So I stayed up until 5 in the morning and I woke up super late for school. Like, school was starting when me and my sister woke up. 

Omg did I actually text A all that stuff? And did I really post that last chapter? I asked myself as I got up. I obviously regret what I said to A but I dont regret the last chapter that bad but it still brought my mood down a bit

Oh right. I sit right next to A. Now I have to talk to her face to face and I'm gonna stutter so badly because words don't word right when I'm tired. Great.

It took us a little while to get ready but we eventually left for school. We took the long way to school because we were already late enough.

I got there a whole period (50 minutes) late. I walked into class and S got up and gave me a hug. I told her that I regret my life choices and she asked why. I asked if she checked Pinterest and she said no. Then she asked me where A was and if she was coming to school today. 

Now, you see... me and A would normally tell each other if either of us (I don't miss school so just A) is going to miss school the next day. And when I get little amounts of sleep, I can have BIGG mood changes. Anyways...

My mood went lower than it already was and I said, "Well I'm pretty sure A is ignoring me and hates me so.. Yeah!"

Mr.C told me what we were doing at that point because we didn't have music today. I was a bit disappointed that we didn't have music today because it's my favourite subject but I think I was too tired for it now that I'm thinking about it. 

I sat down with S and FDB and Lemon and my other friends in my class. Someone was already sitting in my desk and I didn't want to bother them. I kept zoning out while staring at a wall. I was so fucking tired I felt like I could just collapse right then and there and fall asleep. 

Mr.C noticed I wasn't doing work and called me over. Here's how our conversation went.

Mr.C- "Hey. I really need you to work on your art project. It's due today."

Me- "Yeah I know. I'll start working on it now... Can I have the paper for it?"

Mr.C- "Sure, here you go." I was started to walk off. "Wait, Shy. Did you talk to A?"

Me- fuck. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! I forgot I promised him I would. I took a deep breath "I texted her last night. She didn't respond. She was on the app though..." I felt myself start tearing up. I pushed the tears away.

Mr.C- "Oh. I'm sorry. We can talk about it later if you want? I'm sorry for making you upset." He had an apologetic look on his face. 

Me- yes please let's talk "Sure. Ok. That's fine, thanks. And it's fine you didn't upset me." Yes you did.

I walked over back to where I was sitting and sat down. At some point I realized I zoned out again and I zoned back in and started working. I didn't get much done but who really cares. 

I had a hairstyling thing happening today too. My sister is in the hairstyling class so I hoped she would do my hair. S came down with me too. And another friend came down too.

My sister was able to do my hair. We decided that I wanted to try out what I wanted my grad hair to look like. It's basically just 2 french braids (one on each side of my head) curled up into low buns near the nape of my neck. 

We all we joking around and then S mentioned Pinterest. My sister doesn't know that I have a Pinterest account and I really needed S to shut up so I tried asking my sister if I could get up to ask S something important. My sister said that I could ask the question out loud or not at all. S was showing her sisters friend what I sent her that night I think. Or just an image, I'm not sure. But I caught her eye in the mirror and I mouthed 'No.' and 'Stop.' to her and she got the hint. 

She tried making up a lie but she isn't as fluent in lying as me so I tried helping her but she said "Never mind. It doesn't matter. I'll show you later." It was really funny to see her try to lie. Sometimes I forget that some people don't know that I dont tell everything to my family and I lie a lot lol. 

My sister finished my hair but S was still getting her hair done. Her hairstylist was talking too much. I asked S if I could play a game on her phone (I'm such an iPad kid istg-) and she said only the hexagon game. The hexagone game is my favourite. It's literally a game where you put hexagons on top of each other and when they get too tall they just disappear. It's oddly fun ok?

I played that until S's hair was done. Me, my sister, my sisters friend (who is kinda 2 faced), and S left early and ran a bit of the hall. S sucks at running so she couldn't keep up. It was kind of funny. Anyways, we took the long way to class and when we got there, Ms.R was standing outside the doorway of my classroom. She complimented me and S on our hair and let us go inside the class. 

