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Chapter 57: Dinner from hell

There was a winter in my childhood where I spent most afternoons after school in the library, because the heating had been switched off at home. Mom could only pay some of the bills and chose electricity instead.

One of the books I read there was about the concept of dualism. It's the belief that two opposing forces can exist in harmony. They conflict but also complement each other, like yin and yang.

I don't know why I thought about that now, years later in Chad's basement in Dubai. 

We test each other.

I just hope we don't break each other.

"I know it hurts," Luke said, "Trust me, I've been there. But Minnie, you're stronger than me in so many ways. All I'm saying is that I don't think your happiness should be tied to the superficial acceptance of irrelevant people. They're irrelevant."

I was still thinking back to the little girl who spent so much time reading books in the library because she preferred fiction to reality. 

I'll always prefer fiction, but maybe I need more courage to face reality.

When I venture out, I spend too much time worried about what people think of me. I blame myself for not fitting in, but maybe it doesn't matter whether I fit in or not. What's so wrong with standing out anyway?

All the world's innovations happened because someone dared to be different. Our world likes convention. I don't need to like the world – I just need to live in it.

And hiding from it, is not the way to live.

"I see," I said.

After our impassioned speeches tonight, it was pathetic that this was all I could conjure up. He really hit a nerve there – calling me out on my insecurities.

"I'm not trying to be needy," I said, "And I don't expect you to hold my hand through everything. I think you forget how I'm used to holding my own hand. I've gone through most of life by myself and I've learnt to support myself."

I wanted to make that clear because this whole 'I'm needy' look is really missing the point.

"You and I are in a relationship which means we support each other," I clarified, "You know my insecurities and I think I know yours. It was our first night out at a club with your friends in a new country, which is miles away from what I'm used to. So of all nights to check in on me from time to time, I'd say that was a good one."

"That's true," he said, "I'm sorry."

His expression was soft as he gazed at me. There was a raw hurt in his eyes mixed with sadness for hurting me. He looked like he just wanted this argument to end. 

He stepped forwards and wrapped his strong arms around my body. I felt my hands run over the familiar feel of his upper body and melted into his hug. How I missed this. His strength, his warmth, his comfort.

"I'm sorry too," I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing the tears back. And I held onto him.

I held him and quietly admitted, "I was scared we were about to break up."

"Over an argument like this?" Luke asked softly, tilting his head so he could see mine, "We're too strong for that."

I felt my heart soar at that response. Luke had confidence I lacked. He was strong, but I was more attracted to the strength of his will power. He didn't want to let us go.

There were many people who doubted his commitment, but moments like these gave me confidence in our future together. Real devotion is not just the willingness to work on our relationship, but the willingness to work on ourselves as individuals.

I pretended like what he just said didn't mean much. It meant everything.

"You may want to answer your phone," I mumbled into his shirt, changing the subject, "It's been buzzing during our whole conversation."

He kept one arm wrapped around me as his other hand slid into his pocket and checked who'd been texting him.

We both looked at his phone and read the Austin texts:

Austin 9.15pm: Just apologize

Austin 9.22pm: Seriously. You're in the wrong and I don't even need to know what it is

Austin 9.31pm: Have you still not apologized?

Austin 9.36pm: It's been twenty minutes. APOLOGIZE so we can EAT

Austin 9.39pm: I know I said I liked oysters but not this much

Austin 9.40pm: Actually I hate them

Austin 9.40pm: That's it. I'm coming down

"When was that last text?" I asked and he checked the time stamp.

30 seconds ago.

And just like that, we heard Austin's loud voice, "Love birds! I hate to intrude but we have hungry people upstairs!"

**

Dinner was being served in five courses tonight. In some cultures, the number five is a symbol of balance. Earth, water, air, fire and aether. 

