October 2015

I yawned my way through Monday, (after staying at Harry's until gone midnight on Sunday, at his insistence of "just one more brew") and was on countdown to the end of the week when I would see him again. I hadn't heard from him by Thursday, but was in no doubt that we were still on for the weekend in Holmes Chapel since Gemma had added me on snapchat and sent me a video of herself shaking her head vigorously from side to side so I could only see her hair, and squealing in excitement, her cat Olivia looking on in confusion in the background.

I wondered if Harry purposely wasn't texting me first, either in an attempt to play it cool, or to give me space, and it had the presumed desired effect. I was missing him more and more, and since our day together on Sunday I was feeling very differently towards him. The fun we'd had had reminded me of why I'd fallen for him in the first place, and I was looking forward to spending time with him and his family, since the awkwardness had dissipated and the gentle familiarity had returned.

I texted him on Friday morning letting him know I was shopping on Saturday with Callie and would head up to Holmes Chapel in the afternoon to arrive around teatime. He texted back to say this was fine, he would be home after the show, and that his mum, Robin and Gemma were all looking forward to seeing me.

I arranged meet Callie on Oxford Street in the Topshop cafe on Saturday morning, and got the coffees in while I waited for her to arrive. Even before she sat down opposite me I could see she looked glum.

"You OK?" I asked.

"Yeah," she muttered as she slipped her jacket off her shoulders.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, really," she sighed. "Just things are a bit off with James."

"Oh no!" I said. "Why, what's happened?"

"That's just it, nothing," she said flatly, tearing open a packet of sugar and pouring it into her latte. "It just feels different. Like something's changed between us. I can't put my finger on it but it doesn't feel the same as it used to. I can't help thinking that things are fizzling out a bit."

"What?!" I said in dismay. "You're joking!"

"No," she mumbled. "It's been feeling different for a while. It's just that feeling you get when the relationship is coming to an end."

"How long is 'a while'?" I asked.

"Couple of weeks," she said.

"That's not very long," I reasoned. "Maybe you're just going through a rough patch?"

"Maybe," she said, but she didn't look convinced.

She didn't want to dissect it, and was adamant she wanted to go shopping and not think about it all.

"You know what we haven't done this year?" she said suddenly, as we were wandering round the concessions floor of Topshop. "A girls' holiday. With you going off to Cardiff we never got around to booking anything last minute."

"Yeah," I agreed. "It's a bit late now though, don't you think? We wouldn't get the best of the weather at this time of year."

"Hmm," she acknowledged, but I could see the cogs whirring in her brain, and I somehow knew it wouldn't be the last I would hear of this.

I ended up buying some new dark skinny jeans and a loose knitted jumper, and decided to take them with me to Harry's to wear on Sunday. Callie and I had some lunch on Oxford Street and then I got the tube back home, packed an overnight bag and made the journey up the M1 and the M6 to Holmes Chapel. It was almost six o'clock by the time I arrived, and as I drove along the country lanes I felt my stomach begin to twist with nerves. I hadn't spoken to Anne or Robin since I'd found out about Harry and Sara, and even though Harry had said his mum was looking forward to seeing me, I couldn't help worrying that things might be a bit awkward at first.

I needn't have worried. As I climbed out of my car in the driveway I heard the front door open, and saw Anne standing there wearing an apron and a beaming smile. The sight of her brought a lump to my throat and I felt my eyes glaze with tears as I pulled my bag out of the car and began to walk towards the front door.

"Hi, Jess," she greeted me, and then she caught sight of my watery eyes and her face fell. "Oh - love - are you alright? What's the matter?"

"No - nothing, I'm fine," I said, my voice betraying me by wobbling, and she pulled me into a hug. "Just felt a bit emotional being back here," I muttered as I hugged her back.

"Understandable," she said softly. "I'm so glad you're here. Come on in. Dinner's almost ready - are you hungry?"

"Starving," I admitted, quickly wiping my eyes and following her into the hallway. I heard a squeak of excitement from the doorway and then Gemma enveloped me in a hug, which made me laugh.

We went into the kitchen where Robin was pouring wine into some glasses.

