October 19th

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Ella followed Christian out of school and into the parking lot, all the way to his car. There were still lots of students milling around, chatting away. The buzz didn't seem as deafening or oppressive to Ella today though. Her mind was clearer.

"Did we have plans?" He asked. It was rhetorical. He knew they didn't, they rarely had plans anymore.

"No," Ella shook her head. "I was just hoping we could talk."

Christian silently climbed into his car, Ella walked round to the passenger side and followed suit. She was calm, collected. Ready.

"Is it the sort of conversation we should have in the school parking lot?"

He knows what I'm going to do.

Ella shook her head again, "probably not."

Christian started driving. Ella didn't spot Steve as they left school, she realized she should probably text him before he started worrying about her. She kept her message vague.

Christian's palms were sweating despite the cold weather, his hands fidgeting on the steering wheel. He tried to prepare himself for what he knew was coming. He pulled up outside his house, running his fingers through his hair. Ella noticed his nervousness and she wanted to comfort him. That would probably just be cruel, she thought.

When they got inside he poured them both drinks and offered her food, which she declined. He was trying to delay their conversation. It was pointless, he knew that it wouldn't stop what Ella was about to say. But he just wasn't quite ready to hear it.

"Christian..." she started, her voice trailing off as she tried to find the words. She wished she'd thought this part of it through a little more. She had been so focused on getting to this conversation that she'd entirely neglected thinking about what she actually wanted to say. He looked up, meeting her eyes.

"I know you're breaking up with me, you can just come out and say it" his voice was pained.

Ella sighed, "I'm sorry, I am. If it helps, I didn't make this decision lightly."

"Yeah..." he muttered. Her brief apology didn't do much to help the feeling in his chest. He wasn't sure it could be considered heartbreak, but it hurt nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, Christian. You're great, and I really enjoyed our time together, but it's just not right. You're not right for me anymore" she carried on.

The sadness in his eyes was fleeting, his expression quickly turned colder. It obviously hadn't taken long for it to sink in. Or he was trying to hide his emotions. Ella wasn't sure.

He spoke honestly, "It's okay Ella, I'm not sure I ever was. I know I liked you more than you liked me. And I know something has been going on recently"

His words were loaded, Ella could tell, so there was no point trying to hide anymore. It would be unfair to lie to him or deny it.

"Yeah...I didn't want to do anything until I knew for sure how I felt," she explained "and I know dragging this out was unfair on you but I didn't want to just throw this away."

"No, it's my fault. You haven't said 'I love you' in like a month, I've barely seen you since school started, I should've done something about it" his voice came out strong, far less hurt.

Ella raised her eyebrows, finally, he seemed to have grown a semblance of a backbone.

"I'm sorry for treating you so badly," she replied.

He shrugged, "you didn't really do anything wrong."

She was eternally glad that nothing more had happened with Bucky in that moment, Christian didn't know but his words were almost exactly right. She had probably flirted with the line between right and wrong a little, but her conscience was clear enough for her to agree with him.

She nodded but didn't reply, silence hung in the air.

Ella took a sip of water and considered how to leave it. She could be cliché and ask to stay friends, but that seemed pointless. They weren't friends before, she wasn't even sure they had become friends. Which was probably one of the biggest reasons it hadn't worked out.

She considered an empty statement, 'I'll see you around school', something along those lines. But that was probably about as good as saying nothing at all. She decided that saying nothing was probably best.

Ella pulled her jean jacket over her hoodie and picked her school bag off the floor. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, but Christian spoke first.

"I should drop you home," he said monotonously. "It'll get dark out if you walk."

Ella didn't argue, he lived on the other side of town and the days were rapidly getting shorter. But she did feel guilty. Even now, he was being nice. The drive back to her house was silent. They'd said whatever they needed to say back at the house. It was brief, easy really. But it didn't need anything more than that. In all honesty, Ella was just relieved. It had gone about as well as she was expecting, and she was glad that Bucky, although never being mentioned by name, had come up. At least Christian wouldn't be blindsided if something happened between them. 

"You're a good person," she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt. She meant it.

"Yeah," he replied. He knew that, but he was busy questioning why that didn't seem to be enough for her. His chest was still hurting.

Ella got out of the car, closing the door softly behind her. She gave him a small smile through the window and he drove off, not reciprocating her gesture. When she got inside her mom was in the kitchen finishing up dinner.

"Just in time," she smiled when she saw her daughter walking in. Ella set the table, assuming her dad and Steve were both at home. She was too distracted on the way back to the house to notice if their cars were on the driveway.

She stayed quiet for the first half of the meal, only answering her dad's question about her day at school briefly. Steve seemed to be in a chatty mood, so she let him dominate the conversation. However, as the meal went on she knew she needed to say something, for her own sake. She needed to hear the words out loud to confirm that they were true.

"I broke up with Christian," Ella said when the conversation lulled.

Steve choked on a piece of broccoli. When he had finished spluttering he joked, "took you long enough."

That earned him a blunt 'Steve' from Sarah.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" She asked, turning to face her daughter.

"Is it bad if I say yes?" Ella asked.

Joe raised his eyebrow, "not at all, I'm glad to hear it, not sure I need to see another daughter get her heartbroken."

Ella half-smiled at him. Laura had loved more passionately than anyone she'd ever met, which unfortunately had never worked out all that well for her. She'd had a few heartbreaks, each one seemingly worse than the one before. Joe had been strangely good at helping her through them. It usually involved cooking her pancakes and telling a few dad jokes to put a smile on her face.

"Yeah," Ella replied. "No need to worry about heartbreak here. Not on my end at least" her voice was tinted with guilt, it still wasn't quite sitting right with her.

"He'll be fine," Steve rolled his eyes. "Basically every girl at school, apart from you, wants to date him. He'll probably move on in like a week."

Ella laughed through her nose. That was true. The conversation changed topic, Ella finally participated. They chatted about their holiday plans. Their cousins were apparently going skiing over thanksgiving so it was just the four of them. None of them minded that at all and Joe was more than pleased he would only be cooking for four, rather than the usual nine.

They all finished up eating, and the parents left Ella and Steve to tidy, disappearing off into the living room to pick a move for them all to watch. It was her dad's turn to pick, which meant action. Ella was glad it wasn't her mom's choice, she wasn't in the mood for the rom-com she knew she would pick.

While she and Steve did the dishes she asked him not to tell Bucky about her breakup. She wanted to tell him herself, of course, but she also just wanted a little while to sort out her thoughts. She was sure that once she told him, it would be the start of something for them. So she just wanted to make sure she was ready.

Steve agreed, he gave her a cheeky grin when she asked. He was strangely happy about the prospect of them dating, Ella noticed.

When they sat down to watch the movie, Ella checked her phone. She hadn't heard from Bucky after his text early in the morning, not that she was expecting to. Unlike the day before, she wasn't at all worried. She was surprised to see a message from him, she smiled to herself as she read it.

See you tomorrow x

It made her heart stupidly happy.


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