56 | All Things Luke

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'When Millie's life changed from a straight 4 to a curved 9' Thank you @sab0.169 for the poster!

Chapter 56: All Things Luke

There was nothing perfect about this setup. I was standing in a wetsuit with a pair of flippers and a mask that made me talk funny. Meanwhile, Bianca had gone off with my boyfriend to explore the underwater wildlife on a magical aquatic adventure.

"Raise your left arm if you don't know how to swim," the instructor told us.

We were standing knee deep in sea water, with the sandy beach behind us. I looked down the line at Cearra, Austin and Oma. At least Cearra was getting some personal time in with Austin. They kept talking in between the instructor.

"Here, you have the strap on backward," Austin offered to help adjust her mask, "Does that feel better?"

Cearra nodded and pressed her hands over the band, "A lot better, thank you. How's yours?"

"Mine's fine," he said, looking down at the water he wanted to swim in.

I tried to ignore the pang in my heart. Why couldn't we still be like that? Luke-

"Can anyone name any fish?" the instructor asked us and caught me staring at Austin and Cearra, "Millie?"

"Goldfish?" I ventured.

"No. Grouper and sunfish are two examples of fish you will see in these waters. Let's talk briefly about what to do if you see a shark," he said, "Now it's more likely to happen to your expert diving friends than here on the shallow end, but still worth a short safety briefing."

Our expert diving friends... what a joke. I could just imagine Bianca holding onto Luke for dear life at the sight of a friendly shark minding its own business.

**

We arrived home long before the 'expert diving' group. If they're so expert, why aren't they quick?

Back at Chad's villa, dinner was being prepared by a chef tonight. The raw food was already on display on his prep table. I sat at a bar stool by the kitchen island to watch the chef work. I also stole a walnut.

I had 101 questions about cooking that I wasn't shy to ask. My first question: What does sweating an onion mean?

Suddenly, a chair scraped back, and Oma sat down next to me. She placed her waterproof camera on the counter and asked, "Is everything OK, Millie?"

I was having a great time until the reminder. My happy mood bubble popped as quickly as it had inflated.

"OK is a good way to put it," I answered, watching the chef braise veal, "Not great, not terrible, but OK."

"Have you spoken to Luke about last night?" she asked, "The guys were fishing this morning-"

"They went fishing?" I asked, shocked by how active they've been. They'd also gone to the gym and scuba diving and all this after clubbing until 4AM.

"No, I mean they were fishing for information," she explained, "Luke didn't want to say anything, but I think he was a bit shaken by last night."

"How do you think I feel?" I retorted.

"I think it's been a rough morning for you," she sympathized with a slight smile, "But you were wild last night. Bianca has a photo of-"

"Not another photo," I groaned. I'm being forced to live and relive my worst nightmares on this holiday.

No wonder Luke's avoiding me today. How do you stay attracted to someone after you see their bile?

"I think he's been giving you space," Oma said comfortingly, noticing how my expression had changed and guessing that I was thinking about Luke. "Last night was rough on both of you and today can't have been the right time to talk things through."

"That's a fair point," I conceded, "but our conversation wasn't very productive."

"From my experience with boys, they problem solve in a different way," she shrugged, "Some cultures encourage boys to be strong and silent and that can interfere with their communication. But, hey, what do I know? You know Luke better than me, but I haven't seen him really connect with his emotions."

I have.  Sometimes.

I reached out for another walnut. The chef had his back turned.

**

I went to my room and tried not to think of Bianca at the back of my mind. She had once warned me that Luke would grow tired of me, like he has every girl before. That terrified me.

His distance scared me.

I needed to change my mindset. I should be enjoying this vacation and not overthinking everything. Luke's not stuck in his room feeling sorry for himself, so why should I?

I walked into the bathroom and took a hot shower. I tried to enter a calmer mood by thinking of the clear sea water and colorful fish I had seen snorkeling. 

Tonight, I was going to dress up in one of Nicole's outfits. I wrapped myself in a soft towel and padded over to the wardrobe in my room.

Nicole's gorgeous clothes hung in their individual cover bags on the rail. I picked out a white corset with a square neckline. Then I matched it with tight shorts that had a playful white and slightly transparent skirt over it. (outfit 4 on my Instagram)

This was the first time I had ever worn an outfit like this. It was more expensive than everything in my closet combined. It was also extremely tight on me. Extremely.

**

I ran downstairs and ran straight into Austin. He was wearing a tropical print shirt, unbuttoned to show off his pecks.

"Woah, what's the rush, Mill-" he stopped when he noticed my outfit, "Good look, Millie."

I blushed, not used to compliments on my appearance. "Thank you, Austin."

