Shai Louis

    I stared at Kingston's face as he peered deeply into my eyes, his mouth moved as if it were in slow motion and his eyes read nothing but sadness and despair. It was evident that he had taken off a bit of weight. Although his hair was freshly trimmed and he dressed up really nicely, by the state of his room alone; I knew this hadn't been the case until his family arrived.

It genuinely hurt my heart to see the amount of pain I caused him. The amount of pain that I had no choice against.

"Earth to Shai. Are you even listening to me?" He flashed his hand before my face and I quickly blinked back into the present.

"I'm so sorry... I drifted off for a moment there." I shook my head, trying to pull it together. "My apologies, that is it that you were asking me?"

"I need to hear the story again, Shai."

"Kingston. I've told you the story about four times now."

"Yeah and I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you found it in your heart to do this to me. If you needed space to clear your head, if you needed space to heal... you of all people know that I would understand. What you went through was far from easy! But come on Shai! The least you could've done is told me that you were alive..."

"I... I know. I wasn't thinking at the time. I was just scared and afraid."

"Which I understand, after everything; you have all right to be. But afraid of me, Shai?!" He placed his palm against his chest, continuing to stare into my eyes in disbelief. "Out of all people, me?"

"In that very moment, all I could think about was myself. All I could think about was healing from this situation. As much as you did run across my mind, I just knew that I wasn't ready. I needed to get better first."

"That's some bullshit." He spat, "I'm sorry to say, but that's some real serious bullshit. Both on your end and my mother's... Shai-Anna, do you know how many nights I cried? The amount of times I couldn't find an appetite? I lost sleep, I haven't been to work in three months, as you can see for the most part my condo is trashed!" He picked up some of the clothes, holding it up as an example. "Yes, I get that you needed to heal but all you needed to do was tell me that! What kind of sick, twisted person fakes their own death?"

I held my head down and sighed, the more intense he got was the harder that it was for me. As much as I wanted to open my mouth and just say it, I couldn't. I was tired of the cycle, tired of the outlandish drama that I knew would come. As much as I hadn't purposely faked my death, the idea of healing wasn't far from the truth. I had time to really gain some form of peace while being in Jamaica. In a way, it was what I needed although it wasn't the way I would've gone about it.

        Mrs. Hines had explained briefly what was going down while I was at the hospital. Of course, it all sounded crazy and almost impossible to wrap my head around but I chose not to question it. As mentioned, I was drained from all the drama. I wanted no parts in it, all I wanted was to get back to living life as normal and if it meant just sitting in a hospital bed for three months; I was willing to do so.

Oshane hadn't been a horrible person during the process, either. I get that he was the only one apart from Mrs. and Mr. Hines alongside Kira who knew that I was alive; but unlike the other three he was the only one who showed me some compassion. Mrs. Hines was focused on revenge, she had also sucked Kira in to think the same. Mr. Hines was more apologetic, but I could tell his focus was on his wife and that was completely fine. However, being in a hospital alone could really do a number on you and it seemed as if Oshane was the only person who understood out of the bunch.

After hearing Mrs. Hines' story I almost expected it to be the other way around. The accusations of him being a snake and biting the hand that fed him made me think the worst, but to my surprise; he was the opposite. To my surprise, Oshane allowed me access to speak to my dad, as long as he agreed to keep the secret between us. Thankfully, my dad was willing and held up his end of the bargain. "Anything to have contact with his daughter" was what he said and as weird as it was at first, I wouldn't trade that contact with anything in the world. We had gotten closer than before in a matter of weeks, he even went ahead with the whole faux funeral idea without question. I know it was hard for him being as my dad was a very honest man, but as mentioned; he was willing to do anything to have contact with his daughter and I wasn't going to fight anymore.

    Every single day, Oshane would come to the hospital to check on my progress, he would come to my physiotherapy appointments and on the days of some of my procedures. Oshane would bring flowers, he would bring food from Miss Pat, he would bring me books and he even went ahead to bring by a laptop in order for me to watch movies on. All the while, he did it in the name of his "best friend".

Once I was released from the hospital, Oshane was the one to come get me of course. I was put into one of the best hotels that I had ever seen. I was able to enjoy the paradise that Jamaica truly was and I was able to do it all on my own. I didn't mean to come off as selfish or anything, but it was genuinely what my soul needed after the turmoil that I had gone through. As bad as it was to say, I needed to be away for that long. Seeing Kingston, seeing Zuri, Jade and Omari... it broke my heart to say the least. Their reactions along with their stories of all they had gone through made me sad, but there really wasn't much I could do. There wasn't much I could do without a fight and unfortunately, I had no fight left.

I could only hope that they understood, that they would forgive me and if not; I understood. It wasn't their obligation and in a situation like this, I didn't blame them. I really didn't know if I would forgive me too. With the excuse I was given to use, it made me seem selfish and cold which was far from the truth! But, it was what I was given and I just was not going to argue it... I just wanted peace... I wanted to finally live my life and this time, the right way.

"And there you go... not listening again!" Kingston groaned.

"No, no. I'm listening!" I pleaded, "I'm sorry. My mind's just in a bit of a disarray. Now that I'm back and seeing you face to face... it's all just a lot." I fanned myself.

