Insecurity and self- doubt was a bitch.

The growing overbearing feeling of not being good enough made her feel like she was drowning.

She couldn't help it.

Even while growing up, Aurora constantly doubted herself. She always told herself that she was never good enough and often compared herself to others around her, despite knowing it was unhealthy for her to live her life that way.

It didn't help that she had a horrible experience in high school. Girls would constantly hate on her for no apparent reason, talking behind her back and spreading nasty rumors. She always kept to herself, and she made sure she was kind to everyone around her. She didn't know what she did that was so wrong.

But her older brother was there to protect her. Connor was the complete opposite of Aurora—athletic, tall, and outgoing. He was popular with everyone at school, while Aurora preferred to shy away from crowds. Only a year older than her, he still saw her as his baby sister. Their close bond caused him to be over-protective over her and he often gave those girls shit for bullying his only sister.

It didn't last though.

When Connor left for college, everyone seemed to find the opportunity to make her senior year horrible. The bullying got worse and it seemed like everyone was out to get her. She remembered crying herself to sleep every night quietly under the covers, afraid she was going to wake her parents up. Her parents have always taught her to be confident and to speak up for herself. She was sure they would be disappointed in her.

It wasn't until she was cornered one day after school towards the end of the school year by her tormentors. The group consisted of the queen bees of the school and their jock boyfriends.

Stereotypical, right?

The guys began to harass her physically, while the girls just stood by watching and laughing. Aurora yelled and screamed until a teacher finally heard the commotion. By then, however, Aurora had already been scarred.

All it took was one incident for her to completely break and hide away in her shell.

Her parents were immediately notified. They threatened to sue the students involved and the school for allowing the bullying to get to this point. Her brother was absolutely livid. He immediately flew home from college and went after all of the culprits.

Meanwhile, Aurora continued to hide away with nightmares plaguing her at night. Her parents watched as their only daughter fall into an abyss. She was in a dark place—hitting an all time low with her now constant self- doubt and insecurity. Emptiness consumed her as she continued to doubt herself and bring herself down. She felt vulnerable and exposed as depression and anxiety overtook her.

Until she met Maddie during her first year of college.

Maddie played a huge role in helping Aurora find herself, which was one of the reasons why Aurora's parents adored Maddie so much. She was able to bring back the old happy and cheerful Aurora that everyone had missed so much.

Aurora sat in her living room thinking. The television was on, but Aurora paid no attention to it as she was too preoccupied with her consuming thoughts. The feelings she felt from high school and the hurt she felt from her toxic relationship with her ex were slowly coming back.

A knock on the door caused Aurora wiped away the stray tears that fell. She hated herself for being so weak.

Her sock clad feet padded softly to the door. As soon as she opened the door, she was greeted with no one. Confused, Aurora took a step forward, looking around to see if anyone was there.

Suddenly, a figure popped up in front of her, screaming.

"Boo!"

"What the fuck!" Aurora jumped in fright. She let out a series of curses, as the culprit now stood in front of her laughing her ass off.

"Oh- my- god," Maddie said in between her breath as she continued to laugh. "You should've seen your face."

"You scared me to death, you bitch," cursed Aurora, placing a hand on her chest in an attempt to calm her rapidly beating heart. "I hate you."

"You love me babe," Maddie wiped a few stray tears that managed to escape from laughing to hard. "Remember when I would scare you back when we were roommates?"

Aurora glared at her best friend. "You're horrible."

"Hey, you have to admit, those were good times!"

When they were roommates, Maddie made it her mission to scare Aurora whenever she had the chance. Aurora was known to be very jumpy and often got scared easily. Because Aurora was a loud walker, Maddie would often times hide behind doors or jump out to scare Aurora. You would think that after 1 or 2 times, Aurora would get the memo, but she still got scared every single time.

"I still can't believe you got me every single time," muttered Aurora, moving aside to let Maddie into her apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't your wonderful best friend come visit," Maddie gave her a cheeky smile and followed her in.

Aurora raised her eyebrow. "It's 7PM...on Wednesday night. Not that I don't want you here, but don't you have work tomorrow?"

Maddie chose not to answer her question and held up her a takeout bag. "I brought food."

Aurora blinked.

"Well, why didn't you so?"

She immediately reached for the bag that held two boxes. Sniffing, her eyes opened wide as Maddie gave her a big grin.

"You didn't," said Aurora in disbelief and excitement.

"Bitch, you know I did."

