Workplace  as a battlefield
(Tigger warnings: description of violence, suicide mention, cursing)

~

"So? Whatcha got?" Minoura raised an eyebrow as he stood in front of the detective duo.
Ranpo cleared his throat dramatically.
'Here we go again...'  rushed through everyone's mind, yet everyone meant and felt it in different way.

"Her name, as I hopefully correctly read in files of the victim you gave me, is Linda Grace Prince. So, as you can see, she is dressed in comfortable loose clothes that would be too cold to wear outside, not even commenting on how long it takes average woman to get dressed up if she wants to go outside for even five minutes. Meaning that she couldn't have gotten shot outside but indoors, probably in her close one's place or even her own. Thing that you probably couldn't recognize is that the bullets all came from 'Glock 19', gun that is mostly used for self defence and home safety. She lives only with her husband in small apartment they can hardly pay the rent for. That supports our theory even more! Seriously, the fact you couldn't figure this out is even bigger mystery than this murder case!"
Ranpo began explaining the theory on backstory behind their case in his common self-centered way.
"Wait- so you think that she was killed by her husband?! That is load bullshit. How can you prove that? Anyone can own a handgun." Minoura denied the theory.

"What a coincidence, just yesterday I got the chance to speak with Mr. Prince. He works as a mover, just so you know. He revealed that he in fact did get his gun licence not so long ago. That guy is drowning in debts, it was obvious from the first look. He was all stressed out and absent-minded untill I payed him, just then he was all happy, grateful and communicative. It would make sense to get a gun licence if you have some amount of people you owe after you. Especially if they are people of... bit stronger and more violent character."
Poe continued as he starred at his reflection in the river without sign of emotion behind his words and light eyes. Minoura seemed shocked.
'They figured this much out in only four minutes?!'
"I'm impressed, but still it sounds absurd. How common it is to have someone after you, trying to get their debt back so badly, that you would literally have to gain permission to own a whole-ass gun?" Minoura pointed out.
"That is true. I'm not against your theory in any way, but isn't this too... unlikely? You usually aren't in that much debt that you would spend your last money on taking handgun training." Sugimoto nodded.
"It sounds kinda crazy, but the interesting part is only about to come."
Ranpo said and with raised index finger gestured Sugimoto and Minoura to patiently wait for him to explain - in other words 'shut up and listen', if you want to put it like that -. Both policemen decided to let Ranpo do his thing in sake of their own safety.

"As I said, the couple was in debts and needed any way to pay them. Mrs. Prince even worked two jobs! Therefore she had almost no time to spend at home or anywhere else beside her workplace in that matter.
That gave her dear husband great amount of time to do his immoral ways of earning money by selling drugs. The addicts can get pretty violent if they aren't high and without their daily portions of drugs. Violent to the point that they would attack anyone in any cost, so having some kind of weapon on you in this situation was a smart choice, unlike his next one. When his wife found out, she was reasonably mad and maybe even harmed by her husband a bit too. Mr. Prince fired a warning shot that wasn't meant to hit her in the first place. But as my dear colleague had said, he was new to shooting from a handgun and rushing on adrenalin, so he missed and hit Mrs. Prince in the shoulder. The injury wasn't deadly, but still harmed pretty bad. Mr. Prince was probably petrified by his mistake and didn't know what to do, so he decided to finish her off by firing two more shots, this time in her chest. Before you ask about the order of the shots, we figured it out by their positioning and how deep in the body they were. Anyway, the next part about throwing body in the river is so common and cliché, that if you didn't figure even that out, you should be ashamed of yourself."
Ranpo stated. Both Minoura and Sugimoto felt more and more dumb with every Ranpo's word. It all seemed clear as day now when Ranpo exclaimed it.

"But- what did Mr. Prince do after that? Do you know where he went?" Sugimoto asked. Ranpo hummed as he started to think of possibilities.
"Not sure... probably to my house." Poe shrugged.
"HEH?!"
The writer smiled lightly at their reaction.
"Do you want to hear a well known fact about blood? You can never get fully rid of it. Mr. Prince probably rushed to job shortly after murdering his wife in fear of being fired. The scent of blood and red-ish fingerprints as well as shaky hands and weak knees clearly meant that he has done something he's not too proud of. Any suggestions? Murder, perhaps? It's kinda impressive how he could do double crime and walk off just like nothing happened... I sure didn't expect to be met with a murderer on my first day in Japan... It surely is an unique way of greeting."
Poe said to himself more than to Ranpo and policemen, judging by his decision to use rhetorical question. Writer than sight.
"I sadly don't know where he is now. Maybe trying to clean his bloody footsteps by covering the case in some way..."
As Poe finished talking, Ranpo gave the policemen a smirk.

