"Welcome to your life. There's no turning back."

-Everybody wants to rule the world by Tears for Fears
_________________________

"I see here on your resume it says you were fired from Palm Cafe? Can I ask why that is?"

I picked at my nail beds nervously. "Some unwanted attention was being brought to the cafe and for some reason it was my fault."

"Mmhm." Mrs. Orlandella scanned me again. I had hoped with this suit jacket and dress pants I might look a little more professional and trustworthy looking, first impressions were important. Unfortunately for me, I had already set a first impression unintentionally and it wasn't a very good one. Being called a slut in a magazine isn't exactly job material.

"Would you bring that attention to Harper's Grocery?"

"Only in a good way. It wouldn't negatively affect you. More customers equals more profits." I smiled, not even believing myself.

"One last question," her eyes skimmed my resume behind her cat eye glasses. "Why do you want this job?"

I would tell her I need this job but I didn't want to sound too eager, but I still wanted to be honest. "For the money. I'm trying to help my mom out with the bills and I'll be going to college soon so I need some stability before I go away."

"What college?" She raised her orange eyebrows. This woman looked like a clown it wasn't even funny.

"Princeton." I said proudly.

She nodded and made that "Mmhm." Sound again. She had kept doing that throughout the interview and I didn't know if it was a good thing or bad.

"Well, I'll have to contact you about if you got the job or not." She smiled and stood up, I imitated her then shook her hand.

"Nice meeting you." I said one last time before walking out to the parking lot.

"How'd it go?" Libby asked me once I got in the car.

"If she said thank you, it means you didn't get the job." Megan said from the back seat.

I sighed as I ripped off my blazer, took off my belt, and untucked my shirt. No wonder businesswomen were so bitchy. "I have no idea. What does 'Mhmm' mean in an interview?"

Libby shrugged. "Depends what tone they were using."

I pulled my notepad from the console and checked off "Harper's Grocery". "Only three more to go." I was interviewing for five different jobs. Best case scenario, they all hire me and I can choose the best paying job.

"I have to be at my sister's dance recital in five minutes so you better go Fast and Furious mode." Riley warned. Ever since I got a car, everyone has been making me be their chauffeurs instead of Libby because I had the nicer car.

"Alright, Paul Walker."

I started to pull away and as I did, my phone buzzed.

"Lib, do mind checking that for me?" I was against texting and driving, no matter how convenient it might be.

"Who's 'Asshole'? Because they say that they want to talk."

I rolled my eyes. "Just ignore it." Jax had gone from Jerkface to Asshole on my phone once we started dating, I'm not sure why.

"Is it Jax?" Megan said quietly.

"What happened at the Charlene show?"

"I don't want to talk about it, ok?" I said, exasperated. 

"E, you've gotta stop doing this. Whenever we bring up Jax or a touchy topic, you shut down. Come on, just let us in, it won't do you any good building up your walls too high." Libby said.

I sucked in a deep breath. "We got in a fight. I haven't talked to him since. What else do you want to know?"

"Are you two broken up?" Megan asked.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, wondering the same thing. "I don't know." I feel like I overreacted. I've considered apologizing, but I didn't know what for. I felt like I had done enough apologizing, it was his turn to go first, but that didn't mean I was ready for him to apologize. I needed my space for a little longer.

I dropped Megan off at the dance recital and Libby at her apartment, making my way back to my own house.

It was so quiet in the car. All I could hear was the hum of the AC and the cars zipping by me on the road. I liked this silence for a while. It was calming. It helped me relax. I had been so tense and anxious lately, I needed my relaxing, quiet alone time.

But there came a point when the silence became too much.

At this point, it just became a buzz droning in my ears. At this point, it almost drove me crazy. At this point, I would kill for some noise.

I turned on the radio to kill the silence and took a deep breath. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I really do need people. I can't push them away like Jax did, because the calm and silent only stays calm and silent for so long.

I pull into my driveway and scamper up to the door, peeking in the window to make sure dad wasn't on a rampage again. Luckily, it didn't look like anyone was home.

I went inside and flopped onto the couch, rubbing my eyes. I was just about to start catching up on American Horror Story when my doorbell rang.

"I don't want any cookies!" I yelled, burrowing deeper into the couch.

"I've got thin mints!" An all too familiar voice said. "Come on, bigmouth, you can't avoid me forever." Jax said.

"I can try." I replied.

"Two minutes, that's all I need."

I contemplated whether or not I should open the door, but I knew he wasn't going to leave. I'll hear what he has to say but I don't have to listen.

I shuffled to the door and opened it a crack and my heart sped up a bit, but I willed it to slow down.

I almost laughed out loud he looked so ridiculous, wearing awful skinny jeans and shoes that made his feet look like bananas. That wasn't even the best part, his shirt said "I am an asshole" paired horribly with bright pink suspenders. I wish I could get my phone out and take a picture.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"No." I said back. "You could've just called me. You didn't have to come all the way out here and wear whatever this interesting ensemble is."

"Yeah, but," he hooked his thumbs under his suspenders and snapped them against his chest. "You came all the way out to my house and looked ridiculous all soaked and I figured the girl can't be the only one apologizing. That's, like, the rules of feminism."

