Sept 27
6:00pm

[ Hey Mamas 🥵 ]

Y/n
gUYS

guys

GUYS

GUYX

AMIGOS

COMRADES

BUDDIES

BESTIES

BITCHES

ISTG

ANSWER

La Signora 👺
oh my god

WHAT DO YOU WANT

Y/n
I think I have a crush

Chili
what else is new 😹

Y/n
I will murder you

La Signora 👺
no offense but childe has a point

u have a new crush every week

Y/n
that's an exaggeration 🙄

Chili
u sure 🤨

Y/n
ok fine maybe I do

but this time it's different

I just KNOW it

La Signora 👺
honey, you said that last time too

Chili
just go out with me already

Y/n
not funny.

don't you guys atleast want to know who it is

La Signora 👺
ugh fine

Y/n
im waiting

La Signora
im not asking

Chili
dw i got u

so uh who is it ⁉️

Y/n
I'm so glad you asked!

his name is Scaramouche

uwu

La Signora 👺
are you fucking kidding me

Chili
oh wait I know that dude

I think he's in my psychology class

Y/n
he's in my art class 😻

La Signora 👺

I've seen him in the hallways before

why do you like him?

he's always so damn grumpy

Chili
you're one to talk

La Signora 👺
shut the fuck up I will skin you alive

Y/n
idk what u mean

he's amazing

La Signora 👺
simp

Y/n
what the fuck no

im not a simp

but he's so perfect 😩

Chili
well what do u want us to do about it

Y/n
idk

get me his number??

La Signora 👺
and how the hell are we supposed to do that

Y/n
I was hoping you'd know the answer to that dammit

Chili
well actually

Y/n
omg no way

shut up

SHUT UP

La Signora 👺
no one's saying anything

Y/n
childe you know his number, don't you.

Chili
I don't have his number but

me and him may or may not be friends

La Signora 👺
perfect so I'm not needed

I'll be going now

Y/n
NO MF WAIT

wait childe, you're friends with him?

Chili
I mean

me and him sit together in class sometimes

so yes

La Signora 👺
that's not what a friend is, you absolute dumbass

Y/n
it's better than nothing

go get his number for me, soldier

Chili
wait you're serious about this

u usually never interact with your crush

like ever

or anyone for that matter

Y/n
I told you

this time it's ✨different✨

Chili
alright well ill see what I can do 😉

Y/n

YES TY GOOD MAN

Seen at 6:15pm

Sept 28

3:37pm

[ Hey Mamas 🥵 ]

Chili:
ya that wasn't a good idea

Y/n
what

what did he say

Chili
I asked him if I could have his number

he called me gay and left

Y/n
that is something he would do

La Signora 👺
remind me why you like him again

Chili
oh and i heard he's a degenerate

Y/n
BITCH

Chili
NO LIKE FR

he got expelled from his last school cuz he tried killing someone or smth

Y/n
didn't you and signora also get expelled from ur last school 🤨

Chili
THAT WAS DIFFERENT

La Signora 👺
I told you not to mention that ever again y/n.

Y/n
oops my bad sry

but still

who cares if he got expelled from his last school

I can fix him 🥺

La Signora 👺
you're joking right

tell me that was a joke right now

Chili
damn right you can

Y/n
see childe agrees

La Signora 👺
...

I hate you guys

Y/n
we love u too mommy

La Signora 👺
how many times do I need to tell you to not refer to me as "mommy"

Y/n
👺

Chili
tho

what're you gonna do now girlie

Y/n
I'll find a way to get his number somehow

La Signora 👺
obsessed much

Y/n

shut up

u would do the same

Chili
true

welp good luck then y/n

he's one tough cookie

Y/n
thank u son

Seen at 3:48pm

Sept 27
4:00pm

[ bby 🌿 ]

Y/n
VENTII

VENTI

VENTTII

BBY

SON

MY CHILD

VENTI BAE

VENTITITITITI

bby
waht

Y/n
oh hey you're alive

ABOUT FUCKING TIME YOU ANSWER

bby
diluc was right about u being bipolar

Y/n
diluc said what about me

WAIT NO IM GETTING DISTRACTED

VENTI DON'T LEAVE

bby
im still here

Y/n
oh ok

I need you to do me a favor big guy

bby
what is it

Y/n
you know Scaramouche right

bby
ya why

Y/n
can you try getting me his number

I need it for research purposes

bby
uhm

I heard childe tried getting his number

he got called gay

Y/n
wheeze, you heard about that too

BUT STILL

do you know anyone who can get his number

bby
I think kazuha is close to him

Y/n
wait rlly

can you ask kazuha to get his number then

bby
well i haven't met kazuha

however

I'll ask Xiao who can ask Zhongli who can ask Tomo who can ask Kazuha who can then ask Scaramouche for his number

Y/n
im not reading all that

but I agree, do that

bby
ok 👌

give me some time I'll tell you by tomorrow

Y/n
thank you champ

Liked by bby

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a/n: hey guys for the new readers plz excuse the super outdated humor this fic is old 😞🙏 i swear it's all satire

nyway hope you enjoy regardless

i'll be posting the rest of the chapters soon 

see you all later !