The thought of where I was going to go next hadn't even crossed my mind. The only thing that had crossed my mind was that I needed out of there. I didn't have any back up plans. I didn't know if I was running off to Zoe's, or wherever my legs took me, or if maybe I was only going out for some fresh air, and to have a scream in the middle of the street. But then again, I did take my suitcases with me. I wasn't wanted at their flat.
I don't think my brain was functioning properly, because I had barely taken ten steps out the front door and outside, and I heard it squeak open again.
"Mini?"
I stopped dead in my tracks, but didn't turn around. The voice was behind me. It was soft, sending its worry spiraling after me into the penetrable cold air. It was Ashley.
"Mini, are you okay?" He seemed a bit more worried, almost as if he was pleading me for an answer. I dropped my bags with a thud on the cold concrete sidewalk, and turned slowly on my heels so I was facing his shadow, which was only illuminated by the lit hallway inside. He released the heavy metal door, and it slammed shut with a click, and came rushing over toward me. "Mini, are you crying?"
I reached a cold, numb hand up to touch my face, and to my surprise, it was wet. I wasn't even aware of what was happening to me.
"I'm sorry." I squeaked, barely even audible enough for myself to hear. "I can't do this."
He took a step closer to me, and I felt his strong hand come down on my bony shoulder.
"What is wrong?"
And then, I started crying into his chest.
"Shh, shh. It's okay." He whispered, stroking my hair softly. After a few moments, I regained myself a little bit, and he picked up my bags, slinging them over one shoulder. Then, putting his free arm around my trembling shoulders, he led me a few feet down to the back of the building where the parking lot was.
There was a sort of flower garden against the wall of the building, surrounded by a tall stone wall, wide enough to sit on. Plopping my stuff down at the end of the wall, he pulled himself up, and pulled me up next to him.
"Trying to sneak out on me, eh?" He chuckled, his voice a bit louder and less serious than it once had been. I couldn't help but crack a smile, choking on my tears in my vain attempt to at least laugh a little.
"It was unsuccessful." I responded, my voice waning. "How'd you know?"
"I was in the kitchen making some tea. I couldn't sleep." Then, a long silence filled the space between us. "Why?" His voice was suddenly a whisper, and the change in tone shocked me. I looked up at him. The yellow tinted moon reflecting onto his face, illuminating his chestnut brown eyes, which were staring into mine with concern. I sighed, shaking my head.
"Well," I started, my voice cracking. "It's stupid."
"It's not stupid." Ashley whispered to me. "Tell me." I could feel the warmth radiating off of his sweater, the kindness glowing in his eyes drawing me closer and closer towards him, until they finally hooked me.
"I don't belong here."
"What?"
"Exactly what I said. I. Don't. Belong here."
"Why is that?"
I sighed, my voice catching in my throat. "I just-I don't know. I feel....unwanted. I feel like I'm in the way. I mean, I barely know any of you and I invaded your space and ruined it. It was just wrong and stupid of me to come here and I'm sorry."
"No...no.." Ashley responded, dumbfounded. By then I could feel more hot tears trickling from my eyes and down my face. "If that's what you think Mini then you're so terribly wrong. I wouldn't have asked you to be our roommate if I thought you were going to be a nuisance. And I know the situation of getting kicked out of your home can be stressful, and coming to live with three strange guys can be even scarier, but I can assure you we all want you here."
"What about Stefan?" I sniffled softly. Ashley looked confused.
"What about Stefan?" He answered. I responded with an obnoxious sigh. "Mini, is that what this is about?"
"Well if you haven't already noticed, Stefan and I aren't exactly two peas in a pod."
"Just because he's not enthusiastic about you being here? You know he doesn't mean it. Stef's a great guy and-"
"I just, really don't like him." I interrupted, clenching my teeth.
"What is it with you two anyways?" He pondered blankly. I sighed, wondering if it was even worth getting into.
"I don't even know the guy really." I started. "He just, bumped into me one night outside of a nightclub, literally. And my boyfriend had just dumped me so I wasn't in the best of moods and I told him off. I know he was sorry and he even kept trying to apologize and make it up to me, but I was just so angry I wouldn't listen. And I think he hates me for it."
To be honest with myself, I had never thought of the story this way. In my head Stefan was always the bad guy. It was his fault, not mine. But, what if it was the other way around? What if I hadn't been such a bitch to him?
"He just holds grudges." Ashley sighed quietly. "I'm sure he'll get over it. This is kind of all my fault though, in a way."
"How so?" I asked.
"Well, I didn't tell him that you were coming. And I should have. I just, saw the way he acted up at you at the record store and thought he might be opposed to the idea."
"Go figure." I muttered.
"He has this weird neurotic thing, about having to always be in charge, and have control over everything. I thought that if I just made the decision on my own there was no way he'd be able to shut me down." He let out a loud sigh. "I'm really sorry if Stef's making it hard for you to adjust. I really am. I know he can be really moody and sarcastic and rude sometimes, but I've known the guy since I was nine years old and he's honestly the best person I know."
"You obviously don't know very good people then."
Ash chuckled at my comment. "What I'm trying to say is, just ignore him. Don't let his stupid little instigations drive you away. Just stay."
"Mmm. Give me one good reason why I should." I said devilishly, pursing my lips.
"Dru wants you here." He answered. "You're actually a challenge for him when he's gaming.
"And what about you?" There was a long pause, and for that small moment that seemed like it stretched out for hours, all I could hear were the crickets chirping. And then breaking the silence finally, a small voice, puny, shy and kid like.
"I want you here."
I looked up at Ashley, the moon gleaming off of his sandy brown hair, his muscular arms down by his sides, his large chocolate brown eyes looking down in front of him. Ever so carefully, I scooted myself closer to him, my nostrils taking in the smell of his cologne. It smelled sweet. I rested my head on his shoulder, and a few seconds later I felt his arm around my torso.
"Thank you." I whispered, as I snuggled deeper into his chest, letting his hand gently massage my back.
Then, all at once, the stars, the moon, the loud chirps of crickets and sounds of rustling leaves, the swishing of cars driving by out front, and everything else outside seemed to settle down, becoming consumed by the darkness of the night.
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