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Kaida was with her head on Nikolai's bare chest. Her body covered with the sheets and her hair a mess, but a big smile on her face. Nikolai was caressing Kaida's arms with delicacy. His blond hair a mess and his head against the headboard of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Kaida said, moving her head upwards to look at him.

"For what?" he asked with a frown.

"What happened with your family... I never told you because I didn't want you to go through all this," Nikolai kept quiet. "And I'm sorry for Vasily's dead,"

"You hated him," Nikolai replied.

"That doesn't mean you didn't care about him," she said. "I'm proud of you, Nikolai,"

"For what? For exiling my parents? For forcing my dad to write a letter of abdication?" he asked calmly, but with a bit of anger.

"No, I'm proud of the man you are. I'm proud of the way you handled the situation. I'm proud that you did what you had to do, even if that meant exile your parents. You are going to be a great King," Kaida whispered looking into Nikolai's eyes.

"Thank you, that means a lot," he said, hugging her strongly. They hugged in silence until Nikolai broke it. "Does someone else know? That you can summon shadows,"

"Just Alina. We found out together," Kaida answered.

"Are you planning on telling the others?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe," she answered.

"Well, when that happens I will be by your side," he said firmly.

Kaida said nothing but gave him a kiss on the lips.

"So, Kaida Kenyva," He said with a smile.

"No, that girl died fourteen years ago," Kaida said.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know he did that. If I knew..."

"What would have you done? You were seven, Nikolai. I was six. We didn't know each other and we could never have done something," Kaida said.

"When my father admitted what he did to your family you didn't look surprised. You knew, didn't you?"

"I had my suspicions," Kaida said.

"How?"

"Even at six years old I could feel people's emotions. When your father came to visit, all I could feel was jealousy, anger, frustration... by that time I didn't understand what it was, but when I started to control my small science and understand it, I realized. He was jealous that Ravka loved my father more than him, so I suspected he hired the assassins to kill my family, but I wasn't sure until now," Kaida explained.

"I'm sorry,"

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Those were your fathers mistakes, not yours,"

"Where did you get from the name Deveraux?" Nikolai asked curiously.

"The lab was hide in a cemetery, so the day I ran away I took the last name of one of the graves,"

"And think that you were just eighth," he said sadly.

"Yes...but then I met a blonde, crazy and annoying prince that somehow saved me," Kaida said with a smile.

"I'm sure he wasn't that annoying," Nikolai said.

Kaida laughed. "Oh, yes he was," Nikolai narrowed his eyes at her but then started laughing.

"I love you," he said, hugging her.

"I love you too,"

Kaida looked at Nikolai uncertainty, she wanted to ask him, but she couldn't bring herself up to do it.

"What 's wrong? I can see you want to say something but there's something that's stopping you," he said.

Kaida looked at him and hesitated before talking. "Nikolai, I need you to promise me something," she said sitting on the bed to have a completely full view of him.

"Yeah, what do you need?" he asked, straightening his back.

"I need you to promise me if one day I become like The Darkling, if I intend to do something similar, I..." she hesitated. "I need you to promise me you will put a bullet in my head, that you will stop me,"

"What? No, I can't do that," he said with fear in his voice.

"Nikolai, promise me you will stop me, no matter what. Promise me that you won't allow me to become the thing that I fear the most, " she said seriously. "Promise me, you won't let me become a monster"

Nikolai looked at her with sad eyes, he didn't want to do that, he didn't want to put a bullet in her head if that happened, but he also didn't want her to become a monster. If he had to kill her at least it would be before she turned to a monster.

Nikolai nodded. "I'll do it. If that happens, I will kill you myself,"

Kaida nodded at him. "Thank you,"

"But you are not going to be anything like him," he said firmly.

⚜️⚜️⚜️

Alina, Mal, Tamar, Tolya, Nikolai and Kaida met to talk about the journey to find the firebird. The rest of the Grisha didn't know where the third amplifier was, and they intended to keep it that way as long as they could.

They talked about the trip and who they would take. Zoya and Nadia were their best Squallers, but Zoya's quality of working with a team was zero. Stigg wasn't bad with the line and it would be good to have at least an Inferni. Nikolai thought that David was more useless at the Spinning wheel. Then they turned to look at Kaida.

"Will you come with us?" Alina asked.

"I..." Kaida didn't know what to answer. She knew she should go, she knew they needed her, but she didn't want to leave Nikolai, not again.

"She will," Nikolai said. Kaida turned to look at him. "They need you," he answered. Kaida took a deep breath.

"I will go with you. I know I am indispensable," she joked.

They kept talking about the alliance they had around Ravka and that Alina and Nikolai might need to attend some dinner together, so their allies could see what Alina was capable of.

