my head feels like it's been split in half.

i groan softly, pressing the heels of my hands against my temples, but it does little to ease the pounding. my mouth is dry, my body aches, and every breath feels heavier than it should.

i blink against the pale light creeping through the window, my eyes adjusting slowly. it takes me a second to recognize the room. the bed, the dresser, the familiar clutter on the other side. ellie's side.

my gaze shifts toward her, and there she is, sprawled out on her back with one arm slung over her eyes, her breathing slow and steady. if i didn't know any better, i'd almost think she looked... soft.

then my eyes land on the crumpled fabric at the foot of my bed—my dress from last night.

"oh, god," i mumble, sitting up too quickly. my head spins, and i have to brace myself against the mattress to keep from toppling over.

what the fuck happened?

my breath catches in my throat when i glance down at myself.

a sweatshirt. not mine.

and nothing else.

"oh, no," i whisper, gripping the hem of the sweatshirt like it's going to make a difference. it smells faintly like pine and something warm, something undeniably ellie. my stomach flips.

i glance toward her again, heart pounding. she hasn't moved, still stretched out across her bed like last night didn't exist. like she didn't see me like this.

she must have, though. i mean, it's not like my dress magically walked itself off. she... she must've helped me.

my face burns, the memory of her hands steadying me as she brought me home flashing in my mind. was she the one who—oh, god.

i bury my face in my hands, half groaning, half laughing in disbelief. "great," i mutter under my breath. "just fucking great."

the thought of her seeing me—of her touching me, even if it was just to help makes my chest feel tight in a way i can't explain. she was probably annoyed the whole time, muttering under her breath about how much of a pain i am.

and yet... she stayed. she didn't just leave me there.

i shake the thought away, trying to focus. i can't sit here spiraling all morning. i need to clear my head, get some air, anything to keep from dwelling on... this.

as quietly as i can, i slip out of bed, careful not to make the mattress creak. ellie shifts slightly, mumbling something in her sleep, and my breath catches. but she doesn't wake up.

i glance around the room, spotting a pair of sweatpants folded neatly on the chair by the dresser. they're not mine, definitely ellie's—but it's not like i have any other options.

biting my lip, i tiptoe over and grab them, slipping them on as quickly and quietly as possible. they're a little loose, the waistband hanging low on my hips, but they'll do.

i find my boots near the door, pulling them on quickly. my dress is still crumpled on the floor, but i can't bring myself to pick it up, not with the sweatshirt still clinging to me like a reminder of last night.

without another glance at ellie, i slip out of the room, shutting the door as quietly as possible behind me. the crisp morning air hits me like a slap to the face as i step outside, the sun barely peeking over the horizon. jackson is still quiet, the streets mostly empty except for a few early risers tending to their usual routines.

i don't really have a plan, but my feet seem to know where they're going before my brain catches up. by the time i realize it, i'm halfway to the stables, the familiar earthy scent of hay and horses growing stronger with every step.

when i get to the stables, sage's ears perk up at the sight of me, and i smile despite the pounding in my skull.

"hey, girl," i murmur, running a hand down her nose. "miss me?"

"she's not the only one."

i startle at the sound of nate's voice, turning to find him leaning casually against one of the posts.

"you scared me," i say, my voice hoarse.

"sorry," he says, lifting his hands in mock surrender. "you feeling okay? you seemed... pretty out of it last night."

i grimace. "yeah. about that..."

he raises a brow, waiting for me to continue.

"i'm sorry," i say, folding my arms across my chest. "about ellie. and, uh, everything else. i didn't mean for you to get dragged into... whatever that was."

he waves it off, but there's an awkwardness in his expression that he can't quite hide. "don't worry about it. i figured there was... history there or something."

"not like that," i say quickly, too quickly. "she's just... protective, i guess. but still. it wasn't fair to you."

he hesitates, his eyes scanning my face. "you don't have to explain yourself, you know. or her."

"i know," i say softly. "but i wanted to, anyway."

he offers me a small smile, and for a moment, everything feels... normal. simple.

"so," i say, changing the subject to ease the tension. "why are you always here, anyway? seems like you spend more time here than me."

nate looks at me, caught off guard for a moment, then he shrugs, looking sheepish.

"honestly?" he says, scratching the back of his neck. "it's because of you."

"me?"

"yeah," he says, his voice steady now. "i saw you with sage the other day, and... well, you just looked at her like you knew her. like you were comfortable with her. and i wanted to see if i could get in on that. maybe get to know you better."

i blink, not quite sure how to process that. "so, you've been hanging around for me?"

he nods, a small smile tugging at his lips. "i don't usually do this whole 'follow someone around' thing, but... there's something about you."

i swallow, feeling a mix of surprise and something else, something i can't quite place.

"you're serious," i say, quieter now.

he shrugs again, his grin a little more genuine. "guess i am. but you don't have to worry about it. just... don't want you to think i'm some weird stalker or anything."

"i don't," i say quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "it's just... unexpected, i guess."

he chuckles. "yeah, i get it. but if you ever want company... i'm usually here."

"good to know," i say, looking away for a moment. there's a knot in my stomach, but it's not the same one i usually get. something different.

"you planning to take sage out for a ride this morning?" nate asks, gesturing toward her.

i glance back at sage, who nudges my arm as if to say yes. "i wasn't really planning on it. just needed some fresh air."

