ASHLEY

*two weeks later*

Christmas Eve was full of colors this year. Mum cooked some delicious Christmas puddings, Panettone, roasted chicken, ham and cookies. Damn, that was a great wealth of food. Most of my family members were literally flabbergasted to see me after so long.

New Years Eve is tonight and Toronto is lit up like never before.  Unfortunately, I got this really bad flu and soar throat, which will make the event unappealing for me. My dad was telling me that we are going for a New Years party tonight, but I guess I can't join. I'm sneezing and coughing every now and then. It's horrible.

-

I'm heading towards the departmental store to grab some stuff for my mum. I'm looking through the shelves for some whipping cream, but can't seem to find the right one. I proceed to another section to get the other things first.

I return to the same section, hoping to find the one my mom needs. There are so many varieties that it's hard to select. But then, someone taps my shoulder slowly which causes me to slightly shake. The person hands me the whipping cream I need and stands beside me. I turn to my left to thank whoever it is, I'm guessing the shop keeper. But it wasn't. I stand there, astonished, when I see the person, smiling wickedly at me. The one that I despise.

'Well, well, well, look who I found on the morning of New Years' says Abigail, wearing  tight pants with a black overcoat.  My high school mate, who I once thought of as a best  friend. The very same girl who back stabbed me horribly in high school. I don't say anything. I just pretend to be shocked. I guess she realizes that.

'Wow,you look so different. Damn, you really changed' she tells me while acting as fake as possible. I cross my arms and smile at her.

'I don't know why you're here, but it's better if you just leave me alone. You see, it's better to stay away from the fake' I whisper after getting closer. She smiles even more. I just insulted her but it just did not affect at her at all. What the hell.

'I wonder what boosted up your confidence, Ashley. I mean you are still that same girl, who would sit in the corner of the class, made fun of every now and then, weak, introvert and most importantly, Shawn Mendes' weak little sister.' She finishes with a chuckle. The old memories flash inside of my mind, making my fist clench.  

'You do know I'm not affected by your words, right? My life has been better ever since I came out of that hell.' I spit those words at her face. She looks down and cracks her knuckles.

'I'm well aware. But you see, some things never change. Are you still seeing those nightmares? Abigail looks up at me now. I do not answer her question. For a few seconds, it's dead silent in between us, before she smirks widely than ever.

'I thought so. How is it that a depressed girl, who suffers from nightmare disorder, does not see them anymore? My grandpa would not even believe that.' She exaggerates and the words come out of her mouth slowly and steadily. A year of pretending to be my best friend has caused her to gain so much information about my life. I wish I understood her real picture earlier.

'I doubt your brother is not tired of hearing about your nightmares. Just look at you. You make yourself look like a comedian.' She proceeds, eyeing me from head to toe. Each and every of those hurtful words reach my mind like a knife, stabbing and leaving traces of wounds. Just when I am under the process of healing from my past. She's really one pathetic and emotionless person.

'Leave.' I state aggressively and she raises her eyebrows with a weak smirk. My eyes turn watery but I close them for a fraction of a second and inhale. I look up and meet her foul blue eyes. 

'Alright. I'll leave. But yeah, before I do, I wanna wish you good luck, in finding someone who will love you for your flaws. Honestly, that'll happen when I'll see unicorns hovering around the sky.' She says and finally turns around, pacing her way up to the exit. 

Throughout this entire time of our unhealthy conversation, I was highly annoyed and angry, which kind of enabled me to dismiss her rude words. But that last sentence really caught my emotions, mainly because it's a brutal fact that I need to accept. I suffer from so much problems that I doubt I'll ever have that 'romantic' life. I look down at the whipping cream that Abigail gave me. I grip it tightly and then throw it across the floor, making the loudest sound. I grab another bottle and walk towards the cashier, not caring at all about the noise I just made. I spot a few shopkeepers going to that section to see what caused it. I look at myself in the mirror near the counter, as the cashier scans the items. I did not even realize that I was crying the entire time. I rub all my tears away, but my eyes are still red and puffy. 

Dear God, I can't go home like this...

-

I've decided to take the long route to home. I'm well aware that the main road is packed and it'll take me around an hour to reach home. I can perfectly take advantage of this opportunity. My face is a mess and I don't want my mom to know what caused it. Not on New Years at least.

I pull my car into the garage after greeting George. I wipe my face for the last time and look at myself on the side mirror. It's...satisfactory enough for my mom to not ask questions. I sigh deeply before getting out and taking all the things I bought. I stop the ignition before heading inside. As soon as I open the doors, my mom rushes across the living room and holds me tightly, a look of worry pictured on her face.

'What took you so long, Ash? It's been an hour. More than an hour actually.' She states and analyzes my face. Oh God.

'Um, MUM! Heavy traffic, you see? Since it's new years and all.' The words rush out of my mouth. I force a smile on my face right after that. 

'I see. But at least you could've returned my calls, dear. I was so worried. I thought something happened.'my mum tells me while rubbing my cheeks. I look at my phone and spot 8 missed calls. My mouth slightly opens.

'I'm, I'm so sorry mum. It was on silent and was also in my bag.' I tell her and she nods. She soon pulls me into a warm hug. I soon let go to inform her about something.

'Um, mum, I don't think I join the party tonight. I feel like I'll get a fever if I do.' I tell her, realizing the current state of my flu. My throat is itching and my nose is blocked.Moreover, I cried back in the store, so I feel utterly horrible at the moment.