I apparently had to help Ms.R with something so I went to help her. S had to stay behind because she wasn't apart of the thing. L and another girl came along. A would've had to come too but she wasn't here today. And I was nearly convinced that she wasn't at school just to avoid me but who knows.

The thing I had to do took a little while but when I was done, my class was going outside. I went outside and they were playing Stones. I wasn't feeling too good at the moment (I felt like throwing up all day) and I just didn't want to play overall so I stayed with S. I brought out my jump rope again and I kept randomly deciding to get up and jump rope but then regret it and lie back down. 

MJ was also there. He was being a little bit of a bitch but not too much so I wasn't really bothered by him being there. 

I told S that I wanted to take out my hair. She told me that I could do it because it's my comfort level (she said something around that but I can't remember exactly). I stared at her until she got that I wanted her to take it out because I didn't want to forget a bobby pin or mess something up.

She took my hair out and there was 13 FUCKING BOBBY PINS IN MY HAIR?!

I lied back down and it felt much more comfortable. No more stabbing in the back of my head. 

I had to go help with pizza day though so I got up and then saw my friend hula hooping. But not normally. No. God forbid my friends are normal. Just kidding! I love my friends! ❤️❤️ Anyways, they were using 4 hula hoops instead of just one. And the concerning part was probably was that they were doing good?

Before I went back upstairs to help, I asked if I could use one and they said sure. I'm not good and hula hooping but it was fun for the little while I did it. 

I went upstairs and helped out. When it was my break, I went to go talk to FDB, Dory, and Bell. I went back to where I was doing my job one more time to make sure that no one else was coming, I went to stand by FDB. Then Olive gave me half her fudge sickle because she didn't want to finish it. I said thank you and started eating it. FDB then looked to where he thought I was and then started saying, "Hey. Where did Shy go?" Then he saw me. "HOLY FUCK?! How did you get there?!" 

I giggled slightly and didn't say anything. I can be known to be very quiet and known to sorta just.. teleport. And then sometimes be known for being loud as fuck. I'm confusing lol.

He then started saying that I was a witch because I would have to walk right in front of me. Then started screaming "BURN THEM! BURN THEM! THEY'RE A WITCH!" And then noticed I had a fudge sickle. "AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT?!"

I said that I really am a witch and then we kind of just stopped talking. Then he said something about the storm and I got super excited and said that I forgot about it and that it was really pretty. I love lightning storms and just storms in general. I said that I would be right back. I had to throw out the stick. I came back and wanna know what I heard?

"Yeah A called me last night nearly in tears because of the storm. She was in her basement apparently." 

FUCKING DORY SAID THAT! SHE FUCKING CALLED HIM BUT DIDNT HAVE THE AUDACITY (look I spelt it right!) TI TEXT ME BACK?!?! 

My mood dropped again and I had to sit down somewhere. The nausea was back and I almost had a panic attack again! New record! 2 near misses for panic attacks and 1 panic attack in 3 days! 

But it was one of those panic attacks where I don't feel enough and stuff like that which makes me want to hurt myself. I was about to start scratching but then stopped myself. I decided to just pinch the edge of my shirt and start rubbing the fabric between my fingers. It gave me something to focus on. I calmed myself down without making a scene. 

No one asked if I was ok though. They just kept talking. Which was probably for the best. I would've started crying if someone asked me what was wrong and if I was ok. There was also a good amount of people in there so... 

Anyways, there was another "shift" you could call it. It was just for the grade 7's to get pizza. 

I basically had to hold open a door and ask people questions which was very simple. Then this grade 7, let's call her East, walked in line and recognized me. We see each other around sometimes and we kind of are friends I guess?

Anyways, we started talking and we basically talked the whole time. Then she actually went to go get pizza. I was done my job after another like 2-4 minutes.

I helped clean up and TOTALLY DID NOT steal an Aha (you know, the red and green one). 

I went back to class and waited in S's chair. She walked in and I stayed in her seat until I got bored of bugging her and got up. I told her that A called Dory last night because of the storm but didn't text me back. I can't remember what she said after I said that. Anyways, I put my head on the desk because I was still super tired. 

