A is ignoring me. 

5:15 pm. I texted her. No response.

12:23 am.I texted her again. No response. 

BUT SHE WAS ON THE FUCKING APP AT THAT TIME! 

she's ignoring me i fucking knew it. i did something wrong. she's mad at me. like why can't she respond. 

i also regret my life chooses :D i texted her a little while ago because i fucking snapped. 

i asked her if i did something wrong, said that she barely has talked to me, mr c noticed that something was off. everything almost. 

but she's not going to respond. 

it's basically 3am rn. 

i make bad decisions at this time. 

i'm telling richy about it though because he's still up. 

i'm also listening to depressing music which won't help.

i don't want her mad at me but i don't know what i did wrong so i can't make it right. i wish we could just talk like we normally do. 

like fuck. 

i hate this.

i hate feeling like this. 

i feel like crying but i don't think i can right now. 

i just wanna bash my head into the wall. 

guys please don't mind this chapter. i just really needed a place to put it down. 

i'm just feeling like shit and i needed to write down what i was feeling before i actually exploded and relapsed or something.

fuck my life. i'm having a panic attack about nothing! 

she made a board called 'house inpso'. this probably means nothing to you guys but it means a lot to me. 

we have a fucking board that is shared for things we want in OUR house when we're older. i'm overthinking nowwww!

heart beat goes fast.

panic timeeee. 

she's my fucking reason for living. 

STUPID FUCKING PLAYLIST KEEPS PLAYING LOVE SONGS LIKE FUCKKKKKKKKK

she's my reason for living and she doesn't even care about me i guess. 

she's moving closer to my new school that i have to go to school next year but she's not going to go there because i guess i'm not important to her? 

i'm being irrational. she has other people at this school. but...

i don't know... 

just kill me. 

i'm crying know yay!

i'm going to tell S to not read this. 

i.. i don't want her to see this. 

i just want to die now. 

she doesn't care about me.

i keep texting her. i need to stop. 

i'm going to recommend songs now because i feel like that's the best way i can get my emotions out.

I Deserve To Bleed by Sushi Soucy

4am by girl in red

say anything by girl in red

summer depression by girl in red

Smile by Derivakat

i'll die anyway. by girl in red

Moonsickness by Penelope Scott

Cabaret 2 by Penelope Scott

Lukewarm by Penelope Scott

Born2Run by Penelope Scott

Baxter 3rd Is Under Fucking Seige by Penelope Scott

Feel Better by Penelope Scott

Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott

Worthless by Eli

Rät by Penelope Scott

American Healthcare (Glitzy) by Penelope Scott

Montreal by Penelope Scott

Dead Girls by Penelope Scott

Serotonin by girl in red 

Blood In The Cut by K.Flay

All Comes Crashing by Metric

Stick Season by Noah Kahan

That's all that i can think of right now. all those songs have something that i can relate to. it helped me get my mind off of things. 

thanks for listening to me having a panic attack/mental breakdown.

i will try to make tomorrow (today???) better. 

talk to y'all later! love you guys!  ❤️❤️❤️

P.S. it's nearly 3:40 am lol