*

After our meeting, Hanji's group went to check on any sign of activity on any followers that might've snuck out. Whilst that was being done, the day was soon coming to an end. Sending Sasha out to keep watch for the time being, the rest began to make dinner up. It was going back to the normality of life, that strikes me, as it felt familiar but then unfamiliar. When was the last time we were able to sit in silence, with no one being abducted or even betrayed.

However the note I had kept troubled me, eagerly wanting to see what was written inside.

Tucking myself down the hallway of the abandoned house, my hand digs into my pocket and pulls out the crumpled paper. It was stained and old, like when you dip into black tea when it's stained. No matter, it would be still readable at least, but only a part of it was blurry at the very end. The handwriting was neat, noticing characters of some kind of language mother tried to teach me a while ago.

My eyes ran along, when the first few words left my heart spark a little.

~~~~

Year 841

To my dear Daughter, Akira

How is the Scouts? Are they treating you nicely? Hope everything is going well for you, and you're becoming strong. I wonder if this tyranny will end, with the titans. One day, I know you will find some solution and become a great soldier for humanity. Have you met anyone recently, or you're fond of?

Sorry I asked, I'm just curious with your life. I never got to become the woman I wanted to be, but I know I became the mother I wanted to be for you and your siblings. Things may seem rather unfair, but know that you shall not waver. If you ever feel troubled, discouraged, or even feeling hopeless, just know that you have me and your comrades.

I know you will be strong enough to push through, mentally and physically. It's a trait that runs in our family, and it will hopefully stretch to the later generations to come. I know this message is more of a lecture to you, I just want something for you to look back on. To think back, to dwell on and to clear your head if it's ever clouded with judgement.

Akira, you're my pride and joy........I just want you to know that......

From your mother, Katsumi

~~~~~~

Lowering the note in hand, I step back slowly and sat down on the old wooden bed, as it creaks beneath me. Tears threaten to spill, but I take a deep breath in and out while feeling myself reminiscing to the good old Scout days. The light in the room was dim, but enough to not show my cheeks reddening in frustration.

Gnawing on the inside of my cheek, I fold the letter and placed it back into my pocket with a dry smile.

Everyday since the Wall was breached, I sometimes have forgotten that my mother and siblings were no longer with me. Things were going downhill, but before I could even sink into despair, this letter somehow comes in, to feel this tender warmth in my chest. Fluttering my eyes shut, I take slow, deep breathes to ease myself. Reading her letters again, triggered something inside of me.

I know it's been five years since she left me, five years I had to bear the burden she was murdered.

"goddammit," I rest my face in the palms of my hand, while my shoulders sink further down. I couldn't go out there til I've settled down, as the emotions kept flooding in and piling on, one by one.

The distance laughter echoes down the hallway, hearing the lightness of the kids chattering.

I couldn't help but smile listening to the laughter, trying to find something to distract me from this. I know I'm safe, I know that there is nothing that could take me away. I held no pressure on the kids, and especially when I'm a superior with motives to protect these vulnerable kids. No one else would, and I have every reason to keep these children alive and safe. Their parents weren't fighters, nor would any risk their lives for themselves and I can tell.

So I'm willing to fulfill my mother's wish, and not waver.

Pushing myself up from the bed I exhale deeply, thinking on checking on the children if dinner was almost ready. Turning to the side to head out, I pause in my steps to see Levi leaning up against the doorframe, arms folded. Not even sure why I reacted if I was caught, but he seemed to think something was up. Swallowing the pain I felt deep inside, I give him a warm smile walking up to him.

"I was gonna check on the kids," I softly inform him, slowly walking out past him.

"Akira," his voice calls, when takes my hand and pulls me. My hands brace against his chest, as our eyes meet. My heart skips a beat, while his own piercing eyes search into my own without a word. Silence dawns between us, while I felt his warmth against my hands and waist.

"Hmm.........what's going on?" asking him softly, his lips press into a thin line with contemplation. "Everything okay?"

He averts his eyes from mine for only a second, and scoffs drly.

