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"Do you have everything packed?" Loren ask as she walks in my room.

"Yes. Everything is packed."

"Alright I'm going to take it to the door so the guys can load it in the car. You make sure you didn't leave anything."

"Yes ma'am." I tell her as she grabs my duffel bag and suitcase.

I look at my phone which is ringing for the fifth time in an hour. My parents have been calling like crazy. So have my siblings. They just don't understand that I don't want to talk to them. The only person who understands is Seth. He took the hint and stopped calling me.

So I text him

Tell mom, dad, and Austin. I'm busy and don't want to talk to them. I'm going off the grid for a couple of days for spring break. Me and the roomies have plans. So I will be powering my phone off.

I'm only powering my phone off because I'm sick of my family. I know that's an awful thing to say but it's true. As soon as I hit the send button I turn my phone off and throw it on my bed. I won't be bringing it at all.

Knowing my parents and if I brought it and turned it back on to check social media they would immediately track my location and show up. So I'm going completely of the grid.

I scan my room and make sure I got everything before walking out and heading out.

When I walk out their is a Tahoe. "What's with the mom car?" I ask Hayden and the guys

"It's my mom's car. She's letting us borrow it." Hayden tells me. And for the first time their was no rude comment with it. I could get use to that.

But not really. It's not really a Taylor and Hayden relationship if we don't talk trash to each other's face.

"I just don't get how we are going to a beach ten hours away rather than the one three hours away." I tell them as I hop in the backseat.

"Myrtle Beach is three hours away and is trash. Panama City Beach is better." Nicole tells me as her and Gabe climb into the third row.

"No. The U.S. Virgin Islands are better." I tell them.

"No Hawaii." Chase argues

"Not everyone was born from rich families like you two." Gabe points out.

"We're not rich. We're just financially stable." Me and Chase yell at him. We both look at each. I was not expecting him to say that.

"Well I've never been to Florida, so I'm excited." I tell them.

"Never?" Loren ask turning around in the passenger seat. As the car starts to move.

"Nope. What can I say, we're financially stable. If we went to Disney as a child it was in California. The only beach we go to is Cabo San Lucas or U.S. Virgin Islands." I tell them.

"How have you not been to Florida?"

"I don't know. It was never a major destination spot."

"My family goes to Orange Beach every summer. So I get two beach vacations. One I have to pay for and the other the family does." Gabe tells us.

"Yeah. My family goes there too. It's a vacation both our families go on together." Nicole chimes in.

"So do you think anybody from UNC will be in Florida?" Loren ask "because there's some people we all don't want to run into."

I was pretty skeptical about going to Florida. It's just where everyone from Kentucky goes and I'm not trying to run into anyone. They hate me. I hate them.

Anytime I see someone from Kentucky all I think about is my past. Every mistake I made.

I put my pillow up against the window and close my eyes. Car trips aren't my thing. The seven hour drive from Kentucky was hard enough. Especially with my mom.

The whole car ride all she wanted to talk about was her rules I need to follow while in college. It was a solution that she  thought would help me not go down the rabbit hole.

When in reality the rabbit hole is not a hole you plan on going down, it just happens. So unexpectedly. There's nothing you can do to stop it.

*

"We've arrived!" Loren yells jumping out of the car

We rented a beach house on the beach. We all put in money for it and here we are, with our beach front property. We booked a four bedroom house because that's all we could find at a reasonable price.

I think Loren and Hayden are hooking up. They got the room on the bottom floor. They wanted to share.

Me and Nicole are sharing a room with two twin beds in it. Chase and Gabe got the other two rooms up here on the second floor with us.

"Nobody unpack! Just get your swimsuits on!" Loren yells from downstairs.

I do as she says and grab my striped bikini. Nicole comes out of the bathroom in a violet purple bikini and she looks all natural. She has no makeup on with wavy hair and looks like a beach babe.

"Everyone else is already down there." Chase tells us as we walk down the stairs. He's feeling his yeti up with a beer. He didn't look up at us when we walked down the stairs

"I'll meet y'all down there." Nicole tells me and I nod.

"Do you have a Miller Lite?" I ask Chase

"Miller Lite?" He questions "I expected you to be a White Claw or Truly kinda girl." This time he look up at me and scans my body.

"Please! The fruity drinks are for bitches. I eat like a man, might as well drink like one." I joke.

"It's in the ice chest over there."

I grab one and start walking towards the balcony door to get to the beach.

"Where are you going?" He ask

"To the beach."

"Not with that. You're twenty. At least try to hide the underage drinking." He tells me as he hands me a yeti with his name and jersey number on it.

"Thank you." I tell him as I feel it up. I start feeling it up and it takes three Miller Lites almost four. I get tipsy off of three Miller Lites.

"The group has Jello Shots, Pudding Shots, and Jungle Juice down there. So I have feeling I'll be needing some help walking back." He tells me.

