*

The night was growing later and most of the recruits have fallen asleep, as it must be pretty late due to how long ago dinner was. It was finally silent, hearing the nightly tune by the crickets and the constant weight of wondering if we're being watched. For me, I couldn't sleep a wink not understanding why. 

Walking down the hallway quietly, I notice light streams through the crack beneath the door near the far end. 

Recognising who's room it was, I decided to take the time to see her. Historia must have a lot to bear, especially with how young she is. Having the weight of the Reiss family's reputation, and expectations to hold her down. When listening to her story, no matter how I tried to look past it, it still infuriated me. Finally at the foot of her door, I gently knock it.

~Knock~Knock~

"Who is there?" her soft voice breaks, while my knuckle rests against the door.

My eyes hung low, "It's Akira, may I come in?"

"Yes,"

Twisting the knob of the door, I walk in quietly to not disturb anyone around us. Closing it carefully shut behind me, the blonde was curled up in the corner of her bed. Her knees brought to her chest, while her eyes lift up hazily seeing them red and puffy. My gaze softens more, while striding closer to her and sat down beside on the bed.

The silence felt more longer, the more I struggled to find the words.

"You're here to pity me, aren't you?" She assumes drly, while sniffling lightly. "I get it, it's stupid to start saying 'oh poor me' or 'I have no family'........it's selfish--"

"No,"

Her eyes widen with my straight answer, peering through her messy blonde locks, "What?"

"It's not selfish, to be honest....." I glance her way, placing a warm hand on her knee. "......it's far past that, I know how you feel....well to some degree at least."

"Huh, what do you mean?" She questions, cluelessly. "You're Akira Yamasaki, you're fearless, naturally strong, a family with you, had parents that must've loved you, and one of humanity's strongest and reliable asset to the Scouts. How would you understand?"

Her assumption wasn't accusing as it came to be, but more of a question. 

"You see Historia, we're all not born perfect.......we all have flaws. With me, I had to train to become strong," I began softly. "How about I tell you my story, now you told me yours.....hmm? Seems fair, right?"

Her eyes suddenly lights up with my suggestion, dropping her knees to cross her legs and faced me.

"Really? You would?" She asks, eagerly. Her sky blue eyes lit up, while I smile softly finally gaining some interest in them. 

Nodding, I shuffle more comfortably on her bed.

"Alright, well.....I grew up in Shiganshina in the district," I began. "I thought life was simple, but I had a father who never cared about me. He expected me to be a boy, as one would say. He would constantly manipulate and twist his expectations the more I grew older, but as a child I learnt the painful truth no matter what I did he would never be satisfied. Then my mother was the complete opposite, and was supportive with any choices I made. However, my father would continue to disown me and say I was a dishonour."

Thinking back, I can't believe I've grown past that and became strong.

"He was a drunk so he wasted our earnings on liquor, or any illegal drugs from Stohess or even in Karanes when he left us for a week or two, but that was the most fun we get out of, when he wasn't around," I continue on. "With his constant abuse, putting me down saying I was weak and an unpleasant sight to see, I too, began to agree with him. Slowly my little brother and sister were born, but my father would push my brother to the brink of exhaustion. However, I couldn't let that continue on. One day when he pushed my brother once more, I snapped......."

