"Sorry I'm late." 

Still flustered, I take the seat across from Lexi at the small cafe down the road from my apartment. She's already taking bites out of her pasta, having gone ahead and ordered for the both of us since I had been late yet again.

I had once again fallen victim to Theo's outrageous ability to make me lose track of time. Once I was no longer sprawled across Theo's kitchen bench, pinned under his hold, I had seen the time and realised what time it was; rushing out the door and not giving us a chance to actually talk over what just happened. I don't think I actually let him get a word out other than goodbye before I had scurried off. I can hardly get the feeling of Theo still lingering on my skin, of his touch infiltrating my every fibre, off of my mind. But I have to, because I've already allowed myself to be too distracted from my time with Lexi. 

"That's okay," she assures me, dismissing my apology with a wave of her hand and letting me off lightly as she uses her other hand to shovel forks full of pasta into her mouth. I don't think I've ever seen her have such an appetite so I question whether I can put this new found enthusiasm down to her pregnancy. This is despite having heard that most women are too busy throwing up, including her this morning, to even consider food at this stage of their pregnancy. I begin to wonder what a heavily pregnant Lexi would look like- whether she'd be one of those women who you can't tell are pregnant besides the protruding belly or the swollen all over type.

I'm too distracted by these thoughts and her attack on the linguini that when Lexi throws a question my way I'm even more thrown off by it than I already would have been. 

"So, were you with your mysterious new guy?" she asks. 

I almost choke on the water that I had just begun sipping on, having not thought that she'd have any suspicions. For goodness sake, is it such a crazy idea that I would have to go run some errands?

"Huh?" I question, feigning confusion. I begin to worry that Theo may have made some more marks on me, besides the emotional tsunami he has brought upon my hormones. 

"I'm not that oblivious Elle. You show up late last night, which you never do, with a hickey on your neck of all things. And even now, you disappear for mysterious errands you hadn't mentioned before only to arrive late again looking all flustered. So, who's the guy?" she questions, her detective hat well and truly on as she shares her evidence. I have to admit, Lexi is more perceptive than I had imagined. I never really thought she paid much attention to what I do, having always kind of been stuck in her own bubble. 

"It's nothing." I tell her, scrunching up my eyebrows as if to convey the absurdity of her assumption. 

"Well, there's obviously something going on and you're not the type to do anything casual so I've clearly missed something." she claims, making me involuntarily lift my head with curiosity from where it had been staring down at my own meal.

"Wait, what makes you think that?" I wonder, not even stopping to think about how my defensiveness might make me more obvious. 

"What?" she questions innocently, twirling a piece of linguini around her fork while I can not even think about my food while engaging in this discussion. 

"That I wouldn't do anything casual."

She scoffs at my inquiry, which makes me unsure of whether I should be disgruntled by her certainty or at my own naivety. 

"Well, you don't," she answers matter-of-factly. "There was Sam. As soon as you moved back here and it wasn't practical or realistic anymore you ended things. Then, there was nothing until Derek and then you cut things off there too because you didn't want to try anymore. The same thing happened with Damon except he was cut off in literally two seconds once you made the decision that he wasn't right. There are no in-betweens. It's either serious and has potential for the future or it doesn't go on. You don't really test the waters very much." 

"You don't know that. How do you know that I just don't tell you every little thing?" I question, although I have no idea why I'm doing so. If I just let her think what she already does then she'll figure I'm not doing anything with a certain someone and leave things be until she waits to meet who she thinks is my boyfriend, which will obviously never happen. 

Plus, she's not exactly wrong. Whatever the hell is happening right now with Theo is uncharted waters for me. 

"Because we always tell each other nearly everything and because that's just how you are with everything. You don't even do casual friendships. You have your one or two close friendships and that's all you need." she elaborates. 

I contemplate her points further and there's certainly some validity to them. I have Jess and Chloe and besides that I don't really have, or perhaps need, anyone other than my family too.  I'm an introvert-- I need that extra time to socially recharge and I'd rather dedicate my energy to a select group of people. 

"I know you've always hated wasting time or your effort on anything or anyone, and that you don't let people in very much. You emotionally invest in people and you're not going to waste time on anyone who won't give a good return," she explains, showing just how much I had been underestimating her observation skills. "And I'm not hating on you for it-- I respect you for knowing what you want. Meanwhile, I'm over here jumping from thing to thing and guy to guy, unsure of what I want and putting up with guys who don't know either. You're not made for the  Mason's or Theo's of the world."

My ears helplessly perk up at the mention of Theo, eager to see if I could gain further details regarding her comments from last night, especially after this morning's events. Last night's words hadn't been enough to stop me from having Theo's lips all over my body but may some further clarification would be. 

