08 | WORDS

HER HEART was beating an unimaginable amount of beats with a speed that she could not envisage because of his glare.

Chase stared at her with an intense amount of exasperation, heavier than the last time of how they met their gaze. She knew she had to cut the strings coming from him while staring at her because it was almost reaching the soul of her eyes, but she could not. She could not help herself, but stared at him with the same intensity and flames in her eyes.

His eyes were riveted on her. She could not win the staring game they have, but she will not lose.

"Chase!" sigaw naman ng katabi niya at napabitaw kaagad siya nang tingin sa lalaki.

Maglalakad pa sana si Clark palapit kay Chase nang marinig niya ang boses ng inang papalapit.

"Precious, buti na lang hindi ka basa!"

"Ma!"

She welcomed her mother with a hug and kissed her cheeks afterwards. Her mother also kissed her cheeks with restraint.

"Ayos ka lang ba? Hindi ka ba basa ng ulan?" tanong ng kaniyang ina na puno ng pag-aalala at kinakapa pa ang katawan nito.

Umiling naman siya.

"Hinatid ako ni Clark, Ma!" sagot niya at tiningnan si Clark.

Ramdam niya ang pagbaling ng ina sa katabi niya.

Clark stood up suavely and bowed at ninety degrees.

"Magandang gabi po!" bati niya at tumayo ng maayos. He extended his hands to her mother and said, "I'm Clark Tristan Guevarra po, Precious' classmate and Chase's cousin."

Her mother accepted his hand and shook their hands.

"Nice to meet you, boy! Salamat at hinatid mo ang anak ko ng kompleto at buo pa," her mother said with a smile on her face.

Clark scratched his nape and chuckled.

"Walang kaso, Tita."

Binitawan naman nito ang kamay niya at tiningnan siya. Her mother held her cheeks tenderly. She closed her eyes and felt the warmth on her mother's palm.

"You look like you're not okay yet," her mother said, almost a whisper.

She opened her eyes and stared at her mother's orbs. It reflects anxiety and worries for her. She tenderly kissed her mother's forehead and said, "Don't worry, Ma. I can still handle this."

Her mother kissed her cheeks and hugged her.

Pagkatapos nilang magyakapan at mag-usap, inaya naman ng ina niya si Clark na uminom muna ng mainit na inumin.

Nakangiti lamang siya habang nakasunod ang mga tingin sa kanilang dalawa. Clark sat beside Chase and they talked. Chase was not looking at her so she sighed in relief.

Ramdam niya pa rin ang paninikip ng dibdib niya kaya napahawak siya sa dibdib niya wala sa sarili.

"Good evening, Tita Carmen!"

Napabaling naman ang atensiyon niya sa pintuan ng café at nakita si Kharla na ngayon ay kararating lang. Nakasuot ito ng raincoat at tumutulo ang tubig sa sahig.

"Kharla, i-mop mo ang sahig mamaya!" sigaw ni Mama mula sa counter.

Kharla answered, "Yes, Tita! Don't worry!"

She went to Kharla and she seemed stupid for doing it because Kharla was wet.

"Tulungan na kita," she said.

Kharla looked at her with a weird look.

"What's happening to you suddenly?" Kharla asked confusedly.

She bit her lower lip. Kharla seemed to read the air in her and looked at the counter. She suddenly smiled and looked at her with playful eyes.

Tinaas-taas pa nito ang kilay.

"Kaya pala gusto akong tulungan dito dahil may iniiwasan," saad ni Kharla at tumawa. Umalingawngaw ang tawa nito kaya napatingin siya sa dalawang lalaki na napatigil sa pag-uusap at napatingin sa gawi nila.

However, Chase was not looking at Kharla. He was looking at her with keen eyes. There was no confusion, but he was sending it through his eyes and she could not know what his stares mean.

"Tumahimik ka nga diyan, Kharla!"

Kharla calmed down after a few seconds, but she was still giggling and teasing her. She just rolled her eyes and went to the counter after Kharla was done removing her raincoat and mopping the floor.

Her mother was making coffee on the coffee machine.

"Ma, si Kharla!"

Napabaling naman nang tingin ang ina niya sa direksyon nila at naglakad palapit kay Kharla at yinakap ito.

"Good evening, Tita!" bati ni Kharla.

Her mother kissed Kharla's cheeks despite being wet.

"Hi, darling! How are you today?"

"I am fine, Tita. Gusto mo ba ng tulong dito?"

Sumagot naman ang ina, "I actually want your help in the kitchen, but I was still making Clark's coffee."

Napabaling naman nang tingin si Kharla sa kaniya at napangisi animo'y may biglang naisip.