"I should ask you that," he retorts quietly, but deeply while I glance at him with confusion. I place a warm hand against his shoulder, pressing a chaste kiss against his cheek.

"Don't worry, just the same old stuff," I assure him, while looking at him directly. Even if I avert my eyes, he wouldn't let it go and continue to ask. He doesn't need to worry about me, because there's nothing really troubling that he can fix. Right now, my own focus and his is to watch over the kids and priorities Eren and Historia.

Selfish it may sound, I just want to remain strong and composed.

All my life I've always wavered, and cried after the many lives that were taken. Whether they were close or not, it was out of frustration and the effort we placed in our missions. We were always a few steps behind, but this time I want to be at least a step behind or ahead. It may seem impossible for that wish, but after everything I'm done sucking in to my emotions. It was pathetic.

He slowly releases me only to near my face, noses brushing against each other.

A warm kiss presses against mine sweetly, while his hand gently cups my cheek comfortably. I sink into his touch, as his thumb rubs in small circular motions against my cheek. A contented sigh leaves me, as our lips drew away a few inches apart. He then pecks once more, gazing down into my eyes with a concerned expression.

"Okay, just.....let me know if anything comes up, alright?" his voice grew deeper, the quieter he tries to talk.

Dammit, this man seriously has changed over the years. Though he may seem distance, bitter and cold, I was the only one that has seen him this way. It was rewarding, and it makes me feel more safe and comforted. Cliche it was, but I knew I made my correct choice.

Nodding I soon shift our conversation, "Pastor Nick he's--........I feel kind of terrible he had to go through that," I spoke up, admitting my own thoughts. I couldn't understand the feeling on why the Mps would do this, or what their intentions were exactly. But it doesn't leave a nice chill down my spine, feeling kind of off with it all.

Levi sighs, closing the door behind us allowing the space to ourselves.

"Well, he impressed me enough to respect his last moments," He says, in surprise while the door clicks shut. His eyes flicker from the door knob, to meet my own. "Don't stress about it now, what's done is done.....we can't bring him back."

My eyebrows pinch together, shaking my head.

"No it's not that, it's just........those who are trying to track us?" I question, arching an eyebrow to emphasis how frustrated I was. "What you said before when you expressed sitting on our asses will only get us caught, but we also need some kind of idea who we're up against so we can prepare."

He shuffles closer to me, feeling my back rest up against the wall

Hands gently rest comfortably against my hips, while his eyes trained in my own azure eyes, "You're right, we don't know who to trust or what we are really up against," he admits, lowering his voice. "What's new?....we're fighting aimlessly."

Sighing heavily, I lightly chuckle in response.

His hand slips beneath just under the hem of my shirt, and rubs small circular motions against my plush hips. Butterflies explode in my stomach, as his touch was making me feel more giddy. The tension was enough to catch me off guard, while his eyes intensely gaze into my own.

I couldn't look away, wanting to at least savour every emotion that flickers in his eyes.

He lowers his head when warm lips met my neck, feeling a shaky breath leaves my lips, almost buckling beneath his touch. Peppering soft kisses against my neck, he trails to the column of my throat. Tilting my head giving him more access, his grip tugs me against him leaving no gap. Breathless pants leave me, fluttering my eyes closed I allowing my painful thoughts to drift away for now.

"Levi......"

He hums against my skin soft and tenderly, but no more words could be uttered out when he bites on a specific and sensitive spot. My breath hitches in my throat, as my hands slid up to wrap around his neck, tangling my fingers through his hair. He shifts my collar further down, drifting just below my collarbone pressing soft warm kisses.

His way of affection was always so tender, but everyday awakens to new things he finally eases himself to.

He loved to mark me which was something he wasn't ashamed in doing, but only spots no one could see. We knew we had to keep our relationship proper, and not display inappropriate behaviour in our position. Yet, when he's in the mood in expressing his affection, I couldn't say no.

It was addicting, and all I could was drown myself in his touch.

Sucking and biting against the subtle of my skin, he lifts his head up to connect his lips against mine. A stifled gasp leaves me, when he smirks against the kiss. I could feel he was on edge, but remained composed and centered. Doing the same as him, it seems we both understood what we were feeling without any words to be said.

