Tommy wakes up to a foot in his face.

This is not unusual.

However, this foot is long and has a spongebob squarepants sock on.

That's not Tubbo's foot.

Tommy sits up abruptly and almost falls off the bed.

There is another boy in his bed.

"What the fuck."

Tubbo stirs from his end of the bed, rubbing his eye blearily as he glances over at his roommate. "Tommy shut up you dick."

"Why is this bitch in our bed?!" Tommy demands, fists clenching the covers in anger.

Tubbo glares at him, "Because you fucking shot him in the arm."

"Okay?" Tommy furrows his eyebrows, "That sounds like a him problem."

" You shot him."

"Okayyyy?" Tommy drawls, "Still don't know why he's in my bed."

" Our bed," Tubbo corrects, "You're lucky I didn't make you sleep outside. The least you could do is let him recover."

"Recover from what? It was a dart! I didn't stab the bitch or some shit," Tommy rolls his eyes.

"He could report you to the authorities for assault. You shot him. He cried." Tubbo glares.

Tommy shrugs, "Eh,"

Tubbo has the audacity to pull the covers further around the two-toned stick boy and pat his head protectively. What the fuck.

He's being replaced. It's official.

"Is this it? Is this the end Tubbo? Of us? Of all we've built together?" Tommy bemoans, head in hands.

"What are you on about now?"

"All the memories. The orphanage. The noodles we ate together. That one time I ate all your skittles. The time you threw me out the window. The other time you threw me out the window. When we jumped off a train. When you set fire to that building and blamed me. That time you pretend to be my dad-"

"I thought Henry stole my skittles?"

"Shhh," Tommy soothes calmly, "I'm reminiscing about our relationship. I'm grieving."

Tubbo stares at him in exasperation. "Grieving what?"

"The end."

Tubbo snuggles back under the covers, shoulder to shoulder with that imposter . "I could keep questioning your bullshit but I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep. Go find a hobby or something. Actually, how about you get a job. You're sixteen. It's legal."

Tommy frowns, offended. "I have a job."

"Do you get paid?"

Tommy pauses, raising a finger to his chin in thought.

"Exactly."

Now that Tommy thinks about it, all his hard work stopping drug dealers and being epic goes unnoticed. No one ever pays him for his constant vigilance.

"You know what?" Tommy starts loudly, clapping his hands together, "I'm going to get a job that gives me money. I'm going to get a job and you're going to be so impressed by my job skills that you will forget all about Ranboob and beg for my forgiveness. Then I will consider accepting your apology, but I will make you beg some more and make you buy me dinner and then you will be my servant for a week and do my laundry. Then and only then, will I accept your apology for ignoring my charisma and charm for some wannabe slenderman. I will have so much money."

Tommy looks at Tubbo. "Are you scared of my master plan Tubbo?"

"Tubbo?"

Tubbo is sleeping.

_____

"So here's the thing Clementine," Tommy starts as he shrugs on his black suit, straightening out the collar of his button up. "We can't just get any job. We have to get the only job. The job of jobs. Y'know?"

Clementine stares at him.

"Yeah, exactly. McDonald's is like, not good enough. We go big or we go home. We want money or we want nothing. Do you understand Clementine?"

Clementine spins in a circle.

"That's my girl," Tommy grins, "I would get a suit for you, but I haven't found any on Amazon yet."

Tommy picks up his tie and wraps it around his neck before pausing. "Do you know how to do this?" He asks the fish, hands holding the ends of the tie in confusion.

Clementine gapes.

"Okay, so one over the other? Are you sure?"

Clementine does a flip.

"Right, right. Uh huh. Okay, yep," Tommy mumbles as he follows the instructions before turning to look into the mirror.

" Clementine, you're a genius. It's perfect."

Clementine blows a bubble.

_____

"What's your name?"

"Thomas Richardson the um," Tommy stills. Which is better? Third or fourth? "Thomas Richardson the Fifth," He settles on.

The man at the desk types on his computer, eyeing him sceptically, "Yeah, you're not registered in our database."

Tommy frowns, "That is incredibly strange, goodsir. I'll have you know, I've been working at this company for the last decade."

"Right... " The man purses his lips, "And what is your role here?"

Tommy scoffs, "You really don't know me? That's appalling. Who are they hiring these days? I need to speak with the CEO."

