INCORRECT QUOTES :D

-dirty jokes involved

-mainly Alena themed quotes bc i now ship it

Yelena: Air! I can't do this stupid math problem!

Aerus: What's the math problem?

Yelena: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don't multiply.. 

Nat: *Covers her own ears*

Aerus: Not going to lie that was hella smooth-

↬———

Aerus: Pros and Cons of dating me :D

Yelena:

Aerus: Pros. You'll be the cute one

Yelena: *Blushes*

Aerus: Cons. Holy shit, where do I even begin-

↬———

Nat: Is there anyone here who's actually straight?

Wanda: *Raises hand*

Aerus: Did you or did you not check out that girl in the mall?

Wanda: *Lowers hand*

↬———

Aerus: What's the announcement?

Nat: It's a lecture, Alexei wants to tell us everything he knows about sex

Aerus: This should be an enjoyable sixty seconds

↬———

Yelena: Why is everyone so obsessed over being a top or bottom? I'd just be happy to have a bunk bed

Nat: I'm gonna tell her

Aerus: Don't you dare 

↬———

Yelena: I owe you one

Aerus: That's okay. You can just date me and we'll call it even

↬———

Wanda: Look, smart is attractive! Educate me on something I don't know!

Aerus and their dumbass: The mouth of a jellyfish... Is also an anus

Wanda: Stop.

↬———

Clint: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Aerus: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.

*Yelena walks in*

Aerus: Okay, fine, I'll do it. Rule are rules, you know.

↬———

Aerus: You know how hot that was?

Yelena: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

Aerus: I'm so in love with you

↬——— 

Wanda: Guys, I've been meaning to tell you... Vision and I are dating

Aerus, Nat, Steve and Tony: *gasp*

Wanda: Aerus why are you surprised?!?

↬———

Nat: I know you love her

Aerus: I am not in love with Yelena!

Nat, staring at Aerus: I never said who...

Aerus: *Realizes*

Aerus: Shit. Well, anyways-

↬———

Aerus: Isn't it weird that we can't ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren't a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn't ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn't really a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

Nat: Elephants?

Aerus: Blocked

Melina: Camels?

Aerus: Extra blocked

Alexei: Donkeys

Aerus: Ultra blocked

Yelena:

Yelena: That dick

Aerus:...

Aerus: Followed

↬———

Nat: Do you love Yelena?

Aerus: Yeah, I do

Nat: HA! Wanda! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!

Wanda: We all love Yelena, unconditionally. You should've asked if they're IN love with her.

Aerus: I thought that was implied...

Nat:

Wanda:

Aerus, looking straight at Wanda: Congrats, Nat, you just won 100 bucks.

↬———

Nat: Is this your plan B?

Aerus: Technically, it's plan P

Nat: Plan P? What about Plan M? Is there even a Plan M?

Aerus: Yes, but I marry Yelena in Plan M

Yelena: I like Plan M

↬———

Aerus: Are you trying to seduce me?

Yelena: Why, are you seducible?

↬———

Aerus, sweating: Yelena, there's something I need to ask you-

Yelena: Finally! You're proposing!

Aerus: How'd you know?

Yelena: Air, you've dropped the ring five times during dinner

Yelena: I even picked it up once

↬———

Aerus: *Is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Yelena: like it slips on and off really easily

Aerus:

Yelena: Wait- no not like that-

Nat: Look, we all know what you meant

↬———

Wanda: And now for a gay update on Yelena and Aerus

Nat: Getting gayer

Wanda: Thank you, Nat

↬———

Yelena: I'm in love with you

Aerus: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork

Yelena: I know

Aerus:

Aerus: Oh. Okay. Um. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

↬———

Yelena: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like 'look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I'm losing."

Nat: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

↬———

Nat: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone

Aerus: Mine just says 'Aerus, no'

Nat: I want you to apply it to every possible situation

↬———

Aerus: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it's doing?

Nat: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of a thought process or understanding basic human language

Yelena: *thinks about what Aerus had asked*

Yelena, snapping her fingers: Water you doing?

↬———

Therapist: What do we do and say when we feel this? 

Aerus: That's sad. And sad backwards is das 

Aerus: And das not good

↬———

[Group Chat]

Nat

Aerus if you can not flirt with Yelena in front of me, it would be APPRECIATED

Aerus

Yelena, are you a parking ticket?

'Cause you've got FINE written all over you

Yelena 

Did your driving license get suspended for driving me crazy?

Aerus

If you were words on a page you'd be fine print 😏

Yelena

Do you like raisins?

