It was cold.

It was cold, even as the snow turned to ash, and especially when my frozen breath turned into nothing but fog as it pushed the dark matter away from my face, which was already covered in it.

It was a mix of purity and hate, salt and sugar, lemon and lime, hope and revenge...but they all had the same aftereffects.

I thought it was impossible to light a fire in the nippy air, and yet I was surrounded by it, its touch not too far away from me, but still just out of reach. I could only feel its silent taunts. Just moments out of reach, even as it's grasp slithered up the wooden beams and its breathless smoke lifted into the once pure horizon, now only filled with ash and ebony smoke.

All I could do was stand there, my hand gripping my bleeding arm as a drop of blood leaked down the side of my face. My pupils were shaking, my breath was radged, my vision was in a constant battle of unfocusing and seeing things as clear as day.

She was missing. She was right in front of me only a moment ago, right before everything became clouded by smoke and ash. It was the look of pure horror on her features that threw me off guard, even if it was just for a moment, I couldn't let it jump out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried.

I had never seen her beautiful face morphed into something so unsightly and frightening. I thought I would never need to, and yet...

The way her pupils shrunk, the way her lips parted, trying to let out some sort of word, the way she reached her palm out to me desperately, jumping forward just to reach my form, despite the dangers that surrounded us...

It was truly a horrid sight.

I used to think that the minute she showed her fear, it would mean it's the end of days, and even then, I was convinced she would keep her wonderful smile over her lips. But. But I was wrong. So, so very wrong that I couldn't half believe it as soon as she called my name in a frenzy.

I didn't mean to wander away from her, it was only for a moment. I thought I saw a group of pink chained pearls on the ground among the crowd, just a small way into a shaded alley, that was only filled with more food stalls stocked with anything you could imagine. It was as pure as everything around me on the main street. I wanted to give them to her, to show her I cared no matter how many times I denied it. I was proven wrong, however, when I turned to smile at her as she cried my name, and the beads disappeared in the blink of an eye, swept up by a being who passed me in mere milliseconds.

I promise I meant no harm in doing so, especially when everything felt so perfect, when everything inside me wanted to cry in pure joy of the moment I had been anticipating for months on end, never shutting up about it until my siblings cried at me for hours on end, practically begging me to stop.

I was left momentarily sad until mother walked into the room and smiled at me. She asked to know more about my excited nature towards the market, that only perked up every anon. She took me to her room, sat me on her bed, and sat behind me, braiding through my hair as she hummed at my words that never really reached her ears.

But she was still there for me, and when it mattered most, I jumped away from her grasp and ran the opposite way.

Is that really how I repaid her? Is that really how much I truly respected my own mother, who loved me more than anything in this world?

But...

I promise I didn't mean to...

One by one, small wet tears slithered down my red cheeks until they jumped away from my jaw and thudded to the ash-filled ground, that was once clouded by nothing but snow, a pure white I never thought I could escape, but in this moment, it was so simple.

The ash felt so strong compared to a mere child such as myself. It morphed its pure surroundings into one filled with horror and disarray within mere moments. It's ability to touch the skin and leave it smearing hot, yet cause no burns, and it's immense power of intellect it held when choosing its next victim to consume.

I was stuck. I had nowhere to go. Everywhere I looked was covered in flames, except for the small path right in front of me, that surely led to some type of freedom, but my feet felt as though they had frozen to the ground and the ash and inferno hadn't been able to set them free yet.

But that simply wasn't true. It felt right, wanting to leave the area in search of someone, anyone, who would be kind enough to help me, and yet my feet wanted to stay right there. They felt numb, but they were perfectly capable of movement.

I had to swallow it down, for my mother.

She was brave for me so many times I can't even count it on my small fingers, so why couldn't I do it for her for once. All I've ever been was trouble. To her, to myself, to the townsfolk around me, and yet she always forgave me, each and every time, standing up for me when I didn't deserve it.

I felt ashamed to be born from such a kind woman when my actions always seemed so selfish. Especially since my siblings were all so perfect. They all easily complied, they all respected those around them, they all were kind..and then there was me.

'The disappointment', as many people would call me.

I didn't choose to be like that. I just wanted to have fun, to be able to feel free and to understand what being a child meant while being one. I had been told too many times by too many people to savoir these years, because this was as easy as it would get, and so I tried. But everytime I did, I got told off, or someone would turn on me when I accidentally bumped into them when running around.

Everytime that happened, she was always there. To comfort me, to tell me I was perfect, to encourage me to be better towards others. And, for a time, I thought it worked, all before I became self aware of those around me and how they acted compared to me.

Somehow, that made me worse.

Somehow, that made my behaviour spike to peaks I never thought I could ever reach. Accidentally treading on someone's flowers. Sending others tumbling to the ground as I fell into their back, after being chased by a barking hound that never seemed to ever like me from the moment my eyes opened. Being at the wrong place at the wrong time so others believed I stole.

