"I will keep the light on in this place,
'Cause I don't want to fall, fall away."

. . . . .

"You have got to be kidding me," Tyler mumbled quietly from his spot next to me on the couch.

A smirk tugged at my lips as my thumbs pressed down onto the buttons of the play station controller. I glanced at my best friend momentarily as he shifted his position, leaning forward, completely engrossed with the video game we were playing.

"Come on!" Tyler threw his hands up in annoyance as my player KO'ed his.

Tyler then turned to me with a serious expression as he let the controller he held drop into his lap. "I lost on purpose."

The corners of my eyes crinkled as a triumphant grin spread across my face. "Don't be a sore loser, Tyler."

He sighed heavily before he stood from the couch, grabbing both of our empty coffee mugs as he did so. I could hear him grumble about wanting a rematch as he disappeared into the kitchen.

I set my controller down on the coffee table before I leaned back against the couch cushions, running my sweaty palms over my pants. The room grew quiet and I closed my eyes for a brief second as an eerie feeling crept up through me much like it had in my dream the night before. I just sat there and waited for that stranger to cry out. I practically jumped out of my skin when Tyler set my refilled mug down on the glass table next to my controller.

"Woah, dude." He eyes squinted in thought as he took in my reaction. "Get out of your head."

I cleared my throat as a reflex, feeling embarrassed over nothing. My hands wrapped around the mug as I glanced away from my friend. "Do you want a rematch or what?"

Tyler grunted in response to my desperate attempt in changing the subject, but picked up the controller he had left on the couch nonetheless.

It didn't take long for Tyler to beat me this time, but it was only because my thoughts were elsewhere. My concentration on the real world had lessened dramatically these past few weeks because of my worsening dreams and now after the moment I had with Bryce on my front porch a few nights ago, it had only diminished that much more.

"What could you possibly be thinking about right now?" Tyler questioned as he stared at me from the other side of the couch.

My cheeks reddened as I shook the thoughts of the sarcastic brown haired girl from my brain. "None of your business."

The smirk on Tyler's face had me rolling my eyes as I turned back to the television to restart the game. As much as I liked to believe Tyler didn't dwell on troubling things, I knew that he still stored everything away in his brain for a later date. It wouldn't surprise me if he had grown the ability to read my mind after all these years.

"Guess what I've been working on." It was Tyler's turn to change the subject.

My eyebrows raised with interest as I turned to give him my full attention. Without a word he began to dig around his jeans pockets in search of something and after a moment he pulled what looked to be a crumpled up piece of lined paper from one of his back pockets. As Tyler unfolded it, I came to see that it was actually a few sheets stacked on top of each other. He ran his fingers ever the edges to flatten them out as he set them down on the table in front of us.

"New song," Tyler mumbled more to himself.

"Let me see." I felt excitement bubbling up inside me as I reached for the sheets of paper.

Tyler watched me carefully as I read over the scribbled handwriting on the pages.

"I don't know where it came from," Tyler spoke before I could give him my opinion. "What I envision in my head for it doesn't really fit with what we've been making, but I want to do something with it eventually."

"I'm a goner," I read out the first few lines. "Somebody catch my breath..."

We stared at each other quietly for a second before we both stood in unison and headed toward the garage. 

. . . . .

I stood next to Tyler's piano as he made himself comfortable on the bench. My drumsticks were laid out on top of the piano's wooden surface as I placed the lyric sheets down in front of Tyler.

"Okay, so I was thinking that it should start slow and stay like that throughout." His fingers pressed down on the white keys as he spoke his thoughts.

"Agreed. Like a soft melody," I responded before pointing toward the end of the song. "There should be a big blow out that kicks in at the end though."

I thought over my next words. "Make it sound more forced, kind of like a desperate plea almost."

Tyler nodded along as he hummed quietly to the melody he was forming in his brain. There was no better feeling than when you and your musical partner were on the same page.

We stayed where we were, discussing lyrics and rhythms and beats for a long period of time. It didn't take long for us to get so wrapped up in what we were creating that we didn't realize that the door to the garage had opened.

"What's going on in here?" Jenna's voice tore us from our conversation.

We turned toward her with wide eyes like we had been broken from some sort of trance. Tyler collected himself quicker than I could and I watched as he jumped up from his seat and headed toward his fiancé. She smiled at him graciously as he kissed her flushed cheek and took the grocery bags that she was holding from her hands.

"What did you get me?" The grateful look was gone in seconds as Jenna rolled her eyes at Tyler's question.

"I'm making you guys dinner, so nothing as of yet," She replied before she looked my way. "Josh, could you get the other bags for me please?"

"Sure." I nodded and made my way out of the garage and into the cold air.

My body shook as a chill ran through me, the t-shirt I wore not giving my arms any source of warmth. I paced quickly toward Jenna's car, taking only a second to look across the street at Bryce's house. I hadn't talked to her since that night and I wondered if she finally realized how screwed up I was and decided to stay away from now on.

I huffed, disregarding my thoughts, as I grabbed the last of the grocery bags from the trunk of the car. I hurried back into the warmth of the house, shutting the door behind me as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Or it could be a great idea," Jenna whispered harshly at Tyler as they stood in the kitchen having a hushed conversation.

"What could be a good idea?" I spoke up and they both turned to look at me with sickly sweet smiles.

My senses heightened significantly as Tyler tapped his fingers against the counter top and Jenna quickly busied herself with putting away the groceries she had purchase. I kept a cautionary eye on Tyler as I set the bags I was still holding onto the counter and waited for him to answer my question. By their awkwardly tense movements it was obvious whatever they had been talking about was probably something that could put me in a horrible position.