Slowly pulling away we rest our foreheads together, while taking in each other's warmth and embrace.

"Couldn't help myself," He quietly says, while I lift to meet his gaze. My eyes rest halfway, with a warm contented smile cupping his face.

"Dammit, you're so handsome," I muse softly, brushing the loose strands that fell over his eyes. With everything that has happened, all I missed was holding him and knowing everything will be alright.

He leans into my palm, finding support that I do indeed care about him.

"Am I now?" he drew closer in a deep sultry voice, lips ghosting over mine again. His eyes flicker from mine to my lips, then back to my eyes. "Well, you're so beautiful."

He mimics my tone, while I scrunch my nose with a laugh following after.

Leaning my head against the wall, I tap my boots against the timber flooring. "Anyway.........the kiddos must be wondering where we are?" I chuckle softly, while a small smile curls upon his lips. Nudging my head to the door beside us, "Let's go, hmm?"

Regretfully I wanted to stay longer in his arms, to sink into his embrace and sleep till I was rested enough. However, we must keep going and watching over the kids. They are under our supervision, and if anything happens I will never forgive myself. Painful to imagine, being a soldier is first.

He nods in agreement, "Anyway, I would hate if four eyes even walked in on us," he admits. "Seriously, this place is cramped for all of us and--"

"Dinner is ready!!!!!" one of the recruits calls.

"Come on, let's go," I nudge him, as he took my hand tucking it right beside him.

Taking that as a moment to leave, we both head out the door and down towards the main room of the house. There everyone began to circle around, plates of food displayed all around prepared for us. My eyes take in everyone, as they sat down at their spots before seeing us enter the room.

"Smell good," I hum softly, when I noticed Historia looking rather worried and sombre in the corner.

"You think?" Connie asks, seeing some light in his eyes. "Hope you like it, I know it isn't much,"

I walk over placing a soft hand on his shoulder, while Levi heads to the head of the table before anyone takes it. Typical of him as usual. Facing Connie with a smile warm and encouraging, I compliment him and the rest, for offering to take the time to make dinner for us. Once everyone had settled down, I quickly offered to inform Sasha it was dinner, knowing she will be hungry.

Walking outside holding a lantern to guide me over, seeing her leaning up against the small wooden lookout tower in the night.

"Hey.....Sasha, time to eat," I call, seeing her glance down with rifle tucked under her arm. The coat she wore covered her face, as she peels it back with her eyes lighting up like a child would with candy.

"Really?!" She walks down. "Who will be on watch, though?"

Shaking my head, I nudge my head to the house.

"We'll quickly eat up, and someone else will take the next shift," I assure her, lowering my tone. "Anyway, we better eat up before it goes cold....alright?"

Holding my hand out, she passes me the rifle, as I shift the safety catch on, to prevent any accidental discharge from the firearm. Tucking under my arm, I follow after her only to feel a strange chill run up my spine. My eyes shift slyly behind me, skimming across the valley around me. Knowing it was dark that in no possibility I could see anyone, I was hoping to find a glint of silver or anything reflecting light.

A heavy pause lingers, while the crickets sung their tune in the stillness of the night.

"Hmmm........" my eyes linger upon the valley a little longer, before hesitantly walking inside the house. The sound of cutlery and bowls clank and ting, knowing everyone has begun to eat. It didn't matter, as long as everyone has their fill and can go on early guard and rest.

"Finally, thought you weren't gonna show up!" Connie retorts towards Sasha, who seems to be drooling slightly. "Thought I was gonna eat yours for ya, you know.....so it would waste--"

She quickly sat down after throwing her coat off, between Jean and Connie, and dug in straight away, before thanking to those who prepared the meal. Soon everyone fell silent, while eating their meal as I place the rifle to a safe spot. I couldn't shake this chill off, like it was something different.

Levi seems to notice my troubled expression, but I shook my head and sat down beside Jean and levi at the head of the table. A cloth laid over my meal, as Jean takes it off seeing steam rising from the home cooked potatoes and bread.

