Days came by but not how like they used to. Reviews for the last quarter exams went by. Valentines happened. Jerome wrote a 15-meter letter and rolled it down from the third floor, I won't ever forget that. But more than big events and special occasions, we rarely remember the good times, don't we? Aren't bad times stick with us more so we can learn from them?

My birthday followed and I invited as many as I could, Avi too, so almost everyone for that matter. They even walked with me home because they didn't know where our new house was. The seniors from the planetarians even caught up and gifted me a small cake. When we arrived at the house, chairs and tables were already splayed outside. 

The food prepared was food you could eat at a children's party. Cake, spaghetti, hotdogs on sticks with marshmallows. There's even lechon and my mother let me chop it. The kids I used to play with carried cardboards with letters spelling, "Happy birthday Kuya Uly," and when they flipped it, it had my throwback pictures as a baby growing up.

"Here they come!" one of my classmates informed me as if everyone was expecting them to come but me. 

I peeked outside the gate and stared at them long like I was watching a TV show. They were literally shoulder to shoulder, Mikro, Arvin, Van, Marcus was in the middle, Jerome, then Mix. A boy group making a grand entrance by walking toward the heroine like they own the road. 

I had second thoughts about welcoming them because they were side by side — without me. Now, only ashes blown by the wind. I was wondering, will Mix confess anything, some big reveal, to ruin this day? I'll take it. If that could tip the scale, give it to me.

As I blew my candle, I had only one wish. Then we proceeded to the party games. Trip to Jerusalem, breaking the pot, and the last game called San Pedro where they blindfolded me and I had to find them. It's oddly similar to the VR except I couldn't see anything. I could hear footsteps, shuffling and breathing as I groped things all around me. 

I stumbled into someone and touched his face. I couldn't be mistaken, as they cheered for me, I said his name. "Mix?"

I removed my blindfold and there he was standing so close in front of me. Smiling for the first time in a long time. I couldn't even believe it that he let me touch him and I thought I never could. 

He covertly greeted me a Happy birthday that may be the only two of us heard, but it made it all worth it. I was beginning to believe that everything would go back to the way it was. That my wish could come true.

______

After my birthday, now that we're the same age, I asked myself, would I realize something life-changing? But it was all just the same in school. It was only to appease the celebration. The pain of losing everything was crushing like you're in the climax of crying but you're not. I had pictures and again asked myself, Do I tag him too? I tried to but I couldn't find his name. Anywhere. I was blocked.

It was the start and there's no way I would easily give up. Blinkey didn't come to my birthday. She's been absent most days — if not every day. We decided to visit her in her house in San Rosario, with Leslie and Ola, our classmate and Blinkey's neighbor. 

We called out to her and she came out, looking down. I ran to her and kidded to slap her face. She didn't flinch and only kept her head low. All the things I couldn't say to Mix, all my longing— perhaps anger—from Mix, I wanted it to say to her. So I imagined Mix was in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked and rephrased it. "What's happening to you."

I couldn't have her leaving me in this tight spot alone.

"Just let me be," and I understood that mindset, that it would be best to leave it by itself. But the truth was I'm only thinking of myself. I guess I became greedy. In all my days of being alone, for the first time, I was actually scared of being alone while getting through this. 

I blamed Mix. His supposed to be lack of care and sudden distance was overwhelming me. When there I was becoming dependent to someone... to him

Since my birthday, I already made amends with Avi. I also tagged along with the Potties again — her group of friends. Avi knew more or less what happened between Mix and I and she even shipped us for some reason. I had no business with the new group Nanatsu no Kyojin (Seven Titans) and continued to avoid them as if we had a silent agreement that this was the way it has to be now. 

I saw their posts on Facebook that they were jogging around town. But little did they know, I'd been a stowaway in their group. I still had access to Marcus' messenger that he forgot to log out once. With a single touch, I could switch his account and read their conversations in the group chat where Blinkey and I left. I was desperate and perhaps crazy enough to do what I would do.

One night, I read that they were going to meet up at 5 in the morning at the basketball court near us and jog to Via Garica after, the next town north. I woke up at 4:30. I didn't even need an alarm because of the strenuous training brought by the shifting so I could set my body to wake up that early. I've always been comfortable walking in the dark, with no cars, of course, no people. If there was a zombie apocalypse, I mused, they should be afraid of me.

When I arrived at the plaza, I kept tabs on their chats. Arvin woke up first and said he's already on his way. I thought of climbing behind a transparent board. Instead, I hid behind the bottom of the ring where I kept an eye on their messages and someone arriving like an assassin or a stalker. 

After a while, I confirmed that it was the correct meeting place when they showed up one by one. Arvin, Mikro, Jerome, Van, then Mix. They were all wearing either jackets or long sleeves with jersey shorts and rubber shoes. Mikro brought a ball to play with. Marcus was a no-show according to their messages — he probably didn't wake up.

It would only be weird if they'd find me hiding there so I revealed myself. They were all astounded as if I was the last person they'd be expecting — except Mix. He might've already seen me but I wasn't really sure. He might be pretending I wasn't there at all.

"I'm also jogging around these parts," I said as an excuse and acted all surprised to see them there too.

"Do you wanna come with us?" asked Jerome who clearly hesitated.

"Where will you go?"

"Via Garica."

"Oh," I said even though I already knew the answer. "Nah, I'll pass."

But really my plan from the beginning was to follow them without being seen. I thought I could still pursue them so I pretended to be going away but I still watched them. Before the sun rose, they started jogging and I ran to the next block where there's a shortcut, circling to meet them by the bridge. All those days of running paid off — it was easy. I was so confident I could keep trail behind them without unnoticed.

Then they took another way and now I'm the last. I already ran out of steam even though we're not godforsaken halfway there. When they slowed down, I couldn't hit my breaks from the momentum. So they found out I was following them. Again, they were surprised but Mix's reaction was close to scoffing and his eyes never bothered to look my way.

"Kaya mo pa?" Jerome asked, "Can you still go?"

"Malayo pa tayo," Arvin added. "We're still far."

I could feel blisters on my toes and my lungs were getting smaller. My throat was pleading for water as I bent on my knees, huffing, but I said, "Yeah, of course." If I would run to the ends of the world just so I could talk to Mix and prove I'm sorry, I would. This was a small price to pay.

We continued jogging at a slower pace because of me. But Mix and Van didn't so they were far ahead of us. Followed by Mikro, who's even dribbling with ease. Arvin and Jerome stayed close with me. We came across some dogs barking without a leash. 

"You need to run," Jerome said.

"What?"

I'm going to let the dogs chase us.

"Why would you do that?"

"Just run!"

The dogs didn't chase us, but only their loud barks. Yet this actually made me laugh and boosted me past my limit. Now in front of us was a high rise that looked like a mountain to me, when Arvin said, "Lapit na." Almost there. That was the rise that made my stomach tingle when we're traveling on it. I didn't like it as much as I did when we're in a vehicle. 

After the ascent, there was another court and they played again. The sky was lightening and cars passed by occasionally. I took a rest and felt my vision spiraling.

Van offered me his bottle of water and I graciously accepted it. I couldn't run anymore so Arvin walked with me and finally, we arrived at the plaza of Via Garica. There were people exercising, middle-aged women dancing Zumba, and children playing on the Bermuda grass. 

We headed to the playground with swings and monkey bars. I sat on the seesaw and caught all the breath I could catch while the others still had the energy to stretch. I couldn't even open my mouth to utter a word. So much so for talking with Mix. As distant as his gaze, he never checked on me as the others did. It's all right, I could still take it.