The rest of the week passed by in a blur of sunshine and swimming in the sea, and early on Friday morning Bucky and Ella packed their suitcases and loaded the car in preparation for a trip to scout out Brown University.
"Make sure to text us when you get there," Joe shouted over to Bucky and Ella as they climbed into the car.
"Yes, dad," Ella replied in a voice that said you don't need to say that every time I go anywhere. She understood why he said it, but these days she did it out of habit and there was no need for a reminder.
Sarah walked over to the car and leaned through the open window to peck her daughter on the cheek.
"Drive safe, and I can't wait to hear all about it," Sarah said with a smile.
"Yes, mom," Ella replied in the same tone.
"Thanks for having me," Bucky called out to her parents.
"It was our pleasure, Bucky," Sarah replied. "Look after our girl for us, won't you?"
"Always," he said, in a way that sounded casual and yet like a promise he planned on keeping forever. It made butterflies swarm in Ella's stomach.
Ella turned the AC on before setting the map to Providence, Rhode Island, and reversed out of the drive. The two of them set off on their road trip. It was a short drive but they still made sure to stop at a gas station for snacks and cold drinks. As Ella drove, Bucky held a can from the fridge against the back of her neck. The stray baby hairs that had fallen from her messy bun were stuck to her skin, and the condensation dripped down the back of her dress. Not that she minded, the cold was a relief. Ella put on a playlist of all her favorite summer songs, they were upbeat and perfect for driving along in the heat, windows down with the breeze in their hair.
Two hours later they arrived at the campus, shortly before the tour was due to start. They wandered for a few minutes and Ella studied the grounds with intrigue. Bucky held her hand as they walked, he was just there to keep her company so didn't pay it much attention. Finally, they met their student tour guide and joined the group. They stayed on the periphery, Ella half-listening to what the guide had to say, and half just admiring the campus. She was falling in love with it more and more by the second. She asked the guide a million questions, which accommodation was best, what were his favorite courses, his favorite places to eat, and what he thought of the city. It went on and on. Luckily, the guide answered all of them in-depth and with a smile.
She kept turning to Bucky to point out pretty buildings, or show him courses that piqued her interest in the course catalog. When the tour passed through the library Ella couldn't help but smile to herself, she could picture herself spending a lot of time there.
Ella couldn't help but notice how quiet Bucky was being while they were there, he seemed off and a little distant. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze every now and then and shot him smiles as often as she could, but she couldn't figure out what was wrong.
When the tour was over the two of them strolled around the campus, Ella was trying to get a final feel for the place before they left. So far it had lived up to all her expectations, and she knew for sure that it was going to be her first choice. If she could figure out why Bucky didn't seem at all on board with it.
"Can you picture me here?" she asked Bucky with a smile on her face, twirling around on the grass, arms outstretched, trying to coax a smile out of him.
He nodded, but it still seemed unenthusiastic.
"What's up, Buck?" she asked, taking his hand again. "Is it just the thought of leaving each other for college?"
Being on a college campus had made it feel very real for Ella, and somehow the next year of their lives looked a hell of a lot shorter when she pictured being there. She assumed Bucky might've been having the same feelings.
"Something like that," he mumbled with a shrug.
Ella let out a sigh. Bucky was putting a dampener on her mood. Big time.
"Could you at least pretend to like it while we're here? Just be a little excited for me maybe?" she groaned.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Ella. Yeah, it's great. I love it. I can't wait for you to be here," he said, throwing his arms up in exasperation.
"You know what, fine," she said, and tossed him the car keys. "Can you just go and wait in the car please because you're kind of ruining this for me."
Bucky caught the keys with one hand and turned on his heel, not replying, instead just stalking off in the direction of where they parked.
Ella huffed, anger was simmering in her chest, making her skin crawl. She knew it was hard to think about college, but she had hoped they'd be able to do college visits together and be happy for one another if they liked one, she assumed they'd manage that. Apparently not. She carried on her walk solo but wasn't paying anything much attention. Her mind was fogged up and she couldn't concentrate. She decided to take a seat on one of the benches and try and collect herself, she wanted to make the most of the opportunity of being there because she wasn't sure she'd come back before sending off her application.
She'd been sitting there a while when a familiar voice spoke up from behind her. "Hey, how you doing?"
Ella looked up, recognizing the tour guide she'd asked a million questions to.
"Hi, good thanks," she replied, trying to muster up a smile.
The boy dropped down onto the bench beside her. "Sure? Happy to answer a few more questions if you need," he offered. "I didn't catch your name by the way."
"Ella," she said and held out a hand for a handshake.
He reciprocated, "Tony." He looked around, noticing that Ella was now alone. "Let me guess, the guy that was with you was your boyfriend and you're worried about doing long distance?" He asked, reading her like a book.
Ella let out a small laugh. "That obvious, huh? Yeah, it's just the first time it's felt real I guess, don't think he was handling it too well."
