i sit in the passenger seat. we sit in awkward silence, until i broke it.

"can we talk?" i asked.

"no." he said.

"jeremiah please." i said.

"how-how have you been since-"

"i'm okay." he cuts me. again.

"because, you know, i'm here. if you ever need to talk. even if you hate me." i said.

"i'm telling everyone you kidnapped me." i said.

"please. you jumped at the chance." he said.

"yeah, only cause i've never seen a snowy beach before." i said.

"me neither." he smiled.

"last time i checked the weather out there, there was only a 30% chance of flurries, but hopefully we'll get lucky." he said.

"hey, did susannah like the bike you got for her for christmas. the one with the basket, right?" i asked.

"yeah. yeah, she loved it." conrad said. "thanks to you. i was just gonna get her a bathrobe."

"i know, that is what steven got mom this year." i said.

"really?" conrad asked.

"mhm. boys are awful at giving presents." i said.

"hey! i got you that necklace, didn't i?" he asked, his hand grazing the pendant.

"but honestly, i don't think she would have cared what i got her." conrad said. "you have no idea how happy she is that you're are my girlfriend." he continued and i smiled.

i remember susannah telling me how she always wanted me to be with conrad. it's finally happened. of course, she'll be happy.

"she always wished for it." i smiled.

"hey, i haven't told anyone yet, but i think i'm going to switch my major to biology." he said.

"really? wow." i chuckled.

"yeah. i want to go premed." he said. "i thought i wanted to go into the research end of it, but no, i think i'd rather be working with actual people."

"because of susannah?" i asked and he looked at me nodding before turning back to the road.

"she's getting better, you know." conrad smiled and i wish to capture that smile of his.

it's the kind of smile, he gives when he talks about susannah getting better. it's so grateful and warm.

"will you try, uh, conrad again?" jeremiah asked and i nodded.

i call and wait but it keeps ringing. "no answer." i said to him, disappointed.

"we haven't actually talked since the funeral.." i said to him.

"what the hell happened?" he asked.

"apart from the fact i told him to go to hell? i saw him, resting his head on his ex lap while she played with his hair." i said. the tire bumps, and i flinch.

"shit." jeremiah said, as the car stops. we stand outside the car, staring at the car.

"we can change this ourselves. its not that hard. my mom taught me before i took my driver's licence." i said.

"can we just leave it to the experts?" jeremiah asked as i tied my hair in a ponytail.

"i am an expert." i said. "all we gotta do is take the jack out and then take the spare off the back."

"that's not for decoration?" he asked.

"no, jere, it's not." i said.

"okay, yeah, sure, let's do it." he sighed, walking to open the trunk.

"you need help?" i asked.

"nope, this it?" he asked and i nod as i start to explain to him on what to do.

"you have to make it more closer to the wheel. i feel like it can't get anymore self-explana-" i said and it breaks.

"shit! fuck!" he yelled and stood up.

"great idea with this, rose." he said, sarcastically.

"it's not my fault." i said, softly as i looked at the tire and he scoffed.

"seriously?" he asked.

"this was your fucking idea! now i' covered in dirt. its 100 degrees outside. and if you just let me call triple a, they'd probably be here already!" he yelled, as i looked around.

"i'm sorry! okay?" i yell back.

"thanks. so helpful." he said.

"no, jere, not about this. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry about everything. about what happened at the funeral. about our fight." i said.

"you think i'm pissed about the funeral or our fight?" he asked.

"the funeral was fucked. everyone was messed up. i'm pissed about the fact that you were my best friend and you weren't there when i needed you the most!" he yelled.

"rose, you were my best friend. you hooked up with my brother and i hooked up with your sister which was fine because i liked her for a very very long time and you liked conrad since you were born!" he yelled.

"but before them, we had each other. we were best friends and we told each other about everything. i told you about my crushes. i told you about belly. you told me about conrad and we were there for each other when we needed each other.

you texted me, for when you needed a partner for dance not conrad. because you knew i'd showed up. not conrad! but after we found out about mom's cancer, you totally forgot about me. you forgot that i was grieving too! i can't share my feelings with belly, because she's younger and extremely sensitive!

i was looking after her more than i was for myself. i needed you. i needed my best friend. i needed us to share our grief because i couldn't do that with belly cause she'd panic and get more sad because of me! but you. you were only busy with conrad and thinking about his grief! only thinking about how he felt.

but you forgot about your best friend, rose. i did have steven, but it wasn't the same because it's awkward to cry infront of him. you forgot about me and then we had that stupid fight which is extremely dumb to even think about!" he yelled and then breathed heavily.

he was right. i ignored him. i should've paid attention to him also. he was my best friend and i ignored him when it came to conrad.

"i'm sorry." i said.

"sorry for what? and did you really not see conrad dumping you coming?" he asked.

"i'm sorry for not being a better friend." i sighed.

"i missed you." i said and he scoffed.

"i've missed you for months. belly missed you alot! i don't know why you broke up with her but it made me think it was my fault because of our fight. steven misses you, jere! he was awful because you guys didn't come to his graduation and his party. he blamed it all on me!" i exclaimed.

"i know, i was so focused on conrad for being there for him when susannah was sick. but i should've been there for you too!" i exclaimed.

"i did forgot about you and i'm so sorry. i hate myself for that! i-" i stopped, breathing heavily. he slowly starts to fall apart.

"jere." i whispered and i hugged him as he started to cry and he hugged me back.

"i'm sorry. i hate that i let you down." i said and he sniffled.

"it happened so fast, rose, it was really really bad." he cried as i rubbed his back, tears gathering in my own eyes.

"i-i had dad and conrad and belly but i needed you, and you weren't there. you left me. you left your best friend." he cried.

"hey. i'm here now." i said as we pulled away. "i'm not going anywhere."

we called the triple a and then the tire was fixed so we were on our way again.

"i'm starving." i said after my stomach gurgled.

"i can hear." jeremiah said.

"shut up!" i exclaimed hitting his arm and he smiled.

"i didn't eat anything at all." i said.

"well, lucky for you, we are almsot at pie." he said.

"rosie's?" i smiled, looking at him.

"do you want to stop or..?" i punch his arm.

"ow!" he exclaimed.

"yes." i smiled.