"mind if i join you?" he asks, his tone casual. "i could use a distraction after last night."

i hesitate, glancing back at the barn entrance like ellie might storm in at any moment. but the thought of staying here, stewing in my own head, doesn't sound any better.

"sure," i say finally. "let me grab a saddle for her."

"where to?" he asks, walking beside me as we lead sage toward the edge of town.

"just around," i say with a shrug. "i wasn't really thinking that far ahead."

"good," he says with a grin. "thinking too much ruins the fun."

we take turns riding sage through the open fields near jackson, keeping it slow and easy. nate cracks a few jokes, some better than others, and i can't help but laugh despite the dull throb in my head.

"you're not bad at this," i tell him after a while, watching him handle sage with a surprising amount of ease.

"what, riding a horse?" he says, feigning offense. "i'll have you know i'm a natural."

"oh, sure," i say, smirking. "let me guess—you grew up on a ranch?"

"nah," he says, hopping off sage with a grin. "just had a lot of practice trying not to fall off."

i laugh, shaking my head as i take the reins from him and climb back on. the sun is higher now, the morning slowly bleeding into something brighter, warmer.

"you ever do this back... before?" he asks, his tone casual but his eyes curious.

"yeah," i say, running a hand down sage's mane. "my mom... she taught me when i was a kid. it was her thing."

"sounds nice," he says, his voice soft.

"it was," i admit, feeling a small pang in my chest. "she loved it."

for a moment, there's only the sound of sage's hooves against the dirt, the weight of his question hanging in the air.

"you're good with her," he says eventually, nodding toward sage. "she trusts you."

"yeah, well," i say with a faint smile. "guess we both have trust issues."

nate chuckles, and we fall into a comfortable rhythm again. it's easy with him—simple. no sharp edges or lingering tension, just two people trying to feel normal for a little while.

but as we head back toward the stables, the reality of it all starts creeping back in. i know ellie's probably awake by now, probably wondering where i've been. the thought makes my stomach twist, and not in the way i want it to.

"thanks for this," i say as we finish up with sage, brushing her down before leading her back into her stall.

"anytime," nate says with a lopsided grin. "seriously."

i offer him a small smile, but it doesn't quite reach my eyes. "i'll see you around."

as i head back toward joel's place, my heart feels heavier than it should.

when i step inside, ellie's there, just as i expect. she's sitting at the table, boots propped up, knife in hand. she's sharpening it, like she's trying to work out something. her eyes snap to me the second i step through the door.

"where the hell were you?" her voice cuts through the air, sharp, like a blade itself.

"out," i answer, shrugging off my jacket, trying to act casual, like my heart isn't pounding in my chest.

"out where?"

"does it matter?"

her jaw tightens, and she puts the knife down a little too hard on the table. "yeah, it matters. you disappeared all morning, didn't say a word. you think i'm just supposed to let that slide?"

"i was thinking i needed air, and it's not your business," i snap back, the words coming out faster than i can hold them back.

"not my business?" she repeats, her voice low, but there's that edge to it, the one that makes my blood boil a little. she stands up quickly, the chair scraping loudly against the floor. "i'm your bodyguard, leilani. it is literally my business."

"oh, please," i scoff, throwing my hands up, but the frustration is building now. "don't pretend like you care. you were avoiding me for weeks, and you're acting like this is the first time i've gone off without telling you."

"that's not—" she starts, stopping herself. her eyes are full of something—anger, yes, but something else too, something harder to place. "you don't get it."

"then tell me!" my voice cracks, and it's humiliating, but i can't stop now. "explain it, ellie, because i'm done guessing! i'm done walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what the hell i did wrong!"

she stares at me, and for a second, i see it. i see the way her chest rises and falls with her breath, the way she's holding herself back, like she's holding everything in. her hands twitch, like she's trying to keep herself from doing something... anything.

"forget it," she mutters, her voice thick. "it doesn't matter."

"it does matter!" i yell, my fists clenching at my sides. "it matters because you make me feel like shit, ellie! like i'm some... some problem you don't want to deal with!" my throat tightens, and before i can stop it, tears prick my eyes. i blink hard, trying to shove it down, but my voice wavers. "and i don't deserve that."

her eyes snap back to me, wide now, like she wasn't expecting that. "leilani..." she starts, but her voice is softer, almost unsure.

"don't," i choke out, swiping at my face as a tear slips free. "just don't." i look away, my chest heaving as I try to breathe through the frustration, the anger, the hurt.

the door creaks open behind us, and joel's voice cuts through the tense silence. "what the hell's goin' on in here?"

i freeze, hastily wiping at my eyes, hoping he didn't notice. ellie stiffens, her shoulders rigid, but she doesn't look at him.

joel glances between us, his brows furrowed. "you two sound like you're about to tear the place down."

ellie shakes her head, grabbing her jacket off the back of the chair. "it's nothing," she mutters, her voice tight.

"don't look like nothin' to me," joel says, his gaze lingering on her before flicking to me. i can feel his concern, but i can't look him in the eye.

ellie storms past him without another word, slamming the door behind her.

joel sighs, stepping further inside. "you okay, kid?"

"yeah," i whisper, swallowing hard. "i'm fine."

he doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push it. "you let me know if you need anything, alright?"

i nod, but as soon as he leaves, the tears come again, quiet and angry. because nothing about this feels fine.