ROSE'S POV

Miscarriage.

One word.

Just my luck right?...

To be fair I didn't want the kid in the first place, as horrible as that sounds...honest.

It's honesty.

I don't know.

I began looking forward to it. My belly growing. Becoming a mom.

I guess I'm still in shock- a bit disoriented.

Jacey just notices I'm distant but I try not to be that way.

He doesn't know...

I guess I should rewind a little.

<|<|<|
"Get in the fucking car!" Sevan yells as she's stomping toward us.

"Hey! Calm down." Jacey demands. "Relax." Jacey uses his hand as ease.

"Screw you." Sevan sneers.

She's calmed down externally. Internally however, was a different story.

Her skin so red as she visibly shook with so much anger and hatred.

Mainly toward me.

"Get. In. The. Car. You!" She points. "You broke him! You walk around recklessly and aimlessly ruining everything you touch. You act so innocent and blameless but you're a conniving, manipulating bi-."

"Hey-." Jacey grabs her arm but she cuts him off.

"No! Listen to me, you broke him! I cleaned it up. I did this. I built him. You didn't want him!I always have..." Her voice cracks.

"I-."

She cuts me off, "What is it Jacey really? What is it? She's just going to do it again." She chuckles in irony, wiping the snot from her nose.
"I can't make you love me and I don't even want you to try. You can't make your heart feel something it won't- I understand that..." She nods as Jacey frowns for a split second. Exposing the slight confusion he felt.

She continues as if she knew what it was he wondered.
"I connected the dots, she said 'an old friend'. You never mentioned she lived in New Zealand but now I see why you just so adamant about going and your reaction to...anyway. Ok." She nods.

"Sev." Jacey's tone so apologetic and sincere.

"You're telling family and friends the wedding's off. Just because I did all the work announcing it. It's only right you renounce it. You know- was this your plan all along? You seem too comfortable with this." She points between us both.
"Actually no- don't answer that, I know the answer. I just wish it wasn't me you used in the process..." She begins walking back to the Escalade but stops right next to Jacey.

"Don't come looking for me when it all collapses again Jacey." And she meant every word.
|>|>|>

"I was going to make dinner." Jacey snaps me out of my thoughts.
"What are you in the mood for?" He smiles before picking up my legs and laying them back down across his lap.

"Nothing really." I slightly chuckle.

"You know that's not right. Don't starve the baby just because you're not hungry." He jokes, massaging my feet.

I give a light smile, laying my head against the soft white sofa.

I'd be three months tomorrow.

I miscarried two days ago, Jacey was finishing up some work. He's refocusing on what his original plan was. He wasn't home but I was glad.

It was both brutal and graphic. No need to go into detail...

Not wanting to relive that moment. I stay present, admiring Jay and his features.

I'm so deeply in love, I always have been...

Just too messed up to get it.

Despite my parents being a model for what a love should be. I guess my view got corrupted somehow.

There's something that keeps them. Keeps whoever from leaving.

Maybe my first grade teacher taught me that? Though I've never figured out what I'd lost that made him stop.

That isn't the right point of view...

"What are you thinking about?" Jacey asks.

I bite my tongue hesitating to say what I needed to say.

I hesitate to ask what should be addressed.

"Would- um would we be here if I hadn't got pregnant? Would you say this is what brought us together and what would keep us together?" I frown in fear of losing him.

He seems to think of a response for what feels like forever. I begin to take back my question.

"I feel like we would've found our way back regardless. I don't think I would've gone through with marrying Sev. You would've probably objected." He points as we share a minute laugh.
"Us being together was always inevitable." He shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee.

A blanket of reassurance embraces me as I blink away my confession.

I just can't bring myself to tell him yet.

I'm not even sure I've grieved correctly?

I mean I cried but only because the baby was so tiny. The immense amount of emotional and physical pain.

I'm not sure I could physically speak of it without losing it. Not yet.

But it wouldn't be fair to him. He's been taking so much care of me.
Writing down nutritional facts, assembling a list of pregnancy must-haves...already looking into names.

I'd let him down but he'd be mad if I kept it from him any longer.

I don't think we could bounce back from that.

"Jay..." I get my legs off of his lap, sitting up.

"Mhm?" He hums.

"I've got to tell you something ok? And I don't want you to get upset and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I whisper my apology closing my eyes, speaking into my hands.

"You're scaring me, what's up?" He chortles lightly.

I breathe in and out before shaking my head.
"Two days ago...two days ago uh I- miscarriage. I miscarried." I nod.

It seemed as though he stopped breathing for a second. Holding his breath.

This was the first time I ever saw him cry.