Longing

On the surface

"...hey! Hey, Y/N!"

Jim snapped his fingers in front of you to catch your attention.

You quickly were brought back to reality as you saw him in front of your desk at the lab with a confused look.

"Y/N, is everything okay? You've been staring off for at least five days by now"

You simply stared into his eyes, trying to get a hold of your confusion.

"...Jim?"

He sighed and sat down beside you.

"Y/N, something has happened, and I know it. Jack has also talked with me, he's a lot worried for you. He says you've been kinda lost ever since he took you out"

"...Jack said this?"

"Yeah, he says that he wants to help but doesn't know how. He was even scared that he could have done something, and I had to reassure him"

"I..."

Jim looked at you with an even worried look.

"Y/N, has something happened? Please, tell me, whatever it is, if you're just sleepy these days or if something is troubling you"

You looked into his eyes as you chose the words to say.

"I feel like...something is missing. I mean, I...feel like something is off. Something should be here, but right now it isn't.

Five days ago I found myself crying in the apartment, but I don't know why...I felt like I was missing something. I felt like I lost something. And the weird thing is that I found an odd flower on my table. I didn't dare to touch it, and I just watered it everyday, but...oh Jim, I don't know what is happening anymore!

...it's like I long for something, or someone, but I don't know what or who"

In the underground.

In five days Frisk managed to break the barrier. Once they said goodbye to Asriel, they woke up finding everyone they cared for looking at them. Everyone, except for a certain scientist.

In those few days Frisk had thought about how to approach Gaster, as they resetted many times, canceled him many times from that little room and were, well, almost killed by him.

They felt like they needed to explain everything to him.

But, they didn't even know where Gaster was. It seemed like he was hiding somewhere, and only Sans knew where he was.

Right then, Frisk was reflecting on what to say. Everyone was there, staring at the person wearing the blue shirt with two pink stripes.

"My child, is everything okay? Do you need some time to say goodbye to everyone?"

"Actually, yes...Sans, may I talk with you for a second?"

Sans looked at you, but didn't seem exactly so surprised. It looked like he already understood what they wanted to talk about.

"sure frisk"

They both reached the throne hall and sat down on the flowers.

The same flowers where Asriel died.

"i suppose you want to talk with my dad"

"...yeah, I...need to apologise. And I also feel the urge to explain him everything.

I also want to ask him something. But I don't know where he is. So please, help me find him"

Sans looked at Frisk's eyes. They were sincere.

Sans faintly smiled as he patted Frisk's shoulder.

"I...also wanted to thank you. It seemed you understood that I didn't reset because I wanted to but because Chara forced me to do it. Thank you for everything" Frisk then continued.

Sans' permanent smile grew wider as he then hugged Frisk.

"no problem, kid"

"How many times do I have to remind you that I'm not a kid?"

"a skeleton of times"

...

"I need to search for a cave, as Sans said"

After joking around, Sans told them to search for a cave in Waterfall.

They walked on those blue paths filled by echo flowers at the sides. They could hear giggles, sad wishes, every type of sound coming from the flowers.

Finally, they reached what looked like the entrance of the cave, covered by dark blue vines. They could see a faint light coming from there.

Frisk saw Gaster on the little hill, sitting down, surrounded by the echo flowers.

They faintly sighed, looking at the scientist: he was probably going through something hard, wasn't he?

They didn't actually get to meet Gaster on the surface, but they still felt like he was a friend.

They also knew what was troubling him, thanks to Chara: a girl had forgotten about him. Was she his lover?

Shaking the thoughts away and concentrating on what they wanted to say, they approached Gaster at a steady pace.

Gaster didn't even flinch hearing the walking sounds.

Frisk stopped once they reached the hill, Gaster's back meeting their eyes. His skull was looking down at a specific flower.

"Gas-" they tried to say, but their mouth was soon covered by a magic hand that popped out of nowhere.

They then soon noticed that it was Gaster's magic: his hand was glowing purple.

He then stood up, grabbing Frisk's shirt and leading them out of the cave.

Why is he acting like this?

Once they got out of the cave, Gaster released Frisk's shirt and removed the magic hand from their mouth.

"W-why would you do that?" Frisk asked.

"This cave is like my sanctuary. And the echo flowers repeat what she once said to me. I don't want the echo flowers to repeat something other than her voice. This is why I covered your mouth"

Frisk's curiosity was now higher: they wanted to hear this girl's voice. Who knows, maybe they would have met her too one day.

Oh wait, actually, I have met her. Right when I... Frisk thought, remembering the girl's scared face when they pressed the button, grabbing Gaster's turtleneck.

