Never knew you could lose so much feeling in a day. You basically ware me out is what I'M trying to say. You talking to her hurts. It does. But losing myself hurts even more.
Luckily I have friends that remind me of my self worth but it all goes back to you. You say you tend to like  people for who  they are and not what they look like. So while stressing over you I found out alot about myself.

"Hi I'M me and I'M awkward and shy at times but when you get to know me it's like I have torretts.  I curse alot like a fucking lot and my mom wants the best for me but she can be a bit too persistent. I've had a bad past and that's what made me into the person I am today. It can be a good or bad thing depending on how you take it. Oh and another thing I'M really really sensitive and sometimes over dramatic. Take that as you will. I attach on to people and won't let go. That's my problem. I have insecurities and alot of em but I know when to stop and I know I have at least some good qualities. I've never felt loved. Ever. I've had boyfriends but they all treated me like shit. I've had a girlfriend she was amazing but every amazing thing comes to an end. I'M pansexual and no one in my family knows. They are homophobic and I hate that. I'M sending this to you because this is who I am. And this is the absolute closest you will get to me spilling my feelings. So this is me you can take this as an opportunity to run away or stay. It's a bumpy ride if you do. I'M clumsy, stupid, impulsive, insecure, and more but that's me so deal with it. I'M me. What's your name?"

In that process of finding who Exactly "I" am,  I sent it to the few people that mattered to me. Then I thought of sending it to you. Would you care if I was trying to open your knowledge about me. Consequently..no, but it was worth a shot. My finger roamed over the send button going back and forth back and forth. My finger never seemd to hit the button. It then  stops and deletes everything. Why would I let you in if I was already attached. I would rather you know absolutely nothing about me just to get over you.
Nothing ever seems to go as planned when it comes to me. But that's just me and I guess you'll never get to know who that "me" is after all. You should be lucky because not many people do stay for that bumpy ride.

A/n - not the best but an update. Stay beautiful.  |-/