"Is that what happened with Theo? You don't think he knew what he wanted." I attempt to ask nonchalantly, knowing I'm playing with fire right now. 

She seems to take the bait, getting easily distracted by what her answer will be and not focusing on why the question is even being posed. 

"Well, I mean there's obviously the whole pregnancy and all," she responds aloofly. "But, kind of. At least I get the sense that it's that way. When Theo wants something I feel like he's the type that gets it, but I also think what he wants changes a lot. Maybe we just also weren't meant to be, but I don't know if there's a girl out there who is good enough to consistently be what Theo wants. But anyways, that door is shut right now because there are obviously other priorities for me right now."

I know I shouldn't place too much weight on Lexi's words but I unsurprisingly do. Can I really do casual? Because that's what this morning's events suggest is happening between Theo and myself, but Lexi and my past certainly imply that I can't do. However, it appears, according to everyone and all the signs, that casual is all that Theo can do. 

Maybe though, maybe, I need to do casual just this once because I need to get Theo god-damn-Harrington out of my system. That's all I need. To get over this infatuation and see that there's nothing there more than the attraction. And it's not exactly like I'm suffering to get through it, if this morning was any indication, and Lexi won't ever have to know about it because it won't mean anything serious. 

In a bid to take my mind away from a deep hole of questions about Theo, I return our attention to a topic that really needed to be discussed further but had only been lightly touched on.

"About these priorities, have you come to any conclusions about what you wanted to do with the pregnancy? It was good to see Mason around again." I inquire, taking my opportunity to lead the discussion away from the interrogation I'd been facing and discuss what we were actually supposed to be talking about at this lunch. The reason why her skin was glowing, why I could hear her throwing up this morning, and why I could see her secretly cradling her stomach with one hand below the surface of the table top. 

"Right, we didn't get a chance to talk much about it on your birthday. Plus, I figured we would need a more private and quiet setting to do so. But I've finally come to a decision about my pregnancy." she reveals. 

"Okay Lex, but before you go any further I just want to tell you that no matter what I'll be here for you through it all." I remind her, stretching my arm across the table to grasp her hand. 

"Thank you Elle. Truly." she says, lightly squeezing my hand back with a soft smile. 

When all else in this world seems so complex at least I can rely on this right here- this unbreakable bond. I know right now that Lexi might need to be reminded of this as she comes to terms with whatever her decision is. 

"So, I've decided to keep the baby," she reveals. "Things are good with Mason right now but that's not why. Even if things don't work out between us, I know that somehow I'll be able to do this and I will love this child so much. I've been really confused about things in my life and screwed things up my fair share of times, which you would probably know best, but I think it'll be really nice to know what I want to do with my life for once and know something for certain and that will be that I will absolutely cherish this child. I know I'm a bit young and that it won't be easy, but at least I've gotten a whole lot of young and crazy out of my system, and it's not like my life will end. Plus, there are a plenty of people who wait for a perfect time when they're older and things still don't work out." she rambles, making a large sigh as she finally completes her explanation. 

"You'll be a great mother, Lexi. I know it." I reassure her as I think back to the nurturing Lexi made friends and impromptu homes for random stray animals and who is absolutely amazing with children which is why she's becoming a teacher. 

"Thanks Elle." she says, smiling bashfully. 

"So, are you and Mason back on again?" I wonder, their body language on my birthday suggesting they are. 

"We're giving it another shot. If not for our baby, then for ourselves. You saw how devastated I was when we broke up, so I want to see if our problems can be worked through." she explains, confirming that the tumultuous ride that was her's and Mason's relationship had begun once again. "Oh, before I forget. I had a checkup and ultrasound and wanted to show you something." 

She begins digging through her handbag before she triumphantly pulls out a small piece of paper or photo which turns out to be the ultrasound scan. 

"I know it doesn't look like much right now but the doctor showed me where to look." she says, pointing her figure to what is basically a small dot on the ultrasound scan. "Apparently everything is looking good so far. I'm due around July or August. It's still to early to see if it's a boy or girl, but yeah, everything is fine."

Looking down at the scan, I'm momentarily distracted from every other issue out there- from Theo or from what the hell I'm going to do with my stagnant career- as I look down at this crazy little amazing surprise that's going to enter our lives before we know it. My little niece or nephew. Lexi's child (god that'll take some getting used to). 

This distraction lasts for a few more blissful and fleeting moments before the vibration of my phone has me sucked into the deep hole of confusion once again.  

Theo: You have any plans on Friday night?

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