"Gaster...this is also why I'm here" Frisk said "I want to apologise"

Gaster didn't even look at them, crossing his arms. Was he feeling guilty as well?

Receiving only Gaster's silence, they continued talking.

"First of all, I want to apologise for repeatedly deleting you from this world and sending you back to the void. I actually wanted to help you, but...Chara wouldn't let me. They wanted to take revenge for extracting the Determination from their soul.

They too had the Determination trait, and them being the ghost they are, we...shared the Determination. So...it was their doing, but I can't help but feel guilty for it. I was unable to help you, which is one of my biggest regrets, together with my genocide timelines.

Our sharing was also what everytime forced me to reset. When I...met you with Sans and that girl I tried to resist against Chara, but in the end they won over me.

I think the main reason they want me to reset is because they want to see Asriel again and again. Either to console him in the pacifist or punish him for not listening to them when their soul merged.

This is also the second reason why I am here: I want you to extract some of my Determination from my soul"

For the first time after their meeting, Gaster looked at Frisk with a surprised look.

"What are you trying to do?" he just asked.

"I can only reset if my soul is full of Determination. I don't want to reset anymore, I want to live my life, I want to experience something new with my friends I found here. I don't want Chara to take over me"

"Actually, where are they now? Why are they not forcing you to reset now?" he asked

"They want me to do the "True Reset", the [Reset] that makes everyone, except for Sans and you, forget about me and start all over again, back where we both fell. That buttercup field is probably where Chara attached to me. The True Reset is something I can only do on the surface, so they won't actually do something now: they only appear when I'm at a really high risk of danger"

Gaster looked at them for a few seconds and sighed sadly.

...you are sad because this won't change the fact that she doesn't remember you, isn't it? Frisk thought.

But in the end, he nodded.

"Okay, I'll do it" he simply said.

Frisk smiled lightly, looking at the scientist.

Gaster snapped his fingers, and a medical suitcase appeared beneath his feet.

He opened it, wore a pair of black gloves and picked a syringe.

"Please pull your soul out of your body" he said.

Frisk pulled their soul out of their chest, a vivid red colour shining all over the blue environment.

Gaster was about to press the needle against the red heart, but then stopped.

"Gaster, is everything alright?"

"I...also want to apologise for what I have done. I shouldn't have done that, the thought about her not remembering me took over me. I was desperate, I hope you'll forgive me"

Frisk just smiled.

"I already forgave you"

Gaster sighed of relief, the sad smile still plastered on his mouth.

He then extracted some of Frisk's determination and put it in a test tube.

Frisk then put again their soul in their chest, and once Gaster finished closing his suitcase, they grabbed his arm and pulled it. A bit shocked from the action, he looked at Frisk.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you to the surface, along with everyone.

A new life starts now" they said with a smile

Shocked by their words, he looked at them.

They resemble her just when she was on that river, telling me that everyone deserves a second chance.

...heh, you were right, my love, they deserved a second chance.

...will I meet you again, my dear?

...

You opened your eyes, but to your surprise and disappointment, not thanks to the alarm clock but from the notifications of your phone.

"What the heck...didn't I silence the notifications?"

You checked the hour with groggy eyes: 5:00 am. You grunted, hating the fact that you were woken up at this early hour.

And no, you didn't silence your phone.

"Looks like I forgot to silence it yesterday...why do I keep forgetting things lately?"

You asked yourself this, forgetting that you made yourself the same question everytime.

"...I keep dozing off for some motive"

You tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't somehow. Something was troubling you.

"I...feel alone. I feel a loneliness that Jack isn't able to fulfill...just what is it?"

You looked up to the ceiling, trying to answer yourself.

"Just what do I need...?"

You put your hands on your eyes in frustration, groaning from the discomfort of being awake at an early hour and being unable to answer yourself.

Over the past days this sensation of missing something filled your heart. It was unbearable.

"Why can't I understand what is missing? Who is missing?!" you yelled at yourself, a tear falling down your eye.

"Why is everything weird now...I have my life, a boyfriend, a job I love, so what's wrong with me?! Why do I keep feeling something empty in my chest as if it's longing for something?

Why am I melanchonic?!"

More tears fell down your eyes in frustration.

But you didn't want to cry: you quickly calmed down, breathed slowly and watched the ceiling.

"Calm down, Y/N...maybe it's just a bad period. And bad periods pass"

You then thought about Jack.

"He's my boyfriend, but why did I think of him all of a sudden...?

...why does the word "boyfriend" feel unappropriate for him?"