Once again, I didn't mean to.

I never did.

I had never been good at anything in particular. Yes, I could deal with a weeping child on a good day, and ofcourse, I would obey my parents as if it were the law, but I could never truly felt as though I could contribute to anything.

Isamu was always so kind, and was destined to be the next head of the household. He was always so perfect at whatever he did, that being helping others, or even just learning something new, everything came naturally to him, something I could never understand at this time.

Ichika had always been into art and the more musical side of things. She was often called 'the next Da Vinci' by practically everyone around town. For her, it was easy to do anything, from chores to basic communication with the townsfolk, she was always so kind.

Yua, who was seven, had always been incredible at whatever sport he tried. Whether that being soccer, or ice hockey, or well-anything. It all came natural to him, so very easily, it was practically who he was at this point.

Even Hayato, who was five, had taken a close liking to reading and writing. From the moment she was born, father couldn't keep her away from books and a quill, and so he gave in, teaching her everything she needed to know for her age. It wasn't long before she started to write stories and noting down anything she found important when it came to a certain book she enjoyed reading, which may I add, was targeted for teenagers.

And even Sora was destined for greatness, I could feel it.

Then, there was me. Clumsy old, troublemaking (Y/N). They were never good at literature, had low communication skills, didn't know how to hold a conversation properly, who weren't even taught how to lift a pen properly, who would never be as good at anything sport related as her younger brother...I was just...me.

And when it came to this moment, where I could be brave and step forward, race away from the flames and secure everyone's safety...I stood still. Impossibly, inhumanly still. Silent tears slipping down my cheeks, blood streaming down my features, ash and soot covering my body from head to toe.

I just stood.

My bottom lip trembled, my fingers twitching at my sides as I watched the exit close off, beams of wood covered with inferno falling to the ground and blocking the way.

I just stood.

"Oka-san...please.....help me..."

That was all I managed to gasp out as my hair swayed either side of me, my rosy cheeks from the cold becoming red from the heat of the flames that danced around me.

A grumble from the wood made my head snap behind me, looking up just the slightest bit to watch as a support beam cracked just above my head. Shivers crawled down my spine.

Move.

My teeth grit, my eyes widening further as I continued to stare above me.

Move..

It creaked, its wooden joints smashing out of place one by one, surely causing a splinter if you touched it.

Move....

The beam finally gave up on holding itself up, and it soon came crumbling down just above me.

Everything seemed to freeze as small pieces of wood fell beside my head, reaching the ground before the large panel, soon to come crashing down on me at any moment. I would surely die if it were to hit.

But...am I okay with that?

I don't seem to be moving, perhaps that's my body's way of telling me it's over? Maybe it was trying to warn me in advance, but I never caught on to it's silent cries for me to finally let go.

It was only for a moment that I was actually content to die in a setting like this, the flames dancing around me, the smoke clouding my sight, the glow of the day replaced by a thick smog, but then I remembered..

I remembered her.

My mother.

No matter if she was alive or not, I knew she would be mad at me. Standing still like this and just accepting this as my way to die? Unacceptable. Even she would find it in her to yell at me until her voice turned hoarse.

Even she would cry at me.

That was something not even I could handle. I had already seen her face morphed into fear and horror as she watched me become engulfed by the smoke, the last thing I would ever want to imagine was her beautiful features morphed into rage as she sent screams at me for giving up in such a pathetic way.

That was something I would never need to imagine.

With gritted teeth and mere moments left, my legs moved on their own, jumping away from the beam until I skidded on the ground and the flaming beam crashed to the ground only mere centimetres away from where I lay on the dirt filled ground.

With a huff, I sat to my knees, wiping away my tears with anger raging through my pupils, an internal fire lighting inside me as only one thought came to mind, whether I agreed to it, or not.

I would find everyone I loved, and I would keep them safe.

No matter the cost.

I wanted to see my mother's smile again. I wanted to cry in joy as my siblings chased me around the house. I wanted to watch as each of them grew up into amazing people who would shape the world for the better.

I couldn't accomplish that if I were dead.

I stood to my feet, sniffling as I inhaled a deep breath.

It wasn't long before my eyes set on the exit. There was a certain pattern to the flames, they would dance, then they would sway, then they would flicker, leaving just enough room for anything to jump through. Hell, it would damn hurt as I went through them, even as they were still tall enough to burn me, but I couldn't care less at that moment.

I wanted help them. I wanted to be able to find out what I was good at. I wanted to spend just a little more time with my father. I wanted to watch as my mother smiled down on me, just as she always did.

All it would take was a few burns.

I was no stranger to pain. I was constantly clumsy. I knew how it felt to burn your arm on a cooking stove. I knew what it felt like to break a leg. I knew what it felt like to stab your hand when cooking. I knew what it felt like to cut your arms and legs on broken glass.

