*

AT THE CEREMONY/ MEMORIAL

After having the articles sent out the next day to explain everything that was discussed, in the meeting with Queen Historia and the Premier. It was safe to say that every was filled with confliction and mixed emotions about it all. I couldn't blame them, and gathering by their reactions I would've felt the same way if I was a normal citizen.

Right now I have something to look for, and that's the child I'm carrying.

A love between Levi and I that I will hold, wishing only the best for my child and his or her future. It may sound cliche by my love already, but it was my true feelings that I tucked away. Yes, I'm afraid and scared, but at the same time it was a new chapter to Levi and I's life. 

"Here, let me help..."

He adjusted my collar comfortably around my neck, straightening it before adjusting the coat over my chest. His eyes trail over making sure I was presentable, but I couldn't help but admire him up so close. The way his narrowed eyes were soft, but so stern, and the way his silver blue eyes change to different shades of grey depending on his mood. His lips slightly parted, and the way he breaths steadily but so quietly. Light bags subtly blemished beneath his eyes, but still made him look young and well.

"What are you thinking about?" his voice breaks the still silence, his fingers trail along my jawline tenderly. His thumb drew circles near my earlobe, touching the stainless steel earring.

I softly smile, "It's nothing.......just being grateful for what I have," earning a short hum of agreement in his voice, before leaning forward as he presses a soft delicate kiss to my nose. My cheeks grow warmer, still finding his touch like it's the first time. 

"I'm grateful for you too," before nudging his head to the door. "We best be going now, the ceremony and memorial will be starting very soon...." he lends his hand out, as I was surprised for a moment not used to him being this gentle. 

Gladly taking his hand, his fingers thread through mine before giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

*

The room was crowded with many soldiers from each regiment, and the room filled with chatter and discussion I couldn't seem to listen to. It was a time to gain some respect, and give respect to others, especially after the heavy battle we fought through. So many lives rested on Hanji, Levi and I and we had to just accept it, and become better. It was overwhelming, but we took it well for now. 

"Easy....." he whispers, audibly with a low warm tone.

Levi's hand supports me at the small of my back, keeping me steady on my feet due to my heavy wounds and condition.

My eyes drift up soon hearing familiar voices from beside us, noticing Floch grimly looking at Armin with disgust. The frustration and anger slowly surfacing, coming clean to his admittance of who should be alive right now. "....listen....I heard about what you did, Floch--how hard you fought to ensure that Erwin would be revived," Armin's voice grew small, but firm to show his respect. 

The room felt heavier than before, as my hand clutch the cuff of my sleeve tightly trying to not let my emotions overwhelm me today.

"That's right," Floch bitterly spat, shifting his foot to turn to Armin fully with anger in his eyes. "You should be dead, and Erwin should stand in your place. I'm not alone in thinking that. All of us do. Everyone who read that report had the same thought.....Why wasn't Erwin the one that was saved?"

Everyone fell silent as if the tension began building, as my chest felt tighter.

"What do you know about Armin to justify saying that?" Eren fought back, speaking for Armin."Not a damn thing!"

The mop hair scoffs, "Yeah, you're right...." dryly chuckling. "I'm not a childhood friend of his, hell, I'm not his friend at all. But I can still tell you why he's the one standing here now. It's 'cause you two got emotional and Corporal Akira and Captain Levi did the same......you made an irrational choice. You treated that syringe like it was yours and wasted it! He's alive because you think your friends are more important than the rest of us."

My breath grew shaky with anger, hating how Floch was mistreating and breaking Armin down like it was nothing. 

Eren storms towards Floch eye to eye, "All right, I think it's time you shut your mouth," he warns the red haired soldier, but Floch's eyes darken before lowering his tone dangerously with frustration building inside.

"Eren....I bet even at your core, you're always completely certain that you're in the right," Floch continues. "That's why you wouldn't give up, you're like a little kid who won't listen to reason."

Before Eren to lash out Mikasa approaches him from behind with a gentle hand, "Eren, just leave him be, all right?"

"At least Mikasa acted like an adult out there," Floch comments, bitterness still dripping from his tone. "I saw her give up in the end....." hearing Mikasa's breath hitch, eyes slightly widen.