"Hello, love," he said, looking up and smiling. "Red or white?"

"White, please," I smiled, and he handed me a glass of Pinot before gesturing for me to sit down at the table next to Gemma.

"Does it feel weird being here without Harry?" Gemma asked as Anne began to dish up Hunter's Chicken.

"Um, a bit, yeah," I said, shyly. "Thanks for having me."

"It's a pleasure," Anne smiled. "Make yourself at home while you're here. I've made up the guest room for you, so help yourself to anything you need."

"I hope I haven't put you to any extra trouble," I said awkwardly, feeling embarrassed at our sleeping situation. I was sure Harry would have been confiding in Anne about all of this, but it almost felt as though I was waving my arms and shouting, 'I am categorically NOT having sex with your son!'

"Not at all," she dismissed. "Like I said, it's a pleasure. I think Harry will probably be back before midnight tonight, depending on the traffic coming out of Manchester. They're normally in the cars before any of the fans are out of the arena so he shouldn't be too long."

We chatted about One Direction, the tour, and Louis and Briana, and then once dinner was over Anne shooed me and Gemma out of the kitchen, handing us a new bottle of white wine, and insisted we sit down in the lounge and relax. I took my bag up to the spare room and pulled a hoodie on over my top, and then joined Gemma downstairs on the sofa.

"So how are things?" I asked. "Harry said you took a date to the Apple Music Festival. Anyone special?"

She rolled her eyes. "That was the possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life. Did you see he made a complete show of me in front of the entire venue?"

"I didn't see, but I heard about it," I grinned. "I can't imagine you were too impressed."

"Understatement," she said, darkly. "But that's what you get when your brother's a famous wind-up merchant."

I laughed. "True. I'm sure he took great delight in it."

"He did," Gemma nodded. "So tonight, I get my revenge. Where shall we start? The first time he demonstrated cross-dressing tendencies by wearing Mum's bra? The time he got stood up on a date because the girl fancied his mate more than him? The time he wrote a corny love poem for his first girlfriend and she shared it on Facebook?"

I laughed even harder at Gemma's blatant enthusiasm for embarrassing Harry like this, and shrugged. "You decide," I grinned. "We've got all evening."

So we spent the best part of the next two hours laughing about Harry and his misfortune, and only paused when my phone pinged with a text around half past eight.

From: Harry: Just about to go on. Wait up for me, if you're not too tired xx

I typed back quickly.

To: Harry: Of course x

I saw that it had been read, but heard no more, and assumed he would now be prancing around on stage to Clouds. I felt a pang of longing at the thought of the show, and remembered with affection the Cardiff show we'd attended, and that feeling of uncontrolled excitement as the backdrop had slowly tilted, all lit up, to allow the boys to make their entrance onto the stage.

"So, what's the crack?" Gemma asked resolutely, as she reached over and poured the last of the wine into our glasses.

"What do you mean?" I asked, locking my phone and putting it on the arm of the sofa.

She rolled her eyes. "Duh. You and my brother."

I looked down at my wine glass. "It's complicated," I sighed.

"So un-complicate it," she said.

"I'm trying," I nodded. "We've taken things right back to the beginning, and it's good. Great, in fact."

"Do you still love him?" she asked.

"That was never in question," I told her.

"Do you think you'll get back together?"

"We haven't discussed that recently," I said, truthfully. "We're just friends."

"Do you see a future with him?" she asked softly.

I smiled at her attempt to get this information out of me. "I think I should probably have this conversation with Harry before anyone else," I replied. "I don't want him to hear my feelings second hand."

She smiled back. "You're absolutely right, of course. Sorry. I shouldn't be interfering."

"You're not," I said. "I know you're just looking out for him. Believe me when I say the last thing I want to do is hurt him, which is why I am treading so, so carefully this time around."

"He'd do anything for you, you know," she said, after a moment. "Even just be friends."

"I know," I whispered.

Anne appeared in the doorway with a bottle of Baileys, and poured us all a glass before joining us for a natter. It was almost eleven o'clock when Gemma's eyes began drooping and she was concealing yawns behind her hand.

"You go to bed if you're tired," I said to her. "Don't feel you have to stay up for my sake. Harry won't be much longer."