The desk manager tenses, "Sir, I don't know who you are but I request that you leave the building before I call security."

Shit.

Okay. Maybe this isn't working.

Tommy lifts his shades upwards to stare down at the man. "Listen here, you fucking peasant. I will rain hellfire on you if you do not provide me with the access I desire. I am Thomas Richardson the Fifth and I have connections that you could only dream of-"

"What's going on here?"

Tommy pauses and feels dread pool in his stomach as the desk manager lets out a relieved sigh.

"Manifold sir, this gentleman here has been harassing me with false information."

Fucking snitch.

Manifold lifts his shades to stare at Tommy, eyes raking up his form. Tommy does the same with his shades.

Manifold grins, "I like you. What's your name?"

"Thomas Richardson the Fifth," Tommy replies.

"Nice, I'm gonna call you Dick. That alright Dick?"

Tommy doesn't like that.

But...

Money.

"Yes, Dick is an appropriate replacement for my name," He agrees.

Manifold claps a hand on his back, "Thanks Spifey, this guy is with me now."

Spifey watches in bewilderment. "Of - of course sir."

Manifold pats Tommy's shoulder, "Come with me."

Tommy nods, picking Clementine up from the desk, bottle under his arm.

"What's the fish for?" Manifold questions casually as he steers them into an elevator.

"Emotional support."

Manifold nods, "Cool."

_____

"See, I've been looking for some fresh blood in this company. I wanna speak to the people. I wanna produce products that show the world that we understand them. That we understand their struggles and their problems, that we can be relatable. We need people like you," Manifold says from his chair, centred in the middle of the office.

It's more of a penthouse than an office in Tommy's opinion.

"What is it you make exactly?" Tommy asks as he touches some random glass ornaments. There's one of a horse with wings and it's pretty pog.

"Cereal."

"Cereal?"

"Yeah, you ever heard of Manifold flakes?"

"Oh! I had that for breakfast, it was shit - I mean, there's a lot of interesting flavours," Tommy coughs.

"It's shit. You can say it's shit. That's why we lace it with cocaine."

Tommy's eyebrow twitches. "Sorry what?"

"What?" Manifold tilts his head.

Tommy laughs nervously, "Hah, sorry I thought you said cocaine for a minute there."

"Anyways," Manifold continues, "I want you to help me improve this company. Raise it to it's true potential and then exceed it."

"Wait so I'm hired?"

Manifold laughs, "Dick, you're the manager."

Poggers.

_____

Tommy adjusts his phone, awkwardly tilting his head. "Hello TikTok, I am now manager of Manifold Inc. This is very big man of me," He breathes, lifting his badge. "See? Look at my badge, I am very pog right now." He grins.

"Dick? You have a meeting in five."

Tommy posts the video and stops spinning in his chair. He glances over at his secretary, Violet or Purple or something.

"Thanks Ivy," He replies as he gets up, adjusting his shades.

"It's Purpled."

Tommy nods, "Okay Amethyst."

He hears a groan of frustration and the door closes.

"Y'know," Tommy turns to his daughter, "I think we should commission you a tank in the wall. What do you think Clementine?"

Clementine swims around quickly.

Tommy grins, "Yes, yes I know. Just imagine it Clementine. A massive tank, all to yourself. So many Coco Pops. You'll be living the dream."

TommyInnit is actually the most successful person alive. It's true. He has his own office and everything. All in a matter of hours. No one does it like him.

"Let's go boss around some fuckers, Clem."

_____

"Wait, you want to turn the top floor into a temple?"

Tommy tuts at Amanda, "A shrine ."

Amanda stares, "You want us, to turn the top floor - the board meeting room - into a shrine for your fish."

Tommy sighs, glancing around the room in exasperation. He looks at the other members, shaking his head at Amanda's ignorance.

"Listen, Amanda, I like you, you're cool," Tommy starts, "But you're asking too much questions and not giving any answers. Can you build it by this evening or not?"

Amanda looks at the others for help, but they all nervously turn away. "You can't seriously make us turn a meeting room into a shrine for a goldfish ."

" Her name is Clementine and you will address her as such," Tommy scowls, "There is no room for disrespect. I think you need to look at the slides again," Tommy sighs and picks up the laser pen, pointing it at the projector.