"I think I'm going to need help. All the things you just listed I love." I tell him as we make our way to the door.

"By the way how do you have abs?" Chase asked me accusingly.

"As LMFAO would say, I work out."

Chase laughs at me "Did you just quote Am Sexy And I Know It?"

"Yes, yes I did."

When we arrive to the others Nicole, Hayden, and Loren are in the water. Gabe is sitting in a beach chair. "Do you wanna go for a swim?" Chase ask me.

"Not yet. You want me to hold your drink for you?" He just hands it to me and runs into the ocean.

"You know he really likes you." Gabe tells me

"We're just friends." I tell him.

"You know if you're scared to tell him about who you are, I don't think he'd care. I think he'd care though when everyone at school comes to know and you never told him."

"It's not that simple."

He doesn't say anything he just takes a sip of whatever he's drinking. We sit in silent watching the group in the water.

"I knew Skylar!" He blurts out. Causing me to choke on my drink. Before I have time to respond he starts talking "she was dating my cousin's friend. I hung out with my cousin all the time in Kentucky when I was seventeen. My cousin invited me to meet his friend so I went with him and we played video games. His friend Jacob was nice.

Then this girl just showed up. She said her name was Skylar and we hit it off. I really liked her. I couldn't figure out why she was there. So I asked her and she said it was an arrangement. I was going to ask what kind but he walked in the room and she immediately went mute.

I met up with her the day before I was going back home. We hooked up. I could see myself with her. I called her when I got back and said I wanted to take her on a date but she said she was with Jacob. As in they were dating. I couldn't believe it. A couple of weeks before she died she texted me and said she wanted to hang out. It was a weird text because I hadn't talked to her in a couple of years. I was crushing on my best friend at this point." Best friend as in Nicole.

"I told her I'd meet up with her. When I got to my hotel. I texted her and she didn't respond. So I called and she didn't answer. I thought maybe she was busy. So the next day I called again and she still didn't answer. So I thought I'd been ghosted.

I booked my flight back to Carolina for the next day and turned on the TV. The news was the first thing that came on and it had mentioned there was a car wreck that had occurred. Two college kids were in the car. One was in the hospital and the other died. They were asking for prayers. Later that night I turned the TV back on and they released the name of one of the girls. Her name was Skylar Barnes. My Skylar. The other girl wasn't named. Her family wanted to keep her out of the spotlight until they knew if the other girl would live."

In the middle of him talking I put my sunglasses on so he couldn't see the tears. The first thing I thought about asking was "How did you know I know Skylar?"

"She was all of your Instagram. I could tell y'all were friends. Do you know if the other girl in the car survived?" He ask

"Yeah." I say trying to hide my voice crack "She survived. She's in college now."

"I just want to know what happened. I wish I could ask the other girl."

"You can."

"What do you mean?" He ask in confusion

"I was drunk. I needed a ride home. My casual hookup was nowhere to be seen. So the girl who threw the party called Skylar. Skylar picked me. We were driving down the street. Doing the speed limit. Obeying the law. When out of nowhere a car slammed into us. Skylar had some internal bleeding in the head. She would've had a low chance of survival. I don't remember much from that night. I try to block out all the trauma. It haunts me and all I want to do is forget about it. But I can't. I remember passing out. I don't remember anything at the hospital. I survived, Gabe."

He doesn't say anything he just stares at the ocean.

"I ask myself everyday why am I still here? Why isn't Skylar here? I should've went not here. It was my fault. I should have died." I state and my voice cracks letting it be known I'm crying.

"Taylor, don't you ever say that. You lived for a reason. You have a purpose." He tells me and brings me into a hug.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. Everything happens for a reason. Skylar was too pure for this world. I can't get in a relationship because of her."

"She was. I miss her." I admit.

"Me too."

"She loves the beach." I tell him

"I didn't know that."

"I feel like I'm with my best friend when I'm here." I state. "You're a great guy. Nicole is lucky to have you. Admit you have feelings for her. Please. Skylar would want us to be happy."

"I'll tell Nicole how I feel when you tell Chase."

"Not happening."

We don't say anything else we just sit here and drink.

"Could you not tell anyone about my past?"

"Of course, I won't tell anyone. It's not my business to tell. Chase would still except you even if you were with Skylar in her last moments."

"That's not the half of my traumatic past. The rest I can't say. It hurts too much. I'm broken. Will you do something for me?"

"Of course."

"Be there for me April 30th. The day is coming up and I need someone that day. Before Skylar pasted she made me promise to not do drugs again and hookup with random guys. Which I broke her promise and I'm trying so damn hard to fix it. She doesn't want me going down a dark hole but I don't think I can stop myself April 30th. The drugs will make me forget. Just please be there for me."

"I got you."

He says before holding out his hand and dragging me into the water.

_______

6/25/21
11:38pm