Speaking of the number five, I don't know why there were golden plastic hands as décor on the table. Their fingers clasped onto some shiny gold objects. The dinner table was covered in flowers, primarily reds, oranges and purples. We sat on red chairs and the room was lined with thin, human-sized candles. (picture on my Instagram, Nov-21)

Why Chad has a room like this in his house, I will never know. Sir Chadwick Senior was sitting at the head of the table with his friend beside him. The friend had a liking for rings and wore three on his right hand.

The first course had been served and it was tiny. My starving stomach protested. I hate to sound ungrateful, but you'd think they could give us more than a tiny spoon of some frothy jello.

Cearra kept staring between Luke and me, trying to get some response out of me. I didn't know how to respond since I'm an awkward communicator, but I gave her a thumbs up.

I was pretty quiet after the emotional rollercoaster I had gone through today. Our heavy conversation had come after a long, emotionally draining and physically exhausting day which had started with me hungover. 

I felt close to tears. I couldn't help myself.

The second course was an option between soup or salad. I chose both, naturally. Austin concurred.

"How was scuba diving?" Cearra asked the boys.

I didn't hear their response. I excused myself from the dining room to find the bathroom.

**

The tears flowed out of me the moment I closed the bathroom door. I gripped the edges of the sink and stared at my crying self in the mirror.

I know I'm insecure. I try to channel it through humor or productive avenues like math. But now it's affecting my relationship.

I'm trying to fit inside Luke's world. I won't change who I am for it, but I am trying.

I accept that part of the problem is me, but I'm not the reason why Bianca is cruel. I didn't do anything to her except develop a relationship with Luke.

Why do people ration out their kindness like it's a finite resource? Kindness can be in endless supply if we want it to be.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

"Cearra?" I asked.

"No," came a male's response, "It's me."

Oof. I opened the door and Luke stepped inside.

He must have left dinner to come after me. I tried not to think about what the others were thinking. They must assume we're having problems.

Luke didn't ask me what's wrong, because he already knew. This bathroom felt so much smaller with the two of us. 

I covered my eyes and turned away from him so he wouldn't see me cry. I was so embarrassed. He had just told me to be stronger and here I was a crying wreck.

How was he so fine with everything while I was in a meltdown?

"I know I can be harsh. I'm sorry," he apologized.

I'm trying, but he's so much better at moving on. I know I've criticized Luke's character in the past and he just took that criticism on the chin.

He's worked on himself. There are clear lapses... but I suppose that's the way development works. It's not linear. We're not perfect.

I kept my head down, not wanting him to see me ugly cry. At this point, who cares? The man's seen me puke and he's still here.

He pulled a hand towel from a rail beside the sink and ran the tap water, wetting the towel. His warm fingers gently touched my chin and tilted my head towards him. My puffy eyes stared up at him.

The bathroom felt so small with just the two of us inside. He smiled comfortingly and dabbed the wet towel under my eyes. The feeling of his fingers and the damp towel was a relaxing pressure. The strokes calmed me and reduced the blotchiness around my eyes.

"Thank you," I exhaled.

The pent-up tension inside me gently released. Like a flowing spring, it rolled over me. He lowered his hand and left the towel over the sink. Then he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me.

It was a soft kiss; a tentative kiss that carried emotion behind it but not overstepping the moment. It felt so sensual, like I could taste the longing and restraint. 

**

We returned to dinner and Luke pulled my chair out for me to sit down. He then took a seat himself. I tried not to face the prying eyes of our friends along the table and followed Luke's lead.

"This looks great," Luke said of the main course, "Sorry for holding everyone up."

The chef was standing beside Sir Chadwick Senior and repeated the dish description for us. "Thank you, sir. It's a lamb machboos and we have a legume dish for the lady with vegetarian preferences."

We thanked the chef, who returned to the kitchen to prepare the next dish. Then, we dug in and the sound of cutlery clinking against plates followed suite. I enjoyed the silence as everyone focused on the delicious food in front of us.

Sir Chadwick Senior asked me, "I hope you're ok, Millie. Austin mentioned you were feeling unwell."