⚜️⚜️⚜️

After a long day of meetings, strategy, talking and negotiation, Kaida was at the southern terrace. Kaida was wearing an off-white dress that came to just above her knees, with a sweetheart neckline, straps and a tulle with small sparkles covering the white fabric of the skirt. Her hair was tied back in two braids in a bun at the back of her head and a couple of loose locks. Why was she dressed like that? She didn't know herself, when she had gone to her room, she had found a note in Nikolai's handwriting asking her to put on a nice dress and to mirror him on the southern terrace.

It was a bit cold, but she didn't care. The wind blew her hair backwards and she closed her eyes. The view in front of her was amazing, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. The mountains were covered in snow and the moon illuminated the sky.

She couldn't stop thinking about their journey to find the firebird and the fact that Alina would stay with Nikolai and her and Mal would be miles away. It's not like she thought something was going to happen between them, but Ravka didn't know yet that their compromise was broken.

With her arms draped over the railing of the terrace, Kaida looked down at her hands and in one of them she made shadows appear. She began to run the small strands of shadow around her fingers and then, with her other hand, she made her signature purple mist appear.

"Kaida Kenyva," she whispered. It had been years since that name had left her delicate lips, and the fact that she had said it aloud in front of so many people felt strange. To her, Kaida Kenyva had died years ago, but she had brought her back to life to protect her friend, bringing back painful memories that she had locked in a box years ago.

"If you are going to jump, at least give me time to compose a ballad in your honor," Nikolai said approaching her. "What's in your mind?" he asked getting next to her.

"Kaida Kenyva," she answered.

"It's weird to talk about her as another person," he said.

"For me it is," she said. "Either way. Why am I here? and why did you write me a note asking me to put a nice dress on?" she asked, turning to look at him. He was wearing an elegant greatcoat of army drab, marked with the golden double eagle.

"What 's going on?" Kaida asked, confused.

"A have a gift for you,"

"Is it the firebird?" Kaida asked. She really wanted to get done with the thing of the Firebird.

"Was that what you wanted? You should have told me sooner," He reached into his pocket and holded towards her a box with an emerald ring in it. It was the biggest emerald Kaida had ever seen.

"Understatement is overrated," Kaida said.

"I love when you quote me," he said with a smile.

"What's all this about?" Kaida asked, looking at him confused. Nikolai took a deep breath.

"Kaida, you had told me that I will be a great King, and I always thought I would be a good King, but with a good Queen next to me. This last year has been crazy. I have fought the Darkling more than once. I had jumped from one boat to another. I had made mistakes. I had to face my parents. Doing that should make you feel alone, but I have never felt alone, because all those times that I have struggled, that I have made a mistake, that I have faced my parents, there was always one person holding my hand and by my side, and that person was you. So, Kaida, would you like to never let go of my hand and become my queen?"

Kaida looked at him amused. She didn't know what to say. The time that Vasily asked her to marry him she told him "I don't think Ravka would accept me" and she really did think that. She was a monster after all, and she didn't think would want a monster as their queen. "You are no monster, never have been and never will be" his words echoed in her head.

"I haven't had a place to call home since I was 6. At one time I came to consider the forest my home, the sea, even the Palace, but they were all temporary. In none of them did I feel completely safe.

I haven't had a place to call home for a long time, and I know I never will," Nikolai looked at her intently, trying to understand what she was getting at with those words. "I know I will never have a place to call home, because my home is not a place, it is a person. You once asked me why I went to your room even knowing that we had fought and even knowing that I had Jake, Zoya or even Alina to help me and I answered that I went because being with you made me feel safe, but that was only part of the truth. Nikolai, that night I went to your room because with you I feel safe, I feel comfortable, I feel loved, I feel all my worries melt away every time your arms are around me. Because you, Nikolai Lantsov, are my home.

And I can imagine my life without you, but I really don't want to, because if you die a part of me will die with you, a part of me that I love and that only you can bring out.

If you had asked me a few months ago to be your queen I would probably have said no, because I was scared, scared at the fact that I thought of you as my home. But now, now I'm not scared of calling you my home and it will be my great honor to stand by your side the rest of our lives," she finished. Nikolai looked at her with shiny eyes, he was amused and overwhelmed by her words. But from that moment on he knew he would do anything for the woman in front of him. From that moment he knew he would do anything to give her the world.

"It is becoming a habit to leave me speechless." he said. He cleared his throat. "I love you, Kaida, and I want you to know that you are my home too," Nikolai took the ring out of the box, grabbed Kaida's hand and gently put the ring on her finger.

Kaida smiled at the blonde boy in front of her and without waiting any longer, she put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him. Nikolai followed the kiss immediately, happy to have her in his arms and to know that it would be forever.

They broke apart from the kiss and Kaida turned around, leaving her back against Nikoalis chest, and Nikolai surrounded her waist with his arms. Kaida lifted her hand looking at the ring.

"What did your mother say when you told her you were going to give me the Lantsov emerald?" Kaida asked.

"She did most of the talking," he said. "She wanted to tell me about Magnus Opjer,"

"Who?" Kaida asked with a frown.

