Lucas wasn't sure how long he stood there drinking in the sight of Eliott, standing stoically before him.
It could've been seconds.
Or hours.
He was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
Would ever see his entire life he imagined.
Eliott was still, almost as if he was afraid to move.
"We need to talk"
Eliott nodded sadly at him.
"Should we sit?"
They both do. Beside each other on their cuddle couch, as they used to affectionately call it.
"How have you been?" Eliott asked sheepishly and then shakes his head "what a stupid question. I'm sorry"
Lucas looks down at his hands.
"Probably as good as you've e been I'd imagine"
He has to stare at his hands because looking at Eliott is hard. Fighting the urge to reach out and touch him, drag him into his arms, it's too much.
"Did you read my letter?"
Lucas nods.
"Yes it was beautiful." He tells him softly.
"I'm so sorry, Lucas. I wish I could take it all back"
He hears the emotion in his loves voice.
Feels it in his gut.
Aches with it.

"But you can't." Lucas finally manages to speak. "We can't. It happened. Everything happened."
Eliotts eyes are wet and he nods.
" I know."
"Then why?" Lucas asks finally looking at him "why did you do it?"
Eliott shook his head. Eyes downcast.
"I don't know. I thought maybe in time I could get you to see Lola the way I did. A harmless, lost soul. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm such a fucking fool." His voice angry as he speaks.
"No." Lucas interjects "You always want to see the best in people, Eliott, that's not wrong. It's one of the things I love most about you."
"You still love me" he asks in surprise.
"Oh course I do." He tells him.
Suddenly his is close. So close.
"Lucas, god I love you so much! I can fix this. I know I can!" He goes to reach for him and Lucas moves, stands up suddenly.
Distancing himself.
"Wait. Eliott no. We can't fix this. I'm sorry."
He sees the light in Eliotts eyes diminish right before his.
"But you said you love me still." Eliott told him urgently. Hopefully.
Lucas comes closer to him then.
Knowing he needs him close to say this.
Needs to look him in the eyes.
Those stormy blue eyes.
Those eyes that will haunt his dreams forever.
Please, he prays to God, to the universe, to what ever will listen...please give me the strength to let him go.
He cups his angelic face in his hands.
"Look at me. Please. I do. God Eliott I've never loved anyone more. I'll go to my death loving you. I know that as sure as I know anything"
"Then why?" He cries quietly.
"Because sometimes love isn't enough. I wish it was. I so badly wish it was." He's crying now as well. No point in fighting it or hiding it. "But I don't trust you anymore. And to stay together would be a mistake. I'd always question every thing you told me, want to check up on you. Catch you in a lie and that's not fair to you or me. It's no way to live. It's no way to love."
Their foreheads are resting against each other's.
Lucas hands wipe away Eliotts tears, tenderly, lovingly.
"God Lucas I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do this without you."
Lucas closes his eyes.
He gasps on a sob
"I don't either. I hate this. I hate every part of this."
Eliotts hands grab his arms. Pulling him tightly against him.
"Then don't do it. Don't. Baby please." He begs.
Lucas slowly shakes his head against his.
"I have to. If I loved you less maybe I could stay but I can't. Remember our talk of  parallel universes? Maybe this is the one we don't get it right. At least not right now."
"Please don't say that. Please don't." Eliott sobs into his neck. His head fallen into the crook of Lucas shoulder.
"I love you, Eliott. I will always love you. Please remember that." Lucas cries into the warmth of Eliotts neck.
His lips softly kissing the skin there.
He feels Eliotts head move.
Feels the wet of his cheeks.
Feels his soft lips on his skin, and then they are kissing, with a passion equal to their very first kiss in the rain.
They moan into each other's mouths.
Hands in each other's hair.
Trying to consume each other one last time.
Taste each other one more time.
They get carried away and it's Lucas that regains his senses first and slowly pulls his lips away.
They are both gasping for air.
Get up.
Lucas!
Get up!
His inner voice yells.
He cups Eliotts face again and places a firm kiss on his forehead.
Breathing him in
"Goodbye Eliott." He whispers heartbroken and stands up.
He walks to the door.
Eliott doesn't follow.
He remains on the couch. His back to Lucas. He can see it heaving up and down.
"Goodbye Lucas" is all he says.
Lucas goes to the door and quickly closes it behind him.
He leans against it.
Unable to walk further.
He clasps his hands over his mouth to muffle the sob that wants to escape.
He can hear Eliott sobbing inside and with what little strength he has left...he walks with heavy steps away from the love of his life.
One step at a time.
Further and further away.