Bianca laughed and quickly stopped after Oma nudged her under the table.

"I'm feeling better thank you. It's a bit of jet lag," I answered.

The last thing I needed was for Chad's dad to be up-to-speed with my personal life. Chad Senior nodded and poured another glass of red wine for himself and his friend.

But beside me, Luke called Bianca out. "Did you have something to add, Bianca?"

She looked towards him and tried to read his masked expression. "No, no I think jet lag covers it."

Luke did not let it go. "Funny that you have an opinion on how Millie feels."

Several people on the table bristled at that comment. Luke was so direct sometimes it made it awkward to be a bystander.

"This lamb machboos is delicious," Austin commented, scooping another spoonful, "Cooked to perfection."

"I agree," I added, trying to dissolve the tension in the air.

We didn't need to show this side of us to Roland Chadwick Senior. I've caused enough turmoil on this trip. 

Bianca made the smart choice to not comment back and we all continued to eat our food.

"This group's vibe is messed up," Chad muttered, "I don't know if going out is going to fix it."

"How about we ask Millie and Cearra what they want?" Austin suggested, "The rest of us have all been here before."

"Why wouldn't they want to go out?" Chad asked, looking at us for backup.

"So why don't you ask them?" Austin glared at Chad.

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Chad asked, before looking at me, "Are you still feeling jet lagged?"

**

A cheese platter and dessert were carted out as the final courses. Mint tea was served to those who wanted it and Chad was still fixated on hearing what he's been missing out on.

As usual, he felt out of the loop.

"What is it?" Chad asked Luke and Austin quietly, "Are you still mad that Bianca's here? I haven't seen her do anything wrong."

Cearra overheard that and raised her eyebrows at me. I mirrored her expression, glad to hear our boys had at least tried to make this trip more peaceful for us.

"It's nothing," Austin answered, skimming over the whole ordeal, "Luke and Millie had a mixed experience last night but they're over it."

"I'm not over it," Luke answered, eating his cheese. He had given me his dessert, because he didn't have a sweet tooth.

I put his spoon down. He's not over it?

"Over what?" Chad asked casually, chewing a cracker.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you two can fix it tonight," Cearra said, not wanting to turn this into a whole ordeal all over again.

"We'll have fun tonight," Austin repeated to calm everyone down.

"So you're going to get my girlfriend drunk again?" Luke asked.

"What?" Austin asked back, "You're angry at me?"

"We're just going to pretend like you had nothing to do with last night?" Luke responded, "You got her wasted trying to keep up with you."

So that's what he's not over.

I defended Austin, "We were having fun together. He spent time making me feel a part of the group."

"By drinking," Luke repeated.

"It's my choice," I answered.

"Yeah, but he should know better," Luke said and stared directly at Austin.

From the way Austin reacted, I could tell that this wasn't the first time they've had this conversation. Austin didn't say anything. He didn't try to defend his actions.

Even Chad, who usually has such a loud personality, was quiet. He looked at me and muttered, "Don't try to keep up with Austin."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Nothing," Austin replied and cleared the record, "We were having fun last night. No one needs to chastise us about that. If you're so concerned, Luke, you should've been there."

I put my elbow on the table and covered my hand over my mouth. I didn't want Luke to see me smiling but go Austin. That has been my point this entire time.

"I wasn't there for her? Since when did that become the narrative?" Luke asked, raising his voice.

I guess he was tired of hearing this by now. Luke made his points, "After you got her drunk, I took care of her. Fresh air, food-"

"Well that wasn't a good idea," Austin muttered.

Chad hit his friend in the arm and Austin reacted back, "What? Anyone who drinks knows that."

Cearra added her opinion, "But Luke also took her home and she threw up on him."

"Yeah," Austin repeated his point, "Because he gave her food."

It felt weird hearing people comment about our actions last night. I felt even more embarrassed that I was in a state which required others to look after me. 