How about a date?

Aerus 

Damn that was good 

uh

It's handy I have my library card on me because I'm totally checking you out

 Nat

I stg, Air-

Yelena 

Are you a loan? 

'Cause you sure have my interest

Aerus 

Are you a magician? Because you make everything disappear when I look at you 

Yelena 

Did you invent the airplane? Cuz you seem just wright

Aerus

Do you have a map? Cause I keep getting lost in your eyes 

Yelena 

I would say God bless you, but it seems he already has

Nat 

One more word- I dare you two

Aerus 

Even in 0 gravity I'd still fall for you 😏

Yelena

That was a good one

Nat

I'm gonna kill you, Aerus

Aerus

Are you a charger? Because I'm dying without you 👀

↬———

Therapist: And what do we say when life disappoints us?

Yelena: Called it

Therapist: Yelena, no

Yelena: Yelena, yes

Therapist: *Takes out notebook and pen*

Yelena: *Softly* Don't

 ↬———

Aerus: *Putting up 'Have you seen Yelena?' posters*

Nat: SHE'S MISSING?!

Aerus: What? No! 

Aerus: I just think everyone should go see her because she's gorgeous

 ↬———

Vision: If you kill a killer, the number of killers stay the same

Aerus: What if I'm already a killer?

Aerus: What if I kill two?

Yelena: I taught her well

↬———

Wanda: Are you calling me a liar?

Yelena: Well I am most certainly am not calling you a truther

↬———

Sam, being positive: Once you've hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up!

Nat: Oh, you underestimate me. I own a pickaxe and I'm ready to dig

Aerus: *Takes vodka bottle away from Nat* In other news-

↬———

Yelena: I may not have superpowers, but even I can fit my whole world in my hands

Aerus: You what now-

Yelena: *cups Aerus' face*

Aerus: *Blushing* When's the wedding?

↬———

Peter, trying to do homework: Yelena, you have ten donuts and someone asks for three, how many donuts do you have?

Yelena: Ten donuts

Sam, trying to help: Okay... if you have ten donuts and someone forcibly takes three, how many donuts do you have?

Yelena: ten donuts and a dead body I have to hide

Nat: *sighs*

Nat: Yelena, if you have 10 donuts and Aerus asks for three, how many do you have?

Yelena: none. 

Yelena: Aerus has ten donuts

↬———

Wanda, stood at the front door: Do you mind if I come in?

Yelena: Not at all, do you mind if I leave?

↬———

Nat: I've invited you all here because I crave the deadliest game

Aerus, nodding: Knife Monopoly

Yelena: I thought it was gonna be Russian Roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever Knife Monopoly is

↬———

Wanda: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Vision: They sound rather oblivious

Wanda: But they're not. They're really smart, actually. Just dense

Vision: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... Hey! I love you!

Wanda: I guess you're right. Hey Vis, I love you

Vision: See! Just like that!

Nat, stood in the doorway: Holy fucking shit

Vision: If that flies over their head then, sorry Wanda, they're too dumb for you

Wanda: Vis...

↬———

Nat: Dammit, Air, you ruined everything!

Aerus: You're welcome

↬———

Yelena: Honey? 

Aerus : Whaaat?

Yelena: Where's my supersuit?

Aerus: WhaaaAt?

Yelena: Where's my super.suit.

Aerus, muttering: Oh god no

Aerus: I uh- Put it away 

Yelena: WHERE ??

Aerus: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW ?!?

Yelena: I NEED IT :D

Aerus: Nuh-uh

Aerus: Don't you think about running away, no daring do- WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR MONTHS

Yelena: THE PUBLIC IS IN DANGER

Aerus: MY EVENING IS IN DANGER

Yelena: DOROGOY PLEASE TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS

Yelena: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD-

Aerus: GREATER GOOD?! I AM YOUR WIFE. I AM THE GREATEST GOOD YOU ARE EVER GOING TO HAVE

↬———

Aerus: Yoghurt

Aerus: Soup

Aerus: Cereal

Aerus: Yelena

Natasha: ???

Natasha: English please??

Aerus: They're things I'd like to spoon :)

Clint: I thought you were gonna say things you'd like to eat-

Yelena: *smirks down at the food on her plate*

Natasha: Clint we're at a fucking restaurant-

↬———

Yelena: So, there was no bruise on my stomach

Natasha: Yeah... I know-

Yelena: Air just- stared at my abs!

Natasha: Did you really just say that in a surprised voice?!