"Slide one," Tommy says aloud, gesturing to the wall. "Don't disrespect Clementine. " He clicks the pen. "Slide two; Address Clementine with she slash her. She is not an it." He clicks again, "Slide three; Blueberry muffins are mandatory."

He turns off the projector. "Am I understood? Because I feel like there's a lot of miscommunication going on here. Tell me if you understand."

The members all sigh, "Yes Dick."

Tommy claps his hands together, "Brilliant, so the shrine is a go. That's great guys. This has been a productive meeting. See you tomorrow."

"Wait what about the stocks? The sugar tax has made us raise the prices and-"

"Sorry what? I thought I just ended the meeting. Didn't I end the meeting?" Tommy questions, frowning.

Amanda lets out a frustrated noise, "Dick, please. This isn't what's good for the company. Are you even eligible to work here? How old are you?!"

"Old enough," Tommy shrugs, "Goodbye now."

"But-"

Tommy lifts his shades to look down at her.

Amanda sighs.

"Yes Dick."

Tommy grins, "Great meeting guys, see you later. Looking forward to the shrine."

Once they've all left the room Tommy sighs, leaving back against his chair. " Clementine this is going so well. It's stressful though, Amanda is proving to be a problematic employee. Might have to cancel her."

_____

"So, how's everything going? Well I assume?" Manifold questions.

Tommy adjusts his tie and sniffs, "Yes, yes of course. The employees love me. The business is going well. The shrine is almost at completion."

"Shrine?" Manifold raises an eyebrow.

Tommy waves him off, "Nothing to worry about I assure you. Just go back to CEO things. I've got it covered Jack."

"Jack? Are we close enough for that Dick?" Manifold narrows his eyes.

"Yes," Tommy lifts his shades, "I think we are Jack."

Manifold grins, clapping a hand on the boy's back, "That's why I like you Dick, got backbone," He praises before sighing, "Well I've got a meeting. Keep this place from burning down will you?" The man jokes.

Tommy laughs, "Have no worries Jack, this place is more stable than it's ever been with me around."

Manifold laughs, "Good man, Dick, good man."

_____

"Mr Dick sir! The shrine is ready," Violet alerts him.

"Thanks Mauve," Tommy replies, standing up excitedly, grabbing Clementine. "Let's go girl."

"Purpled sir."

"Yes yes Plum, I got the message thank you."

Tommy slides past the secretary to the elevator.

He sees a worker about to enter and quickly tries to close the elevator. The woman narrowly pushes past the closing doors with a glare.

Tommy glares back. "I was trying to close it."

"I noticed. How rude of you," She scowls.

"It was a hint that I wanted to be alone."

"Unlucky."

"Listen here woman, I am Dick, manager of this company. Be respectful. I wanted to talk to my daughter in private but I suppose I'll allow your presence."

The woman frowns, "Daughter?"

"Yes, my beloved Clementine. " Tommy says reverently before lifting the sprite bottle higher so that he's eye level with the fish.

"Right, um, I think this is my stop actually," The woman says abruptly, repeatedly pressing the eight floor.

Tommy watches her frantically press the button and stumble out of the elevator. He shrugs.

"Now that we're finally alone, Clementine. Your room is completed, so you need to close your eyes for the surprise," Tommy tells her.

Clementine swims slowly.

"No, close your eyes or you'll ruin it."

Clementine flops upside down and floats, stationary.

"Good, I'll tell you when to open your eyes," Tommy nods as he steps out of the elevator on the twelfth floor.

The floor is a masterpiece. A renaissance tapestry of Tommy touching Clementine's fin sits on the largest wall. There are candles lined across the walls. The floor is a gold and white marbling.

Tommy gasps.

Low and behold, the tank.

No, it's more than a tank.

An aquarium.

It takes up the entirety of the wall window, showcasing the landscape outside through a watery lens.

" Clementine open your beautiful eyes," Tommy whispers.

Clementine turns back around and stares.

Then she starts flipping the fuck out. Swimming at super speed, faster than the speed of light.

She's a blur of happiness.

" Clementine this is your true calling. This is what you deserve my daughter," Tommy says as he carefully opens the sprite bottle cap, pouring the fish into the opening of the tank.

Tommy watches her swim around excitedly and feels a tear come to his eye.

"Are you - are you crying over a fish?"

Tommy hastily wiped at his cheek turning to Lavender, "I'm not crying, this scene is just very majestic to me."