Then apparently a kid in my class (I think is family owns a FreshCo?) had said that his parents bought everyone pizza, pop, chips, and popsicles. I wasn't hungry and still felt like throwing up so I didn't even lift my head off the desk. 

Then I heard this LOUD FUCKING BANG NOISE! I jumped up and said "What the fuck was that?" S looked confused and pointed at her pop. I was already pissed off as was and I didn't mean to get upset at S but I said "Well don't bash that on the fucking table next time." I didn't even realized what I said until I said it.

I didn't mean to say it so rudely but I genuinely didn't have enough energy to lift my head again and apologize. 

Then FDB asked if I had a headache and I said no in an annoyed tone. Did no one get that I just wanted to rest? Like, I know he might've been worried about me but I made it quite obvious that I wanted to be left alone. Then he asked if I was ok and I said that I was fine. Then I also said something about A I think. I can't remember. But it made him shut up. I think I almost fell asleep until I thought about something. 

I could use this time to actually work on work! OMFG I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I BARELY FUCKING WORKED ON MY FRENCH SLIDESHOW! IM FUCKED- IM PRESENTING MONDAY! FIRST THING!!-

I went on Pinterest and say one of my pookies (I'm going to call them that because I genuinely can't remember their name-) texted me. 

TRIGGER WARNING (I thought I should start adding these just in case ❤️) mention of SA and bullying

I know that this isn't my place ti say this but they told me that they wouldn't be coming back to my school. I asked why and they said it was because this girl sexually assaulted her, people bullied her, and people said death threats/ people telling them to kill them selves. I was shocked because my pookie is a decently nice person. I asked who and they said that they didn't know who the people that were saying death threats/ telling them to kill themselves. And the people that were bullying her I didn't know. But the person who SAed her was East. I didn't believe it but then they said that it was East. I was shocked because they seemed so nice. But anyways, my pool is said that the school didn't do anything about it and stuff so they weren't coming back. They also asked if I could try to get East in trouble and I promised to try to get them in trouble. I didn't know how I was going to do that but... I'll try.

Ok all done you can read now ❤️

But anywaysss, Mr.C asked how the work was going. I was actually showing S the messages between me and Richy last night and showing her things that reminded me of our friend group. He said that Ms.R needed to talk to me. I walked down to where she was. 

She asked if I knew what was on Monday and if I was ready. I said no because J was confused. She then said that it was went we were having the end of year assembly. I knew she was talking about me playing a song in front of everyone and I immediately said that I wasn't prepared. 

It was the truth though. I hadn't practiced since my concert in June 2nd. I literally haven't played my instrument at all. Oh, by the way, I play flute! And I'm pretty good, if I do say so myself :). 

I told her I haven't practiced at all but she said that I would be fine. UH BITCH I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO PLAY-

I said that I would think about it and let her know on Monday. I don't know if I should play or not.  Should I?

I walked back to class and then Mr.C told me that I should really work on my art project. I grabbed it but didn't start working on it. 

I went to the back table with S so I could show her something. The 'something' in question was this book. Well, the first 2 chapters and the last 2. I didn't show her the middle ones because... I don't really know why actually... I forgot. I showed her the one with my mental breakdown though! She thinks I need therapy- But I should have shown her the June 13th one. She wanted to read it because she wanted to see my side on FDB breaking up with her. I said that I was sorry because I forgot about it. And I told her that she could read it when she's home. But then she told me her mom said no to a Wattpad account. 

Mr.C did our normal routine at the end of the week. Which is just clean up and then gratefulness. Gratefulness is just saying what we're thankful for. S asked if we should say each other for it and I said sure. 

I was thinking about saying something different just to piss her off but I didn't think fast enough. 

While we were walking outside, S asked if I would walk her to her bus. She said she normally would walk with FDB or Brookie but that would just be awkward because they're dating. OMFG THATS WHAT I FORGOT. I forget when it was said but FDB and Brookie are now dating. Not a ship. Not at all. 

I said that I would walk her to her bus if she tried my Aha. She tried it and she doesn't like it :( Of course it was flat but it still tasted good. To me at least. She spit it out.

