Well, I kind of have a reason.

I don't really know how to describe it - it's like being homesick, but with age.

Basically, I don't want to grow up.

I'm laying in bed at almost midnight, crying because I don't want to grow up.

I don't know why- I feel so dang childish.

I think most of it is because of my mom. When I was little, I was able to cuddle her and show her my creativity and spend as much time with her as possible.

Now, she works every day, I'm at school every day, and we both come home tired and stressed.

We don't spend as much time together anymore, and it's breaking me. :(

I miss being little. I miss being able to make her smile.

Lately, she's acting irritated with almost anything me or my sister does. I don't know what went wrong. She's just irritated with us...

I burst into tears about 2 days ago. I was so eager for my mom to get home from work. And the first thing she did when she got home was tell me to clean my room.

No "Hello". No "How was your day?"

Just instant complaining.

So, I did what I was told. Then I curled into my bed and cried.

What happened between us? We used to get along so well. We used to have a strong bond.

We never fight or argue. But it feels like we're growing apart from each other...

And we all know how messed up society is. I could lose her any day without knowing. Without a final goodbye...

It could happen at any time. I could be at school. With my Nana. Anywhere...

And then go home to terrible news.

That's what happened with my dog just last month. I went to school, had a rough day, then came home to news that just made it all worse...

I don't want that to happen to my mom. But I know that one day, she won't be here...Why does everyone have to go at some point...?

I love her. And I don't ever want to see her go...

I miss her. She lives under the same roof and takes care of me, but it feels like we barely know each other anymore...

Haha... I can barely type right now- Autocorrect has actually done me a favor for most of this chapter.

I apologize for the long vent...But I needed to get my thoughts out somehow.

No, I'm not asking for help or sympathy. I like to think of this as an "online diary" sort of thing.

Anyways, time for me to cry myself to sleep-