My eyes harden, having the very proof when I first stood up to my father.

~~~~~~~

YEAR - 836

After gathering some wood for mother, I remembered father would be training my brother. Though after when my baby sister was born, things began to grow more heated with father around. His abuse began to get more intense, harder to escape, and harder to even cope with. 

In a few months I will be joining the Cadet Corps, so I must keep protecting my siblings as much before I leave them.

Finally entering the gates I began walking down the streets, seeing people bustling around doing their usual chores or jobs. It felt calm at least, feeling content to help mother for the time seen she's on maternity leave since Mei was born about a month ago after father's outburst.

"What the hell is that man doing?!" Someone exclaimed.

"He's hurting that poor child!" Another cried out.

"Someone should do something!"

Quickening my pace I clung onto the straps that held the heavy logs, I started to see a circle of people just standing there around someone. Rushing to the scene, I push past the people dropping the logs to squeeze through to get a better view. However the moment I reach the centre, my eyes slowly widen.

"R-Renji?"

He lays on the ground with blood seeping through cuts, and blood coating his chin and nose completely. Bruises discoloured his skin, while he held his hands out begging for father to stop. My heart rate was picking up rapidly, blood boiling in my veins the longer he whips my brother constantly. Bursting out, a few of the women calls for me but I ignore them throwing myself over brother.

"Leave him alone!!!!!!!" I screamed out, when sharp pain cracks against my flesh. My jaw clenched so tightly, I felt like my teeth would shatter with the intense pain. 

"S-Sister?" Renji weakly whimpered, but my head snapped in the direction when father stood.

"Get out of the way!" He was enraged, not even noticing the crowd that surrounded him. "He must know that he needs to listen to me!!!!!"

"He's only eight!!!!!" I snapped, my voice dripping with venom. "Leave him alone, he's done nothing wro--"

"Get the fuck out of my damn way, you cow!!!!!"

His words still stung in my the heart knowing he's my father, but I couldn't turn a blind eye and let him do this to Renji. He would die, if I hadn't stepped in. He was coated in blood, cuts, bruises and cracked skin. His body was trembling beneath me, that it made me feel more outraged.

"If you have to punish someone, let it be me instead!" I suggested, when Renji tugged on my sleeve shaking his head. His breath was shallow and weak, but I can't let this go. Not anymore. Lifting Renji up, I passed him to a nearby woman who willingly too my brother while I staggered back to my feet.

"Tch, alright..........peel your shirt on your back and kneel facing away from me," He ordered, in a strong tempered tone. Turning around slowly, I pull the hem behind my way and peeled it just over my shoulders, as the wind hits the exposed flesh that will soon be tainted with scars.

My eyes remain cold, staring at the ground I pull the cloth that held my hair, and balled it placing it between my teeth. 

Whispers of the villagers around was humiliating, but I would rather Renji to be safe than to be left suffering with no one to help him. He was my brother, and I couldn't allow father to torment him.

Within moments the cracking sound of the whip connects against my flesh, that it shreds my skin. Biting down hard into the material, no sound leaves my lips but the ringing in my ears grew high pitched. Another whip after another continues, while I could feel blood running down my back. My eyes hung low, tiredly waiting for this punishment to finally come to an end.

"We need this to stop!!!!"

Father kept going but I knew he was getting out of breath, and also the stench of alcohol scented around him. He was drunk, but I didn't care. 

"You're the reason why your mother and I are in this mess!" he slurred out loud, his voice bubbling with the liquor and rage. "We had to lose everything, just so you wouldn't be turned in!"

What's he going on about? Turned in? Lose everything? What mess?

Awaiting another lashing I hear a few grunts from behind, as my head weakly turns to see Garrison soldiers standing behind me while detaining my father. Without warning, they pushed me into the ground, while my head sways from the blood loss. Soon people ran towards me, while collapsing to the ground still conscious, yet exhausted.

"S-Sister!" Renji called, while I send him a weak smile as a woman lifts me up.

"It's gonna be okay Renji, I'm.....gonna be here always," I assured him, with a tearful smile while seeing him shattered to the brink of tears.

~~~~~~~~~~

PRESENT

"I risked a lot since then, and continued to join the Cadet Corps then the Scouts," I softly finish, while Historia's eyes were wide in shock. "Whenever I visited home, I would only see my mother. She was so gentle, understanding and patient."

"Now I understand where you get your patience from," Historia softly comments, while I nod.

"Yep, on the money there," I agree, placing a tender hand on her shoulder. "However life can surprise you."

"What do you mean?"

Sighing heavily while being hesitant, I decided to bite the bullet and continue on.

"Five years ago, my family died instantly during the breach," I admit, while holding back my shattering voice. "A year after, my brother..........committed suicide. I lost everything since then, except now I've grown with my comrades, and they were the very reason how I became the person I've become today."