Before anything could get worse, Jean comes in and pushes the two away strongly but calmly.

"Geez! What the hells wrong with you two?" He growls lowly, before turning to Floch calmly. "Hey, Floch...let's not do this during a memorial for our fallen comrades."

Connies approaches them, "What's done is done, so there's no sense in dredging it up again,"

"As for you two, you might not have acted against your superiors, but you didn't try to stop Eren and Mikasa either," He accuses Jean and Connie. "You didn't do anything but watch.......Medals? For what? A memorial for who? When you guys start rebuilding the Survey Corps, you'd better tell your recruits the truth, or else you'll just end up with cowards like me in the ranks. What the hell are we supposed to do now that we've lost Erwin?! I know that I'm just titan fodder, I understand that my life is expendable, but still....I should get to call it like I see it....and to decide if this cause is worth dying for."

My patience was wearing thin by his words, despite most of it was the truth. It was his arrogance, attitude, behaviour and stepping over the line with my 104th soldiers that i trained myself, proudly.

Biting the inside of my cheek while holding my words, I could feel Levi's grip on my hip to grow tightly. 

"Floch...is right," Armin ruefully admits. "Commander Erwin's the one who should've been saved....maybe he could've turned this situation around. I can't though......"

Eren steps forth placing a hand on his comrades shoulder, "Then how can you be so sure about that?" leaving a silence to give a moment to dwell on, before he lowers his hand with a sigh, "I don't know what choice was right, so I won't pretend to. None of us know what the future might hold. I mean......we can barely imagine. Think about it, if we rode straight from Wall Maria, what would we find?"

Side glancing I noticed Armin's eyes widen, "The sea....."

"Yeah, that right....we'd find the sea," Eren nods in agreement. "A place we've only dreamed about. Water that glows like fire, fields of ice, giant rocks that take days to climbs! How can we be sure of anything, when there's so much we haven't seen yet? On the other side of the wall, freedom is--"

Eren suddenly paused for a moment, allowing Levi to step forward with me following behind.

"Alright you brats, it's time.......line up," he gestures to the line, before I give Armin a warm comforting smile to rest his worries for now. Seeing a wave of sadness in regret in his eyes, my heart felt heavy for him.

Not long after we all were on our knees before Historia, our right hands against our left shoulder, our heads bowed. One by one, we were given the green medals that were gently wrapped around our necks by Historia. We all kissed her forehand out of respect and honour, before she wraps my medal around my neck tenderly.

Simply pressing a kiss to her forehand, she moves to Levi.

However in the midst of the ceremony, it was Eren's turn, but the moment he kissed her hand he soon held a wide eyed look. With confusion my eyes glance over Levi's shoulder, to see him still as a shadow casts over his face. His hand stilled gripping her hand, teeth clenched with an unnerving look within his eyes. Though it look worrisome and concerning, it was causing confusion throughout the room.

*

AT THE MEMORIAL

Thunder rolls in the distance, as lightning follows after feeling the rain shower down.

The gloomy weather conveniently had to be placed on this very day, but it couldn't be helped as we gave our respects to the late soldiers of the walls. Stones stretching out so far, it would take minutes to walk up the rows. Names engraved in the stone, but many had no bodies beneath the ground or some had little remains. 

My eyes narrowed as they rest upon Erwin memorial burial, even though his body laid in Shiganshina.

Resting my palm against the stone, I felt the rough texture rub against my calloused palm. My heart felt heavier the more I kept looking at his name, repeatedly. His last words to me, was my own name before my uncle push me away. Swallowing thickly I swallowed back my anguish, not believing that Erwin left us. Since day one when I first met him, he continued to fool us to get what he wanted.

That was before he became Commander, and now......I've grown to respect him. 

Presence shifted to my side, "Corporal....." Armin's voice grew quiet, eyes focused on the burial stone before us. ".....you requested to see me?"

Humming in response, "What Floch said to you earlier......." hearing him grimace, just mentioning the conversation. "......my reasoning for choosing you, is because I see a future in your eyes."