"If it's a lot for you, imagine us as your loved ones who thought you were dead." He smirked, "as happy as I am to see you in the flesh, I cannot believe you willingly went ahead and did something like this to me Shai-Anna."

"It's something that you would've had to be in my shoes to truly understand Kingston. After four years of being lied to and stringed along, after what happened with Jaxon... watching him die in the seat next to me. After ... Ray."

"A man who I shoved my morals to the side to get rid of for you." Kingston nodded, "a man whose chest I cut open because I believed that his actions are what led to your death." He nodded again. "A man who has been haunting my thoughts for the last three months!"

"You didn't kill him." I shook my head and said, "Kira did."

"And if she hadn't; I would've easily because those were my intentions. I saw nothing but sweet revenge for the girl that I believed deserved justice after all those years... and not to say that you didn't, but it would've been a lot more different had I known you were alive!" He exclaimed. "Shai-Anna... why man?!" Kingston exhaled deeply before getting up from the bed that we both sat on.

"I'm really sorry Kingston..." I whispered while watching him cover his face with both hands. He muttered something under his breath before finally removing his hands and staring over at me. "I wish I hadn't gone about it this way, but for the sake of m mental health, I co-."

"And for the sake of my mental health... I need you to get out of my house."

My brow raised and my mouth hung open just a tad, ".... Pardon me?"

"You heard what I said." His words were calm, yet very cold. "Get out of my house Shai-Anna..."

"I...but... I came back for you." I pointed, "what do you mean?"

"You shouldn't have." He shook his head and said, "you should've buried every single thought of me along with your lies. You shouldn't have come back."

"But... wait, no." I shook my head, "Kingston. I said I was sorry."

"Yeah and I said the same." He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, locking his attention on me. "I can't sit here and look at you and act like everything is okay."

"I know it isn't okay, which is why I'm here now. Which is why I want to make things right."

"Yeah all of that has gone though the window. Every time I see you, I will be reminded of the heartache you put me through and now that I know it could've been prevented." He scoffed, "makes it even worse."

"Kingston, we can talk this through."

"Nah. There's nothing to talk about. You said your piece. I heard your explanation four times as you said and I have decided that it's best if you leave."

"Do... do you want me to just give you your space and come back wh-."

"No, Shai-Anna." He interrupted. "I don't want you around me, at all. You got your healing, go live your life the way you see fit."

"I see my life, with you." My voice shook as the words escaped my lips.

"If that were the case, you would've trusted me with this."

"I know and I'm s-."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" He yelled, his jaw clenched and his eyes glossed over with tears. "Stop saying you're sorry because it ain't fixing a thing. I'm sorry too. i'm sorry this can and will never work out."

"But it can if we just work through this... if we just take our time to get over this rough patch. I'm willing to wait, just... just don't do that Kingston."

"There's nothing to work through." He sized me up for a moment before walking over to the mirror where he began to adjust his clothes. "I just want you out of my house and the sooner you can do so, the better."

"Kingston..." my brows wrinkled, "please don't do this."

"Shai, I understood your side of this. I heard you out, now I'm doing what I see fit, what I believe is best for me. You've gotten your healing and I am happy to see, you look amazing and I'm sure mentally you're doing just the same. As for me, I haven't am no where close to the healing that I'm going to need after the trauma this here, this situation has put me through. I cannot look at you and know that you were alive this entire time, not being held captive, not being blackmailed, not even in a coma!" He laughed, "but simply faking a death for your own personal gain meanwhile the people that love and care for you most; suffered over the last three months. That, just doesn't sit well with me and as for now; I'm not sure it ever will... so I'm making this decision and I am choosing to go forward with us just never speaking from this point in."

"I know I have hurt you, I know I have hurt my friends. I know what I did was selfish and cold but Kingston, if I could go back in time I would. I would've done things so much more different this time around. However, this is what I needed. I wasn't okay before, I was damaged, hurt and afraid. I needed this, I needed to recover."

"And I needed you!" He snapped, turning to point at me. "I needed to just know that you were alive. I have been nothing more but understanding from the jump! I am not Ray, I don't wish to control your life, I don't wish to make it worse. All I wanted was you... all I wanted was to be there for you! Even if it meant giving you your space, even if it meant waiting until you were better. That is something I could've and would've willingly given you. It's shocking that you didn't see that, that you didn't understand. It's a shame to know that you couldn't trust me."

"I... I..."

"Shai, just do us both a favour and leave."

"Please Kingston."

"Shai, just leave."

"We can work this out."

"Shai, get out of my house... please."

"I can give you your space, but I don't want to lose what I know we have the potential to have."

"Shai-Anna!" He yelled once more, causing me to almost jump back. "What do you not get? There's no potential. As of this moment you're dead to me. Get out of my fucking house!"

The door of his bedroom swung open and Mr. Hines stepped inside, "is everything okay? I heard yelling."

"Yeah, Shai was just leaving." Kingston explained.

