【 ⚬━━━♔━━ 。 。━━♚━━━。】

TW: SA, Abuse, Rape

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ᵃᵖʳⁱˡ ²⁰²¹

Since Sol got pregnant, Godfrey had completely moved into her penthouse in Seoul. He had to adjust to life in Korea, learning the customs and routines, not just for their family but to make Sol's life easier. He saw how tirelessly she worked every day and knew better than to ask her to leave it all behind for him. Her career was here, her dreams were here—he would never take that away from her. When she first told him about the pregnancy, he saw the fear in her eyes, the worry that it would derail everything she had built. But he had promised her that he wouldn't let that happen. He would do whatever it took to ensure that their child's arrival didn't come at the cost of her dreams.

Sol's dogs always knew when she was home. No matter where they were in the penthouse, they could hear the elevator hum as it rose from the garage to the top floor. They were Godfrey's silent alarm—his sign that she was finally back.

He followed them lazily to the front door, standing with them as they eagerly waited. When the elevator doors slid open, Sol stepped out, greeted by the sight of her five dogs and Godfrey watching her with a knowing smile. She didn't say anything at first, just sighing tiredly before walking straight into his arms. He felt the exhaustion in her embrace, the way she melted into him as if she had been holding herself together for days. He held her tightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Meanwhile, the dogs whined and pawed at her legs, desperate for attention. She laughed quietly, crouching down to pet them, murmuring soft greetings as they wiggled excitedly around her.

Godfrey took the bags from her hands and led her inside. As they walked through the penthouse, Sol caught sight of her cat, Loki, curled up on the couch. She made a beeline for him, scooping him up and burying her face in his fur.

"I'm so happy to be home," she murmured, her voice heavy with exhaustion. The weight of the past few days clung to her, and pregnancy only made it harder to push through. Hiding her fatigue, keeping up appearances—it was all becoming too much.

After setting down the bags, Godfrey approached her again, his hands finding her shoulders, thumbs pressing into the tense muscles at the base of her neck. He kissed the top of her head, lingering for a moment before asking softly, "Did you eat today?"

Sol shook her head. "No... I don't want anything. I just want a shower and sleep."

He didn't argue. He just nodded, understanding her exhaustion without needing further explanation.

The bedroom had once been hers alone, but now it was his too. When she was away, he slept in her bed, surrounded by her scent, her presence lingering even in her absence. He had always been curious about the little things she kept—how she saved every fan letter, every thoughtful gift from strangers who adored her. When he missed her, he would sit at her vanity, picking up her perfume and spraying it on his pillow. It was a habit he hadn't meant to form, but somehow, it made the nights without her a little easier.

Standing in the bathroom, he helped her undress. His hands were gentle, moving with quiet reverence as he slid each piece of clothing off her tired body.

"I'm so tired," she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. Her eyes were closed, her body leaning into his as if standing up took too much effort.

Godfrey turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature. "What do you want?"

Instead of answering, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her cheek against his back.

"Lukewarm," she finally murmured. "But afterward, I want a hot bath. Can you get it ready?"

He smiled softly. "Of course. Get in. I'll take care of everything."

While Sol washed away the day, Godfrey knelt in front of the bathtub, filling it with warm water. He reached under the sink, pulling out essential oils and bath salts. He wasn't an expert, but he had done his research—anything to make her feel better, even in the most minor ways. He poured the oils into the water, watching as the fragrance curled into the steam.

When he heard the shower turn off, he glanced over his shoulder. Sol stood there, damp hair clinging to her skin, exhaustion evident in the way her body sagged. Without a word, she stepped into the bath, sinking into the water with a deep, relieved sigh.

Godfrey sat on the edge of the tub, watching her.

"You're staring," she mumbled, eyes still closed.

He didn't deny it. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

Sol cracked one eye open, giving him a tired but amused smile. "You always say that."

"Because it's always true." His voice was softer this time, filled with something more profound. Love, admiration—things he wasn't sure he could ever put into words.

She let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head slightly before closing her eyes again. Godfrey reached out, dipping his fingers into the water, tracing gentle circles along her arm.

"I hate seeing you like this," he admitted after a moment. "So tired... like you're carrying everything by yourself."

Her lips parted slightly, but she didn't respond right away. Instead, she let his words settle between them.

"I have to," she whispered finally. "No one's going to do it for me."

His hand tightened slightly around hers. "Maybe not... but I can do it with you."

She opened her eyes then, looking up at him. There was something raw in her gaze, something vulnerable she rarely let anyone see.

"You already do," she whispered.

And in that moment, Godfrey knew—no matter how busy her life got, no matter how much weight she carried—he would always be there to share it with her.

"Sometimes, I don't think it's real," Sol admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "There are moments when I forget I'm even pregnant because...I don't feel like I am. I'm not even showing." She leaned her head back against the tub, her tired eyes drifting up to Godfrey. "Do you think I'll start showing when we have more kids?"

