A week. It had been an entire week since Ella and Bucky's visit to Brown, and things still hadn't gone back to normal. Ella had spent seven straight days in her head, worrying endlessly about Bucky's reaction to simply visiting a campus, over a year before they were due to head off to college. There was still so much for them to get through in the next year before they started the next chapter of their lives. Applications, months of waiting, hopefully, acceptances, and hopefully not rejections.
They'd seen each other every day as there was very little else to do in their small town, especially with half of their friends away, but the words 'quality time' definitely couldn't be used to describe their days. For the first time in their relationship, there were uncomfortable silences and awkward interactions. It was as though neither of them wanted to talk because then they'd have to talk about it.
They were sitting in the Rogers' yard, smoke was billowing into the air as Joe hummed AC/DC and pretended to play the drums with his cooking utensils as he manned the BBQ. Sarah was inside making pie and Steve was out collecting their newly returned friends. Nat had come back from London the night before and spent hours on the phone with Ella gushing about the universities she'd visited, Ella did not doubt that the conversation would carry on during the evening. Wanda had got home the day before also, but she'd gone straight to bed, deciding to get in some sleep in preparation for listening to a very enthusiastic Nat talk about college.
Bucky had taken a seat on the same outdoor sofa as Ella but had chosen to sit at the opposite end to the corner Ella had curled herself up in.
"It'll be good to see everyone," he said as much to himself as to Ella.
She nodded, taking a swig of her beer, "yeah, it will."
On cue, the group arrived, the clatter of Steve's car keys in the key bowl was the first indication, quickly followed by Sam's booming laugh resonating through the house. Ella stood up, running inside, closely followed by Bucky. She flung her arms around Nat and Wanda.
"I missed you guys so much!" She squealed.
Ella let them go, giving the girls a chance to say hi to Bucky. He greeted them quickly, pulling them both in for hugs and asking for a quick rundown of their respective trips. Ella made her way into the kitchen and collected drinks for the girls as Steve collected beer bottles from the fridge for himself, Bucky and Sam.
They all headed outside, the girls took their spot on the grass, laying out on a blanket Ella had laid out earlier in the day. Nat proceeded to talk about her trip, giving them a run down, in detail, of each university she visited.
"I have 5 slots, so I can pick 5 universities to apply to. I don't know what to do though, because some of them are super competitive, and I feel like I need to apply to a couple of safe choices, you know?"
Ella laughed. "Nat, you can get in anywhere, apply to the top 5 and you'll get into all of them. I'd put money on it."
"You're delusional," Nat argued.
"Oh really? So I won't be getting into an Ivy League then?" Ella challenged with a grin spread wide on her lips.
Nat laughed, knowing she'd been caught out. "Fine, you win. I take it back," she said, holding her hands up in surrender.
"How about you, Wanda?" Ella asked, turning to face her friend.
Wanda smiled, "you're not going to like it," she replied.
Ella knew exactly what that meant, and she groaned. "Not you too."
"California, baby," she said with a laugh. "I loved it there, I could totally picture myself living at the beach, which I did not see coming but here we are."
Ella stared up a the sky, the reality of what would be happening this time next year was settling in, even more so than it had two weeks prior when they'd all be about to head off on their respective trips.
Quiet spread over the three of them, all of them taking a second to process, before they shook it off.
"We need to head all about your trip," Nat said, breaking the silence. "How was Brown? Did you love it?"
Ella's response was as subdued as the one she'd given her mom a week earlier. It didn't go unnoticed by her friends.
"What's up?" Wanda asked.
Ella took a second to consider telling the truth but she didn't want to bring the mood down any further.
"Nothing's up," She said as she tore at the label on her beer bottle. It was damp from condensation and she was peeling it away from the glass in tiny strips.
"Hey, I know you so well I can basically read your mind," Wanda teased, "something's up and you can't convince me otherwise."
Ella groaned, Wanda wasn't wrong. Sixteen years of friendship will do that. She balled the torn-up bits of label between her fingertips and flicked them into the grass.
"It's just...it's Bucky," Ella started.
