[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Keisha White ~ The Weakness in me

________________________________

Chapter 20 (unedited)

"I want to tell you. Fuck, I have to tell you but I just can't." Alex's voice echoed in Ava's ears and brought tears to her eyes. There was so much pain, fear and agony in his voice that she wanted to run to him. Ava had never heard him sound so broken before. He was the one who kept her together even when she pushed him away. If she needed him, he came running.

Ava dialled his number again and went straight to voicemail. She hung up and tried again. "Alex, pick up your damn phone if you know what's good for you!"

She consoled herself by accepting that he was probably flying over a region with poor connection and couldn't speak. Ava sighed. "I'm giving you 14 hours and if you haven't called me back by then, you'll live to regret it."

Ava's mind reeled from what he said. He had been so vague but all she knew was that he was in trouble. Ava didn't care what he did. She didn't even care for the details. She just wanted him to know that whatever it was, they would get through it together. Instinct said to run to Lucas and get him ready incase Alex was in trouble with the law. But Alex ran a multibillion empire, if he needed law advice, he wouldn't come to her.

Something said, he hadn't intended on telling her either and spoke the words while he was weak. The more time that went by, Ava feared he would gather his wits and control his emotions.

What the hell is going on with you, Alex?

"Good morning, beautiful," Christian uttered placing a kiss on her neck.

Ava forced herself to smile unable to stop thinking about Alex. There was nothing that she could do for him then. Ava forced herself to focus and went through the day entertaining Christian and his family. Luckily, her family did most of the talking because she couldn't get her mind from thinking of Alex.

The following days, he didn't call her either or pick up her calls. Ava was certain that he was driving her insane on purpose. Ava looked out to the beach from the balcony of her bedroom, careful not to make much noise with Christian sleeping in the bedroom.

Clenching her mobile phone in her hand, she nearly threw it out when the damn phone didn't ring. "I'm going to kill you and then I won't tell your family where I buried you, do you hear me? Alex, call me! I'm worried sick about you!"

She sighed, looking out at the horizon. This time she was borderline begging him. "Alex, you don't have to tell me what's going on but I need to know that you're okay. Okay, I'm coming after you."

"No, you are not." Christian's dark chocolate eyes were burning with fury as she turned around to face him.

Ava sighed, hanging up the phone. She had never been one to be told what to do but that was not the first thought that came into her mind.  Ava felt as though she had been caught and instead chose to explain.

"Something is wrong with Alex, I have to go to him."

"Our engagement is in two days, whatever is wrong with him can wait."

"You didn't hear his voice," Ava said pleadingly, tears coming to her eyes. "He was so afraid."

Christian crossed his arms. "What are you going to do if you go there? You are not a doctor and if he needs a lawyer a man like him has retainers."

"You don't understand!" Ava said throwing her arms up in there. She needed to know that Alex was okay. Sure, he could get the best doctors or even the best lawyers, but Ava had come to the conclusion that she wouldn't be satisfied until she saw him with her own two eyes. "There's something that you can't get from doctors and lawyers. Alex is family."

"I'm your family too! I am to be your husband and you want to leave me days before our engagement. How can I do that by myself?"

"Let's postpone it." Ava said coming closer to Christian. "Please, we can move the date to a couple of days later."

Christian closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. "Are you hearing yourself? We should move our engagement over something that you aren't even sure of."

"I can't reach him."

"He could have lost his phone. There are so many possibilities but you won't even consider them." Christian moved aside giving her a beeline to the door. "If you go, then there's nothing to reschedule. It's pretty clear where you want to be."

Ava considered his words and the exit that he had given her. His shoulders slumped and then he left her to make her choice. Ava sat there considering what Christian was saying and her gut said something was wrong with Alex. He wasn't the type of person to lose his emotions often or at all. That was what made it so unsettling.

Soon after there was a knock at her bedroom door and then her sister-in-law's voice announcing that she was coming in.

Athena took the seat beside Ava without a word at first. When their eyes met, she smiled reassuringly.

"Everyone in the house heard us fighting?"

"Not everyone," Athena retorted. "Lucas is not home."

Ava laughed. "Everyone else who is here heard us then."

"To be fair, Roman was coming to get you for brunch and overheard your conversation. He said, he is good at the making you laugh and distracting you but it seemed like you may need comforting."

"Lucky you, you get to clean up the mess."

"In your defence, you are not that bad. My cousin, Bella, is way worse." Athena narrowed her eyes and assessed Ava. "You won't throw things at me, will you?"

Ava laughed. "My brother might kill me and I'm pretty sure it's a legal offence to attack a Princess."

"After giving up my title, it's a grey area. What do you need?"

Ava glanced at the door once more and thought about leaving and what it would mean. Something inside of her said that her fight with Christian was more than about her wanting to postpone the engagement. If it was, she would have been long gone and sent him an apology. The need to protect Alex was because she was still in love with him and the damning part was that Christian saw it too.

"I am not sure anyone can give me what I really need," Ava admitted. "I have been in love with a boy I can't have for longer than I wish it."

Athena looked at her without the judgment that had been in Christian's eyes. "Have you told him?"

