( re-edited, please read again
because i added a few things )
<3

— real life

"you," was the first thing that she said the moment she pulled away from timothee. she didn't know what she wanted to even say, all she knew was her mouth was burning and she could feel everything begin to eat her up.

"you see what i mean, ace?" timothée said, this time his stupid, genuine smile was on his face. his stupid, stupid face. "you love me. you love me as much as i love you." his hands were now on her waist and her fingers were on his cheeks, and every part of her skin felt like they were flaming fire against her, and she wondered if he felt the same.

"no i don't. i'm with davis." she breathed, knowing well she put herself in this position, and yet she couldn't seem to pull herself out of it. "and you, you," jj. he was with jj. or, or she thought he was. it was all a blur of confusion and asa didn't know if she could distinguish right from wrong. all she could feel was, well, him.

"i like you, asa. i always have, and i always will." he murmured. "and you can say," he paused, his eyes staring intently at her, like he was looking at her and only her. "you can say you don't, but i know. i know you do. and you can't take that from me, alright, asa?" she wanted to die under his skin, with his hands on her waist and that smile on his face.

"i don't-" she didn't know what she wanted. before this she thought she wanted to be friends with timothee, which she knew was impossible considering everything. before this she thought she wanted to live her life with davis by her side and forget all the bullshit she caused with timothee, but now it's different. now she knows it's impossible to tear herself away from this boy. the boy she so badly wanted to forget.

"asa." his voice was breathlessly melodic as it pushed against her skin, seemingly pulling her as close as she could to his lips, which seemed to be the only thing she wanted to touch. her lips inched towards his, hoping that possibly, that maybe he would be the one to turn away, because heaven knew she didn't have the will power to do it.

she knew she would feel like a terrible person. because she knew that she was. but in that moment, the only thing she could feel as timothée. that blaze sensation the moment their lips touched, or the way his hands felt on her waist. she never wanted to say it, but something felt so right about him.

  "but it will ruin everything?" she muttered, her lips only millimeters away from his. her eyes were already closed, but she knew enough to know exactly what the look on his face was.

  victory.

  "asa?" another voice spoke, this time from inside. suddenly snapping back to reality, asa pushed timothée away from her, sending them both into the railings, what seemed like miles apart from each other compared how they were just standing.

  "davis," asa choked, seeing davis standing on the other side of the foggy glass, a look of shock on his face. "davis, wait," asa could feel her heart pounding. this was the guilt she was waiting for.

  "what the hell?" his voice hit against her chest, suddenly feeling tighter and smaller than she would want to feel like.

  "davis, i can-"

  "she doesn't want you, kid." timothee called out to davis as he climbed though the window, the two sizing up against each other. "get that through your brain." when only a few seconds ago, he was the sweetest boy she knew, now his voice was hoarse and angry. back to how he was just before. gone.

  "get the fuck away from me." davis shouted, pushing timothee back away from him.

  "davis, please." asa could feel the tears already forming in her eyes, but she already knew she didn't deserve those words. she was the one that put herself in that situation.

  "asa, what the hell?" he turned to look at her, the happy look on his face gone, now it was only confusion.

  "please, i'm so sorry." asa cried, taking a step towards davis, who instantly took a step back away from her, her heart shattering in the process. "please, talk to me."

  "what is going on?" alice made her way out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes. "asa?" her eyes became alerted the moment she saw the tears on her best friend's face, and the two boy standing, staring one another down.

  "i said, she doesn't want you." timothee shouted at davis. "get that into your fucking brain and leave."

  "timothee, shut the hell up!" asa retaliated. "davis, please, i can explain."

  "i-" he stuttered again, breaking his eye contact with timothee, and turning to look at asa. "ok. yeah, alright. explain." he let out a dry chuckle, but asa could see the tears setting in on his face. "explain to me then why i walked in and found you centimeters away from this—" he paused like he was catching the words in his mouth. "his face." he cried. he cried out and asa couldn't stifle her tears. "explain. please, asa, i'm begging you."

  "i," she stuttered. she couldn't say anything. she couldn't explain it without ever making her look like an asshole. because that's what she was. and there was no changing that.

  "yeah," davis let out a sigh, shaking his head. asa couldn't tell if he was angry, or if he shook his head to hide the tears. through her own, she couldn't read his face, at least not like how she on knew how to. "ok." not taking another look at asa, davis made his way out of the apartment, leaving the air still and quiet.

  "what the hell, asa?" alice spoke, breaking the silence. "what the fuck did i just witness?"

  she was once more speechless. God, everything happened so fast, she couldn't, she didn't want to fathom any part of it. but she had to. because she was living it.

