Nicki POV

I was at a video shoot with Tyla,Tyga,and Lil Wayne. They were shooting a video for one of the songs off the young money album,I'm just doing a cameo and Tyla came with me. Michael walks over to me and hugs me and Tyla.

"How you and Ci doing?" He asks

"We're good" I say

"Tell her I'm coming to visit next week with Chyna and King" He says

"Aight" I say

"You gonna stand in between me and Wayne" He says

I follow him and greet Wayne,we actually met him through Michael a few years ago. The music starts and we bobbed our heads to the beat and move around. I lip sync some of the words and hype them up. When it's over I say bye to them and me and Tyla go back to our hotel. We were in LA,Zahir is 2 weeks old now and he's so adorable,he keeps us up at nights sometimes but it's fine. We order room service and watch TV.

"So I'm assuming your gonna tell Ciara any day now about Alan right?" Tyla asks

I take a bite of my food and look around,avoiding eye contact with her.

"Nic?" She asks

"About that....." I say slowly

"I'm not telling her yet" I say

"Why?" She asks

"Her birthday's coming up and I don't wanna ruin it" I sigh

"Are you serious?" She asks

"Yea" I say

"I'm sorry to say this but Ci was right,you changed a lot! I don't know if you letting the fame get in your head,but this is fucked up and you know it!" She says

"How?" I ask

"First it was after the delivery,now it's after her birthday? You're stalling and you know you are" She says

"Why does it matter to you so much?" I ask

"Cause you know how I feel about all of you,we are like one group of siblings and if I know that one of them is gonna be hurt and I'm hiding it from them is gonna make me feel some type of way" She says

"Why won't you tell her then?" I ask

"Cause I'm not gonna betray you" She says

"It's hard to,how do just look in the person you love face and tell them you cheated on them twice?" I say softly

"I know but you gotta tell her" She says

"As soon as her excitement from her birthday goes away,you're telling her,I will personally show up and start the conversation if you don't" She says

"I know" I sigh

Maybe the old me died since everybody keeps bringing it up,I do try to channel my old self in hopes that it would come back. But it's like every intersection we just missed each other. Maybe it was cause I blamed myself for everything that ever happened to me. In hindsight I loved my rawness and my edge,I even prevented myself from commuting suicide,it was just a tough time. My bamboo earrings,long fingernails,and BMW were a daily thing. I was the Braveheart,I never switched it up and always played the same part. But I needed to grow and know if there was anything inside that I needed to show. Did I chase the glitz and glamour, money, fame, and power? Cause if so, that will forever go down my lamest hour. They was no match for me and couldn't defeat my prowess,I had to make them changes though. I was underground and now I'm mainstream and living the life that I would daydream about. I wish my old self could come enjoy it. The money came,tripled and quadrupled it,I miss how I would do some fun stupid shit back then. I just deaded myself in all black,I just need the old me to come back. I told myself if I ever needed to bring the old me back I would. I said it so sweetly I believed myself. I'm holding on to myself,hoping I could bring the old me back. The old me wouldn't have done half the shit I did in the last 8 months. Tylas right,I have to tell Ci after her birthday,hopefully it doesn't go terrible.

A/N: Nicki's gonna tell Ci soon! Tyla must've talked some sense into her,lol. Next update soon!