"Nandito naman si Precious, Tita saka mukhang marunong naman 'to magtimpla ng kape," Kharla said with a smile on her face, a devilish one.

Napanguso naman siya at napa-tsk. Kharla silently laughed and grinned at her.

Napabaling naman nang tingin ang ina niya sa kaniya.

"Pwedeng ikaw na lang muna rito, Precious?" her mother asked.

She smiled and suddenly nodded her head even though her head said no.

"Sure, Ma! Pwede naman," she said and laughed sarcastically.

Kharla beside her mother laughed silently, mocking her.

Tangina ka, Kharla!

Her mother smiled and held her cheek.

"Thank you! Kapag kailangan mo ako, nasa kusina lang ako," sabi ng ina niya.

Ilang minuto ang nakalipas ay wala na ang ina niya at ang kaibigan sa harapan. She silently cursed Kharla inside her head and smiled as she looked upon the two men watching her having a dilemma inside her head.

"Gawin ko lang kape mo, Clark," sabi niya.

Clark smiled and nodded.

"Sure, I can wait. Black Americano lang akin," sabi nito sa kaniya.

"Sure!"

Pumunta na siya sa coffee machine at hinintay na matapos ang machine sa paggawa ng kape ng lalaki.

After that, she made his black americano and put it on a cup the same with Chase. It was still steaming hot and he immediately dived through it.

"Aray!"

He burnt his tongue and she mouthed "tanga". Clark just laughed and waited for the coffee to cool down a bit.

She sighed and looked at the cups again. Napansin niyang iba ang kulay ng kape ni Chase. Mukhang vanilla coffee ito dahil alam niya kung ano ang kulay ng kape na tinitimpla ng ina kapag vanilla flavored. She smiled unconsciously.

While she was thinking things randomly, the other two were talking about something she could not understand. Men's talk. Yet, something suddenly appeared inside her head and immediately asked them, "I have some dough for blueberry cookies. Gusto niyo ba?"

Chase, who was not paying attention earlier while she was preparing Clark's coffee suddenly looked at her with a miniscule of spark in his eyes.

Hindi niya mapigilang mapangiti.

"Okay," Clark only answered.

"But I have to bake it first kung makakapaghintay kayo," sabi niya.

When Chase was about to answer, Clark answered, "It's fine. I can wait. Chase can wait."

Hindi niya mapigilang mapangisi at masayang nagtungo sa kusina habang naglalakad. She checked the dough if it was still on the refrigerator and she get four of it since it was already weighed.

She baked the cookies for twenty minutes first while humming a sound she's not familiar with. After twenty minutes, she let the cookies cool first inside the microwave for five minutes and pulled it out.

She served the cookies on the blue plate and smiled when she presented it very cute. May smiley faces sa mga cookies gamit ang white icing na meron sila. Hindi niya mapigilang mas lalong mapangiti dahil eksayted na siyang makita ang reaksyon nina Chase at Clark kung matikman na nila ito lalo na't she prepared it for this day. Ngunit pagkalabas niya, her smile disappeared when she saw no existence of Chase anymore.

"Nasa'n na 'yong pinsan mo?" nauutal niyang tanong sa kay Clark habang mahinang naglalakad patungo sa harapan nito.

Clark looked up and smiled.

"Umalis na si Chase," he answered.

Napabaling siya sa isang plate ng apat na cookies at biglang bumagsak ang mga balikat niya.

She waited for this day to come, where Chase could be the first one to taste her cookies along with Clark, but he left the café without him knowing that he got her heart broken.

"Wow! It's cute, thank you!" natutuwang saad ni Clark nang makita ang mga cookie.

Napasimangot siya at sinerve ang cookies kay Clark. May plano pa sana siyang ipadala na lang ito kay Chase kaso binigay niya lamang ang apat na cookies kay Clark. Magbabayad na rin sana ito kaso humindi siya at pinakain na lang ang lalaki.

Nagpaalam na rin ito sa Mama niya pero nang malaman ng Mama niya na umalis na si Chase ay bigla itong na-disappoint.

"'Yong batang 'yon. Basang-basa 'yon kanina kaya pinagtimpla ko na lang ng kape. Umalis na naman siya gayong umuulan ng malakas," her mother said.

Nakaupo na lang siya at nakatukod ang siko ng braso niya sa counter habang napangalumbaba.

She doesn't like this feeling, as she felt this kind of feeling before when she found out her father broke his promises to the family. Indeed, she had foreseen that she would feel this kind of feeling towards Chase, but she did not take the sign and just had a crush on him. And now, her heart was left broken and she will be having a hard time fixing it as she has no right tools for it.

Syete! Ang sakit.

She turned on her phone and went on her social messaging app and went to look for her message for Chase. He saw it, but she did not get any response. Napasimangot at in-unsend na lang ang message.

