At the very end, it's not the years you lived that counts.
••••

"It's not as easy as it seems to be." Jamal was still hell bent on it and been the one I was, I was not ready to give in, just not anytime soon.

"I know right. But that won't stop us from achieving it. It won't hinder the slight ounce of hope I have within me. Neither will it keep us confine here forever." I said to Jamal with full assurance and a fake enthusiasm of us, together with him to leave here.

He was the only chance I got and it definitely won't slip my fingers when my eyes are wide opened. Never.

"If anything happens afterward, then don't blame me ever." He said still trying to make me understand how difficult our situation was-to which I gave deaf ears.

"Nothing will happen in sha Allah."

"What if it did?"

"Keep all the what ifs aside and stay optimistic."

"Look Nad, we have to put all the what ifs into consideration and possibly get doors of shoving them away from our roads. No matter what, there are always what ifs to consider when making decisions. What matters most, is how one over comes them. Which we surely should." Jamal said to which the rest of the words weren't audible to my ears as I was reminiscing on the new found nickname I got.

I looked down to my hands my attention on the already faded henna I got during my graduation. We-the graduands had to undergo the difficulty in writing several to many unresponded letters to our principal asking for permission from her. It took alot effort from our social prefect in collaboration with I, the head girl to get that done. Permission was granted after the sixth written letter that we dropped inside the suggestion box for students. All the efforts we put in there was worth it at the very end.

The red stain was still on my fingers due to the fact that I didn't had the opportunity to trim my finger nails, nor the pleasure of coming in contact with water, which hastens it's fading time. It looked so dirty and darker than it already was.

Heaving a sigh lightly spreading my hands in the air just to indicate how carefree I seemed about the whole situation on ground. But little did he knew how tensed I was if anything turns out to be from the other side of the equation. The one I would'nt like-especially.

"I suggest we do this sooner, rather than later." I was still persistent as ever. I wouldn't give Jamal any room for excuses. Not now, not ever. I'm holding onto this opportunity with all that's in me.

And that did the trick.

"I would do anything for you even if that would mean me, risking it all, I'll go for it." Jamal said then blinked his eyes on me one more time indicating the pain the wound he was caressing was sending through his nerves. His hands were wrapped around his torso. The left messaging the wound on the frontal part and the right hand aiding in doing that.

On a normal circumstance, Jamal's Statement would've sounded the one in a million sentence I so badly wanted to hear. But now, Instead, it sent a sense of guilt through me. I quickly pushed the thoughts away getting set yet again. If anything, I was more than determined now, than ever.

He noticed a change of demeanour from me to which he got no reason to attach the cause with and decided to change the topic we were talking about since he had made a promise.

Which he would keep certainly.

" What do you think about us making it official." Jamal dropped the shell out saying out the sentence more like a statement than a question. His voice a bit down than usual. His eyes all on me, those eyes could drown one in their sight.

I hated to admit the effect Jamal had on me. How the butterflies in my stomach go wild whenever his eyes met mine. Weirdly enough, I attributed that to the ounce of fear I had for him. Scratch that, the pool of fear I had for him. Heck, I feared Jamal from his bits to his pieces. He was the number one human being other than Faruq that had my nots going crazy whenever I'm around him.

The only explanation I could come up with having Butterflies around him was surely that of fear.

If only I knew.

Back to the question he asked on my opinion of us making it official, it was surely one of the random questions from the popular show of 'who wants to be a millionaire' in a situation when the option of calling someone for help had been used up, 50-50 option used and only option one left with, is spinning the wheel. I was on that hot seat.

With a shrugged shoulder and eyes strictly narrowed on Jamal, I said confidently on his face, the fear evaporating and rage, replacing it with full force. "Let's be honest here, would you want that for me?" I asked him.

"Didn't get you." He answered seemingly fazed by what i said. Nonetheless, that was at the least of my concern.

The only thing was for me to divert his attention on the so called 'making it official', as he called it.

" I mean why don't we complete what Faruq had started and possibly make it more in the right way. Then, we can plan how we can leave here peacefully. " Jamal elaborated further to which I chuckled at lightly.

"Oh wow. Like seriously?" I said with a chuckle. My eyes never leaving his.

"I'm being serious here Nad." He muttered again lowly, sincerity laced on his tone.