Almost immediately, Nat's eyes narrowed and she glared in Bucky's direction. Ella wasn't oblivious to her friend's reaction.
"Or not!" she quickly continued, "maybe it's me, or both of us. I guess it's both of us."
Nat's face softened, but she kept shooting the occasional stern look in Bucky's direction. Ella tried to even it out by giving Bucky a soft smile, not wanting him to worry that she was bad-mouthing him to their friends.
"When we were at Brown he was just so off, it threw me, you know? 'Cause we said we were all in for sticking together through college, and yeah, before you say anything, I know that we signed up for that quick but it felt right, and to me it still does. But it just feels like we've fallen at the first hurdle."
Ever the sensible member of the group, Wanda jumped straight in. "Have you spoken about it?"
Ella shrugged. They'd apologized, but without discussing their feelings. "No, we haven't."
Wanda rolled her eyes at her friend. "Well, there's my advice."
Ella let out a sigh. "That's not the point though. Because what if this happens at every hurdle?"
Nat and Wanda glanced at each other, neither of them knew quite was to say. Luckily, they were saved by the bell as Joe called everyone over for dinner.
"To be continued," Nat smiled as they all traipsed over to the table.
Ella took a seat next to Bucky and before her bum had hit the chair his hand was resting on her thigh, his thumb tracing circles on her skin under the table. She placed her hand on top of his and gripped it tight. He leaned over and kissed her shoulder before they started eating.
Ella's attention was quickly diverted back to the girls as Sarah started quizzing them both, however, her hand stayed on Bucky's throughout the meal as she picked at her food one-handed with her fork.
Despite Nat's earlier promise to pick up their conversation where they left off, the girls never got around to it. Mostly because Ella made it so. She just wanted to enjoy her evening with everyone, and not have to think about it as she had been for the last seven days. Someone, probably Sam, had suggested breaking out some drinking games, so they sat playing ring of fire and getting progressively drunker. As the night went on, the distance between Bucky and Ella, both metaphorically and physically lessened. By the end of the night, it was as though nothing was wrong. Ella was sitting on Bucky's lap, playing with his hair as his arm snaked around her waist, holding her close. He pressed kisses onto her temple every so often. They knew they were sickeningly cute. They also didn't care.
They stayed close until they went to bed, and once they were under the covers, their legs entwined and Bucky's arm found its way back around Ella's waist.
They laid quietly for a while, both a little tipsy. Both building up the courage to talk. Luckily, with the alcohol in their systems, it took a little less time than usual.
"So, I spoke to Sam earlier," Bucky started as he ran his fingers through Ella's hair, combing it back over her shoulder. "He gave me some advice."
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's the same advice Wanda gave me," Ella replied.
"That we need to talk about it?" Bucky asked.
Ella nodded in confirmation. She gazed into his eyes, seeing a vulnerability in them that she hadn't in a long time.
"I love you," she whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to his waiting lips.
"I love you too," he replied, his hand stopping its movement to cup her cheek. He paused, thinking over precisely what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. "The thing is I..." he trailed off. The expression on his face changed. A frown had been resting on his brow and the corners of his mouth were downturned, but as he stopped talking his face softened, and a smile tugged at his lips. "I never answered your question. You asked me if I could see you at Brown, and I can Ella. So clearly. It was perfect for you."
Ella smiled, she hadn't realized just how much she'd appreciate that reassurance from Bucky. But he'd stopped himself from saying something else, from opening up.
"What were you going to say, before that?" She asked gently.
"I don't know. I was just in a weird mood that day I think, and it was kind of surreal being there and I think it was just hard imagining you being somewhere that's not here, with me," he replied, hoping Ella wouldn't pry any further.
Despite wanting to, she didn't. She wasn't sold on Bucky's answer entirely but something told her not to pull at that thread. Not then, not there. She knew sometimes Bucky took his time to open up, and she was happy to wait if she had to. Instead, she did her best to reassure him.
"We have so much time, Buck, I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but we have a whole year until we're packing up to move and we're so good now, imagine what we'll be like next year. We've got this. And we can see each other as much as we want, I will come and visit you until you're sick of me," she teased.