"I-"
"I know Minoura-san. You are impressed by our skill of solving this case in four minutes, meanwhile you and your men gave up immediately after identifying the body, right?" Ranpo smirked.
"I- ugh... Sure, it was kinda impressive to be honest..." the chief of police sight.
"I know. Now go arrested that guy if you are not capable of doing anything else." Ranpo said with his full honesty.
"We'll be right on it. I expect you to hand in the report by end of this week at the latest." Minoura huffed.
"It's Friday! That was cruel, but fine..." Ranpo frowned.
"If you were capable of solving this case in four minutes, this should be a breeze for you." Minoura stated. Ranpo gave him the fakest smile possible, not even trying to hide it.
If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was people expecting him to do work that is bellow his level.
Ranpo turned around to walk off, when hit of realization slapped him across his whole face.
"HEY ED!! WAIT UP!!"

Poe was meanwhile trying to get his raccoon out of the freezing water in Tsurumi river. He previously gave Karl grapes and the raccoon went to wash them, and now he refused to come back out.

"Karl... you'll get cold-" writer frowned as he reached for the raccoon. Karl gave him a look he couldn't really identify, but after short staring contest, the gray animal finally let his owner get him out.
As soon as Karl was placed on the ground, he shook off the water in close distance with his owner, drying his paws in his leg afterwards.
"Karl." Poe raised his voice at his beloved raccoon a little. Karl gave kim an apologetic look and climbed up on his shoulder. Poe frowned a little, but forgave his furry friend in no time.
Who was he to blame such an innocent being as the raccoon on his shoulder?
"Let's go home Karl. I don't want to stay in presence of those journalists for longer than necessary." He said and began to leave.
"HEY ED!! WAIT UP!!" the voice of small detective that rushed after him could be heard from behind.
"Ranpo-kun? What are-" Poe's question was cut of by Ranpo answering it before he could finish.
"This!" Ranpo pressed the police report to Poe's chest, still leaning against it afterwards to catch his breath. "The report- fill it in. Together- because I can't remember shit-" Ranpo answered between his heavy breaths.
'Damn, physical activity is still my weakness...'
"And you want me to do what now?" Poe asked in confusion.
"To help me fill it in, silly! We both took part in solving it so... It would be only fair for both of us to suffer while doing the paperwork. Besides, that dumb Minoura wants it all done due tomorrow. Unfair, I know. But it is a price of being a detective. You can take it as doing group project from the good old days, if not anything else." Ranpo explained with a cheering smile, yet doing faces when mentioning the deadline term.
'Silly? When was the last time I've been called that by someone?' Poe though.
"Sure? I guess you're right." the writer shrugged.
"So, where shall we go?" Ranpo asked.
Poe gave him a confused look when noticing how it may sound. "J-just to fill the report, that is-" Ranpo waved his hands in Poe's face.
"I know. It's fine." Poe assured him. "Well, we could go to my place, but it's still messy and covered in an inch thick layer of dust at some places." the writer shrugged.
"Or to the Agency. We have a café on floor right under it. But..." Ranpo giggled before finishing his sentence "the workplace can sometimes look like a battlefield..." Ranpo admitted.
"Oh, that's fine." Poe shook his head. He knew very well, due to his own experience with the Guild - American business group he used to be part of -, working with it's members something almost escalated in Third World War.
"Are you sure? If things were bad before, then they are even worse now. Agency formed temporary peace with Port Mafia, yet certain smaller conflicts between us and the mafiosos still appear. And since we are now basically allowed to visit each other's headquarters... Let's say that things happening may sometimes feel- questionable..." Ranpo reminded.
"Really, it's probably okay. If things turn out to be too bad, we can go elsewhere." Poe shrugged.
"God, you're so brave... even I'm sometimes terrified to be there. But if you insist." Ranpo said and gestured to the writer to follow him.
Without giving it a second thought, Poe blindly followed the short detective and his blonde companion Kenji.