Indigo looks at him sceptically, "Right, well I'm obligated to ask if you need anything else sir?"

Tommy hums, "More candles, some roses - the orange ones and um, you got any Oreos?"

Crocus nods, "Yes sir will do."

Tommy grins, "Thank you, Lilac."

Grape sighs.

_____

In Tommy's defence.

He did not set the building on fire.

That's what he will say in court.

"What the fuck happened?!" Manifold screams in terror as his corporation goes up in flames.

"Ah," Tommy says eloquently, as he watches his tapestry burn. It looks kind of poetic if he's honest. "Well, you see, the - the uh, the candles they - well - I - no not me, I think Jasmine did it actually."

"Who the fuck is Jasmine?" Manifold screams.

Jeez, this guy needs to calm down.

"You know, Dark Orchid, my secretary or whatever. I think he did it. Probably," Tommy shrugs, trying not to cough up a lung at the fire.

"We need to evacuate the building!" Manifold screeches grabbing Tommy's arm to drag him to the fire exit.

"Yeah, but my tank, I gotta' get Clementine." Tommy complains.

"Who cares about the fucking fish?!"

Tommy gasps, deeply hurt, "She is my daughter. I would sacrifice my life for her."

Manifold stares at him, shaking his head slowly, "You're insane ," He whispers in disbelief.

Tommy frowns, "Um no, anyways I gotta' get my fish. Meet you outside or something," He says before decking it back to the room.

He yelps as fire licks at his heels.

Maybe he shouldn't have requested so many candles.

" Clementine! Father is here to save you!" Tommy calls out as jumps onto the tank shimmies down into it, submerging himself in the water.

He holds his breath and holds out his hand for the fish who immediately swims into his embrace. He grins, using his other hand to guide her into the sprite bottle.

Okay now he just needs to get out of the tank and get the fuck out of the building.

He's halfway out of the tank when he notices the fire surrounding him.

Fuck.

Okay.

Tommy lowers himself back into the tank.

He might die here.

Come on. He's TommyInnit. He's courageous and athletic and handsome and charismatic.

And drowning.

For fucksake. All he wanted was a source of income. And world domination maybe.

He looks into Clementine's eyes.

Clementine stares back at him and blows a bubble.

The tank shatters into a million pieces and Tommy barely has time to gasp before he's taken into strong arms.

"What the fuck," He chokes out, water dribbling out of his mouth as he glances up at his saviour.

"Hello there mate, sorry about this, bit messy of an entrance."

Philza .

Oh my god. Oh my god.

This - this is the best day ever. This tops every experience Tommy has ever experienced ever.

"Philza," He whispers reverently.

"That's me," Philza laughs. Oh god he just laughed. This is great. Tommy made the Philza laugh. "You were in a bit of a pickle weren't you."

That's when Tommy realises he's in the air. He's flying in Philza's arms.

Maybe he did die.

Now that he's aware, he can feel the wind blowing through his hair, feels his soaked suit sticking to his body uncomfortably. He shivers.

He can also see Philza's huge fucking wings flapping behind him. This is so pog. He might pass out.

"I might pass out," Tommy says.

Philza laughs again, "That's okay mate but what the fuck were you doing in a tank?"

" Clementine," He answers.

Philza just nods, "Oh that's cool."

Tommy grins. "Yeah."

_____

Eventually Philza lowers them to the ground, Tommy wobbling for his footing before stabilizing himself.

He looks over at Manifold Inc. the building burnt and smouldering.

Yikes.

Tommy goes to put his shades on only to realise they're missing.

Double yikes.

"What's your name mate?" Philza questions.

"Dick," Tommy answers immediately, "Short for Thomas Richardson the Fifth."

Philza smiles, albeit a bit puzzled but mostly just warmly, "Ah right, I see. Well I've got to help my colleagues get the rest out of the building. You gonna be okay?"

Tommy nods, shivering. "Uh huh, yep."

Philza looks at him for a moment and then smiles, eyes seemingly deciding something.

Tommy watches as the man takes off his bucket hat, settling it on the boy's head gently.

"Don't catch a cold mate, I'll see you later alright?"

Tommy nods belatedly, speechless.

_____

Tommy walks through the door, Clementine's bottle clunking as he slumps against the wall.

Tubbo and the slenderman bitch pop out of the kitchen to stare at him.

"You