He was taken back by my reasoning, growing dumbfounded by how simple it was.

Glancing over to the side I noticed the doubt swimming in his eyes, lips quivers, as the shadow casts over his blue eyes. Tenderly smiling sympathetically, I stepped closer and lifted his chin like a mother would making him look at me. His eyes were glassy with tears, as my thumb wiped the tears away.

"I know many others disagree and wish for Erwin to be alive, but........I see you will become a stronger soldier from this," I assure him firmly, not beating around the bush. "Though you will have to deal with everyone's shit, you're very smart. Since I watched you three as children, you were smart and mindful, since your cadet days you've become stronger, since the betrayal of your comrades you stayed composed, and since now.......you'll only become greater. If you find fault in yourself, I'll take full responsibility.....heck it was Levi and I's own damned decision to choose you.......and Levi doesn't do something without a reason."

His breath grew shaky as if he was never given such praise, as my hand trailed down and rested on his shoulder with comfort and assurance. Though the glacial air grew colder as the days rolls on, my heart remained warm and furnaced to keep myself from moving back.

"How do you believe in me......" still not gathering everything I'm expressing, from the depth of my heart. The disbelief and undoubted chilling voice shook, he was thinking of himself as deplorable and unfit for being revived.

"Let's say it's a hunch," giving him a playful subtle wink, though my eyes lingered back to Erwin's grave. "......these days.........sometimes I don't know if what we do is good or bad," I admit carelessly, with a heavy contemplating sigh. "What I want from you, is to train yourself mind and body to become stronger. I'll be with you every step of the way, and even Eren and Mikasa. No, all of you because I'm not leaving anytime soon as your Section Commander..."

He seems conflicted, but I squeeze his shoulder gently, as we gaze upon Erwin's grave.

"We can only focus on the future now, there's no going back," my voice almost breaks, the thought made it difficult to swallow. "Let's honour these graves, these lives and figure a way to find a purpose for these walls.....even if we have to lose more......" grimacing at the last few words, not liking how it's just reality.

Silence falls as the clouds become gravel-grey, clouds gathering together with darkness profusely dimming the light. Rain slowly showers down upon many of the soldiers and across the stretch of graves, that laid in mourning. 

"You may be dismissed......see to your friends......"

Pearl droplets roll down the tips of my eyelashes, as I blink them away as he salutes before leaving me alone at Erwin's grave.

Not long after he left I felt presence approaching me steadily, already recognising their presence. Though it wasn't the kind of approach I presumed, they had a heavy new life as the new Commander for the Scouts. Lifting my chin up a little, I took a deep breath in before calmly shifting my eyes to see Hanji's cold gaze.

"I remember when you and I both joined the Scouts around the same time," I break the silence, hoping to lighten the heavy and sullen silence. "We all had different goals, different purposes, and different pasts........yet we all came to the same conclusion."

She chuckles lightly, "Sometimes we didn't know who was right in the end, if the former Commanders of the Survey Corps were right or followed with different intentions," scratching the surface of her cheek bone, trying to relax a little. "All I did was hold hatred towards titans and relied on that, but the more I saw my comrades be devoured...the more I hated to recall the lives that passed. So, from now.......all I wish is to become the right Commander, despite little confidence in myself--"

My hand rests upon her shoulder firmly, my tone lowering.

"Though you may think you lack confidence in your abilities, you have me and Levi to guide you along," my voice grew firm, but comforting with assurance. "I may not have faith in myself right now as Section Commander, but I know I must step up and work on myself. Work on my ability to ensure the safety of these walls, despite the pain and anguish we feel. You've been a comrade of mine for years now Hanji, since I was only seventeen, you were always that one person that made me see a pure light in the room. Despite your crazy science fanatics, you've been there more times than I can count.........I believe you will become a great Commander, Erwin wishes for you to be."

She grew silent before a soft smirk rests upon her lips, her glasses reflect little light seeing her brown eyes filled with a new determination rising.

"Geez.........can't believe I'm finally getting lecture by you," She jokes lightly, before resting her hand over my hand on her shoulder. Her face softens with a relieved smile. "Thank you..Akira..I needed to hear that......from you especially."