Ava let out a laugh. "And why would I do that? What's changed?"

"You?" Athena stated. "Him. Both of you and your circumstances?"

"My circumstances are that I'm marrying a good man in three months and I can't begin to focus my emotions when I think Alex. It's a childhood crush, I should forget. Life is about so much more than giddy feelings."

Athena took Ava's hands in her, firmly planting her feet on the ground and looked deeply into her sister's eyes. "Everything you said is accurate but you are diminishing your relationship with Alex to just giddy feelings or at least that's what I'm hearing."

"Are you saying Christian isn't right for me? I know my brothers have a bet. Do you think so as well?"

"No one but you knows who is right for you."Athena shook her head. "I married the first guy I had a crush on, what do I know?"

"My brother was an idiot."

"No," Athena shook her head in protest. "I was the protected younger sister of his best friend, no matter how much I wanted him then, I know that nothing serious could come out of it. He had far too many options to see me nor did I really want him to see me then. I did not want to be one of many."

"As I said, my brother is an idiot. I never understood why women fall for that dork."

"He is your brother so you wouldn't see it," Athena said with a laugh. "My point is sixteen year old me would have given anything to be seen by Lucas and most likely it wouldn't have lasted between us. We were so much more different when we met again. Things might not work out with Alex but perhaps you both might have a better grasps of what happened eight years ago."

Ava nodded. "You just told me to face everything that I have been avoiding but normally when I do that with him, I don't find closure, I fall deeper."

Athena gave her a sad smile. "Perhaps Christian isn't the one for you."

"And I am not the one for Alex. He has said so on several occasions." Ava sighed. "I am fully aware that just as much as I want him, Alex can want someone else."

"He is," Athena agreed. "Neither is it fair to only give someone only half of yourself."

"I know that," Ava nodded. "If only it was that simple. I don't know what I want or if I'm just confused by Alex coming back. I suppose I have to talk to Alex, don't I?"

Athena nodded.

"Closure... that's never easy," Ava huffed.

"I didn't mention closure but you definitely hear whatever you want."

Ava laughed. "I am not laying my heart out there for him to trample on but there are some things that I have been wondering about. It's time he answered me." After she found out what happened with that is, Ava thought. Ava didn't appreciate his elusive nature and the moment she found him, she would make him pay.

Athena grabbed her sister-in-law and hugged tightly as tight as the hugs her mother used to give her. "You know, sometimes the best healing comes when we let our true selves come out. I know you are afraid of getting hurt but avoiding it hasn't helped either."

"Ava!" Lucas entered the room without so much as knocking. "Athena?"

Athena and Ava pulled apart and smiled at each other with knowing smiles.

"Out here!" Athena called out to her husband.

Lucas entered the room and looked straight at his sister. "Am I fighting someone?"

Ava laughed. "I have never known you to fight."

"I will start today, start naming names."

Ava rolled her eyes. "Your wife handled it."

"Is the engagement off?" Lucas asked with one brow raised.

Athena was quick and slapped him against the stomach. "We are going."

"I know where your bets are placed. You and Romain will be very disappointed," Ava said with a settled thought on her mind. She couldn't get over Alex because she hadn't faced her emotions. This time she was going to do it.

As the days went by, she called Alex and was faced by the same voicemail. When she saw his mother, Ava couldn't bring herself to ask Adrianna Evans where her son was. His mother held her own next to Christian's mother and she appeared to be happy.

Ava had been watching for telltale signs from Alex's mother about him and was disappointed when she saw nothing. But what had she expected? How many times had she hidden things from her own parents? Some part of her was relieved that it wasn't something to do with his health or the law.

***

From the moment Ava wore an off pink sequinned A-line dress with a long slit that Jess and Hannah guaranteed it would be the statement of the century and gave Christian's mom a heart attack. That had been the best part about the dress. As her mother clasped her diamond necklace around Ava's neck, she nearly bust into tears. Ava settled that it would be that kind of day.

The speech her father gave her before they got into the cars headed to the hotel sealed the deal, Ava started crying. She was lucky that her only had one sibling and her uncle, Taylor, was not a man of speeches or she wouldn't have survived all of them hugging her and telling her congratulations.

The good thing about all her family being there was that her mother's family from England were Aristocratic not by name only. They drank tea with their little pinkies up. That was enough distraction to keep Christian's mother off her back like she was seeing Ava for the very first time. The damn woman knew she couldn't top a lineage that once was cousins to the monarchy. Ava hoped that would be the end of Christian's mother treating as though she had been born to "new" money.

Still, Ava's feelings for his mother hadn't subsided despite it being just her and Christian in the car to the hotel. The look of disapproval the woman had given when she came down the stairs had left an imprint on Ava's mind.

Her dress hasn't been immodest, the slit only showed when she purposely angled her legs. Even if it was, Ava's defiant spirit said it was her choice how she dressed and hers alone. The woman wanted someone to mould and bend to her will. It was clear that she was the Alpha in her house and even with Ava's lack of words, they both knew that a clash was coming.