Their conversation had gotten so loud that even Oma and Bianca were paying attention. I already felt like this had gotten way out of control, but that's before Bianca piped up.

"You guys need to stop fighting over her like you're macho men. Everyone makes their own decisions," Bianca said, "And everyone faces the consequences."

She stared at me from across the table. I felt her judgmental, superior-than-thou attitude seep into my soul.

And I snapped, "Admit that you got me fired, Bianca. You wanted me to face the consequences."

I hadn't forgotten about that. My job at Lola Rae meant a lot to me and she axed that.

I don't know what cloud she was flying on, but I was going to bring her down and make it rain along the way.

"The b*tch did what?" Cearra freaked.

"You don't work at that clothing store anymore?" Luke asked me.

I summarized the story for them. "The day you guys were at the mall with Art, I left the store to join you. She," I pointed to a stone-faced Bianca, "was in the store with her brother. My manager fired me for recklessly abandoning the store shortly after."

"You never told me that," Luke said.

"I was embarrassed," I replied quietly so that only he would hear.

Bianca called out across the table, "What makes you think it was me? You have so much aggression against me."

"You and your brother were the only two customers in the store," I answered, making sure to articulate every word. "And the only other people who knew what I did, are the boys in this room. You telling me they did this?"

Oma shook her head at Bianca in disbelief.

No one believed that Luke, Chad or Austin would do that to me. So, it really didn't leave many options.

The shocked silence that followed caught Sir Chadwick Senior and his friend's attention. The stopped their conversation to observe ours. The tension had gone from low to 100% in the space of a few minutes.

Cearra scraped her chair back and stood up to face Bianca, "I'm so sick of your evil. You try to sleep with one guy here to get with the guy who's dating my best friend. And then you try to stab my friend in the back. Don't you think trying and failing to steal her boyfriend is enough?"

"Watch your mouth," Bianca retorted, standing up, "No one even knows who you are. You were so close to not being invited, it's like you're hanging on a lifeline. You know nothing about this group or the friendships we've had that have lasted more than a decade."

Luke interrupted, "Speaking of people close to not being invited, Bianca I asked you if you'd done anything to make Millie uncomfortable coming on this trip."

She looked back at him, her lips trembling as she tried to come up with a sympathetic response to his demanding question.

Cearra said, "Honestly, Bianca, you make women look bad. Thankfully, we're not all like you."

Austin turned to Luke, "I can't believe you think I intentionally got Millie wasted last night."

"Not intentionally," Luke answered, "Nothing you do is intentional, but it always leads to a f*cking mess."

Suddenly, there was a crash of a chair against the floor as Cearra and Bianca clashed.

Chad slammed his hand against the beautiful dinner table, causing it to shake. "You've ruined this vacation! It's New Years' Eve tomorrow and no one here is bringing positivity to the table."

What have I started?

The arguments continued and Chad yelled, "We ate dinner late and the soup was cold!"

At this point, he was talking to himself. We've gone mad. That's it. We've all gone completely crazy.

This was the dinner from hell. Even the candles that lined the walls seemed more malevolent to me now, like flames from the underworld.

And for the first time this evening, Chad's father clinked his knife against his champagne glass in the sound of a toast. He and his friend were the only two people still seated at the table and keeping some dignity.

We all fell silent to hear his words:

"This isn't the happy group I thought it was. Watching you fight this evening, has led me to one conclusion."

We waited to hear the conclusion. He raised his finger and touched his moustache. Then he continued:

"You're all spoilt. And I'm going to handle this."

A/N: The entire group went through a meltdown! What do you think of Austin and Luke's argument?  How will Roland Chadwick Senior handle this?

Check out the comment section of my latest instagram post if you want to weigh in on the debate. I've been responding to comments there!

I just LOVE writing these kinds of chapters mwahaha!!  A little spice to the usual dinner conversation... *evil laugh*...

See ya next week!

<3 Natalie