Probably, he has seen it, but he probably did not read or the worst, he does not have a care for others, especially for a girl like her.

Nag-social media na lang siya at pinuntahan ang account ni Chase. She was about to hit unfriend button, but something whispered her that she should not.

Chase has a new post when she scrolled his timeline for the one last time.

Why am I jealous over nothing when she was just wearing it?

Hundreds of people reacted to his post, but there was no comment because the comments were disabled. Napailing na lamang siya at in-unfriend si Chase.

Starting tonight, she will uncrush Chase. Ayaw niyang mas lalo pang masaktan sa lalaki dahil mukhang wala naman itong paki sa kaniya.

Una, umalis ito habang nagbe-bake pa siya ng cookie na pinaghandaan niya ng ilang buwan at siya dapat ang isa sa mga unang titikim pero si Clark ang unang nakatikim. Nag-bake pa naman siya bilang promise at pasasalamat niya na lang sana ito sa lalaki pero umalis din naman ito kaagad.

Pangalawa, nag-send siya ng message pero hindi siya nakatanggap ng reply man lang. Ilang araw nang wala itong reply man lang sa kaniya. Ano pa ba ang mae-expect niya sa lalaki e sa dami ba naman ng followers nito, madami ang nakakapag-send ng message sa kaniya araw-araw kaya seen lang ang natanggap niya. Walang reply man lang.

Pangatlo, she was just nothing. Nothing. What could she offer to a man's heart? Wala.

She sighed in annoyance and Kharla tried to talk to her, but she told her she was not in the mood to talk about something.

Naiinis siya dahil sa naramdaman niya na hindi niya na dapat maramdaman.

Pesteng crush 'to.

She was just a girl, working at her Tita's cafe and was only raised by her mother. She was content that she had this kind of life where she was with her mother and with her friends. But right after what Chase did, instilled the craziest thoughts in her mind, affecting her life? Nakakainis! Nakakainis para sa kaniya.

THE NEXT DAY, it was cloudy and rainy. Maaga ang dismissal niya kaya nakapunta kaagad siya sa café. However, this time, Clark insisted of bringing her to café.

Wala siyang reklamo dahil naisip niya ring nakakalibre siya ng pamasahe at makakapag-ipon siya. Binalik niya na rin ang jacket ng lalaki at ayaw na sana nitong tanggapin kaso tinaliman niya ito ng titig at kinuha rin sa kaniya.

Nang makarating sa café, puno ang café nila sa loob at umiinom ng mainit na kape. The smoke and the smell of the coffee was infiltrating her nose as she entered.

Nilibot niya ang tingin niya, nagbabaka-sakaling makita niya ang lalaki pero napasampal kaagad siya ng sarili niya.

Akala ko ba in-uncrush mo na si Chase, Precious? Huwag mo na siyang hanapin.

Yet, while working her eyes were betraying her because her sight was wandering around, losing focus on her work and making mistakes.

Nagalit ang Tita niya sa kaniya kaya pinalabas muna siya nito at pumunta sa malapit na convenience store ng café nila at bumili ng soft serve ice cream.

She knew she failed miserably by not thinking about him, but she could not stop her own mind. She could not just forget him in one night and she needs time.

She heaved a sigh in disbelief.

Paano ba mag-uncrush ng crush?

Inubos niya na lang ang soft serve ice cream at tumayo. Pagbukas niya ng glass door ng convenience store na pinasukan, napatigil naman siya sa kinatatayuan niya at naestatwa.

The other person who was about to enter the convenience store stopped and looked at her confusedly.

Chase? Bakit sa lahat pa ng lugar na pwede naming pagkakitaan, ba't palagi dito?

His eyes showed different emotions that she couldn't read, but at the end, she gave space for him to move. She bowed her head, too embarrassed of the situation between them.

The man hesitated, but at the end, he walked past beside her and she went outside of the store.

Nang makalayo na siya sa entrance ng convenience store, napatigil siya paglakad at pinakiramdaman ang tibok ng puso niya. Grabe, ang bilis at ramdam niya rin na ngayon lang siya nakahinga ng maluwag.

The sound of the night wind embraced her feelings and she suddenly felt cold like how he just walked past beside her without gazing at her. She feels non-existent and this was the first time in her life that she felt this disappointment and discomfort, when she has been receiving this kind of attitude since then.

Sa gitna ng dilim na tanging mga buildings at streetlights na lamang ang nagbibigay ng ilaw, napasimangot siya. Napabaling din ang tingin niya sa langit at maulap, sumasabay pa talaga sa kadilimang nararamdaman niya.

Pagkarating sa café, konti na lamang ang mga kumakain. Napabaling din diya sa wall clock ng café at mag-a-alas otso na.