"I know right. But have you thought about me? About what I want or anything? I always wanted a big wedding if not a grand one. 'cause why not? Who wouldn't want that as long as one can afford it. I mean marriage is a once in life something-to a female especially. Which when tied, no one would want to untie it without any solid reason. I guess then, it should be done properly and enjoyed by everyone to the fullest.

I'm the type of person that always daydream about myself slaying in my wedding dress, with my girls all dolled up around me. My brothers, uncles, cousins and nephews all looking gorgeous in their Kaftans. Everyone chattering happily. The whistling of Algaita and the yodellings from my rich aunties blowing. Most importantly, the aroma of the food I would certainly eat non stop even when I'm the bride." I blabbered out.

But truth to be told, I was been honest with him about how I love the wedding atmosphere. It automatically makes me happy from the day a wedding date is set till when the bride is conveyed to her matrimonial home.

Did I made mention of the way I love dancing when it is one of those things I was so bad at. Heck, I was the total description of Lipton bag dancing in a cup of tea because of how slim I was and how bad I was if it comes to dancing. But it didn't concern me one bit.

Why will it when I don't give a dime about it?

Looking at the amused looking Jamal, I continued " I would definitely love it when getting married, with my Family all around. For Abbah to bless my marriage and be proud of me. How cruel would it seem if I deny my siblings the pleasure that is felt when the first female child in a family is been given out? I can't do that especially not to my baby Sis." I tried reasoning with him and my attention drawing me back to how Nabilah was, she wasn't exactly the same as I was. One thing sure about, was, we don't share the love I have for weddings with her obviously. She was more of a girl that enjoys her own company with the little people in her life without having to handle a large crowd. But since when I can't remember, Nabilah had been planning my wedding even before we knew what marriage actually was. How she would claim she will be more beautiful than me when the time comes. 'Kanwar Amarya itama ai Amarya che.' She would say.
Why will I do that to her now? I can't and I won't try it. She will get to experience what it feels to be the bride's sister.

That, I was sure of.

"Is that all you want?" He asked to which I nodded making Jamal to grit his teeth together.

It now dawned on me on the body language response he hated. "That's all for now." I muttered hastily as an apology to what I did by nodding.

"That, you shall get." He assured me. I was beyond elated because the worst thing that would ever happen to me over here after death, is getting married to any of them, not only Jamal, anyone. To me, they are all the same.

Birds of the same feather do flock together right?

" So what next?" Jamal asked and I repeated back the question "What next?" to him because I see no reason for him to ask me such, so for it, instead of getting an answer, the question was thrown back at him.

"Anything for you princess." He responded a little bit faster than the way he should have talked.

'Rawan Jiki.' I mumbled silently to myself but to him I said something different.

"Last time I checked, Abbah was not a king or anything, the least I could remember is, he still has the title of Magayaqi courtsey of their Family. So I'm not in any way close to a princess." I retorted back a bit rudely but Jamal didn't have any of it.

"But you're my princess aren't..."

"I know right." I cut him off. God knows, what he was saying irritates me a lot. Trying to tame it, would only bring it out. It's now or never. I thought .

"Let's leave all this for now and start preparing our way out here. Don't you think that would be better? I'm sure we will get all the time we need for that later." I said and Jamal nodded sheepishly.

"I don't like body language response either." I muttered with a pout to which he giggled at.

"All plans been made, we'll be leaving tomorrow in sha Allah."

This statement alone found a way of making my lips curved in to a wide smile. I was so happy, when I was on the verge of forgetting how it actually feels to be happy. Yet again, Jamal did that. He made me happy by just saying that.

"Thank you." I muttered happily the wide grin never leaving my face.

"Anytime. Anytime" He said smiling back at me. Though, I didn't actually see him smiling but I knew he did. The contraction of his facial Muscles said it all. Jamal was a book a could read like the palmar flexion creases on my palms.

"Why do you like covering your face always, are you guys afraid of been caught or anything?" I asked not because I felt like knowing the reason to why the cover up their faces. The sole reason was for me to see what Jamal Muhammad Munir looks like.

"Wanna see my face?"

"Yes. Sure why not." I said.

•••

Assalamu Alaikum beautiful people.

Here it is all the way. I was having some technical issues with my Wattpad. I wrote this chapter three days back only to come back to it and got half of it deleted.

And yoh my baby is leaving Tomorrow y'all.

We have two Chapters left to finish all the tragic and sensitive part. I can't seem to wait honestly💃.

Have a great day y'all.

With Love,
Hibbah♥.