"That's unbelievable... That short fucker with mouth full of sweets and insults with blanket over his shoulders came here like a cocky rich girl and now when he met that American dude that looks even more dead inside than the victim, he is suddenly the nicest and cheering person in the world." Minoura shook his head in disbelief and blew out another cloud of smoke from his cigarette.
"It sure is interesting... They could be new best detective duo, could they?" Sugimoto nodded.
"Cocky bastard like Holmes and the E-boy is his dog like Watson? Is that what you're saying? They may be. Or face of today's news if nothing else." Minoura glanced in direction of the two men that were surrounded by journalists that shoved cameras in their faces.
"Are you perhaps jealous, sir?"
"Shut up."

-

"So, how was America? When did you get this fat fur ball?" Ranpo asked and pointed at Karl that currently climbed up to Poe's head. It looked kinda funny in Ranpo's opposition. Even more funny was Edgar's insulted look when Ranpo called his beloved raccoon a 'fat fur ball'.
"Long story short, we kinda got along at some point. And he's not fat." Poe replied and defended Karl.
"Sure, just well built." Ranpo scoffed and hit Poe in ribs with an elbow.
"Exactly. And no second meanig." Poe nodded and gave Ranpo serious face. That made Ranpo laugh even more. That one remaining braincell that was still in his head found something about serious note in overall relieved conversations extremely funny - that's why Kunikida was perfect target for Agency's dumb acts in all times -.
"Don't be mad, sir. I think that your raccoon is quite cute." Kenji gave a cheerful smile to the writer.
"Thank you..." Poe nodded to the only sane one in their current group.

"I'm sorry- I got hit in head few days ago. It may have had some impact on my mental state-" Ranpo leaned against Poe's arm to be able to walk normally, because his laughter made his whole body go weak.

Ranpo suddenly stopped laughing and slapped himself, saying: 'Man up, Ranpo Edogawa!', and put himself together.
"So, how were you? I've read your novels. It was really good reading I have to say."
Poe's heart skipped few beats. He was not used to complements at all, hearing then was... unusual to say at least.
"T-thank you, Ranpo-kun. How were you? The detective career you always dreamed of..." Poe asked back.
"Nice. I've solved plenty of interesting cases, but it was not the same without my best buddy. To be honest, criminals are so boring these days. They're nothing like those in your books. The way how realistically and perfectly you portraited them and their crimes kinda creeped me out sometimes." Ranpo replied.
"Hah, you can never know what I'm capable of..." Poe said with a smirk and mysterious tone.
Ranpo shivered. The unpredictable moodswings of his detective partner were one of the only things that even his Ultra Deduction power couldn't see coming. It kinda bothered him sometimes.
After all, he had no idea how Poe ended up after they parted their ways, so option of him starting some kind of criminal life isn't excluded.
"But thank you for your review... I-I appreciate it." Poe gave him a light smile.
'As you should.' rushed through Ranpo's head, but he - thankfully - ended up saying "No problem."

-

Bell above door of the café rung as the three men and raccoon entered it.
Waitress with black hair tied up in a bun looked i their direction with a polite smile.
"Welcome back Ranpo-san and Kenji-kun. I see you brought a new guest." she said and bowed to the group.
"Glad you noticed. Girl-I-don't-remember-name-of, this is my companion Poe-kun, Poe-kun, this is Girl-I-don't-remember-name-of." Ranpo quickly introduced the two.
"My pleasure to meet you Poe-san. Would you like to make a reservation?" she asked, still keeping her smile.
"N-no thank you." Poe stuttered out.
Ranpo dragged him to an empty table, sitting across from each other. Ranpo placed the report on the table and as well as his pen he carried with him.

Meanwhile the detective duo tried to put together the report in way that makes the most sense, small girl with long dark blue hair entered the room. Kenji that fed Karl grapes smiled at her.
"Kyōka-chan! Ranpo-san's friend brought a raccoon, take a look!" he said.
Small sign of emotion could be recognized in Kyouka's face. She came to her friend and witnessed the fluffy animal that ate grapes in the cutest way physically possible.
"Who is the owner of this animal?" she asked with slight sence of happy emotion in her voice.
"Poe-san. That tall guy sitting across Ranpo-san over there." Kenji said and pointed at the two men.
Kyōka nodded and went up to them.