She saw Sashta serving some food to the customers who were left eating at their café. Mukhang wala na siyang maitutulong sa café dahil pagkatapos umalis ng mga last customer ay magsasara na rin ang café.

"Precious, kunin mo na ang mga gamit mo do . . . Anong meron sa mukha mo?" nagtatakang saad ng ina niya.

"H-huh?"

"Anong mayro'n sa mukha mo? Bakit ganiyan? May problema ka ba?" nag-aalalang tanong ng mama niya.

She was stunned for a moment and thought about some answer.

"Tama, I don't have a problem," she unconsciously answered and smiled like an idiot.

Her mother smiled, but a feign one. Hindi ito kumbinsido sa naging sagot niya. Sa ngiti ng ina niya, pinamukha lang siyang tanga.

"You know that I don't like it when you lie to me," her mother said.

"Sorry, Ma! There is something that's bothering me," she said.

Her mother sighed.

"If you want to talk about it, I am here. Huwag mong dalhin diyan," sabi ng ina niya at tinuro ang kaniyang dibdib. "Masakit 'yan at mabigat," dugtong pa nito.

She smiled weakly and nodded.

Her mother kissed her cheeks and hugged.

Every time her mother did this, kissing her cheeks and hugging her, she always thought that she did not deserve her mother. It feels warmth and there is always this tenderness that she could not feel to others.

How can I deserve my mother's love?

She does not want to love someone for the rest of her life. All she wanted to love was her mother.

THURSDAY COMES, the world is cloudy. There was no sun and the flowers of her mother looked a little bit sad. However, she was grateful that there was no rain now as her mother's plant can rest after having rain water for a while.

Ala-sais pa lang ng umaga at marami na ang mga nagsisidaanang mga motorsiklo at tricycle. May mga bus na rin na dumadaan. Probably, because it was Thursday, one of the busy days. May mga tinda ngayong araw sa palengke. Gusto niya sanang mag-absent kaso may exam sila sa isang subject nila kaya wala rin siyang magawa kundi ang pumasok.

"Precious, paki-check ng mga halaman ko diyan," sigaw ng Mama niya sa loob ng bahay nila.

"Okay!" she answered back.

Her mother does not go to work every Thursday morning. Dahil tinda, marami ngayon ang nagtatrabaho sa café nila. Half day lang ang Mama niya minsan, ngunit ngayon ay nag-day off. Marami kasi ang um-order ng bento cake nila kaya kailangan nitong manatili sa bahay nila ngayon dahil marami ang magpi-pick ng cake ngayon sa kanila.

Because it's also Thursday, wala silang first period hanggang bukas kaya pwede siyang ma-late ngayon.

She checked their plants and some withered plants flourished after the three days of rain. It just needs the sunlight and hopefully the sun will appear today.

While checking the other plants, she came across a rose familiar with her. It was the rose she bought two years ago that left her with an unforgettable memory of her life.

It was now the most magnificent and prosperous plant she had ever seen. It was the rose that pricked her fingers, but also the reason why she met the man who gave her varieties of flavours in her own feelings. The stems still have the thorns. It was as if the thorns represented the cascaded feelings she had, in a way she never fathomed to be possible.

She held the flowers tenderly and smiled. What a nice memory she has. She was grateful for that memory as it changed her life the way she never expected, like how the rose plant flourished from the past two years. Yet, the man she met the reason she bought this flower gave her this ache of disappointments and it was breaking her soul.

If she pricked her fingers this early in the morning, will she be able to meet him today?

Unconsciously, she pricked her fingers and she woke up from reality.

Tanga! Tanga ka, Precious!

Mabilis siyang napunta sa gripo at hinugasan ang sugat ng tinik. The blood stopped immediately.

It wasn't deep, but it was enough to bring back her senses. Sinong tanga ang magpapasugat dahil naniniwala siyang makikita niya ang lalaki ngayong araw? Tanga lang ata ang makagagawa no'n at naniniwala siyang siya na iyon.

Bakit kasi naisip niyang makikita niya ang lalaki ngayong araw? E, ang imposible.

She heaved a sigh and turned off the faucet. She shakes her head in the air, and while shaking to dry it off, something caught her eye outside their house.

Sa kabila ng bahay nila, may nakita siyang grey na sasakyan na kararating lang. Umaandar pa ang engine nito pero maya-maya lang din ay pinatay na ito at ilang minuto ay bumukas ang pintuan ng kotse.

A figure of a man's body went out. He was wearing a uniform and his hair was very neat.

Sumingkit naman ang mga mata niya para mamukhaan ang lalaki dahil pamilyar ito. Nang isarado nito ang pintuan