To the Boys,

I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to send this, but I can't let you go without telling you how I feel. If you're reading this, then I'm already gone. It's not easy for me to write these words, but there's no other way. I don't know what else to do or say anymore.

I've spent so many nights thinking about this, wondering if there's any way out. But each time, the darkness feels heavier, and the weight of everything we've been together feels like it's suffocating me. It's hard to breathe, let alone find the strength to keep going. So here I am, standing on the edge, about to do something that feels irreversible.

Mattheo, I don't even know where to begin. How do I tell you what you mean to me when words have never felt enough? From the moment we met, I felt something shift in me—something that terrified me and exhilarated me at the same time. You became my everything. The person I never thought I could deserve. You loved me with everything you had, and I know you always will. But somehow, I've lost the ability to love myself. I've become so broken, so lost, that I don't even know who I am anymore. And that's not fair to you.

You deserve someone whole. Someone who can stand by your side and be the person you've always believed in. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm not sure I ever was. I tried so hard to hold on, to make sense of everything, but I just keep falling deeper. I can't breathe with all this weight on my chest. And I can't ask you to carry it for me.

The love you gave me was a light in my life, one that I'll never forget. But even the brightest light fades when the darkness is too strong. And as much as it kills me, I need to let you go. I need to let myself go, too.

Enzo, Theo, Blaise, Draco... please understand. This isn't about you. You've been my family, my safe space, and I'll always be grateful for that. Enzo, you always knew how to make me laugh even when I wanted to cry. Theo, your quiet strength was something I leaned on more than I ever realized. Blaise, you're one of the few people who truly understood me, and Draco, you've been the anchor when everything felt like it was spiraling. Each of you gave me something special, and I'll carry that with me always.

But I have to leave. I can't drag you all down with me, not when I'm so far gone. I can't be the person you all need me to be, not when I don't even recognize myself anymore. I hope you know that this isn't because of anything you've done. You've all been nothing but good to me, but I've become a person I can't stand, and I can't keep pretending that I'm fine.

I don't expect forgiveness. I don't expect you to understand. I don't even understand why I'm doing this myself. But it's the only way I know how to find peace.

Mattheo, I hope you know that I love you. I always will. But sometimes, love isn't enough. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be the one for you. I wanted to be. I really did. But I'm lost, and I need to find my way back to myself—if that's even possible.

Please don't hate me. Please don't blame yourselves. This is my choice. My mistake. But I couldn't keep dragging you into the storm I've created for myself. I can't keep pretending I'm okay when I'm drowning in my own thoughts.

I hope, someday, you'll forgive me. And I hope you find happiness, real happiness, without me.

Goodbye.Y/N