*Trigger warning; depressing thoughts ahead.

I let him kiss me.

Why would I do that?

I just cheated on Parker.

This can never ever happen ever again.

I pull away from his lips as my common sense starts kicking in. I will admit the kiss was good and all but this is not who I am.

"You are grieving and you're clearly not in a good state of mind so I'm going. " I say calmly trying not to sound too harsh.

Regret suddenly flashes across his grey orbs and I immediately wish that I could retake my words. I rush out of his room and return to mine with my face stained with tears.

I've never dealt with guilt too well and this is going to eat me up inside for certain. I bury my face in my pillow crying my eyes out like a baby.

But haven't I been one all my life?

Suddenly I'm back once again to the weak girl that I've been trying to run away from. Maybe my parents are a hundred percent right about me. I am nothing and never will be so why am I trying to prove them wrong. Is it so fucking bad to succumb to what they think of me?Why am I being so difficult?

Now my boyfriend who I cheated on wouldn't even pick up his phone because I stood up for myself. Maybe I shouldn't have.

Maybe I should've never even left. Maybe I should've been his doormat and let him brainwash me. Maybe after all I would've been more happy.

Maybe the whole 'sad housewife' thing would've been destiny. If it's not too late maybe and just maybe I could settle for that lifestyle.

Soon my phone vibrates in my pocket and I quickly pull it out seeing Parker's name plastered on the screen.

Perfect timing.

I wipe my tears from my face and blow my nose so my voice sounds normal. I answer.

"Hi." It comes out more as a sigh and I squeeze my eyes shut tight hoping he won't ask if I'm okay.

"Hey Noah I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said to you. I shouldn't have and I hope you can forgive me." I could hear the hurt in his voice through the phone and a tear slips from my eyes.

"Don't worry about it." I pause wondering if I should tell him all about my kiss this evening. "I uh need to go." I say not wanting to talk any longer out of fear that I might admit what I'd done. I'm not ready yet, it's too fresh.

"Okay. I love you." he responds with a hue of uncertainty with a question in his voice that I refuse to entertain and hang up the phone.

I let out a shaky sigh and decide to let myself calm down for a bit.

The silence in my room becomes deafening even though it's always this way. My thoughts bounce up and down in my mind in a rapid way making it hard to thoroughly clear my mind.

I begin to contemplate if I should tell Parker what happened but at the end of the day I know there will be more bad than good but maybe that is what I deserve for what I've done.

I pull my uniform off of my now damp body from sweating and walk over to my bathroom to take a quick shower. I turn on the faucet letting the warm water engulf my body and the steam of the shower carries me back to that kiss.

I touch my neck exactly where he touched it remembering the euphoric experience. It was so short but so lovely while it lasted and confessing that to myself is the least I could do to feel a little better. Of course the feeling was amazing but that didn't change my feelings toward him. I'm definitely not one of those girls who catch feelings off of one great kiss.

To me he's still as crude and revolting just like the day I met him. And just as expected, his reason for pulling that shit was because of his grief. It only makes sense for a man who looks down his nose at me and others. He probably doesn't even gives a shit about the kiss at all but just needed something or someone to fill that empty void he currently has.

Thinking about it now maybe he thought he could get with me like the girls back where he's from.

Ugh. I squirm at the idea.

I step out of the shower and dry my body putting back on my uniform. I take a look at the time and it is now late evening which means that I need to get to the kitchen to get Mr. Hudson's dinner.

I dread walking back past his room but there is nothing else I can do but walk with shame. I walk as speedily as I can when I get to his door, glad that it was closed entirely this time. I finally get to the kitchen to see that Amelio is putting his final touches on dinner. When he's finished I load on the meal onto the platter before leaving to Mr.Hudson's room.

I knock on the door quickly before I am given permission to enter. I walk in to find him at the table typing away on his phone. I place the meal in front of him and turn away as fast as I can to avoid the inevitable awkwardness but I feel fingertips around my wrists before I can go.

I turn around to face him hoping that this is not another round of what happened earlier but he stands up and clears his throat, looking down at me and looking more like the man I met a week ago.

Rigid, austere and cold.

"I am deeply sorry for what happened earlier today miss Anderson. I completely crossed a line with you and disrespected you but I must say a thank you for stopping the situation before it went any further. After all you're not who I thought you were." he finishes his stiff apology not sparing a chance to jab at my character but I ignore it. Although, his apology seems to lack genuinity I appreciate his effort and attempt at doing what is right as he was the one who came onto me.

"Now what if a complaint makes it to my boss about your inappropriate behavior?" I challenge out of spite from what he did to me. I watch him move from impassive to focused, ready to take me on, going in a direction that blatantly is a danger zone.

"We both know the client is always right and of course we already had a mishap before so I can basically tell your boss anything and he takes my word for it." he says smugly, kicking the right corner of his pink lips closer to his cheek.

"But we both know the history of sexual assault against women and how easily I can get away with a lie." I die on the inside as I let out those horrid words. I would never lie against someone knowing that they didn't do me wrong but I just had to say it to make sure Mr. Hudson understands I'm not his little lap dog.

A heavy silence falls on us as we stare at each other, soaking in the intensity of what we both had to say. Both were uncalled for. A simply (ungenuine) apology didn't have to go this far.

"I'm sorry, that's definitely not who I am." I say out of guilt hoping that I didn't strike a nerve with my response. In all fairness, the justice system is a little bias when it comes to women in relation to sexual assault.

"Get out." he sneers with his steel eyes boring holes in mine and if looks could've kill, I would've been one dead fucking girl.

"Gladly." I manage to say then find my way out the room.

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