More kids. She said it so casually, but the weight of those words hit him differently. They had talked about this before—the idea of a family, their future—but now, it was real. Godfrey had always wanted kids, and so had Sol, but their visions of family had never been completely aligned. He had always pictured something simple, while she imagined something much bigger.

"How many kids exactly?" he asked, curiosity laced in his voice.

"As many as possible," she answered without hesitation.

Godfrey raised a brow. "So if you could have ten kids, you'd do it?"

Sol tilted her head in thought, gazing out the bathroom window at the Seoul skyline. Ten? Probably not. She doubted her body could handle carrying that many children. But she knew what she wanted. "Maybe not ten," she admitted, "but I do want a big family. I grew up with a lot of siblings, but I was only really raised with one of them. I missed out on that experience of growing up in a house full of laughter, chaos...love. I don't want Taesoo to be alone. Especially considering the kind of life he'll be born into, I want him to have someone to rely on other than me."

Godfrey nodded, understanding her completely. "I get that," he said. "I'm not against having a big family. I want one too."

Sol hesitated for a moment before asking something that had been lingering in her mind. "When you were with your ex...did you two ever talk about having kids?"

She wasn't sure if she was crossing a line, but she couldn't help but be curious.

Godfrey exhaled through his nose, leaning back against the tub's edge. "Yeah. We talked about it. She wanted kids, and so did I, but... I was hesitant. I didn't want to permanently tie myself to her because, deep down, I was already doubting our relationship."

Sol listened intently, sensing there was more to the story.

"She tried to get pregnant," he admitted, his voice quieter now.

Sol's head snapped in his direction. "She what?"

"Yeah," he said, running a hand through his hair. "She stopped taking birth control, told me she wanted to stop using condoms... She was trying to make it happen. And I knew what she wanted, but I wasn't willing to give it to her."

Sol's brows furrowed. "Did you tell her that?"

Godfrey let out a humorless chuckle. "No. I was already in my thirties and felt like time was running out to start a family. Even though I didn't really love her, I convinced myself she might be my only chance. But looking back, I'm glad it never happened. We wouldn't have lasted, and any kid we had together would have grown up in a broken home."

His words made Sol pause. She thought about her own past, about Taehyung. If she was being honest with herself, back when they were together, if he had asked her to have his child, she probably would have. She might have even left her career for him. That was how much she had loved him back then.

Godfrey's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "And then I met you." His lips curved slightly. "At first, I just wanted a rebound—someone completely different from my ex. But... things didn't exactly go according to plan."

They both laughed at that, the tension in the air dissolving.

"So you didn't even want to date me?" Sol gasped in mock offense. "You just wanted sex? I can't believe you!"

Godfrey smirked, leaning closer. "I know you're not talking. You really expect me to believe you saw all of this—" he gestured at himself dramatically, "—and didn't want to spend the night with me?"

Sol laughed wholeheartedly, shaking her head. "You approached me with the intention of starting a relationship," she teased, playfully nudging him.

Godfrey grinned. "Yeah, and look where we are now."

He reached out, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear. His touch was soft, reverent. He wasn't sure how they had ended up here, but he knew one thing for certain—he wouldn't change a single thing.

"You approached me with the intention of starting a relationship, not just casual sex." Sol's lips curved slightly, but there was something unreadable in her expression. "But if you had, I still would've said yes." She hesitated, then glanced to the side. "When you met me, I was going through a... phase."

Godfrey leaned in, intrigued. "A phase?" His voice carried a teasing edge, but there was genuine curiosity beneath it. "Now, this I have to hear. What exactly were you up to before we started dating?"

Sol smirked, playing into his curiosity. "I'll tell you what—if you join me in the bath, I'll tell you everything you want to know."

Godfrey's eyes lit up. He didn't need to be asked twice. Within seconds, he was stripping off his clothes, rinsing himself off in the shower, and stepping into the tub. They sat across from each other, the warm water wrapping around them, the tension shifting into something more intimate.

Godfrey was the first to speak. "Let me start with an easy one: how many guys have you slept with?" His tone was casual, but there was an underlying curiosity. He wasn't trying to judge—he just wanted to know more about her, about the life she had before him.

Sol tilted her head, counting on her fingers. "Let's see... there was Taehyung, Eunwoo, Namjoon, Ryusei..." She paused, then nodded to herself. "Nine."

Godfrey blinked. "Nine? I'm your ninth?" He looked more surprised than anything.

"I know it's bad—"

"No, no, it's not that," he cut in quickly. "Nine is actually low. Trust me, I've been around long enough to know people with triple digits. It's just... I wouldn't have guessed that for you."

Sol let out a small laugh but then, almost offhandedly, added, "Well, technically, it would be ten. But I don't count the guy who raped me."

Her voice was light, almost dismissive, but the shift in the room was immediate. The playful atmosphere disappeared in an instant. Godfrey stilled, his expression unreadable, but the concern in his eyes was undeniable.