Anne backed me up, and then offered me a brew as Gemma headed off to bed. She brought two cups through to the lounge and took Gemma's place on the sofa and smiled at me.

"It means a lot to Harry that you're here," she said. "How are you? I mean really?"

"I'm OK," I said, honestly. "I wasn't, for a long time. I was a complete mess over everything. But we're friends now, which is great."

"I'm so sorry for what Harry did," she said. "You're a lovely girl, Jess. You made my little boy so happy. I respect the way you're handling all this, and I think you're doing right by both of you in taking things slowly like this. No matter what the outcome might be."

"Thanks," I said, feeling the lump growing in my throat again. "I don't want to mess him around," I whispered.

"I know," she said, softly, reaching forward and putting her hand over mine. "Just follow your heart, and you'll be fine."

She gave me a soft smile, and before I could answer, I heard the sound of a car in the driveway.

"Oh! That'll be Harry!" she said, jumping up. "I'll go and stick the kettle on again."

I got to my feet and felt my stomach flip as I walked towards the hall and heard the sound of a key in the lock. The front door opened and Harry walked in, his hair in a mun and a small bag slung over his shoulder.

"Hey," I said shyly as he shut the door and set his bag down on the floor.

"Hi," he said softly, and we both took a step towards each other. My arms slid around his waist and his slid around my back, and I rested my head on his chest while he rested his cheek on the top of my head.

"How was the show?" I murmured into his chest.

"Fine. I stink."

I started to laugh and felt his face break into a smile against my hair.

"You don't," I said, pulling away and looking up at him.

"I do," he said, grinning down at me and removing his arms. "I'm gonna jump straight in the shower. I'll understand if you want to go to bed, if you're tired."

"No, I'll wait," I smiled. "Your mum's just making a cup of tea for you."

"Hi Mum," Harry called, in the direction of the kitchen door.

"Hi love," she called back, and even from the hallway I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'll only be a few minutes," he said to me, and then picked up his bag and took the stairs two at a time.

"Has he gone for a shower?" Anne asked as I walked back into the lounge, and she appeared, carrying a fresh cup of tea for Harry.

"Yeah," I said.

"Decaff," she said, setting Harry's 'H' mug down on the coffee table. "So it doesn't keep him awake."

"I would have thought he'd be shattered after a concert!" I laughed, but when she smiled back it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'll leave you in peace," she said a few minutes later as Harry emerged, his hair pulled off his face, wearing a pair of soft shorts and a plain white tshirt. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went into the kitchen where I could hear her tidying things away.

"Hey there Delilah," I teased, and he grinned as he flopped down on the sofa next to me.

"Where's Gem?" he asked.

"Gone to bed," I replied.

"Rude," he remarked as he picked up the television remote and flicked through the channels. He curled one leg up underneath him and then leaned towards me, laying down on me in what had now become our 'usual' stance, and resting his head on my stomach, his arm draped over me still holding the remote.

"Make yourself comfortable," I teased, and he tilted his head up and looked at me cheekily.

"Oh I will. Thanks."

I nudged him gently with my leg and he chuckled softly.

"Was it a good crowd?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, nodding his head against me. "I love the Manchester crowd. Feels like home, y'know?"

"I can imagine," I smiled.

We were both quiet for a couple of minutes until Anne poked her head into the lounge. "There's some tea left in the pot if either of you want a top up?"

"Yeah, go on, I will please," I replied. "Harry?" I prompted, nudging his cheek with my hip.

Surprise surprise. He was asleep.

Anne took a couple of steps closer to us and peered at him in disbelief. "Is he asleep?" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah," I sighed. "As usual."

She glanced at me and looked as though she was going to say something, but then bit her lip.

"What is it?" I asked warily, and she pressed her lips together in a gesture so reminiscent of Harry it made my stomach flip.

"He's just been so stressed out lately," she said softly. "He's literally running on empty. This tour... well, let's just say I'll be glad when it's over. They're running him into the ground, and he's finding it hard to sleep these days. I was just surprised when I saw he'd nodded off so quickly, but now I think about it, I'm not really surprised." She smiled at me. "I'll just lock up and I'll bring the teapot through."