Her eyes soften in response, while she sighs heavily.

"I"m sorry, I shouldn't have said those things before," She apologises. "Now I sound selfish--"

"I'm gonna stop you there again," I interject, brushing my fingers through her hair softly like a mother would. I tilt her face to meet mine, seeing her sky blue eyes growing glassy with tears. "You are not selfish, what I'm trying to say is........right now is what you have. You have me, your superiors and comrades.......remember, though you may be from a noble family. You are still one of us, whether you don't see it that way."

Her eyes warms up, before silent tears roll down her cheeks.

She smears them away with her arm, while trying to compose herself. I could tell she had a lot of emotions tucked away, but all I saw was a little girl fighting. Opening my arms, she notices, while I urge her to come to me. She hesitantly shuffled over, before slowly wrapping her arms around my torso. She buries her face into my chest, hearing quiet sobs muffling into my damp shirt. 

"I know you may not have experienced any motherly love, but I hope this is enough," I quietly say, while combing my fingers through her blonde locks. Leaning myself up against the head of the bed, she comfortably settles in my arms for a bit. It was like no one has ever held her like this for a long time, as she clung onto me.

"Thank you," She muffles out, with a sob following after.

"It's okay........this will stay between us, alright," I ensure her, while running my fingers through her hair gently.

Lifting my eyes to the ceiling I continue to ease her, while distracting myself to shed a single tear. Humming softly, my eyes hazily drift to hear someone outside the door, as the floorboards creak beneath them. Gazing down I started to hear soft snoring already, as her head limply drifts to one side getting a better look of her tear-stained face. It must've been painful to witness her mother's death, with a horrifying death to say the least.

Waiting for a few minutes to at least know she's asleep, I continue to hum and soothe her worries a little longer.

I've seen her grow during her time when I trained the 104th, always helping everyone in need. She is indeed beautiful, kind but at the same time she was lying to herself. She bared the name for years, even though she changed her identity. I've seen each of them grow, but somehow some were still masking themselves.

Once I knew she was in deep sleep, I slowly shift her to the side and laid her gently beneath the covers. Slipping the blanket over her, she squirms in her sleep but continues to sleep quietly. Taking my leave quietly, I open the door and then closed it with a soft, gentle click behind me. Exhaling quietly, I decided it was time to switch shifts for the rest of the night.

Knocking gently on Jean's door, I hear him groan before feet shuffles towards the door.

The door creaks open, "Oh....Corporal, is it my turn to be on shift now?"

Nodding, he salutes me before grabbing his boots and slid them on.

"May I be accompany you on your watch?" I ask softly, seeing his eyes widen for only a moment. "Can't sleep, thought I can keep you company."

"Uh......yeah, yeah sure," He smiles, while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He tiredly grabs his cloak, and walks out with me following behind. Quietly making our way through the main common room, he opens the door to be greeted by a chilly breeze blowing inside.

"Wow, cold...." he murmurs, while slipping his cloak over him. 

Walking outside I see Connie angle his head back, while holding the lantern in one hand and rifle in the other. His cheeks and nose was dusted with red, due to how cold it was, before seeing relief in his eyes.

"Time to switch?" He assumes, while Jean nods.

"Yeah, gimme," he urges, asking for the rifle. Connie passes it carefully to him, as Jean slung the band around his shoulder. "Thanks, you get some rest...'kay?"

Connie waves his hand, "Yeah, yeah........don't need to worry, alright?" 

Walking up the small wooden tower, I pull myself onto the edge of the rails to get comfortable for a bit. Jean leans up against the rail, holding the rifle firmly. He seemed rather nervous, as if I scared him or something. It was roughly about three in the morning, and it was only a few hours til sunrise.

"So........how are feeling, Jean?" I ask him, breaking the silence that lingers. "With everything, are doing alright?"

"Hmm......oh, uh....." he was rather hesitant, scratching the back of his nape. "....okay, I guess. Why do you ask, Corporal?"

