I'm trying to calm the hell down before I punch something. Carter is currently seated on my bed in my sweatpants and my tee shirt giggling away at Sixer. The girl is wasted, I knew she was wasted when I saw her trying and failing to get away from that dude. If Rae didn't get that phone call from drunk Lacey she would be with that guy right now. I clench my fist at the thought and try to watch blissfully unaware Carter. All the girls are here, downstairs, probably staying the night after what fucking happened.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Carter says. Her face is back to normal and I can see she is mad. Why the fuck she is mad at me right now? Her smile has dropped and all I can do is give her a blank stare. My arms are crossed over my chest and my back against my door.

"I am trying to calm the fuck down," I tell her trying to ease my heavy breathing. She sighs studying her bruised wrist absentmindedly. The fingerprints from Ronnie's hands make me clench and unclench my fists again. She must notice me tense again because she looks up again.

"Asher, I'm okay," she says standing up from the bed. I nod my head at her watching her carefully as she makes her way towards me. She looks more worried about me than about herself and it's honestly calming me down.

"He shouldn't have fucking grabbed you like that," I say lightly grabbing her wrist. She hesitantly lets me study her bruised wrist as I press a light kiss to it. I sigh closing my eyes at her. "I should have been there sooner."

"No, you didn't know, Asher. Stop, I'm fine, we're fine, I guess," she mumbles with a light chuckle. I smile at the sound looking down at her big brown eyes. "Are we fine?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" I ask her as she shuffled her feet forward. Without her heels, on she pushes up on her tippy toes making me suck in a breath. "Carter."

"I know," she says going back to her heels. "Fuck what am I doing? We aren't dating and you can't even tell me the truth."

I sigh again running a hand through my hair as I look at her with a glare. She's shaking her head grabbing her heels my bed. I can't let her leave again and I don't want to let her leave again. Watching her walk away was the dumbest most painful thing I've ever had to watch. I do not want to let her walk away from me tonight. Actually, I don't want that ever again.

"Carter, stop," I try pushing myself off of the door. She ignores me as she grabs her dress and phone as Sixer watches in confusions. The dog looks at me and then back at Carter. My chest tightens again and I am moving towards her. "Carter."

"What Asher? You think this is all easy for me. To leave you after being grabbed my your crappy teammate. All I want is to be with you but I can't," she says looking up at me. Tears brim her light brown eyes as I reach out to wipe away a tear but she takes steps back. She takes a deep breath shutting her eyes. A few tears trickle down her face making my chest tighten again except not from anger this time.

"Why? Why can't you be with me? Because of the stupid bullshit I told Kristen?" I ask her reaching out to her again. I need to feel her touch again or something from her but she isn't having it.

"Yes! As stupid as it all may sound whatever the fuck it is clearly is bad or whatever! How could you not tell me?" she says raising her voice at me. I don't know how to respond to her because I know exactly why I can't tell her. I can't have her look at me in the way everyone does when I tell them.

"Because I can't Carter. I fucking can't and I don't understand why you can't accept that," I tell in a more aggressive tone. She scoffs loudly shaking her head at me as she tries to push past me but I stand in front of her. She huffs in frustration stepping back once again. I can smell her perfume and her natural scent. A part of me just wants to tell her and lay it all out.

"Asher, get out of my way. I'm over this, we can't, no you can't. You can't keep coming in as the hero or doing all this stupid shit if you can't tell me the truth!" she yells running her free hand through her hair. I take a deep breath closing my eyes trying to calm myself down again.

"What stupid shit? How about a thank you for saving you from your stupid shit?" I ask her. I instantly regret what I say because she takes more steps back. I am pushing her away right now but she is pissing me the fuck off.

"My stupid shit? Are you fucking kidding me?" she yells throwing a hand up in the air. A couple hairs fall into her face as she shakes her head at me. "You just punched your teammate and now you might get suspended because you had to fucking punch him. I didn't ask you to do that and I didn't even fucking know you would be there!"

"He grabbed you, Carter. He disrespected you! What the fuck was I suppose to do!" I say raising my voice at her. She stays quiet for a moment looking at me. Blinking at me actually like what I said was absolutely absurd.

"Push him away or stay out of it! You are not my fucking boyfriend anymore!"

"You're naive if you think he would have stepped away if I pushed him," I stare running my hands through my hair. I can't believe she is mad at me for punching Robbie. He deserved it. And it's not like I necessarily thought of the dumbass consequences when I saw him all over her.

"You're a dick," she huffs loudly leaning back. I take a deep breath in and clench my jaw at her. It is taking everything in me not to fucking yell at her again. Everything. "I can do whatever I fucking want."

She is legitimately testing my patience.

She makes her way closer to me and starts pacing around my room. She is fuming and I know when this girl gets drunk and mad, she gets drunk and mad. I could honestly not give less of a shit if she's mad or not.

"You hop into fights that aren't yours. You hopped in with Michael and Lacey, you tried fighting Mia in the bar, and now this. What is it going to take for you to stay the fuck out of shit?" I ask her. She immediately stops pacing and walks right for me. She goes to shove me but I catch her arms.

"Get off me you fucking asshole. I got in the fight with Michael because he grabbed Lacey, Mia called me a bitch, and once again I was trying to fucking help you," she growls ripping her arms away from my hands. Now she is only getting me more fucking heated. I can't watch her repeatedly get into fights and always end up having to drag her from them. I know tonight was not her fault because no dude should force a girl to go home with them. But, she very well could have stayed the fuck out of the past two.

"Stop calling me an asshole and listen to me for two seconds. You are getting yourself in bad situations and while yes tonight was fucked up, you should have never been grabbed if you stayed where Trey put you," I snap right back at her taking some steps forward. Carter pinches the bridge of her nose and I swear I think she might actually punch me.