Seeing his reaction, she glanced at him and tried to brush it off with a small chuckle. "I guess if you don't count things out of your control, then maybe it should be eight." She hesitated. "You're my eighth, I think."

Godfrey's voice was careful when he asked, "What do you mean?"

Sol exhaled, staring down at the water as she swirled it with her fingers. "Eunwoo was my first. I really loved him, but I think he was afraid to love me back. Then there was Namjoon and Taehyung. They both liked me, but I was their secret. We'd book hotels and spend days there together... all we did was have sex and pretend we were a real couple. I liked the attention."

She still wasn't meeting Godfrey's eyes, her focus bouncing between the water and the city skyline outside. She was deliberately avoiding answering his question right away—she needed to say this first. She needed to be honest about her past, even the painful parts.

Godfrey listened intently, his face unreadable as he watched her.

"It was just supposed to be sex," she continued, "but Taehyung wanted a relationship. So Namjoon backed off. I didn't know until years later that he actually liked me, too. He told me he suppressed it for Taehyung's sake. He said those exact words." She let out a dry, humorless laugh. "I hate that excuse."

Godfrey didn't interrupt. He just let her talk.

"Did I ever tell you why Taehyung and I broke up?" she asked.

He shook his head.

She let out a slow breath. "He told me he was depressed. That he had been for a long time. But...he didn't tell me that when we broke up. If he had, maybe things would've been different. Instead, he just left me wondering what I did wrong. Like I was the reason he walked away."

Her voice was steady, but there was something fragile underneath it, something only someone who had been through heartbreak would recognize.

Godfrey reached for her hand under the water, intertwining their fingers. "You deserved to know the truth," he said softly. "But that wasn't on you, Sol. That was on him."

She squeezed his hand back but didn't say anything.

Some wounds never fully healed—but at least, for now, she didn't have to carry them alone.

"But he didn't tell me that when we broke up." Sol's voice softened, her fingers idly tracing patterns on the water's surface. "If he had... things would've turned out so differently. Instead, he just said he couldn't do it anymore, like our relationship had been some unbearable burden. I asked him if he even loved me, and he couldn't answer. He just stared at me in silence."

She exhaled, shaking her head. "That was my first real heartbreak. I never saw him the same after that. And when I found out I was pregnant after we'd broken up...he tried to come back, tried to fix things. But by then, I was so angry, so hurt, I couldn't even look at him. I didn't love him anymore. Not like I used to."

She paused, letting the weight of her words settle between them.

"After him, I kind of... lost myself." Her voice turned quieter. "I thought that was it for me. That no one could ever know about my baby, that I'd never have a real relationship again, never get married or have a love that was mine. So I just... numbed myself with sex. It was easy. It was a distraction. And it made everything feel a little less real."

Sol let out a breathy, bitter laugh. "I get it now, why salarymen do it. Stress relief. Something to keep you from thinking too much. After that, I stopped keeping track. I can't even remember the order anymore." She lifted a hand and began counting on her fingers. "There was Ryusei. I actually liked him. Sanghyun was an asshole, but good in bed. Henry, too. He was nice—decent shag. Oldest guy I've ever been with."

When she finally looked up at Godfrey, she wasn't sure what she expected. His expression was unreadable—lips slightly parted, his gaze fixed on her. He wasn't angry, nor did he seem hurt. He was simply listening.

Still, she didn't want him to feel insecure or jealous over something that no longer mattered. Shifting forward, she moved across the bath, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"What?" she murmured, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. "None of them were better than you anyway."

Godfrey's arms instinctively came around her, but his voice was quiet when he asked, "What about the others?"

Sol pulled back slightly, confused. "What others?"

"You said nine. Who was the last guy?"

The moment the question left his lips, her entire body tensed. It was subtle, but Godfrey felt it. She had been open, honest, casual even, as she talked about the others. But now... now she was hesitating.

He didn't press her. He just waited.

Sol swallowed. "He's an actor," she finally said, her voice tight. "The one who played Pennywise."

Godfrey frowned. "Bill? I know him. But... he has a girlfriend."

Sol looked away. "I didn't know that then. I didn't know a lot of things. I was young."

Godfrey studied her. "Is he the one you don't want to count? Because he cheated?"

Sol shook her head, pressing herself closer to him, hiding her face against his shoulder. "No... that's not why."

A heavy silence fell over them. Godfrey didn't push, but Sol could feel the unspoken question hanging in the air.

She took a deep breath. "When we met, he said he was only looking for something casual. That was fine. But after the first time, he kept asking for more. Over and over. I didn't know he was in a relationship. But the more we slept together, the more... comfortable he got. He started asking to try new things with me."

Her hands trembled slightly under the water.

"At first, it was small. One night, he asked if he could choke me. I said yes." She swallowed hard. "But then... he started strangling me. And he didn't stop. I almost passed out before he finally let go."

Godfrey