feel something by jaymes young

"I'm too young to feel so
Numb, numb, numb, numb
So give me just enough to
Make me feel something"

56.4907° N, 4.2026° W

I stood in the back of the Quinjet, sharpening my chakram to prepare for the assassination of Alistair Keith. Across from me was Seargent Barnes, well, more of the Winter Soldier. Just being in a room with him is enough to send chills down your spine. He was cold, showed no remorse. That's what he was made to be, a machine. He doesn't care what he does, or who he has to kill along the way, the Winter Soldier always completes his missions.

And that is exactly what he trained me to do.

2010
(SIX MONTHS AFTER SARAH WAS AWAKENED)

Blood dripped from my forehead, diluted from the sweat that also stained my black tank top. I was beyond tired and overworked. I could barely stand, all I wanted was to just collapse onto the mat. But I knew if I did, I would face something far worse than what's already happening. I had to push through.

I threw a punch at the Winter Soldier that he easily dodged. I stumbled forward from my missed punch and was struck in the back of my head, fortunately by Barnes' non-metal arm. I winced from the hit, but immediately tried punching him again. Barnes grabbed my wrist before I could strike him, and kicked me in the chest. I was sent falling back before my head hit the mat. I coughed out from the pain and clenched my fists.

"неряшливый" (Sloppy.) The Winter Soldier coldly commented as he walked over to me, lying on the mat.

"Я пытаюс" (I'm trying.) I groaned, weakly trying to push myself off the floor.

          "Прекратите пытаться, начните делать." (Stop trying, start doing.) Barnes instructed before kicking me again, this time in the stomach. I let out a moan of pain, holding on to my abdomen. I finally regained enough strength to push myself up from the mat and weakly held up my fists.

"I can... I can do..." I breathed out, not able to finish my sentence. Let's be honest, I really couldn't do this all day. Plus, it would've been to cheesy to say out loud anyways.

Barnes sent a punch my way, using his metal arm, of course. This time, I quickly bent down and dodged his hit. He raised his knee to try kicking my stomach once again, but I stepped back to miss his strike. I swung my arm to send a punch and this time, I didn't miss. My fist met his cheekbone before he stumbled back a bit. Using the second I had, I spun around and lifted my leg to kick the side of his neck. Barnes fell to the floor and I finally let out a heavy breath of relief. He soon stood back up, only to give a gentle nod.

          I was finally done.

          But I knew that because of my little victory, Barnes would only train me ten times harder tomorrow, until I break, or I show that I can somewhat break him.

PRESENT TIME

          "Extraction will be at the rendezvous point in an hour." Rumlow explained as I slipped the chakrams on my back.

          "Got it." I replied. One of the screens showing a news broadcast started explaining the attack on New York, which Rumlow and I curiously turned out attention to.

          "The sudden attack on New York has finally ended after a team of enhanced individuals fought against an Asgardian enemy. This team included S.H.I.E.L.D. agents Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, eccentric billionaire, Tony Stark along with Dr. Bruce Banner, an Asgardian ally, Thor, and World War II veteran and hero, Steve Rogers. New York give you our thanks." The newswoman reported. My heart suddenly dropped hearing my father's name on TV. I had so many questions. How is he alive? Why didn't Pierce tell me? Does he even know I exist?

          I highly doubt he does. After all, mum destroyed all S.H.I.E.L.D. files on me so no one else would ever know that Captain America had a child. Plus, it's probably better that way. The man who supposedly destroyed HYDRA has a secret daughter he doesn't know of, and she is part of his biggest enemy.

          "Looks likes your daddy's back from the dead. You sure it won't distract you from the mission?" Rumlow questioned, raising his eyebrow.

          As much as I hate to say it, he does have a point. This is phasing me a bit, more like a lot. Less than five years ago, all I wanted was my father. I wanted him to come back so I could meet him, even though I knew it was impossible. But I guess I was wrong. And now he's here, he feels so close and in reach. But now, I don't know how to feel about it. Eight year old me would instantly do everything to contact him. Now, I just feel like hiding. Hiding from his disappointment when he finds out his secret daughter is a monster.

          "Why would it?" I shrugged, hiding the fact that I was clearly upset. "He is no father to me." I coldly answered.

He doesn't even know I exist. He doesn't know that his own daughter is with him in the 21st century. So why should he know now? He was never there when I was born, when I lived with mum. He is my father, but he is not my dad.

Steve Rogers has never had a daughter, and Sarah Carter has never had a dad, and it will always stay that way.

• • •

          Sergeant Barnes and I stood outside Alistair Keith's camp. There were several tents nailed to the grass and men hauling crates and cases of what I assumed to be weapons.

          "You take Keith, I'll handle the men here." Barnes said in a monotone manner. I nodded my head in response before sneaking around the perimeter of the camp, past the men guarding it. I made my way to the side of Keith's tent with my back pressed against it. I peaked my head from behind the tent to see two men with machine guns guarding the entrance. As I took another step, I felt a twig snap under my foot. I mentally cursed at myself and instantly took a step back, hiding behind the side of the tent again, but the guards must've heard it.

"What the hell was that?" I heard one of them ask. I could hear their steps come closer as they cocked their guns. With my back pressed against the tent, I grabbed my chakrams and held them to my side. As soon as they came into view, I quickly stepped forward and sliced one of them in the throat.

The other guard held up his machine gun but I spun backwards and raised my leg to kick it out of his hands. I immediately stabbed him in the chest before pulling the chakram out of his flesh, killing him faster than he could ever yell for help. Both their bodies were now on the ground, lifeless and bleeding out. I wiped the blood off my blades with the sleeve on my inner elbow. I finally stepped inside the tent to see a dark haired man sitting at his desk.