Tony shrugged. "All high school couples have the same problem, usually have the same solution as well."
"What's that?" she asked, hoping for some words of wisdom.
"They break up," he replied with a hint of derision lacing his voice.
Ella shook her head, annoyed by his answer and his tone. "No, we're not splitting up."
Tony looked at her out the corner of his eye, clearly amused. Ella knew why, like he'd said, every high school couple had the same problem. And sure, maybe most of them did split up. But she knew that wasn't going to happen. It wasn't even an option.
She looked over at Tony, noticing the smirk resting on his lips. She decided she'd had enough of the conversation, she didn't need the pessimism of someone she didn't know to further ruin her day.
"Thanks for the tour," she said as genuinely as she could before she got up and went to find Bucky.
She took in a deep breath before she got to the car. Nerves had settled in the pit of her stomach. She felt mean for banishing him to the car, and she didn't want an argument. When she opened the door she shot Bucky a smile, trying to gauge his mood. Thankfully he smiled back. She climbed in and closed the door, unsure where to start.
"I'm sorry," they said in unison.
They both laughed and Bucky reached out for Ella's hand.
"Me first," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive."
"I'm sorry I got annoyed at you, it wasn't fair," she replied.
Bucky leaned over and kissed Ella, his lips were soft and warm and everything she needed to, at least temporarily, rid her of her worry.
"Do you want to go back and have another look around?" he asked, his lips brushing against hers.
"I'm good," she said, pecking him on the nose. "I think I'm set."
Bucky gave her a small smile, "you're that sure?"
She nodded confidently, letting him know just how sure she was, before starting the car so they could head home. Despite their apologies, the drive back was much more subdued, as though there was still an elephant in the room. Well, an elephant in the car. Neither of them sang along to Ella's playlist on this leg of the journey, and when it came to end, neither put any more music on. Ella wanted to talk about it, it was the only way to sort it out, but she didn't want to push Bucky into discussing something he wasn't ready to. They were fifteen minutes from home when Ella finally caved.
"Want to talk about it?" she asked, glancing over at him.
He sighed. "not really. I just kind of want to put it behind us."
Ella's hands flexed around the steering wheel, it wasn't the answer she wanted. She decided to ask one final question before dropping the subject as Bucky wanted.
"Are you thinking of breaking up with me? Like now, or in a year's time or something?" She said it quickly, just wanting to get it out and off her chest.
"No!" he replied as fast as lightning. "God no, Ella. Never. I love you."
"Okay, just checking," she said with a smile, "I love you too. I'll leave it alone now."
Guilt flooded Bucky's chest, he hadn't meant to make her worry about that, but Ella reached out for his hand and it put him somewhat at ease. When they arrived at Bucky's house she pulled up to the curb and switched the engine off. The tension lingering in the car reminded her of the first time she'd ever dropped him home some 10 months ago. She couldn't believe how far they'd come in that time. The boy who'd given her butterflies for the first time in her life was now her boyfriend, although he still gave her butterflies every time she saw him.
Bucky hopped out of the car and grabbed his suitcase from the trunk before walking around to the driver's side window.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said.
"See you tomorrow," Ella nodded. "Say hi to your mom for me."
"Will do," he replied before leaning over and cupping Ella's cheek to give her a kiss.
Ella drove herself home and unlocked the door. The rest of the family had stayed on the Cape and weren't due back for a few more hours. She flicked on the TV and set the volume low before curling up on the couch. She was emotionally exhausted. She and Bucky had never argued, not that their discussion earlier that day had really constituted an argument, but it was still weighing her down. Ella drifted off to the sound of some sitcom laugh track and didn't wake up until Steve's voice boomed through the house announcing his arrival home with their parents.
Sarah soon appeared in the living room, eager to hear about her daughter's day, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
"How was it?" she asked with enthusiasm.
However, Ella's reply soon put an end to her good mood.
"It was fine," she said, not wanting to elaborate.
"Oh come on," her mom pried, "I want to know everything, did you love it? What did Bucky think?"
"Yeah, I loved it," Ella replied in a voice that said the exact opposite. "Bucky didn't really say, he was in a weird mood all day."
Sarah gave her a sympathetic smile and Ella knew exactly what she was going to say next. She decided not to let her waste her breath.
"Don't say it, mom. It's fine. We'll be fine," she said, she was convinced of it but the look on Sarah's face told Ella that she didn't share her daughter's optimism.
It was times like this when Ella really missed her big sister. Laura always had her back, sure she was honest, but she knew there was a time and a place and that sometimes all Ella needed was to have someone in her corner. And right now she just needed a little positivity. To Ella's surprise, Steve sauntered in and offered her just that.
"I was eavesdropping," he admitted as he plopped onto the couch. "You and Bucky will be fine. You're great together."
A weight lifted off Ella's chest and she smiled over at her brother. "I knew there was a reason I liked you," she said with a grin.
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