The bell rang and I walked her to her bus. She said "Is it weird that I want to kill myself because I didn't get to break up with FDB?" I was confused because I thought they wanted to break up but then my brain put the words together and the question made more sense. 

"I mean.. A little bit weird but I guess if you wanted to break up with him first then maybe?" They already dated before and this is their 5th time breaking up. I'm guessing she wanted to end if for good, not him then? I was still f used even after I dropped her off.

I was G and MJ walking together and decided to walk with them. I caught up with them and we chatted for a bit and then MJ left. G said she needed to tell me something so while she was walking me home, she said she had a crush on MJ. I said "Again?" and she told me to shut up. And then she said that she also likesss... 

Guess who?

It's not me, by the way.

It'ssssssssss....

*drum roll starts*

FDB! 

I started fake gagging because yeah. And then she also said she has a crush on a person with the same name as FDB. 

I asked how she could like those things (meaning FDB and MJ) but then I got to my street and I had to go. I said bye and went home. 

When I got home I was thirsty so I drank some juice. I didn't know it was my little brothers and my sister got mad at me because it's our younger brothers. I said "Sorry didn't notice" because I was super thirsty. 

She went back downstairs to hang out with her boyfriend and I went on Pinterest. She was coming back upstairs and I put my phone back and sat in bed. She asked if I wanted to watch something and I said sure.

We watched something and then I went to go lay in bed for a while. I thought I closed my eyes for only a little while but NO. I HAD A FUCKING 2 HOUR NAP?! 

I woke up to my brothers screaming. As always. I had to go out something in the garbage but i really didn't want to. Anyways, when I finally decided to get up, I put the thing in the garbage and then went to the living room to clean up a mess I made. I don't know why I randomly decided to do it but I did lol.

Mid way cleaning up, the boys come out to the living room and then we all watch a show. My older younger brother kept sitting in front of the youngest. So I told one of them to move. 

At one point my brother, the oldest youngest, started slurping and making annoying noises with his popsicle. I kindly asked him to stop but he said " (my sisters name) said that I can die what ever I want." and kept doing it.

Then at one point, the youngest got upset and started making a big mess. I sat there for a good while waiting for him to stop screaming while my sister kept grabbing him and holding him down while he kept screaming "LET GO OF MEEEE!!!!! LET ME GOOOOO!!!" So I asked my sister to let him go but she didn't listen. 

She kept trying to make him clean up a mess but he didn't want to and I was getting tired of it. I cleaned it up for him so he could stop and he could go to his room to calm down. 

BUT NO. I GOT IN TROUBLE.

I was told that I was being a brat because I cleaned it up for him so he could stop crying. He needed to clean it up because it was his mess. And he easing going to go to his room because it was almost his bed time. Apparently I was being snitch to my sisters eyes.

I was so ducking confused and so fucking done. But I stayed in the living room because I still wanted to watch tv. My sister kept calling me a meanie to my younger brother. I said that it was his bed time and she g it mad at me for no fucking reason.

When he was in bed, my other brother wanted to play a card game. I played a little bit with him until my sister made it look like she was going to start cheating for him. 

I was already really pissed off so I snapped and grabbed all the cards. I got up and said that I'm not going to play with a cheater. I went to go do the dishes and my sister said "Well if you're going to act like that, go do your chore." And so I basically yelled at her "What do you think I'm doing?!"

I walked into the kitchen and put the dishes away. I noticed a bunch of crumbs on the ground so I grabbed the broom and started sweeping. My sister just HAD TO get mad at me for that too. But I was blasting music in my ears so I wasn't paying attention to her. 

I did my chore and a couple extra chores and then sat on the ground in the dining room and played solitaire and practiced a card trick. 

I thoughtI had it down but turns out that I wasn't doing it right but oh well. I have my own version of it.

I got in trouble for playing with cards and my sister then started being nice to me. She told me stuff about her day and I told her stuff about my day. 

We got ready for bed and I secretly grabbed my phone and now it's 3:31 am and I'm writing