If you were confused before, now you were the most confused person in the world.

Jack. Jack. Jack.

G........a..st

You tried to associate your boyfriend's name with the noun "boyfriend" but unexpectedly, different letters were pronounced in your head.

"...gast? Gast what? What's Gast? Who's Gast?" you asked yourself.

Trying to figure out what these four letters meant, of course if there weren't more, you then fell asleep, only to be woken up again, by the alarm clock this time.

You opened your eyes again, now feeling a little bit more relaxed.

Suddenly, you felt the unexplainable urge to check on your phone: you quickly picked it and unlocked it, to see why you had so many notifications.

They were all about the same messages: monsters.

The monsters had managed to break the barrier.

And there was a total fuss about it.

But for some motive, something deep in your soul moved.

Something was awakening. And it was stronger than any feeling you had felt before.

The feeling of hope.

The feeling of longing also increased.

8 months later

"dad, why do you keep looking at yourself over the mirror?"

Sans entered his dad's room, and found him looking at himself. A sad and unsure look could be seen in his pin-pricks.

"are you worried because you'll get to finally see her?"

After Frisk worked as an ambassador between monsters and humans, monsters could live peacefully with humans: a new life could start.

Alphys and Gaster managed to get their jobs back at the same lab they used to work in before the [Reset]. Gaster was obviously nervous, because he couldn't see you during those 8 months, and now he could finally see you again, at work.

But he was feeling scared. He was sure that you would have just simply greeted him as a colleague, or worse, someone you knew just because of sight.

Sans sighed, understanding what his dad was feeling.

"dad, just act natural. if the timeline goes as it should go, you should be able to meet her again" Sans reassured him, patting his shoulder.

Gaster only sighed, now looking down at his trembling hands.

"and who knows, she might even manage to remember you: human souls are stronger than monster ones', aren't they?"

"I don't think she'll manage to remember me..."

"c'mooon, you're just saying this because you're scared. now go to that lab of yours and show everyone, especially her, who's guts"

Gaster faintly smiled, thanking his son and departing, a second later at the lab.

He didn't choose his section to teleport in, but chose another familiar section: Bothanics.

"...hah, I didn't even choose to teleport here. Guess I'm just too familiar with it" he said.

He was about to turn his back when he stopped himself. Why not give it a try? He could simply pretend that he was lost, greet people there and search for you. And maybe even try to talk with you.

He opened the glass door and met Jim's eyes.

"Oh, hello! How can I help you?" Jim said cheerfully and friendly.

Gaster smiled at the welcoming, and pretended.

"Ah, hello...I'm new here, but I must have lost my tracks. I don't work at the Bothanics section, I should be working at the Souls section" he said looking around, searching for your presence.

But surprisingly, you weren't there. You were the only one that was absent among all of your co-workers.

Even though he pretended, Jim noticed his alert look.

"Huh, the Souls section is two floors up ahead...say, are you searching for someone?"

Gaster hid his disbelief at Jim's perceptiveness and looked at him, knowing at least that you weren't there.

"Oh no, I was just looking around" he said.

"Oh, were you looking at the floreal compositions over there by chance?" Jim said, pointing at a place over a wall.

Gaster looked at where he was pointing, and noticed a floreal composition in the shape of a heart.

A floreal compositions made of Agapanthuses.

Gaster's pin-pricks became smaller, as the memory of him preparing that specific flower for her flowed back in his head.

"Oh...that's beautiful. May I ask who made it?"

"A colleague of ours. Sadly she isn't here. In these last months for some reasons she's been...weird. As if she was overthinking. She's always lost in her thoughts, and suddenly one day she decided to build of floreal composition of Agapanthuses. When we asked her the reason of such action, she simply shrugged off with her now usual lost look, saying that "a feeling in her heart told her to do it""

Gaster was shocked hearing those words.

He needed to leave.

"Are you feeling well? You look paler than you already are" Jim asked worried.

"N-no...I beg your pardon, I must have taken too much of your time. I will leave you now. Thank you for telling me the direction to my section, Jim"

He then turned his back and walked away, leaving a shocked and confused Jim: he had never told him his name.

4:00 pm

The end of the work schedule soon came, and Gaster left as soon as he could.

He needed to walk. He needed to think about what Jim told him.

It looked like your strong grasp on him when you were being pulled apart by the [Reset] made you experience a sort of confusion.

And honestly, this made Gaster feel a bit hopeful, but he was still scared.

Suddenly, he remembered what you told him: that walk on the river was a special place for you.

A special place is supposed to calm you, isn't it...?

He started running.