"Alistair Keith." I acknowledged in a slightly sarcastic tone. Keith tilted his head, intrigued by my presence.

          "You know who I am?" He questioned, with a small sense of surprise in his voice.

          "I do." I answered, keeping my expression straight, but not cold. Although, I noticed his eyes shifting down to my hands, which held my chakrams.

          "You know, I've supplied many weapons for many people. But there was one that was very special, it was the only one I've ever given." I raised an eyebrow and slightly tilted my head, confused by what Keith was rambling on about. "It was quite beautiful, originated from Indonesia. When my buyer called asking for it, I asked, who would wield such a weapon? And I got one, simple answer." Keith paused and hardened his expression a bit.

           "The Phantom Nightingale." I took a deep breath in through my nose when I came to realization. "And that's when I shipped the chakrams off to Washington, D.C." Keith finished his little monologue.

          "So you know who I am?" I questioned, still not intimated by the man sitting before me.

          "Indeed, I do." He replied.

          "Then, you know why I've come." I added. Keith leaned forward on his desk and pointed his finger toward me.

          "Pierce sent you, didn't he? I never really liked the man." Keith shook his head a bit.

          "Well, you're definitely not going to like him now." I slightly lightened my tone.

          "And why is that?" He asked. But before I could say anything, three large men stepped inside the tent, standing behind me.

          "Boss, we have an infiltration outside the camp." One of them explained, referring to Barnes. I formed a small smirk on my face with my eyes sharpened at Keith as we maintained eye contact with each other.

          "Kill her." He ordered without a single bit of aggression in his voice. One of the men grabbed the hand gun from his side holster, but I instantly turned around and sliced his hand clean off his wrist. He cried out in pain before I swung my arm to slash across his torso. The two other men charged towards me, but I threw my chakram at one of them where it landed in his chest, penetrating his flesh.

          The other one threw a punch at me that I quickly bent down to dodge. When I stood up with our backs facing each other, I grabbed his arm and back kicked him in the hip. He stumbled forward as the bones in his shoulder snapped. The man yelled out in pain as I turned around and grabbed his shoulder with my right hand. With the other chakram in my left hand, I shoved it right into his back where his heart was. I pulled the blade from his skin before his body soon collapsed onto the ground. I grabbed my other chakram from the previous man's chest as the blood dripped from its blade.

          "I have to say, I'm impressed." Keith commented after watching the failure of his own men. I turned my glare to him and took a few steps closer to his desk. "If you kill me, my guys out there will come after you." I could hear the sense of panic in his voice, as he leaned back in his chair.

"That was always the plan." I assured before swinging my arm to slash his neck with my chakram. Keith grabbed his neck as blood dripped from his throat. He continued to choke, trying to gasp for air until his head fell forward and hit his desk.

          I stared down at Keith's lifeless corpse for a moment before marching out of the tent. There, I was met with about fifty men who began to surround me. Holding my chakrams at my side, I looked at the one that I killed Keith with, seeing his blood on the blade, then turned my gaze back to the men, giving them a simple smirk. They seemed to have taken the hint that their leader was dead, and it was all because of me.

          The group of terrorists charged towards me until the sound of a machine gun was fired and a few of the men collapsed to the ground. I looked behind me to see Sergeant Barnes firing at the terrorists.

Take out Keith and his entire team. Those were Pierce's orders.

          I threw one of my chakrams horizontally so it would slice through a few of the men's flesh. The chakram came flying back to me where I caught it in mid air. A few more of the terrorists ran towards me before I swung my arm to let my blade run through their flesh. More of their bodies piled up and only more of them kept coming to me and Barnes.

          As I continued slitting throats and whatnot, I noticed the Winter Soldier was no longer in sight. It's not like he could just walk away from the fight.

          My confusion finally ended when I saw him further in the distance, throwing something that landed less than a foot away from me.

The lethal stun grenade.

  My eyes instantly widened as the rapid beeping began. "BARNES!" I yelled out just before the stun grenade went off, sending a massive blast of sound waves around it. Me and all the terrorists were sent flying back before our bodies hit the sharp grass.

          All the men around me were already dead, but I wasn't given that privilege. There was only pain that coursed through my entire body and an excruciating ring that played in my head for what felt like hours. My breaths were labored as I struggled to simply inhale any oxygen to reach my lungs, and my vision was clouded and blurry. All I could see was a silhouette of what appeared to be Sergeant Barnes walking towards me. That was, until darkness started to consume my sight. I tried keeping my eyelids open, but they only seemed to grow heavier. Until, they eventually shut, and all my vision was absorbed by black.

Guest Starring:
Robert Carlyle as Alistair Keith

an // sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger

not uncle bucky basically killing her
✋😔

4/27/21 - okay hi i guys i don't usually edit my author's notes but i would just like to clarify something that i've been seeing the comments:

sarah is not blaming steve for not being there. she's knows that steve didn't know she was conceived when he crashed the plane. sarah is simply stating the fact that steve wasn't there to raise her, so what's the point in him knowing now?

remember, this is from sarah's perspective, that does not mean it's the right one. we are seeing sarah's point of view of her putting herself into the mindset that she never had a father. because she knows that if she starts to grow an emotional attachment to him, her whole "cold-hearted assassin" facade is compromised, and that is basically what has been keeping her mother from being killed.

so no, sarah is not mad at steve, she just sees him as a stranger.

KILLERKÖNIGIN | CAPTAIN AMERICA'S DAUGHTER
BY QUEENWANDAMAXIMOFF