All I do is sit and think about you
If I knew what you'd do
Collapse my veins, wearing beautiful shoes
It's not living, if it's not with you

"Where is she?" Y/N asks after getting out of her car and going over to Kylie.

"Bedroom. Come, I'll show you." Kylie says before leading Y/N to the dressing room Kendall is getting ready in.

After a few minutes of walking they arrive at the closed door of the bedroom and Kylie looks pointedly at Y/N.

"Don't do anything stupid." she warns the younger woman. "I think it's a bit too late for that." Y/N says as she looks nervously at the closed door.

"That is true. Just don't hurt her again, ok. It is her wedding day and she is my big sister." Kylie says seriously.

"You know I don't wanna hurt your sister. I just, I just need to talk to her." Y/N says with a heavy sigh. All she wants to do is talk to Kendall and tell her how she feels before she gets married.

"Ok." Kylie says, nodding her head before knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" Kendall calls out when she hears the knock on her door.

"Kendall, are you decent?" Kylie asks. "Yeah, why?" Kendall answers, confused at her sister's question.

"Are you still alone?" Kylie asks, ignoring her sister's question. "Yes. What's going on Kyles?" Kendall asks, she was getting scared with all these weird questions

"Go in." Kylie says to Y/N as she pushes the door open for her. "Thanks." Y/N whispers sincerely.

Right now, she owes Kylie big time for helping her.

"I always knew you'd be a gorgeous bride." Y/N says after entering the room and seeing Kendall sitting on the bed wearing a silk robe with her hair and makeup already done.

Kendall may not be adorned in what Y/N knows is one of the most beautiful wedding gowns ever, but to Y/N she's still the epitome of beauty. Y/N was sure that even if Kendall wore a potato sack, she'd still look absolutely exquisite.

"What are you doing here?" Kendall asks, her head whipping to the side when she hears that oh so familiar voice of Y/N.

"I came to see you." Y/N says simply as she walks slowly up to the other woman, her hands in her pockets in an attempt to calm her nerves.

"Let me guess, Kylie told you where I was?" Kendall asks, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches Y/N make her way cautiously to her. "After I begged and pleaded with her, yes." Y/N answers truthfully, there was no reason for lying.

"How did you even know?" Kendall asks, looking at Y/N who has stopped a few meters away from her. "Instagram and your sisters and Bella and Hailey." Y/N says.

"You can't be here Y/N." Kendall says.

"It's my wedding day and you cannot be here right now. It's too early in the morning for this." she continues, sounding more distressed with every sentence.

She can't do this with Y/N right now, she is getting married in a few hours and Y/N being here is just too much for her.

"Today being your wedding day is why I'm here." Y/N answers softly.

"Why?" Kendall asks.

"I needed to speak to you before you get married. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't." Y/N answers with a small shrug.

"So speak." Kendall says harshly, and Y/N flinches slightly when she hears the bite in the bride-to-be's tone.

"Don't get married to him." Y/N mumbles softly, almost too soft for Kendall to hear, but she does hear what the woman said.

"And do what Y/N? Marry you?" Kendall asks with a scoff.

"Yes, marry me." Y/N answers truthfully, looking straight at Kendall to make sure she knows that she means it.

"You didn't want any of this, remember?" Kendall asks bitterly. "You told me you didn't want to get married or have kids, those are things I want, and Devin is willing to give them to me." she continues, her voice getting little louder.

"You're right, those are things I didn't want, but I've changed Kendall." Y/N says and Kendall scoffs at her answer.

She doesn't believe that Y/N has changed, she had no reason to. How much could she really have changed from the last two years since they actually spoke.

"I'm being serious here." Y/N says, walking a little closer to Kendall.

"Marrying you is all I can think about now. I think about how you would look and where it would be. If you'd want a really traditional wedding or something completely different or even if you'd wanna elope." Y/N says, shoving her hands deeper into her pockets.

"I think of waking up to you every day of my life and having the honour of being able to call you my wife for the rest of my life and it doesn't scare me that much anymore. Hell, I think of building a life with you and having a family. I'm willing to go all the way with you, the whole nine yards." Y/N says earnestly and Kendall looks at her with curiosity in her eyes. She's never seen Y/N talk about marriage and family like this and it's somewhat scary.