"Starting by bullets and describing the body afterwards doesn't make sense!"
"But then half of the report would be describing every individual lock of hair as it is in your writing fashion."
Ranpo argued.
"Heh?! It's not- or is it..." Poe tried to imagine a perfect image of his writing, but couldn't picture anything that would disprove Ranpo's note.
"It sure is. The detail you can point out is kinda impressive." Ranpo nodded. Poe gave him a confused look.
"I'm not sure how I should take it..." Writer sight.
"Ehm, ehm..."
Kyōka finally managed to clear her throat, making both detectives flinch.
"Kyōka?!" Ranpo exclaimed. "How long have you been standing here?" he asked.
Kyōka stood right beside the table without single movement, yet the two men were too busy discussing the murder case.
"About five minutes, but it's okay. I don't mind waiting anymore." the girl said with her emotionless voice.

"Damn, that hurts... What do you want anyway?" Ranpo raised an eyebrow.
"That raccoon, can I hold it?" she asked with slight hope.
"Sure. But be careful with him-" Poe shrugged, praying to every god in existence that the two kids will be gentle to the pet of his.
Kyōka nodded and went back to Kenji.
"We'll take him outside if that's okay." Kenji said.
"Sure, just go." Ranpo said with gesture of his hand.

The peace lasted for only few moments.
A loud bang was heard from upstairs. Poe flinched with a small squeak. Ranpo on the other hand didn't seem to react at all.
"Chill, that's normal." he said.
"Dazai you asshole!! I'll murder you before you even get a chance!!" a squeaky voice was heard.
Poe's eyes widen. Ranpo noticed his expression.
"This is only a start. But don't say I didn't warn you." Ranpo said. "Just wait for a while, the way it escalates is kinda entertaining."
Another bang, now followed by a scream.
"Chibi-chan, give me a chance!"
"Fuck off!! YOU ABANDONED ME FOR FOUR GODDAMN YEARS AND NOW YOU THREATEN TO KILL ME!!"
"I don't want to kill you, Chuuya! I want you to kill yourself with me!! That's completely different!"
"In both cases I end up dying! How does that make a difference?!"
"We will be dead by each others side, isn't that romantic?"
"THAT'S DISGUSTING YOU CREEP!! NEXT TIME YOU WON'T BE SO LUCKY AND I'LL ACUALLY TWIST YOUR NECK!!"
Poe wasn't able to make a single move. Ranpo did warn him, there was no doubt that it was otherwise, but was that really on daily bases?
"Oh, it's Dazai-san and Chuuya-san again." the waitress said with no sign of irritation in her voice.
"This-" "Exactly." Ranpo replied before letting Poe finish his question again.
"Oh god..."
Rushing steps downstairs rung through the room.
Long shadow of the person heading downstairs was getting smaller and smaller. Poe expected to see someone about medium hight with mascular figure, so seeing short slim redhead dressed in combination of black and brown accessories and fancy outfit, was kind of surprising to him.

The redhead fixed his tie and fedora, with an irritated look on his face.
"Damnit..." he growled.
"Chuuya don't go-" tall brunette with light brown coat and bandages on his arms and neck rushed after the small redhead. Before he could finish, redhead's - Chuuya's - shut fist rushed through the air and punched Dazai in side of his face and knocked him out.
"KO!! One point to Chuuya Nakahara!" Ranpo exclaimed as the redhead cracked his knuckles with his chin probably high up.
Chuuya looked at Dazai laying on the floor with broken nose, smirked and left.
"Shi- Dazai-san!!" boy with light hair with sideways cut bangs in black and white clothes exclaimed and rushed to knocked out Dazai. He noticed Ranpo's and Poe's presence and gave them hopeless look. "Hello Ranpo-san..." he greeted before dragging unconscious Dazai back to the floor where Agency's headquarters were located.
"Hi Atsushi-kun." Ranpo greeted back and watched Atsushi put Dazai's weak body over his shoulders.
Poe just watched this whole situation without any movement or saying single word.
Ranpo giggled at his look.
"Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Poe-kun." he said with a bright smile. Poe's life left his body, making his head smash against the table. Ranpo just patted it and sipped bit of his sweet coffee.

~

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