Chuckling softly I gave her a nod, before we pay our respects to the empty grave.

*

Taking the time to stand in front of the graves and paying my respects, I couldn't help lingering upon each one. Their names imprinting in my mind, but so many to even remember, and their faces evaporating into nothing. It was as if every fragment pieces keep breaking, until they're only tiny specks of nothing. 

My hair dripping wet to the point it hung over my eyes, and my body cold with my cloak soaked completely.

Soldiers one by one have left the memorial, but I didn't want to leave. Not just yet. I rarely got to come here, that I'm too attached in leaving this place. The many soldiers that I once knew, were resting beneath six feet deep. This place held so much more to me, and sometimes it hurts to stand above them when I should've been down below years ago. Yet, life can surprise you, and show you many paths to choose from.

Soft warm fingers slowly intertwine through mine, before fitting their hand perfectly in mine with a gentle squeeze.

"Did we really do the right thing?" He asks softly, but sounding hesitant and doubtfully. "Am I making the right decisions, as Captain? My heart feels heavy, but.......we were left with nothing but another gamble to bet on."

Pursing my lips together, I chew the inside of my cheek while considering his questions.

"All we can do now, is watch and let everything unfold and guide the new generation," I simply glance over my shoulder gazing at our hands, before trailing to meet his cold gaze, resting upon the gravestone. No other emotion reflected in his usual silver blue eyes, but confliction and a heavy heart. "Hanji will become a great Commander, and I'll do my best as her close assistant and Section Commander.......all we can do is accept it. It hurts, but it's all we can do."

He knew I was right, he knew it will be hard to keep moving. Having a genius Commander pass away so easily, but our main mission was a success. Wall Maria was gained back, after four years of the titans tyranny.

"....."

Gazing to his side profile my other hand reaches over and brushes his wet locks, as droplets fall leaving his hair disheveled a little. My fingertips drift to the side of his jawline, before cupping his cold skin from the icy weather making him look at me. His eyes linger upon the grave, before closing them gently leaning into my right palm. A soft heavy sigh thrums in his throat, before rests his other hand and rests it over my hand, pressing a soft kiss to my palm.

"Let's head back, it's late and we're soaked to the bone," his voice sternly spoke, but yet so soft with concern. "I don't want you to catch a cold, it's unhealthy for our child."

Softly smiling with his unusual concern, I nod before my hand drifts to my side as we make our way back to Trost district.  

*

TROST DISTRICT ~ SCOUT HQ

Stepping out of the warm foggy shower, my eyes rest on the fogged up mirror.

The room was filled with heavy warm steam, that lingered within the room that left me more relaxed after today. Padding my feet to my folded clothes, I dry myself thoroughly before slipping on my clothes. Wearing a loose black tank top and comfortable pants, I dry my hair with the tower making my way to the sink.

My palm pressed over the fogged mirror, as the condensation melts against the warmth of my hand seeing my blurry reflection. Bags blemished beneath my eyes and my smile downturned, feeling the weight of my tough mask fall from view. 

Drying my wet face, I dry it with the towel before making my way out to the small bedroom that Levi and I finally share for a while. The bed was back to a normal queen sized mattress, the frame old dark wood and authentic. The walls painted a hazel brown, and small furniture that matched the dark wooden bed frame. 

"Feeling better?"

Hearing his voice soothed me the moment I walk out, seeing him in bed looking over my sketches that I've drawn over the years, his fingers delicately holding the pages.

"Hmm......a little better," I turn the light off in the bathroom, before heading over and sliding into bed with him. Shuffling over I snuggle into his side, and rested my head on his shoulder while gazing over the portraits of soldiers that I've drawn. Each with a red cross, indicating that they were killed on the battlefield. "You alright looking at these? It might be too painful to--"

"I'm admiring your detail of each soldier, it helps me calm myself to know that I won't forget their faces again," 

My eyes slightly widen, before they rest halfway with a warm soft smile.

Soon I see a letter in front of me in his hand, 'To Akira Yamasaki' recognising the italic writing on the front. My eyes lift to meet Levi's for only a moment in confusion, but soon with a