The entire day felt wrong— overwhelming and real. Ava had known it was coming but she hadn't expected the heavy emotions compounding her chest. When Ava gazed at the looming hotel ahead of them, she wanted to bolt. She glanced at Christian who was looking out of the window.

"Christian?"

He turned his head to her. "Yes, Ava."

His eyes said it all. He was filled with excitement and looking forward to the day. A sense of guilt washed over as her entire body was repulsed as she thought about the program they had to sit through. She didn't want this thing which was more an event for the world to see than just them. As if to emphasis her thoughts, photographers were taking pictures of their car as soon as it stopped.

"We need to talk," she said weakly, her voice barely out of her throat.

Christian shook his head with disbelief. "You do this now."

Ava shook her head apologetically. "This isn't about Alex. This is about us... about me."

"If it isn't about Alex then we get through this day and talk late."

"You are not listening to me."

Christian grabbed her hand and opened the door, leaving them open to cameras. Her false smile came on immediately. Once they were inside there was no chance for them to talk but they had to. She had to tell him the truth.

Ava had done to him what she did so many times with guys when she was in university. She had found someone whom she thought was the exact opposite of Alex and that wasn't fair, every person deserved to be loved for who they are and it shouldn't depend on who they aren't like.

The funny thing about all that was that their mannerisms were the same and the moment she realised that, she had built a wall against Christian and kept him at a distance. Not once had she been herself with him — she made herself palatable and sooner rather than later, he would discover than she had a temper.

Ava hadn't even known that she had changed herself until Alex called her out about the hair and the freckles. For so long, she had tried to not be the girl who loved Alex but what she hadn't realised was that she erased herself as much as she removed Alex from her life.

As the program went along, all Ava wanted to do was to get out and run. She didn't know where she wanted to go but she couldn't be there. She watched the couples in her family, all so different from each other and somehow worked. She wanted that burning love that came with a declaration of I'll do anything for you. There was only one person she ever felt that with and Christian deserved to have that person too and that person wasn't her. It would never be her.

Ava did the responsible thing for once and stood at Christian's side despite the words which lingered at the tip of her tongue. They were not right for each other. They could work in a vacuum but she wanted him to know that feeling too. As they danced, she looked anywhere but his eyes because they both knew what was coming.

"How long have you known?" His voice was hardly a whisper close to her ears.

"I didn't."

"Don't lie to me," Christian said with a slight laugh.

"From the moment we met?"

"I was doomed from the day we met? How could you know that I wasn't the one for you?"

"I wasn't being honest with myself. I haven't been myself for a very long time. I am not sure I know how or who I am supposed to be," Ava met his gaze. "We will talk later. I will explain everything."

"I think I already understand the gist of it." Christian stopped moving and gazed into her eyes. Eyes that had never bared all of her emotions but now it was all there for him to see.

"Christian please!"

He pulled her close and brought his lips against hers and kissed her hard. The room who had been watching them cheered. His kiss was disorientating and left her without her bearings. As he walked back to their seats with a fake smile, Ava knew that she cared for him deeply but that would never be enough.

Barely coherent, she walked through the tables towards the exist, getting stopped a few times as she made her out of the room. Her mind was so far away until her eyes landed on a teal blue so familiar and the last thing she expected. He hadn't expected to be seen either.

Alex had been looking down and seated so far out of the way like he hadn't wanted to be there. The way he looked at her with deer-in-headlights expression would have made Ava laugh if she hadn't spent an entire week calling to no answer. He looked like shit as if he hadn't been sleeping.

When she made a move to go to him, he stood up and marched out the hall. Her dash after him was like that of a linebacker tracking a lineman. Once she had him in sight, she wasn't letting go.

"Pharaoh Alexander Evans," she uttered as she launched at his back. "You are a dead man."

Alex moved aside and having not expected him to do that, Ava felt the ground pull her down. The Jerk! How dare he! Ava pressed her feet desperately into the ground and with six inch heels and a dress with a train as long as the aisle in the hallway, she did it with a little tweak in the ankles. That earned Alex a glare as she managed to steady herself.

She turned around. Now ahead of him. His hair was longer as though it hadn't seen scissors in some time. There was a stubble all over his face from not shaving in a couple of days. This was messy and Alex had never been messy. He was the guy who was always calm, collected and got on with everyone.

Despite dodging her attack, his hands were stretched out in front of him to catch her and then lowered them when she found her footing.
The more she looked at him, the more he broke her heart. She hoped that whatever had been bothering him would fade away but there it was still lingering in his slumped shoulders and eyes filled with the sorrow that she had heard a week ago when he told her that he fucked up.

Without much thought, Ava lifted one of her legs and grabbed her heel. She threw it at him and watched him move aside, and it rolled over the marbled floor.

"You know, I own this hotel. Should we speak in a private or something? I don't need the attention."

Ava had barely noticed that the reception area was filled with people. Granted, the photographers were outside but it was not beyond them to sneak in, trying to make a dollar.

"Privacy or not, you're still a dead man."

"I know," he mumbled under his breath. Alex moved across the hall where her shoe had been and picked it up. He moved over to her and bent down on