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Aurora sat on the ground, fanning her breath as she tried to overcome the pain— the red fiery burn lingering on her tongue.

Maddie sat across from her on the floor mimicking Aurora's gestures.

"Holy shit. I'm dying," Aurora quickly downed her glass of milk. "How is this the lowest level of spiciness?"

Maddie had gotten a large order of spicy Korean rice cakes at a small restaurant the two frequented.

"How can it be so delicious, yet so painful?" murmured Maddie as she dipped a a piece of fried sweet potato tempura into the red sauce.

Aurora remembered when she first introduced Maddie to Korean spicy rice cakes. The poor girl could barely handle even a little spice. But after a while, Maddie had slowly grown accustomed to it.

It was towards the beginning of their friendship when Aurora found out that Maddie did not know much about Asian foods. From then on, every weekend, Aurora would make it her duty to introduce Maddie to different cuisines. After spending time with Aurora and her family, Maddie fell in love with it.

Aurora could even dare say that Maddie was better than her at using chopsticks—something that her parents often teased her about whenever Maddie went home with her.

Ultimately, you can say that the two bonded through food.

"Yeah, but I so needed this," murmured Aurora, plopping a piece into her mouth.

Maddie looked at her friend with sympathy, causing Aurora to sigh.

"Don't give me that look."

"I just..." Maddie was unsure of how to approach the topic. She was trying to tread cautiously, but as usual she couldn't hold back her straight forwardness. "What happened Saturday?"

"I don't know. She just-" Aurora took a deep breath as her eyes were looking everywhere but at her best friend. "said some stuff and it just brought me back."

"That fucking bitch," Maddie angrily slammed her glass down. "What did Cynthia say?"

Aurora recalled everything that happened on Saturday. When Aurora finished, Maddie was fuming. She was the one who helped Aurora get through the pain she felt from high school and the one who was there for her when that son of a bitch hurt her. She wasn't going to let her best friend spiral backwards because of some irrelevant bitch's words.

"I knew something was wrong when Xavier told me Cynthia walked out of the restroom before you did."

"He told you?"

"Yes, and he also told me that you haven't been answering any of his calls or texts," adding Maddie, raising her eyebrow.

Aurora flinched. "I know. I just- I didn't really know what to say after Saturday. You know I don't like confrontation. It's been days and I still don't even know how to reply. Every time I try to text him back I get cold fingers. Look how pathetic I am."

She quickly unlocked her phone and opened up the Notes app. She handed it to Maddie who quickly skimmed through the drafts she wrote of what to text Xavier. Maddie let out a loud chuckle causing Aurora to glare at her.

"There are what- 10 of these?" Maddie gave her an amused look, placing the phone on the table. "Look, I know my brother. Trust me, I grew up with him, so I know what he's like. He's never even bat an eye towards any girl before you because he knew they only wanted him his money. Even though I've only seen you two together one time, I can tell he cares about you. A lot."

"But what about-"

"Xavier has never even given her the time of day. The only connection she has with Xavier is that she works in the sales department," Maddie cut her off effectively. "She's a self- centered bitch who is fucking terrible at her job. She seriously needs to be fired- I can't believe her manager never fired her. I bet she's probably sucking his dick, so Xavier should just fire both of them."

A small smile formed on Aurora's face as she agreed with Maddie's words. "She probably is."

Maddie took a bite of the tempura.

"What a world we live in, where sucking dick is literally power," Maddie sighed. "Which is kind of true if you think about it...I suck Lucas' dick all the time. Why do you think I wear the pants in our relationship?"

Aurora's mouth opened as she gaped at Maddie's shamelessness.

"Maddie!" Shrieked Aurora, laughing as she flung a napkin at Maddie. "I really didn't need to know that."

"Yeah well, the more you know," Maddie wiped her mouth with the napkin Aurora threw at her. "You need to ignore everything Cynthia said because she's fucking delusional."

Aurora's focus shifted down to her plate as she began to play around with the food. "I know, I'm just scared. What happened on Saturday just proves that I'm still broken on the inside. I'm sure your brother doesn't want to deal with my bullshit."

She felt a flick on her forehead. Looking up, she was met with Maddie's hard stare.

"You are not broken," Maddie emphasized. "I mean, look at how far you came. I watched you work your ass off and now you're the mother fucking youngest department head at one of the best firms in the fucking world— please don't tell Liam I said that. Asshole will never let me live."

Aurora snorted even though she was getting a little teary eyed listening to Maddie's words. "It is one of the best firms in the world."

