say, nor what to do but allow him to hold me. 

His lips linger on my knuckles, his breath was shaky while still registering the devastating news.

"Oh god......I'm sorry baby," He whispers, his voice cracking and trembling. "I should've been here, I should've stayed with you............I'm sorry....I'm so fucking sorry..." he rests his temple against my hand, clenching his jaw feeling his frustration with how tight his hand grasped my own. ".....goddammit....no....no...no."

*

SIX MONTHS LATER - (Third Pov)

Under a year the majority of all titan were annihilated, all thanks to Hanji's executioner of hell, crushing the titans day and night. 

Though it stopped during the winter earlier this year, but now it was formally announced that Wall Maria had been cleansed of titan finally. It was a relief to the Scouts, no, to everyone of the walls to feel freedom from the titans jaws of hell, but it wasn't the end. 

Despite cleansing the land, enemies were beyond where they were.

By the time the elevators on Trost's walls were freed for use, and work had begun on paving the main road, spring arrived allowing everyone to work under calming weather and peace. Maria's refugees were finally permitted to return to their homes, roughly a year after what had been called humanity's first victory in Trost.

...and so, six years after the Colossal titan's first devastating attack....the Scouts resumed their expeditions, exploring the world beyond the walls once again......

However, during the last six remaining months, Akira was left unwell and emotionally and physically traumatised by the loss of her child. It may not seem impacting for some others, but she never felt so vulnerable. Losing something she tried to shelter, to care for and hold, willing to carrying that special child. It took a heavy toll on her own body, and weighed heavy, leaving her defenceless 

She hated the feeling of being a liability, a burden of her own emotions and how weak that she couldn't save her first born daughter.

Though her body manage to recover after three months since the miscarriage, she tried to push forward. Levi kept whispering and showing his appreciation, knowing how much she gave up for their own child. Effecting Levi himself, he tried to stay strong for the both of them, but at times he was at a loss of words when they held a small funeral for their child. Shouldering that weight of losing a child, Akira was too afraid to try for another. 

Her fear only made her anxiousness to cultivate, trying to convince herself she isn't.

She soon began to train her body to become strong again after three month, recovering from the physical damage that left her unshielded. She began working harder around the Scout Regiment head Quarters, distracting herself, taking any opportunity that wouldn't left herself dwelling in her own thoughts. However it only concerned Levi, but he knew what she was trying to do, and would hate to be the hypocrite if he told her to stop.

Levi's love only grew for her, seeing how much she's changed since they first met.

 How hard she pushed through, and she knew how much he's changed since the underground. They both saw each other's flaws, and they were willing to stand side by side through the pain together. Her happiness meant everything to Levi, even though he doesn't express it, his actions proved otherwise. 

*

Akira's azure eyes meet the openness of the vast land beyond Wall Maria, the pounding of the horses thunder down south. The sky was a warm hue of reds and purple, clouds dusting the never ending sky. The fresh air allowed her mind to clear, wondering when last time she was out here. Her mind drifts off, while flanking with Lena just behind Levi and Hanji allowing to take in the scenery this time. 

No titan were around that they could see, but they knew they were in the clear.

"No titans......." She murmurs, her hair flying in the air freely and loosely. Her smile was slightly visible, but she didn't have the strength to put any effort. She flicks her reigns before galloping her horse right side by side with her husband, focusing on moving forward in the direction they had planned from the start.

Giving Levi a subtle small smile, he nods when a flare gun echoes from a distance.

Akira's eyes flicker over across seeing it was a red meaning one thing, "A titan?" murmuring to herself, but for some reason she didn't feel threatened by the warning shot.

"Let's check it out," Levi urges forward, picking up the pace.

Once they approach what they assumed to be a threat, was a titan lying face down not moving at all. It's ribs were pronounced, along with the spine poking against the hot flesh, and it's movement was only subtle because our small it's limbs were. As they check the