"I... wanted to stay and talk, I wanted to work this out. I understand that he's mad, Mr. Hines but you of all people know how much I care for your son. My actions were a mistake... one that I wish I could go back and change, but I can't bare to lose him." I said, while rising up from where I sat. My heart still beating within my chest from the volume and baritone of his voice. "Kingston, if it's time that you need; I can give you that."

"I don't need time, I need you out of my house." He repeated.

"Now, son." His father raised his hand and said. "Yes, what happened wasn't desirable but this is what you wanted... another chance and she's here now. Don't let your anger blow this opportunity. Not many people get this. I know that it's going to take some time but soon this all will blow over and it'll be water under the bridge for what I know will be an amazing union."

"Nah, I'm good on that." He shook his head and pursed his lips. "I can't imagine myself with someone as selfish... and I guess it's partly my fault at the end of the day because as far as I'm concerned; this could've been who you truly were the whole time." My brows furrowed. "You're practically a stranger." He smirked, "I let someone I barely knew get into my head and that is on me."

"Kingston!" His father exclaimed, "Nah, we're not going to do that."

"It's already done and I said what I said. Now, i'm going to ask one last time before literally picking you up and taking you out myself. Get out of my house, Shai-Anna."

"You are not going to do that!" His father grimaced, "Kingston, what has gotten into to you?"

The entire time Kingston glared at me in such an intimidating manner that it sent chills down my spine. His father continued to try and reason with him, but his voice became distant and all I could see was the darkness in Kingston's eyes. I knew there and then that this was done, that there was no saving the broke pieces. The compassion, that want, the love he had in his eyes had now disappeared and so fast. The eyes I saw were eyes that I hadn't since knowing him, they were the eyes that I held onto the entire time I was in the hospital, they weren't the eyes that begged me to choose him, they weren't the eyes of love, nor were the eyes of the man that I came here to expect. Kingston's eyes were filled with hatred and I felt it to my core. Kingston, just like me... had no more fight left and it would've been selfish of me not to understand. He was hurt and as far as he was concerned; it was my doing. I couldn't blame him or make it seem as though his feelings were inadequate. If this is what he wanted, just like him if the roles were reversed; I had no choice but to respect it.

    Despite his father's many efforts to try and get him to apologize and take back his words, it was clear that it was a lost cause. I picked up my purse and although it took a lot out of me, I made my way through the bedroom door. I walked down the hallway, ignoring Mr. Hines' calls for me to stay. My walk turned into a jog and as soon as I caught glimpse of the family along with my two friends around the corner, I opened up the door and basically sprinted out of there.

I took the stairs down, once against ignoring what sounded like Tiffany calling my name. Behind me, I could hear their footsteps but I felt as if I was going a mile a minute and I knew that it was impossible for them to catch up to me.

Once I got outside, I let out a deep breath that I hadn't realized I was holding in the entire time. I leaned over for just a moment to steady my breathing before looking back at the building one last time. Just as I was about to take off, I saw Tiffany exit through the same door I had come from, Marley not too far behind her.

"Shai, what's going on?!" Tiffany jogged over to me and said, "where are you going?"

"I just need to get out of here." My eyes blurred with tears. "I need to go, he doesn't want me here."

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" Marley stated, "he's been on his face for months crying fro you to magically return."

"No, he said it out of his own mouth. I'm dead to him, a complete stranger at best and he wants me out."

"Kingston's just going through the motions." Tiffany placed her hand on my shoulder and said, "after everything you can't really blame him, but I can assure you that he doesn't truly mean what he's saying right now. You know his heart, so does everyone else up there. He needs a moment maybe, but trust me... he doesn't mean that. Kingston cares for you like no other."

"I can second that claim!" Marley raised a finger in agreement. "What he said wasn't cool though, I'll talk to him."

"No, if this is what he wants then I understand. Like you said; I can't really blame him." I wiped away at my tears. "I just think it's best if I leave."

"I beg to differ," Tiffany shook her head and said, "It's thanksgiving. You should be with us after being alone for the past three months. He can be upset all he wants, but he doesn't get to deny you thanksgiving dinner. Serena invited you."

"It's his home..."

"Doesn't matter." Marley smirked, "what's a pup to a wolf? Mom would not have it this way."

"I understand that... but I just, I just want to leave. If it's space he needs then so be it, but until he's ready; I don't want to be in his face." I explained and as I looked over Tiffany's shoulder; out came Zuri with her purse in hand.

"Are you okay?!" She asked from afar, "What happened up there?"

"Can we please leave?!" I asked her, "I can explain everything in the car. Please, I just need to get out of here."

"Of course," she nodded, going into her purse for her keys.

"Shai-Anna, you don't need to leave." Tiffany continued, "please just give Serena some time to talk to him."

"I'm sorry Tiffany, I'm sorry Marley... but I can't." I quickly leaned forward and gave them both a hug before walking away and following Zuri over to her car.

    We climbed inside and Zuri was quick to drive out of the parking spot before I had to deal with anymore attempts to persuade me to stay. If there was one thing I loved about this girl, it was the fact that she knew my thoughts without me even having to explain a single thing.

We drove in silence all the way until we made it to the freeway, due to the holiday traffic here in Texas; we were bumper to bumper and for the first time, it was okay. We weren't in a rush at all.