↬———

Air at the beginning of the book: I have this disease that I haven't told anyone about 

Natasha: Please don't be contagious... I'm sharing a place with you- 

Air: it's called I.M.W

Natasha: ?? 

Air: I miss Wanda-

Natasha: I will throw you IN THE LAKE-

↬———

Natasha, still annoyed and protective: You should be like Air's sun

Wanda: Why :D

Natasha: Stay 93,000,000 miles away from them

↬———

Natasha: Did you two sleep in the same bed last night? 

Yelena: Yeah- we did that- uh. Utensil thing

Natasha: Spooning?

Aerus, sarcastically: No, forking 

↬———

Yelena, setting up dinner at the table: Dorogoy? Are you joining me at the table or are you still mad at me because I said the only thing you could top was a fencing competition?

Aerus, slouched down on the couch, arms crossed: What the fuck do you think?

↬———

Wanda: Alright, I have a box. We're gonna put all the things we love in it

Aerus: Can I put Yelena in the box? 

Wanda: no.

Aerus: Can I put my swords in the box?

Wanda: no you'll probably die without them...

Aerus: Can I put Fanny in the box?

Wanda: no.

Natasha: Can I put Yelena in the box??

Wanda: i swear-

Yelena: NO ONE IS PUTTING ME OR MY DOG IN A BOX

↬———

Yelena: Look, the risk that was taken for us, I carefully calculated it

Wanda: WE ALMOST ALL DIED?!

Aerus: Woah, woah- who said she was good at math?

↬———

Aerus, reaching for the carrots in the fridge: Babe, why is there a normal sized carrot by itself in the bag of baby carrots?

Yelena: THEY NEED ADULT SUPERVISION

↬———

Yelena: Do you want a quickie?

Aerus: *Chokes on coffee*

Aerus: What?

Yelena: A quickie... one of those egg, pastry things

Aerus: IT'S PRONOUNCED QUICHE

↬———

Wanda: I think... I think Aerus has a thing for Yelena...

Nat: Well, congrats! You're officially the last one to know-

↬———

Aerus: I'm not gonna die! I promise! 

Nat, over the coms: Good, 'cause that would be the worst break up between you and Yelena I could've imagined

↬———

Carol: Okay, so what's your powers?

Wanda: I can change the shape of reality, along with a few other things

Thor: *thunder by imagine dragons plays in the background*

Aerus: I have these really cool swords which caused me to be nicknamed Percy Jackson-

Bucky: I have a metal arm

Sam: I'm the new Captain America

Yelena: I make sarcastic comments and get mad really easily

Carol: I don't think that-

Aerus: She's our most valuable member.

Aerus: Trust me

↬———

Yelena: I wasn't sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got them all 

Aerus: 'Lena there are like 300 boxes here...

Yelena: I panicked, okay! Valentines day can be STRESSFUL

↬———

Yelena in the compound after they just listened to Thor talk about the Aether:

Yelena: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Yelena: And I started thinking

Yelena: Like, it was just trying to get food, right?

Yelena: So, what if that happened to me? What if I went to the fridge right now and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Thor: I like this one! 

Aerus, whispering to her: Darling, maybe you should go have a lie down?

↬———

Yelena: Air won't wake up, what do I do?

Nat, not looking up from her breakfast: Did you try kicking him?

Yelena: Of course

Nat, shrugs, looking up: I'm out of ideas

↬———

Aerus: Hey Tony, made anyone cry today?

Rocket behind the construction of the platform: Sadly, no, he hasn't. But not to worry! It's only 4:30!

↬———

Aerus: You can't just officiate this without-

Yelena: I now pronounce us married :)

↬———

Aerus: Weird, all my sweaters are going missing

Yelena, in one of Air's sweaters: Spooky...

↬———

Aerus, calling Natasha: Fun fact; handcuffs really fucking hurt

Natasha: YELENA IS A TOP??? 

Natasha: I mean good for her but damn did I really need to know?

Aerus: What? I mean yeah she's a top but I've just been arrested-

Natasha: Oh

Aerus:

Natasha:

Natasha: wAIT-

Natasha: OKAY IM COMING TO PICK YOU UP-

Aerus: thAnk yOu

↬———

Aerus: I'm afraid to loose my frie- my frien-

Yelena: it's okay, take your time

Aerus: I'm afraid to loose my frien-

Aerus: *sighs*

Aerus: IM AFRIAD TO LOOSE MY NEW MOTHER FIGURE NATASHA ROMANOFF

↬———

Aerus getting arrested:

Police: Anything you say may be held against you

Aerus, under their breath: Yelena Belova....

↬———