"A Fjerdan ambassador, quite a sailor, made his money in shipping," Nikolai kept quiet for a few seconds. "Also my father, apparently," Kaida turned around between Nikoalis arms to look at him.

"What?" she asked in shock.

"It's strange to actually know," he continued. " I think some part of me always hoped the rumors were just that,"

"You'll still make a good king," Kaida said, taking his hand into hers.

"Of course I will," he scoffed. "I'm melancholic, not daft," Kaida drew a small smile. "I don't know if she'll ever forgive me for sending her into exile, especially to the Colonies,"

"She is going to be okay," Kaida said.

"Is she?" he asked painly.

Kaida sighed, she didn't know what to say except for sorry.

"What is there to be sorry about? I've finally gotten what I wanted. The King has stepped down, the path to the throne is clear, If there weren't an all-powerful dictator and his monstrous horde to attend to, I'd be opening a bottle of champagne,"

"But I wouldn't be with you," she said looking at his hazel eyes.

"Yes, I think it is the only good thing I get from all this," he said.

"When will you take the crown?" Kaida asked.

"Not until we've won. I'll be crowned in Os Alta or not at all," Kaida nodded at his words.

"You know you could have told me about Genya," Kaida felt guilty filling her body.

"I was trying to protect her, not enough people have done that,"

"I don't want lies between us, Kaida," he said.

"How many lies did you tell me Sturmhond?" Kaida snapped. "And I didn't lie to you, I just told you half of the story,"

"Telling you half of the story is not lying," The Darkling defended.

"You lied to me! You said you were going to destroy the Fold and you are going to expand it," she said. "That's not telling half of the story,"

The memory hitted her hard making her staggered back.

"Kaida, are you okay?" he asked worriedly, holding her so she wouldn't fall.

"Yes, sorry," she said, getting her valence back.

"Look, going with Alina to all those dinners...I was thinking you could come, that way Ravka will know that I'm marrying you, not her,"
"Nikolai, Ravka doesn't need me, they need Alina and the hope she represents," Kaida said. "She must go with you. But you have to promise me that you will come back," she said with a small smile.

"Of course, I will never leave you," he said, surrounding her hips with his arms. "And talking about Alina, I gave her a whole new closet," Nikolai said. Kaida laughed out loud. Nikolai buried his face in the howl between Kaida's face and her face, memorizing her laugh, the most beautiful sound in Nikolai's ears.

⚜️⚜️⚜️

Kaida was with Zoya, Jake, Tamar, Nadia, Genya, David and Tolya spending the evening when someone knocked at the door of the room they were in, which happened to be the girls room.

Tamar opened showing Alina at the door.

"What is it?" Zoya asked, laying on her bed, Jake next to her.

"I need to show the girls something,"Alina said.

Kaida frowned and Zoya rolled herself off the bed with an exasperated sigh. Alina led them through the hallway to her room, and threw open the doors.

An amount of clothes and gowns were on top of Alina's bed.

"Silk! Velvet!" Genya said doving herself into the pile of clothes.

Kaida laughed. "When he told me he gave you a whole new closet he wasn't kidding," she said walking towards the clothes.

Zoya started to look at the keftas curiously. "I have never loathed you more,"

"That one is mine," Alina said, pointing at one of the keftas on the bed. "But the rest of them are up for grabs. I can't wear them all in West Ravka,"

"Did Nikolai have these made for you?" Nadia asked.

"He's not a big believer in half measures," Kaida said.

"Are you sure he wants you giving them away?"

"Lending," Alina corrected. "And if he doesn't like it, he can learn to leave more careful instructions,"

"It's smart," Tamar said, tossing a teal cape over her shoulders and looking at herself in the mirror. "He needs to look like a King, and you need to look like a Queen,"

Kaida moved awkwardly in her spot.

Genya cleared her throat and Zoya glanced at Tamar.

Tamar turned to face Kaida quickly, regret in her face. "Kaida, I'm sorry,"

Kaida laughed and all of them, except for Alina, looked at her confused. "Don't worry, but I think it is time for me to show you this," Kaida lifted her hand showing the emerald in her finger.

"What?"Zoya was the first one to approach her. "The Lantsov emerald,"

"When? How? What?" Genya asked in shock.

Kaida laughed. "Nikolai broke his engagement with Alina before the Palace was attacked, but we didn't say anything, "Kaida explained.

"And why is she going with him to West Ravka?" Nadia asked.

"Because Ravka doesn't need me now, they need Alina," Kaida explained. "When the war is over, we will tell Ravka, until then... you can't tell anyone," she said.

"So...you are going to be our Queen now?" Zoya asked with a smile. "How should we act now around you? Should we bow?" she joked.

"Yes, and kiss my boots," Kaida said with a smile.

They continued trying on clothes and talking, they talked about Kaida's engagement with Nikolai, what they missed from the Little palace and gave each other support for what was to come.