"Devin may be willing to give you all that but so am I and I know that I can't offer you everything he's offering you. I'm an up and coming author who lives in a shitty one-bedroom apartment and doesn't have a job. I can't offer you a mansion in the desert or a decent honeymoon or a stable life, but I can offer you love, every day of your life. I can offer you someone to vent to, someone who understands you. I just need you to let me be that person for you." Y/N practically begs, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Kendall doesn't know how to react. Yes, she had seen Y/N get passionate before and declare her love for her, even recite elaborate monologues about beauty and love, but she had never seen her talk so passionately about marriage, family and commitment. This is new territory for her and all she can do is sit and watch Y/N in stunned silence.

"This is the part when you say you want that too and that you love me, then I sneak you away from here to some random place where we can be alone and together." Y/N says, looking at Kendall.

"I love Devin. I'm getting married today Y/N. You can't do this. I don't love you." Kendall says and Y/N can hear her own heart break when she hears Kendall profess her love for Devin.

"If you didn't love me you would've kicked me out before I even got a word out." Y/N says, frustration lacing her words.

"I love Devin." Kendall says sternly, trying to make sure that Y/N gets the message. "But you love me more and you can't deny it." Y/N says, going to kneel in front of Kendall.

"I don't love you anymore." Kendall says barely above a whisper, her eyes also glistening with unshed tears, tears she's trying extremely hard to keep from falling from her eyes and ruining her makeup.

"If you really don't love me, then look me in my eyes and tell me." Y/N says, lifting herself up slightly so she's eye to eye with Kendall.

"Y/N... don't make me do this." Kendall whispers, looking down, unable to meet her ex-lover's eyes.

"I need you to do it so that I know because right now I know that you still love me and I don't understand why you're not letting me take you away from here so I can spend the rest of my life loving you." Y/N says, placing two fingers under Kendall's chin and gently lifting her head so they're facing each other.

"I'm just a girl standing in front of another girl, asking her to love me." Y/N sort of quotes the eternal words of Julia Roberts from Notting Hill, a movie she's watched countless times with Kendall.

The corner of Kendall's mouth quirks up unwittingly when Y/N recites words Kendall has heard her quote too many times to count.

"I can't Y/N." Kendall says before getting up from the bed. "You need to go." Kendall says, looking away from Y/N because she knows if she looks at her she doesn't know if she'll be able to let her go.

"I'm not going until you can look at me and tell me you don't love and that you want me to go." Y/N says, standing up and going over to Kendall.

"You're gonna ruin your makeup." Y/N says, handing Kendall a tissue when she sees a few tears running down her cheeks. "Thank you." Kendall sniffles, taking the tissue and dabbing at her cheeks and eyes carefully.

"I don't want to hurt you and I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here because I love you and if you really don't love me and want me gone then that's what I'm going to do." Y/N says carefully and sincerely, hoping that Kendall doesn't ask her to go because it will kill her, she's sure of it.

Kendall looks up after Y/N's words and can't help but swoon at the emotion and the love she sees in Y/N's eyes and hears in her words. She knows that Y/N is the kind of person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

She wants the love, passion and devotion Y/N is exhibiting but something is holding her back from dropping everything and going with Y/N.

After a few seconds of thinking, she finally comes to a conclusion. She can't bring herself to taking away Y/N's youth and fun by marrying her and tying her down before she even gets the chance to explore and make her own decisions.

That was the main reason they broke up, Y/N wasn't too keen on settling down and getting married or starting a family anytime soon and Kendall was. Their age gap didn't help things either.

"You're not ready to settle down yet Y/N. You've barely lived, and I'm almost thirty, I'm at the age where I need to start a family and settle down." Kendall says, turning around to face the younger woman.

"Age has nothing to do with readiness. I'm ready to settle down if it means settling down with you and in my eyes, I can only live if I'm living with you. You make life worth living. It's like you're the sun and I'm a flower and without you I lose my colour and my whole life essentially." Y/N argues, not willing to accept Kendall's excuse of her being too young.