  "why did you say that to him?" asa cried, turning to shout at timothee, who hadn't moved from when davis had pushed him.

  "i told him the truth." timothee defended. "i told him what i fucking know about you, asa gubler."

  "you could've said anything else. you could've stayed fucking quiet. but you had to go and make shit worse!" she shouted up at him as she towered over her. "this was your plan, huh? to fuck me over? that's why you've been acting like such a fucking asshole, acting like you're the shit?"

  "well fucking it worked, didn't it?" he shouted back at her. "because you're fucking around here instead of going to save that fucker of a boyfriend of yours. you're here, mad at me, because you fucking care." he snarled. "you fucking care about what i say. you care about me."

  "you're a fucking asshole, timothée chalamet." she seethed. why was he here? why did he come? her eye sight shifted to the doorway that led to alice's room. "you." she choked, her brother rubbing his eyes as he entered the living room, oblivious to all the yelling. "why did you tell him to come?" his eyes widened at ada's words, opening his lips, but nothing leaving. "this wouldn't of happened if you just listened to me! i don't want-" she couldn't finish her sentence. and she didn't know why.

  "he was invited." alice interjected. "this has nothing to do with arlo."

  "well why the fuck did you invite him?" she shouted back at them. all she could feel was anger. "can't you guys ever listen to me? i said no." all she ever did was say no. but here she was, feeling as if the only words people heard were yes.

  "why are you blaming me?" her brother scoffed, finally fitting the pieces of what just happened. "you can't control yourself?"

her eyes snapped to her brother, who held a deadly stare against her, but she knew she had one just the same.

"you can't keep fucking running from him." timothee. arlo was talking about timothee and she wanted to scream. "because he's in your life, and you know it." arlo argued. she could feel timothee's presence behind her, but she never wanted to look at his face. not right now. "look, it was going to happen sooner or later—"

"what the fuck, arlo?" she scoffed. "what the hell do you mean 'sooner or later?'" her brother sat in silence, but she knew exactly what he meant. "you're being such a fucking asshole right now." she seethed but it didn't help her pacing breath that worsened the more she was in this room. she wanted to do so much, run away, scream, cry, punch her brother in the face, all of it. and in reality, it felt as if she was doing all of those things at once.

  like she was living without breathing.

  "you know what." she breathed, dropping her gaze to the ground. "fuck you. fuck all of you." she turned on her heel, disregarding the obvious stares on her. she didn't want to be here anymore. all she wanted, needed, was to run away.

"asa!" a voice, she couldn't tell who, called after her as she barreled though the stairs, but asa didn't care to turn back.

  suddenly she was out on the street in her pajamas, surrounded by the nyc 2am crowd, with no davis walton in sight.

"davis!" she shouted into the crowd, having no sight of the boy, who'd only been in nyc for a few days. "davis!" she called, as loud as she could, but to no avail, the only thing she received was a few disgusted stares or smiles from drunken groups, who gave her a cheers from their paper bags.

she really fucked it up this time. she fucked it over with davis, and timothee, and alice, and arlo. she fucked her life over. and she had no idea how to fix it. if she ever could.

so instead, asa walked in silence through the streets, not caring who saw her and who didn't. she only could think of one person who she wanted to hear from right now, and wouldn't mind a bit to hear from her.

the phone rang against her ear as she continued to mindlessly walk on the sidewalk, finally near a part of nyc where there seemed to be less groups of people dallying around.

on the fourth ring, they picked up, a sudden feeling of relief filling asa's mind.

"asa? it's late, are you okay?" at the sound of their voice, the tears that had halted from her time outside, finally fell against her cheeks, filling her voice with her sobs.

"matt?" she choked against her phone, pulling her hand up to stifle the sobs. "matt, i fucked up."

VEE !

SHIT EYE
I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST WROTE THIS
IM SO SAD. I'M SAD FOR DAVIS, IM SAD
FOR ALICE, IM SAD FOR EVERYONDHSJ
(except asa and timothee, like damn y'all so fucked up
😭 like y'all really gotta be asses today... talking about
u timothee chalamet, like can u pls shut up 😭)

i hope y'all enjoy this chapter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i especially love the end, bc i miss matty
(and kinda forgot he was their older
brother dhsjsk sorry)

anyways, i hope y'all have a beautifully
and stay in school kids. :P

all the love
vee <3

also there's a lot of f bombs in here oops, sorry 😗

(omg i keeps finding typos 😭😭 sorry for continuously updating, i promise i'm not doing it on purpose 😭)

09 / 27 / 2021
( edited and added a few things <3 )