"Thanks," I said quietly to her retreating back, and as I took a deep breath, Harry opened his eyes and lifted his head.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to fall asleep again."

"It's fine," I said gently, my mind whirling over what Anne had just said. Was he really having trouble sleeping?

I looked down at where his head had been on my hoodie, and saw he had left a wet patch from his damp hair that was now soaking through to my skin. He followed my gaze and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry," he said again, and pushed himself up on his hands so he was now leaning over my stomach, looking down at me. I pulled the hoodie up slightly and wiped my hand across my stomach to remove the moisture, and went to pull the hem back down when he stopped me.

He brushed my hand away and stared down at my left hip that was now exposed, before brushing his fingers gently over my skin. I lay perfectly still, hardly daring to breathe, my heart pounding. He slowly dipped his head and pressed his lips against my stomach in the softest kiss, before pulling away an inch and lifting his gaze to lock eyes with me.

Neither of us said anything but stared at each other with serious expressions on our faces. Harry's usual smirk was gone, replaced by... desire? Apprehension? I couldn't tell. I was too nervous to think clearly.

He blinked and looked down at my stomach again, before lowering his head to kiss the same spot. Goosebumps erupted all over my body and I instinctively reached down towards his face to run my fingers over his hair.

"Dusty! Come on!"

Anne's voice brought us back to the present and Harry pushed himself off me abruptly and resumed a sitting position on the other end of the sofa just as Anne came in carrying the teapot, Dusty the cat at her side. I quickly pulled my hoodie back down and sat up straight, swallowing hard and trying not to look flustered.

"There's probably enough in there for half a cup each," she said brightly, completely unaware what she had just interrupted, setting the teapot down next to our mugs. "It should still be hot."

"Thanks," we said in unison.

"See you in the morning," she smiled, and ushered the cat out of the room ahead of her.

"You want some of this?" Harry asked, a little louder than necessary.

"Yes, please," I said, reaching forward to push my mug over to him as he poured the remainder of the tea out.

"It's decaff," he said, in the same tone, "so it won't keep you awake."

"Yeah, your mum said," I replied. "Do you - are you having trouble sleeping?" I asked tentatively, and he cleared his throat and went to run his hand through his hair, before presumably realising it was in a mun.

"Not exactly... well, yeah, sometimes," he admitted, looking down at his mug. "It's sort of hard to switch off at the moment."

"From what?" I asked.

"Dunno. Everything. I think I'm overtired, to the point where sometimes I find it hard to get to sleep."

"Not long left until the end of the tour now," I said, smiling softly at him.

"Yeah," he sighed, taking a couple of gulps of his tea. "I'm pretty beat now, actually."

"I'm ready to go to bed whenever you are," I said. "I was only really waiting up for you."

"OK," he said, draining the last of his cup and standing up. "I'll just take these mugs through to the kitchen." He grabbed the mugs and teapot, waving away my offers to help, and quickly took them into the kitchen while I straightened the cushions in the lounge and switched then lamps off. We met in the hall and made our way silently upstairs, and then paused on the landing outside the door to the guest room.

"Have you got everything you need? Towels and stuff?" he asked.

"Yeah, your mum's sorted everything out for me, thanks," I said.

My heart was pounding again. I couldn't stop thinking about what had (or hadn't) happened on the sofa only a few minutes earlier, and where it might (or might not) have led if Anne hadn't walked in. I felt like you could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. Surely it wasn't just me feeling it?

I looked up into his eyes and licked my lips nervously. He looked down at me, that serious expression back on his face that made me want to melt into a pile of mush at his feet. He reached his right hand up towards me and I actually held my breath in anticipation. He gently squeezed my shoulder and smiled.

"Night, Jess."

And he turned away and walked into his bedroom, leaving me standing there on the landing wondering what the hell just happened.

----****----

Sorry it's been so long since the last update! I am literally exhausted and have had no time to write! I don't know when the next update will be - I'll try and get one up mid-week but I don't want to promise and then not deliver. I'll aim for next weekend, thanks for being patient with me! And thanks for all the birthday greetings, you're