~ 𝕄𝕪 𝕃𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕝 ~
~ ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕆𝕟𝕖 ~
⚠️ 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘: 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕩𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣, 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕣𝕪 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕚𝕤𝕖 𝕚𝕗 𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕥 𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕪 𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 ⚠️

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

First days...

These are one of many things that cause my anxiety to kick off...
I hate it...
Always having to depend on someone because I have a constant worry of being judged or embarrassing myself...
Humiliation I'd say is my worst fear...
People don't understand me nor have they ever and at this rate I don't think they ever will...
The only one who I can confide it and completely rely on...

Is my brother, Koushi Sugawara...

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Y/n~ come on little one it's time to wake up!" Your brothers gentle voice bounces off of your pastel purple walls and adds to the warm atmosphere of the morning, rays of orange and yellow light spread across your room all consisting of different lengths and widths.

You murmur in your sleep before fluttering your eyes open, welcoming the view of your joyful brother. "Mm...what do you mean by little one? I'm only two years younger!" You sit up rapidly after remembering his new nickname for you.

"I know but you're so cute and tiny" he makes his way over to you and pinches your cheek lightly as he sits beside you. "How're you feeling?" as soon as this questions escapes his mouth the sunlight in the room dims and a temperature drop can also be felt.

How am I feeling...
How am I feeling?

"I-I'm not too sure...I suppose I feel mildly scared right now but I haven't experienced school since that day Koushi so I've got no idea on how to feel..." You bring your hands from your sides to your lap and you start to play with you fingers, trying to ease the now rising fear.

Will I be okay?
What if they don't like me?
What if they instantly judge me?
Maybe I should just ask to be homeschooled again...
But I haven't even started yet...

"Ugh!" You grip some of your hair and you bring your knees to your chest as your teeth begin to grind themselves together, this is a sign...

"Hey, hey! It's okay, shhh..." your brother places his hands on your back and he strokes some of you hair whilst humming a calming song, "Don't overthink anything just yet Y/n..." he pulls you close and you decide to play with your hands again, one of few coping mechanisms...

After a few deep breaths you manage to collect yourself, "okay, I'm okay..." you sigh once more before grabbing you neatly folded uniform from your wardrobe only to turn around and signal your brother to leave by tipping your head quickly towards the door.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Careful Y/n I don't want you to fall!" Your brother yells behind you as he finishes locking the front door before running in your direction.

You however, don't take any notice of this as you have your earphones in, another coping mechanism is listening to soft melodies with gentle voices as they always calm you down. Something about tranquility and peace is just soothing for you, you are not so spiritual that you have crystals placed around your room with necklaces dangling down from shelves as they 'radiate different energies', at least that's what the internet and people say, but that stuff never fazed or interested you.

Your brother locks his arm with yours as he is slightly scared that you will slip off of the curb and cause some damage to yourself, it doesn't matter if you get a paper cut on your finger your brother is always prepared to handle the situation.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"We're here!" Your brother cheers painfully loud but luckily for you, you still had your earphones plugged in. After taking them out swiftly you take in your surroundings.

There's load of people by the front...
That must be where the lockers are...

There's students sitting by some of the trees outside...
Their too focused to notice me, I hope...

Woah, there is actually quite a few trees at this school...
Oaks, birches, Ah! Cherry blossom trees!

Your foot begins to tap lightly on the ground as you feel a flush of excitement overwhelm you and your brother notices this. He also knows exactly why you're reacting this way.

"There's one right by the gym that no one ever goes to, you could wait there for me after school if you want?" You eagerly nod at your brother before you both start to make your way into the main building.

This is it Y/n...
Deep breaths....
Everything will be okay....
Wont it?
What if they don't like me?
What if I mess up in class what then?

"Y/n I can hear you overthinking!" Your brother chuckles before pulling you into a quick hug and continues to lead you to your locker.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Okay everyone settle down we have a new student today!" You hear your teacher yell at the students inside as they all take their seats and place their notepads on the table.

