y/ns pov

i can see faint flickers of blue and red. and muffled voices and sirens.

every time i gained even the smallest amount of energy it was soon knocked back out with fatigue.

i feel things pinching my arms, and a band being strapped around my head.

an hour ago

Lizzie's pov

Downey had called an ambulance and i had an unconscious y/n in my arms. there was chaos everywhere and questions being thrown at me from downey on the phone.

"y/n y/n!" i shook her for a bit until Evans told me to stop, and to wait for the professionals.

soon enough they got here and acted quickly.
they immediately took her hoodie off and injected a cannula into her arm.

when the hoodie was taken off, dried blood covered most of her arms, and i gasped at the sight of small and barley noticeable cuts littered up the teens wrists.

Scarlett saw them too, and had the same reaction to me. she pulled me back a bit, to give the paramedics more space, her hands trembling slightly.

Paul, Evans and Tom all either turned away or left when the medics mentioned removing her clothes, so i was grateful she was still getting some privacy.

i couldn't see well, but i noticed people taking out some gauzes and bandages. i could've sworn i saw  y/ns eyes flickering every now and again, and her face screwing up.

the poor girl had been dealing with this all by herself. did i make her feel like she couldn't talk to me? how did i not notice?

present time

y/ns pov

my eyes are drawn open to the harsh light overhead.
and my ears are filled with faint continuous beeping.
my mouth feels like it's being suffocated.

i try move my arm to brush some hair out my face but the movement is restricted by some sort of wire like sensation. i try move it again, still not registering where i am, but this time it's stopped by hands.

i look to my right to see Lizzie sat with a tear stained face, holding my hand in place.

she says something, but i can't fully comprehend it. she must've noticed my confusion and calls to somone on her left.

a scary looking lady comes towards me and takes something off my face. an oxygen mask. that's why my breathing felt so weird.

as soon as the thing got taken off, my disorientation slowly faded out, and my ears felt as if they were popping.

"y/n can you hear me better?" Lizzie asks.
i nod and look around frowning. "you're at the hospital y/n." "you passed out after filming, the paramedics said you lost quite a lot of blood..." she trails on.

blood? my mind clicks and everything comes into focus now.

i look down and see my wrists, bandaged.
no no no no, this can't be happening. i shove the arm that doesn't have something sticking in it under the thin blanket.

the nurse then leaves to give us some privacy.

"this isn't real" i keep repeating in my head.
this was never meant to happen, no one was ever meant to find out. especially Lizzie. my thoughts quicken and the machine thingy beeps faster.

Lizzie must've known something was up, because she reached out and puts her hand on top of mine.

i'm sucked out of my thoughts and  forced to look lizzie in the eye.

"i know what you're thinking honey. and we don't have to talk about anything right now, if you don't want to."

i just keep quiet and stare straight ahead.
i don't want to seem rude, but i'm scared if i say something, i'm going to start crying.

ten minutes later

i haven't moved my eyes off the wall, and Lizzie hasn't moved her hand off mine. she's tracing small patterns with her thumb and she's tried to start conversations up a few times, and each time she did i  felt more and more guilty for keeping quiet.

the door squeaks open and this time Robert comes in. i know from how he knocked on the door. he has a specific pattern he always does.

"hey y/n, thought i'd pay you a visit." he says walking next to Lizzie.

i hate being in the middle of the room, just laying in a bed with no escape. i felt like an animal enclosed in a zoo, people staring, watching your every move.

from the corner of my eye i see lizzie shake her head at him. he takes the hint and stops talking.

"Scar had to film." he mumbles to her. they talk for a little bit and i catch bits and pieces.

i close my eyes, hoping that they'll notice and leave.

sure enough a few minutes later, i hear hushed voices and footsteps leaving.

when i hear the door shut i open my eyes and just think.

the door opens back up and lizzie walks back in.
"what, you really think i can't tell when you're fake sleeping?" she smiles. "Robert's gone back to set. just you and me."

this time i look right at her. i attempt to talk, but the tears inevitably fall.

she's quick to respond and comes to my side instantly, hugging me as much as she can with a needle sticking in my arm.

"hey hey, don't cry." she rubs my back affectionately. she pulls back and we both talk at the same time.

"i'm sorry"