We both walked into the living room. Chad was crouching by a cabinet to grab another bottle from the lowest drawer.

Chad looked up as we walked in and whistled. "You dressed up."

I looked around and saw that no one else was wearing a party outfit. Oma, who was the epitome of style in this house, was in a maxi dress and sandals.

"It's a casual five course dinner," Chad explained, holding the bottle, "We'll change to go out after."

There's no such thing as a casual five course dinner in my mind.

"She'll wear whatever she wants," Luke interrupted, stepping towards me in a crisp white shirt and black trousers.

His hair was still wet from the shower and his skin had tanned from a day out in the sun. He smiled at me, "You look incredible, by the way."

If I blushed when Austin complimented me, I turned beetroot when Luke did.

"Finally, we can eat now," Bianca exclaimed, trying to gather everyone into the dining room.

"We're going to need five minutes," Luke said, before glancing back at me, "Is it OK if we talk now?"

"Aren't we going to hold up dinner?" I asked.

"Not if we can start on appetizers," Austin offered, somehow standing beside us as if he was a part of the conversation, "The oysters looked really good."

"Yeah, it's still early. You two go ahead," Oma agreed, smiling encouragingly at me.

OK, I guess I need to stop running.

**

Luke and I walked down a flight of stairs to a basement floor I didn't know Chad's villa had. We passed by a glass wall that revealed an indoor swimming pool. Another door had the sign "sauna" on it. 

My mouth opened wider with every door we passed by.

"Luke, where are we going?" I finally asked him, "Let's just talk here and get this over with."

I stopped us in a small room with a glass window. It must be a waiting room of some kind, next to a few empty showers. There was also a bench with folded white towels.

"Here?" Luke asked.

"Since when did you get a scuba diving license?" I asked him, while I crossed my arms over my chest.

It's a habit I got from him. He does that from time to time.

"That's how you want to start this?" he asked, unimpressed.

Was that judgement in his voice?

"Maybe you want to start?" I offered, "Because I have no idea what you're thinking. I get the sense you're angry at me, but I don't know what I did."

He sighed, "You blacked out last night?"

"I know what I did. I just don't know what I did to you," I replied, feeling irritated by his assumptions.

"You threw up on me."

Except for that.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you last night. Trust me, no one is more embarrassed by myself than me. I'm trying and I know you enjoy this untouchable status at school and I bring that down when my actions reflect on you," I said. 

Luke shook his head. "That's a cop out. You got wasted last night to hide from your own insecurities. And I'm going to call you out on that. I'm sorry for not being more aware of your feelings and for not doing more to make you feel included, but you shouldn't drink like that. Be stronger willed."

"Don't talk to me like that," I told him, "I was trying to have fun last night and I made a mistake. I agree I shouldn't drink so much but how is that a crime?"

"It's not a crime. Do you think that it's fun to lose control of your senses in a foreign country? It's irresponsible.  It's not cute to be falling all over the place," he said, "What if we lost you?"

I didn't reply. I really couldn't.

"And I know you drank because you felt insecure. What have I done to make you feel that way?" he asked, "I don't understand why you're doing this after what it did to your mom."

Oof.  I didn't know how to respond, so I came up with a lame excuse.

"I don't know. It didn't help how I was dressed-"

"Who cares how you dress?" he replied, "I hear what you're saying but you don't hear me. Who gives a f*ck what others think? You look amazing in this outfit as you did in your cartoon shirt yesterday."

"It's so easy for you to say."

"I know it is, but I'm telling you that it's something you need to work on. You've given me a lot of hard talks in the time we've known each other, so here's one for you. I care about you. I care about you so f*cking much and I never want to see you hurt or vulnerable like you were last night."

"You were the one who hurt me too, Luke!"

"I made the mistake of leaving you alone too much yesterday. It was our first night out in a group and I didn't think it through. I'm sorry, but can we agree to work on building your confidence? Let me help you work on it. I don't want you to drink through pain."

That left me speechless. Down in the basement of Chad's villa, I had lost track of my words.

"I know it hurts," Luke said, "Trust me, I've been there. But Minnie, you're stronger than me in so many ways. All I'm saying is that I don't think your happiness should be tied to the superficial acceptance of irrelevant people. They're irrelevant."


A/N: I haven't had time to process what I've just written, but what do you think of it? Please vote if you thought this chapter was interesting! I hope it can spark some conversation

Relationships can really take you into areas of yourself you didn't even realize were there.  Trying to dig deep into Millie and Luke's characters to find those parts <3 

Feel free to let me know your thoughts by commenting or DM'ing me on IG (@NatalieInACorner). I try to respond to every message :)

See you soon!

<3 
Natalie



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