"What I'm saying is that my brother doesn't care about any of that. All he cares about is you and he will be the one who will relieve you from all those demons."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know Xavier, and even though he seems like a cold hearted asshole on the outside, when he cares, he cares." Insisted Maddie. She was probably rooting for the two to get together the most. "He's been all mopey and angry the past couple of days. And Lucas is his best friend, so Xavier tells him everything. And I mean everything, including feelings and shit like that."

"And then Lucas tells you," Aurora gave Maddie an unamused look.

Maddie threw her hands up in the air. "Exactly! Like I said, I wear the pants in our relationship."

"This is suppose to be a pep talk right...?" Joked Aurora causing Maddie to give her an exasperated look.

"Anyways, the point is that you should give Xavier a chance to show you that he won't hurt you. I know he won't," Maddie's voice was encouraging, causing Aurora to nod. "You need to stop thinking the worst about yourself and move on from the past. I know how hard it is for you because I saw first hand when you were hurting and it broke me to see you like that. You need to realize how beautiful, amazing, talented- I could go on and on all day long—not just because I'm your best friend."

Aurora got up from the ground and made her way around her living room table. She wrapped her arms around Maddie. "Thank you. And I know Xavier is a good guy, he's shown me since the day I met him."

"Then give him a chance," Maddie returned the hug, holding her best friend tight.

"I will."

"Great, then go see him tomorrow." Maddie gave Aurora a quick squeeze before letting her go.

Aurora's eyebrows scrunched together in hesitation. "Maybe Friday?"

"Why not tomorrow?"

"I need some time to mentally prepare myself."

Maddie snorted. "More like write another speech."

"I am not," Aurora crossed her arms defensively.

Maddie gave her a flat unamused look causing Aurora to pout.

"Okay, fine I'll go see him tomorrow," Aurora said defeatedly, making Maddie clap her hands excitedly.

"Thank god, because Lucas keeps complaining that Xavier's been giving everyone shit at the company."

Aurora's jaw dropped. "So, you only came here because you wanted to escape Lucas' whining?"

"Of course not," Maddie defended as she got up from her seat, looking around for any escape route. "As your best friend, I am here for moral support!"

Aurora reached over to her couch and grabbed a pillow. "Liar!"

Maddie quickly ran away from Aurora, trying to dodge the pillow that had just left Aurora's hand. Sadly, Aurora missed.

"Get back here bitch!"

"Never!"

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Maddie!!! The queen of pep talks. Who needs a Maddie in their life because I know I do. Sorry for the lack of updates this week! I'm not going to lie it's been a very hectic week. With finals next week and all that's been going on, I haven't really been in the mood to write if I'm being honest.

On a more serious note: I'm sure by now you have heard of what's been going on in the U.S. What happened to George Floyd should not have happened. And I know he's not the only one. There are so many cases where black people have died unjustly because of police brutality and that is absolutely not okay. I've been spending a lot of time this past week just trying to learn more about this topic and see how I can help. I've been speaking out on Twitter and Instagram just trying to get more people informed about this. It's so important to speak out and to educate oneself about the racism that is still happening in 2020.

I remember the first time I saw the video of George Floyd, I couldn't even bring myself to watch the whole thing. I kept think to myself, there's no way that police officer is just going to stay there kneeling on that man's neck. And he did. And the other 3 officers just stood there watching, even helping him hold George Floyd down. I was horrified and disgusted, I couldn't even watch the entire clip. Imagine if there was no video footage. Those police officers would have gotten away with it. But it also makes me think of all the other cases that have not been recorded and those police officers have literally just gotten away with murder. Police are suppose to be there to protect and serve the citizens, but here they are, targeting innocent people just because of their skin color. Because of our voices, we were able to get him charged with 2nd degree murder and the other three officers charged as well. Your voice does matter and it's so important to speak out, even if you think no one will hear you.

And what angered me even more was that I saw on Twitter that people were telling the protestors to go home now that they've all been charged. But what about Breonna Taylor? What about Sandra Bland? What about David McAtee? Those are just three names out of hundreds and thousands of people who still deserve justice. So, no. We will not go home until we get justice for them. We will not go home until we see change in our system and that police brutality stops.

I'm not sure if anyone will actually read this, but I just want you to know that I see you, I hear you, and I stand by you.

Please stay safe out there and remember to speak out. And even if you don't go out to protest, sign petitions, educate yourself. There are so many other ways you can speak out because your voices do matter.

Black Lives Matter. No justice, no peace.