My eyes hung low, "Just want to see how you're doing, 'cause you basically grew up alongside Reiner and Bertholdt," I spoke up, while he falls quiet. "When I saw you kids train together, it was as if nothing would come between you all. You kids were comrades, and fighters.......and I let my guard down."

"That's not true!" He defensively exclaim, glancing his way in surprise. "We didn't know either, so we're even..........you don't need to apologise."

Softly smiling, I pat the kid with a grin.

"Thanks kiddo.......appreciate it," I chuckle, lowering my voice while he pouts. "Besides, I do care about each and every one of you. It may seem I'm harsh, and I don't care about each and every soldiers lives.........but I do care. More than you will know."

"Corporal........"

Turning to him I lean up against the beam behind me, while the cold nips my skin.

"I get it, you only see us superiors coming with a one, hasty road to a solution," I verify our actions in the past. "But, to get to a solution.....many options lay wake to us, but with the most difficult obstacles to disclose the solution......do ya catch my drift?"

His clenches his jaw, with an understanding nod.

"Yeah,"

Jean has always been quick to judge sometimes, but I've seen him grow. He's changed since the first day of training, recalling that he once took this soldier stuff lightly. Now, he seems to finally understand, but he understood it harshly than most soldiers should experience. All I could do was talk, and give them assurance.

"Anyway......Corporal, may I ask something?" He asks, being rather calm and not as ill-tempered like he would be to others.

"Ask away,"

He looks rather troubled, "Why........why were you taken? I mean, why would they abduct you?"

That question still troubled me, as I didn't understand either.

"Don't know......don't wanna know I guess," I admit softly, folding my arms while lifting my eyes to the stars that littered across the darkness. "All in all, I found that Reiner and Bertholdt work with others beyond these walls......and a man requested them to take me back."

"A man?"

Shrugging my shoulder, "It doesn't worry me as much, so need to worry yourself for my own problems.....alright?"

"Yes, ma'am...." he shifts, lowering his head sheepishly.

"Now you're making me feel old," I joke lightly, while he groans with frustration. "I'm kidding, I'm only teasing ya........but anyway, everything is fine. Our main goal right now, is to experiment with Eren's abilities and figure how to fix the breach in Shiganshina."

"I get that, but........why does the Military desperately want control?" he questions, while my eyes harden for a moment. "It just doesn't make sense...."

Licking my dry lips, "Dunno, but Eren and Historia are their targets," I reply quietly, while gazing down the dark valley. My eyes were now adjusted to the darkness, I could see the outlines of trees and hills beyond where we stood. "Just wait for further instructions, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am-- I mean Corporal," he corrects himself, while sighing heavily sheepishly.

Silence falls again between us, while I gaze up into the stars. Flickering from one spot to the other, a sigh of content pasts my lips, to a foggy breath of air. It was indeed peaceful as it should be, but lingering behind those walls were the beasts waiting to devour us, one by one.

"Thank you Jean......" 

He turns to me, unsure he misinterpreted what I said or thought I was speaking to myself.

"Me?"

Nodding with confirmation, my eyes flicker to meet with the orange dim light, casting over his face, outlining his sharp features. 

"Hmmhmm, when you demanded those two to bring me back........how I had to put up with your shit?" I arch an eyebrow, jumping down from the railing. I rest up against instead, as my arms comfortably settle on top. "You know, I had to for the first year or two.......but after? You guys were no burden. Despite you all still a pain in my side, I prefer it that way than having no one beside me. Thanks, for letting me become your Corporal."

Giving him a closed eye smile, I gave him my most sincere smile while he stood there stunned.

"That's why I picked all ten of ya to be at the top, because you all surpassed my expectations," I admit quietly, but confidently. "There might be a few things to work on, here and there......but we all have flaws to focus on. That's what makes you all different, with your motives and desires for the future. Keeping fighting Jean, and I know you will become a strong soldier."

His eyes were wide in surprise, as I've practically raised them for a while.

"Yes.......we won't let your training go to waste," He nods, while I pat his shoulder proudly.

"That's what I like to hear,"

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