"Koushi I don't think I can do this! What if I mess up? What if they don't like me? Brother please don't go!" You grip onto the strap of his bag with tears threatening to fall from your glistening (E/C) eyes.

"Hey hey... you'll be fine I promise! Have I ever broken a promise?" He dabs your eyes dry with a tissue before hugging you again and opening the door ushering you to go in.

This is it...
I can't back out now...

After taking one last deep breath to ease yourself you step into your classroom and wave weakly at your classmates.

Cautious Y/n...
Be cautious...
Don't slip up...

"Everyone please give a warm welcome to Y/n Sugawara and make sure she feels right at home here at Karasuno!" They sure do like to yell... you shake your head lightly to recollect yourself only to be met by everyone in the class beckoning a "Welcome Y/n!" In your direction.

It was almost too much for you to handle but you managed at calm down by facing the board and gripping the fabric of your shirt, they're not being aggressive stop it! Calm down... breathe...

"Miss Sugawara, are you okay?" Your teacher places a hand on your shoulder causing you to flinch and jump away, you look to your left to see the whole class looking at you in confusion.

This is too much I can't do this!

But before you go for the door you remembered something, "make sure to give them the note Y/n, they need to be aware of your condition" your brother voice echoes through your head and you begin to rummage through you bag in search of said note.

"Here! Um, sorry for yelling I um...please take this!" You practically force the note into your teachers hands in an attempt to be able to play with your fingers once again.

After reading the note your teachers smiles at you warmly, "Ah yes I see, don't worry if you have any issues please feel free to speak to me about it okay?" They put the note on their desk before pointing at your designated seat, luckily for you it was a lone seat by the window at the back, this put you at ease.

It's at the back so no one can look at me from behind...
It's near the window so if I need to calm down...
I've got the breeze and a view of the cherry blossom trees...
I'm by myself...thank god I could barely handle walking into this room let alone having to endure the awkward conversation of "hey so you're new here, what school did you go to previously" or "hey, if you want to hang out with me and my friends then you can!" Personally, I'd rather not deal with any of that...

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

However, surprisingly for you class passed by super quickly and before you knew it you were sitting with your brother and his two best friends Daichi and Asahi.

"So how's your first day been so far Y/n?" Asahi offers you a carton of strawberry milk and you gladly take it.

You've known these two since Suga started at Karasuno just over two years ago so you've gotten to know them quite a bit and you could even say that you trust them.

"It's been okay? I guess... I-I got a bit nervous in my first class but the teacher put me at the back by myself so I manage to chill!" You rub the back of your neck and flash them a friendly smile, reassuring them that you're okay.

"I'm proud of you little one!" Your brother pats your back only to earn a side glare from you.

After a while of eating and chatting the second to last bell goes signalling that you only have two hours of lessons left, you pack away your stuff and stand up.

"Ah! One second Y/n!" Your brother frantically shoved his bento box back into his bag but before he can stand up you shake your hands in front of him and smile weakly.

"I-it's fine Koushi, I-I want to try and do this by myself..." you look away and twirl some hair around your left index finger.

"But isn't it a bit soon Y/n-Chan?" Daichi pipes up showing his concern about your condition.

"The only way I'll be able to get over it is by trying to do stuff by myself so...yes I'm sure!" You gesture a strong yes by raising and lowering my fist with quite a bit of strength before walking over to the main building.

Breath Y/n...
It's okay, you're okay...
People are looking...
What're they thinking?
Why are they thinking that?
What have I done?
Nothing I'm sure about that!
What if I have though?
Dammit I should of walked with Koushi!

Not knowing what to do you stop dead in your tracks in the hallway with your hand in a fist with some of your shirt fabric enclosed within it and tears building up in your now wide eyes.
People are staring...
Oh god please no!

"Y/n!"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