"Why did you even fucking come! Yelling at me as if- as if we are-" she stops herself before even saying the word. She is looking at me now with her hazel eyes that are now shades darker because of her anger. "Dating! As if we are fucking dating still."

"If it were fucking up to me, we still would be. You just can't get over that fact that you don't know one thing. You freak out over this stupid shit!" Don't even get me fucking started on that bullshit conversation. It seems like everything I talked to the boys about has flew out the god damn window. Me realizing I do actually care about the girl and how all I fucking want is for her to be whatever with me.

All thrown out the god damn window.

"I know, jerk. If I hear that one more time I'm going to blow my damn brains out," she states me her voice loud even over the music they turned on downstairs. She is pissed and she is calling me everything under the damn sun. I catch the bruises on her arm again and I see him grabbing her again.

"Do you not understand what a fucking creep that kid is? I was doing you a favor," I yell right back at her. She clenches her jaw and runs her hands through her hand. When Lacey called Rae you could see them fucking making out in the background.

"I didn't do anything wrong! I bumped into him by accident! And I was going to help you!" she yells tossing her shit onto the bed. I watch as her phone bounces off and onto the floor with a thud.

"You're delusional if you think that was helping!"

"Well then I must be going fucking bonkers right now," she snaps back at me. I know she was trying to help when she walked away from Tori. She doesn't want me to get suspended. Hell, I don't want to get suspended. But with the amount of cameras and Michael's stupid bullshit promise, it's looking pretty likely right now. I am about to say something else but Carter isn't finish.

"Fuck you Asher! The day you were with Kristen, I was going to admit how I felt about you and say I was stupid but fuck Carter I guess!"

The end of her sentence her voice cracks and I can't help but feel like I just got punched in the chest. That's why she was there. She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth and I can see the hurt in her eyes.

"I tried to explain to you that nothing was fucking going on, nothing will ever happen between me and her again. She was there to blackmail me about-"

"About what? Spit it out, Asher" she says impatiently. I look back at her in those pretty eyes of hers and I want nothing more than to tell her what Kristen knows. What Kristen has on me but I can't. She sighs loudly before turning around grabbing the door handle. Before she has the chance to turn it I grab her arm. Apparently, I can't let her walk away from me either.

She turns back around looking even angrier than before, "What Asher? Are you going to tell me more lies, keep more fucking secrets?"

"Can you not fucking walk away from me?" I state back at her. The statement seemed to piss her off even more because she narrows her eyes at me. If I don't tell her now I lose her.

"Oh for the love of god," she huffs trying to turn around again. I stop her once again but pull her closer this time. I plant a hand on her hip keeping her close to me.

"Fine! You want to hear me say it! I was jealous and I would punch the shit out of Ronnie all fucking over again! And Kristen was here for me to fully end shit with her and I wanted to fucking tell you that I regretted the fight. That I want us back!"

"So, what the fuck did you tell fucking Kristen that you couldn't me!" she says tears brimming her eyes once again. I relax a little just feeling her skin against my hand. I need to tell her and I need to tell her now.

"When I was a freshman I beat the shit out of my dad."

If I wasn't holding her she probably would have fallen backwards by the way she almost stumbles backwards. Her face holds a lot of shock like she wasn't expecting that to come out of my mouth.

"You what?" she asks blinking at me. Everyone has this reaction whenever I tell them. You don't hear it all the fucking time about beating the shit out of your father.

"You know how much of an asshole my dad was and you know how he pushed my brother so fucking hard he got hurt. The night before my senior game fight after that, he pushed me and pushed me then actually pushed me. I threw the first punch and then he threw another one. My brother tried pulling us apart but he was on crutches so he couldn't do shit. He finally punched me hard enough for me to back down. My mom was hysterical and my brother didn't know what the hell to do. My dad laughed, he was laughing. Broken jaw and nose, laughing. He didn't press charges under the impression that I go to the NBA. Under his terms."

Carter is looking at me with a blank stare. Dried tears on her face looking at me for answers I can't give her. I don't know why I told Kristen that and why I couldn't just tell Carter it. I am ashamed that I did that to my dad, that I stooped to his level but he got in my head. I can't ever forget how little he made me feel and it felt great to fucking deck him.

"You broke his nose and jaw?" she asks her lips parting slightly. I sigh loudly nodding my head. I release her hip from my grip because I can't look at her. At her disappointment. I am about to step away from the door but I feel her step closer to me. "Asher."

I look up to see her looking at me. No disappointment, no shame. Just understanding. Something washes over me as I stare down at her as I bend down to press my lips against hers. She doesn't pull away or step away from me. Her lips move against mine for what feels like the first time in fucking forever. I know this is in the moment and not actually going to fix anything but I needed this. To show that she cares about me. That, while I know I shouldn't have broken my dads jaw, she isn't going to run away from it.

She deepens the kiss as I feel her push up on her tippy toes. I rest my hands under my tee shirt hanging off her body as she wraps her arms around my neck. I lightly pick her up off of the ground as she lets out a soft, gorgeous, moan. Carter wraps her legs around my waist as I turn us around so her back is against the wall. She must realize what we are doing because she pulls away quickly. Her hazel eyes filled with emotion that I can't pinpoint.

"I have to go," she says quickly. I stare at her stunned for a moment before setting her down. Her small feet meet the ground as she scurried around me. I watch, maybe the final moments of her ever being in my room, as she grabs all of her things. The pit in my stomach I had before just growing bigger and bigger. I fucking hate it. I step aside to let her walk out of the door but she pauses in the doorway.

"Asher, I hope you know your dad deserved it," she says turning around in my doorway. I nod my head at her silently. She looks me over one last time wiping away a tear before walking away. A scene I saw one too many times from her as she flees down my staircase.

This déjà vu fucking blows.