'That's alright sweetheart. I'll leave your medicines and your dinner. If you need anything, tell George or call me. I'll come running towards you.' She tells me and places a gentle kiss on my forehead, causing me to return it with a smile. I excuse myself and  rush upstairs, before shutting the door hastily. 

-

It has been two hours since my family left for the party and it's currently 11 pm. One hour until New Years and the fireworks. My dad was really insisting me to join them and I felt bad for declining the offer. But what could I do? I just had to get infected by a flu on New Years Day. 

As I sit on my bed while playing some songs on Spotify, the pictures of today's event flash across my mind. After coming back from the store, I was unable to get Abigail out of my head. Everything about our encounter was bitter, mainly because she made it that way. 

Shawn Mendes' weak little sister...

You make yourself look like a comedian...  

How is it that a depressed girl, who suffers from nightmare disorder, does not see them anymore... 

I wanna wish you good luck, in finding someone who will love you for your flaws...

 Honestly, that'll happen when I'll see unicorns hovering around the sky...

Those quoted dialogues echo in my mind, repeatedly. I get a grip of my head and shut my eyes. I feel subconscious and  tears roll down my cheek continuously. My head is pounding and I let go of it. I grab the water bottle on my nightstand and pour the water down my throat.  The FaceTime app on my laptop starts to ring. I quickly put the bottle down and see who it is. Oh no.I completely forgot that I was supposed to call Harry. I quickly wipe my eyes and swipe the answer button.

'Hey..you forgot to call me again' Harry tells me, in a low tone. He takes a closer look at me, as I wrap myself with my blanket.

'Wait, are you cryi-'

'No no, I'm not. I have a flu. That's why my face is red.' I cut him off before partly lying to him. I feel bad for doing that. If it wasn't New Years, I would have probably told him. He sighs and nods his head.

'It's so woeful to have a flu on New Years. I couldn't even accompany my family to a party..' I try and divert the topic. However, my voice sounds weird. It sounds like those ones when you're sobbing. I hope Harry, by chance, doesn't notice it.

'Right. Also, when you have a crippled knee and you're in New York.' He adds. He's in New York? When did that happen?

'When did you come to New York?' I ask

'A few hours ago, with the help of my friend of course. Apparently, we need to shoot a music video for our single in the second week of January.' 

'Second week of January? Isn't it a little bit late? Why are you in New York now?' I ask him more. It feels weird because I don't have the right  to do that.

'Some formalities I guess. We don't even know the director yet.' He adds.
I remain quiet for a few seconds. I cough all of a sudden and sniff into a tissue. Damn, this is gross. And in front of Harry? What the hell are you doing Ashley?

Harry, on the other hand, just chuckles and looks at me, as if I'm one fascinating object. I look at myself on the pocket mirror lying on my bed sheet. Clearly, my eyes are glassy and red.

'Ashley..' Harry calls me out and I face him. He clears his throat and adjusts his laptop position.

'I want to tell you something.' That sentence just made me curious.

'Yeah?' It's all I can say for now.

'I know, you're in your homeland and it must feel exquisite there. You have fond memories and your family. But, I know there's also plenty of bitter ones, that literally haunt you. And they probably remind you of your horrible past. Nevertheless, please don't forget one thing. Please don't let them affect your future, at any cost. Those same people will try and tear you down over and over again, but you have to stand up and show them you're not weak. You're not affected by their words. You have to be strong and constantly remind yourself that......you are loved.'
He ends it with an exhale. His words absorb me like a sponge absorbing water. It's as if he peeked in my mind and had a glimpse of what was going on with me. He really understood how I was feeling, without me saying a single word. I was longing for some comfort.

'Promise me. You won't let them affect you.' He raises his palm. I slowly do the same, a tear rolling down my right cheek.

'I promise.' The fireworks go out and people out there begins to bellow 'Happy New Years.' I can hear a few harmonizing a song. My mind focuses back to Harry, who also looked from his window to me.

'Happy new years, Ash' he tells me with the broadest smile ever. They uplift my mood just immediately and I am finally able to eliminate Abigail from my mind.

'Happy New Years, Harry.' With a hopeful smile, I promise myself that from now on, I won't let my past affect my present and future. I have started this new year with a positive feeling and will try to keep it that way, forever.

'You alright?' he asks, as my mind was diverted to my own thoughts. I look at the screen, deep into his eyes. He has aided me whenever I needed it, and I was always able to share my emotions, without any hesitations.

'I love you....' The words come out of my mouth involuntarily but I don't feel guilty. Although he may perceive it wrongly.  He looks at me with wide eyes, clearly bewildered by that random phrase. 

'As a best friend...' I finish off and he smiles, no trace of confusion left. A smile appears on his face but he doesn't say anything. My cheeks flush when I see him acting a bit shy. That is such an adorable thing to look at.

'Anyway, best friend, I gotta hang up now. I'm so tired.' 

'Me too. Take care of your knee and yourself. Good night.'

'Good night.' With that, we disconnect the call and I close my laptop screen. I put it aside and take my phone. The time reads 12:10 am. Shawn texted me that they'll be a bit late and asked me to take my medicine and go to bed. I reply to that text before answering New Years messages from Ruby, Mary, Louis, Liam, Niall, Charlie, Perrie and some other people. As I scroll down the contacts, I stumble upon Zayn. It's been five days since I've last spoken to him. Surprisingly, he hasn't called or texted me either.  I ring him a couple of times, but it goes straight to voicemail. Therefore, I decide to send him a text, hoping that he'll reply to that, soon.

Hey, Z. Happy New Years! You didn't answer my calls, so I'm kind of worried about you. I hope everything's alright back there. Call me when you can, please.  -A