"okay, ummm, i think i'm gonna get..." i said as we stood at the counter at rosie's.

"raspberry." both me and jeremiah said.

"yeah. wierd." jeremiah said.

"yeah. you could always read my mind." i said.

"mostly, i mean... i'm glad it's back. our esp anyway." he said.

"yeah me too." i said and then put two fingers on my head. "okay. i know you're not eating any pie because... you don't want to ruin your abs." i said, closing my eyes and then opening them.

he gasped and touched his abs. "i mean they are a service to mankind, so..." he said and i hummed. "maybe not. maybe. you never know."

"rose?" a feminine voice called out and i turned around seeing nicole.

"nicole." i said, slowly as i slowly walked to her, jeremiah following.

"how have you been?" she asked.

"good. good." i awkwardly said.

nicole and i ended on bad terms.

"jere, i was so sorry to hear about your mom. she was so lovely." nicole said to jere.

"yeah. she was." jere said, gloomily.

"hey, our order is ready. go get it." i said, sending him away to not sad him more from the conversation.

"how is conrad and him holding up?" she asked.

"well, they are grieving. still. it's only been a month so.." i trail off also not wanting to continue this conversation.

"i reached out after the funeral but i never heard back, so i figured things were intense." she said.

"they were.." i said. i ask how she's doing and the debs and she tells me how everyone is like away and broken up.

"what about you, i didn't even know you guys were coming this summer." she said.

"it was. it was unexpected, you know? but. but we just missed the summer house." i said.

"where are the others? conrad?" she asked.

"back in the summer house." i said.

"oh. you know, rose, i just want to apologise for that day at the lake. i shouldn't have left you stranded. alone. and naked. i realize how fucked up it was for me to do and i shouldn't have done that. i guess i was too jealous. and i.. also made caleb bail on you." she said.

"oh! oh no, it's whatever. its been a year so. doesn't matter and yeah i kind of figured that you made him bail but it's whatever now." i said, nodding.

soon, she bits goodbye and jeremiah comes to me.

"well, that was awkward." he said.

"it doesn't feel like summer." i sighed, as i watch nicole ride on her bike and i see a black car.

it felt so nice. watching the christmas decorations. the christmas lights. i had never seen cousins like this. but it felt good. being with him.

i feel jeremiah's hand on my shoulder and i blink out of my memory. he hands me the pie and we sit in his car.

we get in the driveway of the summer house and i feel a sense of deja vù. i sigh, and get out of the car. i blink the tears away, knowing that susannah won't come running out of that door and hug me and tell me that i'm in bloom again. i know that conrad won't come to me and hug me and tell me he likes me with glasses.

because he hates me.

"it's so wierd being here in the winter." i said as we entered the summer house and conrad shuts the door behind me.

"its so cold." he said and i smiled as i dropped my bag on the table.

"i'll go see if we have anything to eat. i think we left some oreos." i said.

"good luck." he said as i walked in the kitchen. i gasp and grab the cocoa box and stand in the doorway of the kitchen.

"hot cocoa." i smiled.

"amazing." he smiled and i chuckled, going back to make some hot cocoa. he comes in the kitchen and hugs me from behind.

"it smells nice." he said.

"i haven't even added the cocoa." i chuckled.

"you smell nice." he said.

"i can't get the fire started." he said.

"weren't you supposedly and eagle scout?" i asked.

"shut up." he said and i laughed.

he kisses my neck, his cold yet warm lips send a shiver down my spine. i shut my eyes, my head slightly throwing back as he nips on my neck. i kept the mugs on the counter and softly gasp.

"hey! stop distracting me." i said, elbowing his side.

"ouch." he said and pulled away and i walked to the microwave putting the mugs in.

"go see the fire." i order and he smiles, leaving.

it felt so nice. to be alone here. i felt like we were a married old couple. who finally got the time of their lives after their children leaves for college. maybe a little way detailed and too much. but i liked it. i liked feeling like we were married.

i go outside and see he has strated the fire. i set his cup on the table and then sit down on the couch. he keeps looking at me, while he stands by the fire, and i blush and smile.

"your hot cocoa will get cold." i smiled.

"oh, yeah, yeah." he said, and walked to the couch sitting down and way far.

"why are you sitting so far?" i asked. he looks at me and the space between us before slowly sitting closer and i chuckled.