She may be young and not so long ago she wouldn't be planning on getting married or starting a family but now, right now as she looks at Kendall, she's so sure that settling down with her is all she wants.

"You're saying everything I want to hear but how do I know that's how you really feel?" Kendall asks seriously and Y/N looks stunned for a second before composing herself.

"You have to trust me when I say that this is how I really feel." Y/N says honestly, having no other reason or words to convince Kendall.

"I want to believe you so much, but I just can't be sure anymore Y/N. We've made promises that were broken before and I don't think I can risk that. Devin's a good man and I do love him, I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't." Kendall says, looking directly into Y/N's eyes.

"I think it's time you go, before more people come and questions are asked." Kendall says softly, her heart aching for the woman standing in front of her with heartbreak evident in her eyes.

Y/N takes a deep breath before nodding, trying to keep her tears at bay because if one tear escapes, she's not going to be able to stop and she is not going to cry in front of Kendall and Kylie.

"Ok, I'll go." she whispers, and Kendall has to keep her arms locked to her side before she can reach out and pull Y/N into her embrace.

"I really hope that you have a long and amazing life and that your marriage is everything you want it to be. I pray that it's filled with love, joy, devotion and passion and everything in between. I love you Kendall, I always will and I hope Devin loves you so much more than I do because you deserved to be loved and cared for. Goodbye Kendall." Y/N says truthfully, before turning to leave the bedroom.

"How can you say that?" Kendall asks just as Y/N grabs hold of the doorhandle.

"Say what?" Y/N asks, turning around to face her.

"That you love me, but you hope my marriage to someone else is filled with everything I've ever asked for in a marriage. You said you didn't want me to marry him and now you're blessing it?" Kendall asks, frustrated and confused at Y/N's words.

"I love you Kendall and that means that I can't stand in the way of your happiness, even if it's slowly breaking me. I will not prevent you from having your fairy tale happy ending. I'm in love, I'm not cruel." Y/N says honestly before opening the door and walking out, leaving a dumbfounded Kendall.

"Take care of her Kyles." Y/N says, with a sad smile, when she sees Kylie leaning against the wall opposite the door. "Y/N..." Kylie says, stepping forward and grabbing Y/N's hand when she sees her distraught face.

"No, she needs you and I need to get out of here." Y/N says softly, squeezing Kylie's hand before walking away.

As much as she wants to just fall into Kylie's arms and cry her heart out, Y/N knows that Kendall needs her sister more. She saw the emotional turmoil in the other woman's eyes.

Kylie rushes into the bedroom when Y/N disappears from her sight. She hurries to the bed when she sees Kendall sitting on the edge of the bed sobbing into her hands.

"What happened?" she asks as she wraps her arms around her younger sister. "What did she say Kendall?" she asks, trying to get any information.

"S-she told me that sh-she l-loves me and she wants to mar-marry me and st-start a family and settle d-down. She said the words I've b-been dying to hear from her, and I cou-couldn't bring myself to force her to settle down for me." Kendall sobs, nuzzling her face in the crook of her sister's neck.

Kylie's hands immediately go to Kendall's back, rubbing soothing circles as she whispers, "It's going to be ok." as she tries to calm Kendall down.

They sit like this for five more minutes, Kylie successful in getting Kendall to calm down, before Gigi, Bella and Hailey come into the room.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" Hailey says as the girls rush to Kendall's side as she cries softly in Kylie's arms.

"Y/N was here." Kylie says but doesn't explain more when she feels Kendall cry harder at the mention of her ex's name.

"You let her in to see her?" Gigi asks almost accusingly.

"She needed to say her goodbyes. They needed to have a proper end." Kylie defends herself.

She did nothing wrong, she knew that both Kendall and Y/N needed to talk, she just didn't think it would end up with both of them in tears.

"What did Y/N say?" Hailey asks Kylie as Bella and Hailey take Kendall into their arms, trying to get her to calm down and talk to them.

"I don't know the specifics, but Kendall says that she told her she loves her and that she wants to marry her and start a family." Kylie explains.

"Oh honey." Hailey whispers, squeezing her arms even tighter around a sobbing Kendall.

All I do is sit and drink without you
If I choose then I lose
Distract my brain from the terrible news
It's not living if it's not with you