"Just because you're quoting Mean Girls--way out of context, by the way-- doesn't mean you'll make this any better."

"Will this?" He turned his back to me. "I am an asshole who is in love with Erica Wilde!" He screamed.

"Shut up." I seethed. "Do you want every reporter as far as Venice coming?"

He turned back to me and shrugged. "I don't know, and I don't care."

I looked down at my phone clock. "You have one minute."

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Ok, listen, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have blown up at you at the Charlene show and I didn't mean to make it seem like I was doing everything Hollywood wanted. You've gotta understand that I've never had a real relationship, one that wasn't fake or forced. This was the first time I've actually tried to do something you wanted and it completely blew up in my face. I'm used to the attention and you're not and I didn't see that you were unhappy. I've been walking on eggshells with you, I've been trying very hard to make you happy and make you feel loved. I've been trying to not make too many mistakes that Drew might've made-"

"Fifteen seconds."

"-And I know that you think I'm a player like Drew was and you don't deserve to be played. You've gone through enough already and I know you'll let me go at the drop of a hat if I messed this up. Erica, I love you. I really do. I would do almost anything to keep you but at some point, we've gotta break even-"

"Times up."

He ignored me. "-It's only going to get better if we just try. Can we just try to adjust to each other? I really want to make this better, I want to make this work so badly you can't even imagine. But if you don't love me or you can't handle all of the attention, I'll let you go your own way. But if there is even a small part of you that wants to make this work, please stay. I don't want you, I need you. I wouldn't be begging if I didn't believe it." He was out of breath when he finished. He had to lean up against the doorframe to catch his breath.

He was right. About everything. But I was still hesitant to believe, hesitant to accept. Jax had already tried so hard to make this better for me and I stood by and watched him cross oceans for me. I admired his persistence. I admired the way he would give up so much for me, nobody had ever done that. I knew he actually loved me, and I wished so bad I loved him back. Maybe I did, maybe I would, but I couldn't tell what I thought right now.

I let out a sigh. "Change out of those hideous jeans and then maybe I'll consider making out- I mean, making up." I winked at him and started to close the door, watching him lick his lips in temptation. Just as the door was about to close, he stuck his foot in the door and opened it the rest of the way, connecting his lips with mine.

I dragged him in the house by his suspenders and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him harder.

"The pants were just making me antsy." He said between breaths. "I couldn't wait."

"I'm glad you're so good at breaking rules." I said as he leaned me against the wall.

I started to back myself into the kitchen, pulling Jax by his shirt, when I heard a tiny voice come from the stairs.

"What are you doing?"

I pulled away and looked up at Luke, my lip still hooked under Jax's.

"That's a weird way to do CPR." He said, his face contorted in a look of disgust.

I pushed myself away from Jax and looked up at Luke. "I think we need to have a little talk."

We sat him down in the living room and I tried to think of a way to tell him that my mortal enemy is now my boyfriend.

"Why were you kissing her? I thought you hated her? She's a bigmouth and she doesn't know how to have fun." Hurtful.

Jax sighed. "Luke, I'm a liar. I'm a guilty liar. I know I said I hate her, but in truth, it's the exact opposite."

Luke scrunched up his face. "You love her? That's gross."

I couldn't help but laugh. He was the cutest kid I've ever met.

"I know. I didn't want to admit it but she forced it out of me." He squeezed my hand.

"What happens if you break up? Will we still be friends?"

"Of course, bros before hoes, right?" He fist bumped Luke.

"What's a hoe-"

"Ok," I quickly interjected. "How about you go grab your iPad and show Jax your Minecraft house?"

Luke grinned and ran upstairs.

"You could've spared the cussing." I raised my eyebrows at Jax.

"What? It's the only thing that rhymed."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek before snuggling into his arms.

"But I hope we don't plan on breaking up anytime soon." Jax said.

I took a deep breath. "I got accepted, to Princeton."

"That's great." He didn't sound very excited.

"We haven't really talked about this." I said.

He sucked in a breath. "I was hoping we wouldn't."

I sat up and faced him. "Once we go away, we're broken up. It's that simple. It will be too hard to stay together over such a distance and," I swallowed hard, looking down at my hands. "We should see other people. I don't want you to be tied down by me."

"I'm not going to be with anyone but you." He protested. "I don't care. You can move on but I won't."

"You need to." I was trying so hard to fight back tears. "It will only make the heartbreak better."

"Erica-"

"Just try not to have sex with too many Russian models, ok? I don't want you to get any STDs."

We both stayed silent for a while before Luke came bounding down the stairs, already babbling about Minecraft.

Jax put on a smile for him, but in his eyes I could see pain. He might be a good actor, but he could never get the eyes right.

He looked over at me with a desperate look on his face, a look that said "Please stay."

I couldn't. If you love someone you had to let him go.

****

You know what would be super awesome? If someone wanted to make a trailer for me :P I'm not super skilled at stuff like that but if you are and wanted to be amazing, I would really appreciate it. I will follow you and give you a shout out if you do, plus vote on your story.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be updating this Friday because I'll be on a field trip so an update should be coming on Saturday.

Comment what you thought!

Peace out,

-RavenclawMaven1198