What's a little more?

With no further thoughts, I waited for a moment, but it was only for a moment. Soon, I was rushing past the fragmented stalls that once stood tall, embers floating around my form as the raging inferno reflected its horrors into my eyes. But I never backed down. I never stopped running. I never stopped thinking of their grins.

I just ran.

I jumped over the board, forcing my arms in front of my face to block out any unnecessary burns over my features as the flames scraped at the sides of my ankles, also just about reaching my sides, and by the time I landed on the other side with a stumble that sent me to the ground, the entirety of the back of my arms were burnt along with the sides of my feet and just above the bone of my hip.

I skidded to the ground, only halting once my back collided with a rock that stood just above the rest on the gravelly ground. The ground was no longer cold, no, instead, it was soaking wet, but still cold. So cold, I unconsciously moved my arms to rest in its small puddles for an ounce of comfort from the oozing pain.

I could feel it, even though it felt blindingly numb at first, but now I began to feel it, my eyes scrunching closed at the uncomfort, but like I said before, I was no stranger to pain.

I was just a mere silhouette jumping through the flames while embers and smoke danced around me, the flickering flames watching me as if they meant no true harm, only doing as they were commanded by some external force.

I grunted, shaking my head as I pushed myself up on my arms. They shook like they never have before, it felt as though I were going to collapse beneath a huge weight that suddenly landed on my back, pushing me down lower and lower until I was crushed beneath its weight, but out of some miracle, I was able to stay up, huffing and grunting as I coughed.

I shook my head, blinking the tears from my eyes as I miraculously shifted to sit on my knees. It was as though a switch had just clicked inside my head. Suddenly, I felt more courage than I could ever have imagined, and without warning, the pain didn't seem to ache as much as it did. It was as though an internal force was driving me better than I ever could, switching gears and pressing buttons every once in a while to improve my way of moving and reacting.

It was as though I just became the co-pilot. Like I was the one driving, but in reality, the actual pilot supplied me with the energy and means to do so. Like I had turned away from autopilot and someone with real, undeniable, experience takes over and commands me to do something that would only benefit me in the moment, something I never thought I was ever capable of-

"Oh my, what is this~"

My moment of achievement was cut morbidly short as a voice ran out just beside my ear. It was as though all hope had been lost to the striking tides of fear and hatred.

That voice, I had never heard it before.

It sounded joyful, and it seemed ever so lighthearted, and yet, there was something about it that brought a bubbling sensation of dread to sneak its way through the bottom of my stomach until my mind was clouded over by uncertainty and fright.

"Oh, is that a child?" There it was again. That putrid feeling of threat. That robust and tense atmosphere that clouded my mind.

My wound began to burn more than they did before. I could only wince, cradling my arms to my chest as I hunched over, my forehead touching the ground as I grunted out in agony. It was as though small snippets of words made their way to my lips before they were cut short and only small stuttered curses escaped my mouth.

"And it's in pain.."

I flinched as a hand landed on the back of my head. It's touch was so cold you could compare it to the previous atmosphere, so frighteningly cold it could never be anything remotely related to anything human, so horridly chilly it would send immediate shivers down one's spine as it's very presence drove you to the deepest of darknesses linked to insanity. Just one wrong step and you would fall down the endless void of despair and fear as the nip crept up your entire body.

"There, there, it'll be alright!" Its claws began to weave through every individual lock in my hair, twirling it around its slender finger before dropping it and moving onto the next strand.

There it was again, feeling frozen in place by the fear that gripped you to the earth and the road to insanity.

The flames only continued to rage on around us as hues of crimson and honey flickered and stayed with the everlasting cold breeze. It was so dark, only the inferno lit the area as the sun had now been covered by the thick ash and smoke that swung around the area so effortlessly it almost felt painful to look at, so horrifying it made you feel some type of internal pain. The colours constantly lit up my hidden features, even as another lone tear slid down my face and landed to the ground with a thud, nowhere near as loud as the heat slithering around me, stalking me as though I were its only prey.

I could feel it lean down until its arm slithered to land itself on my forehead, that couldn't help but release blood. "What's your name?" It playfully questioned as though we weren't surrounded by flames and death. It retracted its hand before moving it to its mouth, knowing what happened next was unknown to me, but I could only guess as soon as its hand placed itself beside my head, fingers licked clean of blood.

I didn't answer at first, but as soon as I heard him hum a small joyful tune that sent shivers down the back of my spine, my lips spat it out, almost accidentally. "..(Y-Y/N)..(L/N)..." All I could do was remin hunched over and hiding my burnt arms from the world as my whole body burned with agony.

I felt it freeze behind me, almost as if my last name alone had triggered something in his mind. Like a sudden task had imprinted itself into his brain and he was forced to act upon his mind's words.

"(L/N)...how interesting~" It sounded almost hesitant in its words as its childish voice