"you're like a shy little boy." i smiled, taking a sip of my cocoa. he smiles as well and takes a sip. he coughs and sets the cup down.

"wow, that tastes-"

"amazing?" i joke, laughing.

"really dusty." he smiled and i chuckled.

"okay, for your information, cocoa is my speciality." i said. "and you're welcome."

"thanks." he said. he brings his hand forward, pushing my hair back. i smile as he leans in and kisses me and it felt like fireworks everywhere.

he pulls away, and i softly sigh before looking in his eyes and then behind him.

"oh my god. it's snowing." i said and kept my cup on the table.

"let's go to the beach! come on!" i excitedly said, standing up and he laughs as he looks at the snow. i grab his hand pulling him up as we run in the kitchen.

"do you want your sweater back?" i asked.

"no, i don't want you to get cold." he said.

"its so beautiful." i breathed and we wore his jackets and boots. he leans over from behind opening the door and we ran outside, laughing excitedly.

jeremiah opens the door and he step inside. "conrad!" jeremiah calls out.

i stay outside, finding the courage to walk inside.

i laugh as we ran towards the beach hand in hand, looking at the beautiful scenery of snow falling on the beach. i take out my phone and he wrap and arm around my waist, pulling me close as i take a picture of us.

after, quickly taking the picture i put it back in my pocket and drag him to the beach. he twirls me around, as we shiver and laugh in the cold.

we lay in the sand, breathing heavily after running after each other and he picks me and then softly throws me in the sand which results in me also pulling him on the ground.

we stare up at the sky, we kiss and then i run away from him, laughing as he follows also laughing.

i sigh, removing the memory from my head. i don't want to see him but i can't wait to see him. i don't want to feel the hurt when he ignores me and gets mad that i was here but at the same time i want to feel the hurt because it would be given to me by him.

i walk inside, feeling no longer a sense of deja vù because... susannah isn't here.

we came back inside from the beach. inhaling sharply and breathing heavily as i grab a blanket and he sits by the fire. i lay the blanket on the floor and we both sit on it infront of the floor.

i touch his face with my warm hands. "ooh." he shuddered.

"that feels good." he smiles and i remove my hands.

"yeah that's 'cause you're cold-hearted." i said and he looked at me, smiling.

"for everyone else, maybe. not for you." he said. my eyes glance at his lips repeatedly and i smile, leaning in and kissing him.

and it feels just like the rest. fireworks.

we pull back and he touches my hair, smiling as i lean in to kiss him again.

"um. we should probably-" he said, pulling away but i cut him.

"no, no, no. don't stop." i said, my eyes on his lips and my voice just above a whisper. he smiles and leans in, kissing me as he slowly starts to unbutton my sweater.

"connie, you can't just disappear like that." jeremiah's scolding breaks me out of my memory.

i can't stop thinking about the last time i was here. i drank hot cocoa. with him. i watched the snow fall on the beach. with him. i kissed him infront of the fire. i made love. with him.

and it didn't feel like sex. it didn't felt the way it did when we first did it last summer. it felt good, but the last time we did it, it felt like heaven.

because it was slow. he was taking his time, looking at me, kissing me.

i didn't want that time to ever end but i want this time to end. because i can't walk in more further than the door.

"when i call you, you pick up your fucking phone!" jeremiah scolded and i look at him as he walked in the living room.

"i have been dealing with alot of shit, jere." i hear conrad's voice after a month and i feel a pang on my heart and stomach.

with each step i take memories of that night, flashed in my mind. i stop and look at the portraits susannah painted of us.

"it feels nice." he had said to me that night.

"what do you mean, you're not leaving? what's more important than that right now?" jeremiah asked.

"school doesn't matter!" conrad exclaimed and i started walking again.

he watches me as he slowly removes my bra and i help remove his shirt. then he carefully lays me back on the ground

"conrad?" i softly call for him but he was asleep after we were done.

"there's only ever been you." i whispered and then slept in his arms, not caring for the world except for us.

"jere, the house has been put up for sale." conrad said, as i walked in the living room, slowly.

"what do you mean, the house is for sale?" i asked after being quiet and he looked at me and i feel the fireworks, the butterflies and then they slowly die when i hear him say.

"what the hell is she doing here?" conrad asked, after staring at me.

and then there's only sadness.