"That will literally never happen," he interrupted. "Not in a million years."
With that promise, Ella rolled over so they could go to sleep. As with every other night spent together, Bucky pulled Ella back against his chest, kissed her shoulder, and rested his chin on the top of her head.
The next morning everyone was up bright and early to prepare for a few more college visits. Bucky was heading to New York with his mom and Ella and Steve were off to Boston with their parents.
Ella had considered going with Bucky to New York, she was thinking about applying to NYU, but after their disaster of a day at Brown, she decided to stick with her family. Besides, all of the backup choices she was considering were in Boston and she knew she needed to decide between them.
As Bucky grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, he wrapped his arm around Ella's waist, pulling her into his chest. He looked down at her with his piercing blue eyes, just taking a second to admire her. He liked to do that as often as he could, not wanting to take the days they had together for granted.
"I'll call you when we've finished the tour tomorrow," Bucky promised. "I'll tell you everything, it'll basically be like you came."
"Sounds good, Buck," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and stretching onto her tiptoes to kiss him.
Sam wandered by at that moment, grumbling under his breath. "Room...upstairs..." was all Ella caught.
She let out a breathy laugh against Bucky's lips, she was sure Bucky had flipped him off over her shoulder. They pulled away and Bucky fished his keys out of his pocket. He fiddled with them between his fingers.
"I'm going to miss you," Ella said softly, knowing he was thinking the same thing.
"Me too," he said, brushing her cheek with his thumb.
The two of them said their goodbyes and didn't speak again, save brief goodnight and good morning texts, until the next evening. Both of them had been busy on their drives to their respective cities and on college tours. Bucky viewed Columbia and Ella had spent her day at Boston College with Steve. Her brother still had another couple of colleges he wanted to see in the city so they'd booked a hotel for a night. Steve was in the shower, so Ella seized the opportunity to call Bucky and hear all about the first day of his trip.
She called him, laid back on the bed, got comfy on her pillow, and waited for him to pick up. It took a few rings but finally, his voice came down the line.
"I hate it," he said, skipping the niceties such as hello or how are you?
Ella sat up straight. "You what?" She asked in disbelief. Bucky had spent months saying how much he wanted to be in a big city, he'd high hopes for New York and both the colleges he was visiting that week.
"I hate it," he repeated. Then he sighed. "Okay, maybe I don't hate it, it's just it's not -" he stopped himself suddenly.
"Not what?" Ella asked, confused by the tension coming down the phone.
"It's uh...it's not..." he said sounding flustered. "It's just not what I was expecting," he finally spluttered out.
Ella frowned. "There's something you're not telling me, Bucky, what is it?" Her patience in waiting for Bucky to open up was growing thin, he was starting to freak her out.
There was radio silence on the phone. Bucky was scrambling to think of an answer. "It's nothing," he finally replied. "I think I'm just confused, I thought I'd love it here, but I'm not sure I can see myself in New York."
"I get you," Ella replied, almost certain she wasn't getting the full story. "But you've still got so many visits to do, you'll find the right place for you."
"Sure," he replied. Ella knew for definite then that Bucky was still not being totally honest with her, he rarely said so few words. The niggling doubts were growing in her mind, the seeds were sprouting. So far she'd come up with one possible reason: maybe he'd changed his mind about staying close. But she wasn't sure she wanted to ask, just in case she was right.
"How's Boston?" Bucky asked before Ella could say anything more.
"Boston's Boston," she shrugged, even though he couldn't see her. "The college was okay, it'll be good for a backup I think," she answered as she lay back down. Ella and Steve's trip was less about finding a city they loved, they both knew Boston well enough to know they'd be happy going to college there, so they were much more focused on the colleges themselves.
Their conversation was interrupted by Steve appearing from the bathroom, he was half-dressed and getting ready to head out for dinner. He said a quick hello to Bucky as he pulled some shoes from his suitcase. As the pair of them headed out into the corridor to meet their parents, Ella said goodbye to Bucky they promised to call again the next day.
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