"W-we left it on, so it w-wouldn't grow cold," He fumbles over his words, while I pat his shoulder. His cheeks burn with surprise, while Connie nudges him teasingly wondering what that was all about.

The two boys shot glares at each other, while I chuckle.

"Thank you, I appreciate the thought," thanking his consideration, I happily begin to eat. The taste soon awakens my tastebuds, realising I haven't eaten much. However my appetite wasn't as it use to be, feeling still troubled by that eerie feeling I felt outside. It was something I usually can brush off, but this time it was gnawing me to the bone.

Just stop thinking about Akira, you're fine! You're an adult, don't makes things difficult as it is....

"I'll tell you my story then...." Historia spoke up, causing everyone to pause in what they were doing. Her voice spoke volumes, as she hasn't spoken not once since I last saw her. She was unusually quiet, which also concerned me.

Her eyes not leaving her plate, that was barely eaten before her.

"Go ahead," I urge softly, giving her the okay to resume. Talking it out was best, than keeping it inside. Especially for her to bear something, that she had to keep secret for so long? Eager to know her side of the story, it was best to know now then in a chaotic situation. It would be hard to grasp, but slowly we can piece the puzzle.

She takes a deep breath in and out, "I was.....born on a small farmstead in the north part of Wall Sina," She began, steadily and calmly. "It was owned by the noble Reiss family...as far back as I can remember, I was always helping out on the farm. My mother was always reading books. I never really saw her doing housework.....She was indeed a beautiful woman....."

Her eyes were hollow, filled with nothing but anguish of her past.

"....when night came, she would dress up in a showy clothes and someone would come in a carriage to take her to town," She continues on. "She seemed to have some other source of income besides the family business...that was just normal life for me...but then I learned to read and write...and when i started to imitate my mother by reading books....I learned that I was very much alone. In all the books I read.....mothers showed interest in their children. In my books, they would speak to them, hold them, scold them......I had never experienced any of those things."

My heart clenched more tightly, hating the fact a child could suffer.

"My grandparents would speak to me when they taught me how to work, but I had never spoken to my mother," Her voice grew shaky. "I also noticed that the other children could walk around freely and that they'd play with other kids their age. To me, other children were dangerous. They'd throw rocks at me....needless to say, I never left the farm. One day, out of curiosity I decided to try hugging my mother. I wanted to see what kind of face she would make....All she had done was toss me away, but it was the first time my mother had ever done anything to me. That was enough to make me happy. She said 'if only I had the courage to kill this girl'. Those were my mother's first words to me."

A hand drifts to my hand, causing me to shift to realise my fork was bended in half out of anger and frustration. Releasing the fork, I shift my hand under the table only to feel Levi laces his fingers through mine. However I grew furious with how painful it must've been, enduring it all.

"After that, my mother left the house and started somewhere else and eventually I realised my grandfather and my grandmother.....the people who worked on the farm, the people who lived on the land....everyone...." She pauses for emphasis, and the hesitation in her broken voice. "....they would all be happier...if I wasn't alive. What had I done? Why were things this way? There was no one I could ask. The farm was my whole world. The animals on the farm were my only friends. Most of my days were spent doing farm work, but the work helped me forget about my loneliness....and then, a few nights after that day five years ago....when Wall Maria fell....I met my father for the first time. The name the man gave was the name of the Lord who ruled that land."

Not surprised after hearing about it first-hand, I still wasn't impressed by her upbringing.

"My mother whom I hadn't seen in years was also there, but she seemed terrified," She says. "'Historia...you're going to live with me from now on' and as he said that, my father took me toward a carriage waiting outside....and then...my mother shrieked and noticed that were surrounded by men. They grabbed my mother and questioned her if I was her child, but she denied it without hesitation but out of fear with a knife at her throat. 'If only you'd never been born' and those were my other's last words. Moments before I was going to be killed too, my father made a proposal...if i lived a quiet life somewhere far away....they'd let me go free. After that, I lived in a settlement for two years...entered the training