"Well, you see..." Tyler started and my eyes instantly narrowed as he continued to speak. "While Jenna was out shopping, she saw a flier hanging up that was advertising for an open mic kind of thing..."

"Open mic?" I swallowed hard as the words settled in my brain.

Tyler watched me cautiously. "Yeah, like-"

"Playing live in front of people." I finished his sentence for him.

My eyes shut tightly and I could feel a migraine already putting pressure on my brain. I knew this day would come eventually. The day I would have to push away my fears and do something because my best friend needed me to.

"I-I don't know, Tyler." My heart started to pick up speed as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

"Josh." Tyler's voice was a lot sterner than it normally was in times like these and I looked toward him to see his features mirrored his tone. "You have to get over this anxiety you have."

I felt an invisible jab to my chest and I instantly took a step toward the doorway.

"You aren't the only one who feels it." Tyler pressed his hand to his heart. "Being anxious is just apart of performing in front of a crowd. It wouldn't be fun anymore if those fears weren't there."

"I don't know," I repeated myself as I continued to back away.

This is what I did. When anything threatened me, I ran. Why was I such a coward?

My throat felt dry as I headed for the front door, pulling my coat on as I went. Tyler followed after me, pleading for me to just think about it, but I didn't respond as I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me.

I trudged across the street, not even bothering to look and see if any cars were coming. And then I just stood there on Bryce's front porch, debating on why I had come over here in the first place. She said she would help me, that we would figure my fears out together. But as I stood there in the cold, I was unsure if I should even bother.

Second-guessing my actions as always, I turned back around and took a few steps away from the door. Instead of going back to my house, I stayed where I was and plopped myself down on the front step, letting the harsh wind nip at my cheeks. Bryce probably wasn't even home.

I didn't move from my spot for a long period of time. I must have looked so desperate. But in all honesty, I was. I had always been desperate to find an outlet that I could throw all my anxieties into and I found that in Tyler and our music. But now it seemed as though they had turned on me, or was it I who had turned my back on them? Was I really that selfish?

"Josh, what are you doing?" Bryce's voice made me jump and I spun around to see her standing in the now open doorway.

I felt so stupid and helpless as I sat there and stared up at her. Bryce sighed and my heart broke as she turned away like she was going back inside. Seconds later my heart was mended and racing as she grabbed a heavy jacket from the coat rack in the front hallway before she stepped outside fully.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she took a seat next to me on the steps.

My nose scrunched in frustration and I refused to look at her as my eyes trailed over her front yard. The temperature outside only dropping as the sun continued to set.

"You couldn't have just come over here to sit creepily on my front porch, so..." Bryce spoke up and the embarrassment I felt only grew at her words.

I turned to meet her gaze and to my relief there was a friendly smile on her face. I should have known she would poke fun at me with any chance she got. Like my defense mechanism was to avoid my problems, hers was to crack sarcastic jokes.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Tyler and Jenna are over there." I gestured toward my house as I tip-toed around the subject.

A cute, but amused smile graced her lips as she spoke up, taking my statement way out of context. "So you've been sexciled, huh?"

"No!" I glared at her playfully, the nervous feelings I had already beginning to vanish. "They just- they both suggested that Tyler and I play live."

Bryce tilted her head in thought and I let my eyes wander over her for just a brief moment.

"Are you scared?" My jaw tightened at her blunt question.

My eyes took to the ground as my shoulders dropped and my entire demeanor changed from tense to defeated. "What if I screw everything up?"

"Hey." Bryce's hand ran over my arm to gain my attention and the longer she let her hand linger there, the more nervous I got. "You can't just jump to the worst conclusion all the time-"

"Well that's how my brain works," I interrupted her.

Bryce shot me a look and I shut my mouth quickly. My eyes glanced down at her lips for only a second as they parted, allowing her to speak again.

"Don't tell me what could go wrong, tell me what could happen if it goes well." Bryce waited expectantly for my answer.

"I don't know." I shook my head, unable to form a positive thought.

"Let me think..." She removed her hand from my arm and laced her fingers together as she rested her clasped hands in her lap. "It'll get you out of the house. You'll have to interact with people you don't know."

"I wouldn't exactly call those things positive," I mumbled, just the thought making my heart jump.

Bryce nudged my arm with her shoulder as a gust of wind whipped her hair around and she subconsciously scooted toward me to find warmth.

"They're positive when someone with high anxiety is trying to better themselves," She responded.

"I hate you." I kept my voice low and shook my head defiantly even though I knew she was right.

"No, you don't." The soft tone of her voice caused me to turn and look at her.

Once again my nerves returned as I saw the look on her face. My cheeks burned as I realized then that she knew I had a crush on her. But the way her personality was, I was unsure if she'd ever tell me if she felt anything at all.

My eyes scanned over her features: her naturally pale cheeks rosy from the cold, her green eyes bright and wide with curiosity of what I would do next. I could feel myself start to lean forward, but as always, I second-guessed my actions and pulled back just as quickly. Kissing her now would only make things that much harder.

I took a deep breath and looked back out over our neighborhood, but I couldn't help myself as I stole a glance in her direction. To my dismay, her gaze was downcast, a confused look on her face. Maybe it was just my mind playing it up, but I swore I saw a little hurt in her eyes. Maybe not kissing her had screwed everything up instead.

"I'll be there," She said after a very long and painful silence. "If you play live, I'll be there."

I turned to her with a small smile and nodded in response, her cheek turning new shades of red the longer I held her gaze. Damn, I should have kissed her.

.