George pov (one month time skip)(I'm back!)

I was laying on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, once again putting my life into perspective. 

I was happy. Something I couldnt forget, but couldnt have. 

I was content. I had Clay and Eve, my sister and crush. 

Most of all, I was apologetic. 

I wasn't particularly sorry that Clay had found out about my cuts because my secret was exposed, I was sorry because I knew how much hidden pain he must have gone through when he found out his best friend had been self harming. 

Even though he didn't say anything about it, I knew that underneath his reliable exterior, he was still human and that he cared for me. 

He cared for me. 

Perhaps that's why  I was so sorry. 

Because he cared for the person that I hurt. 

He couldn't have known what to do. 

When we were younger, he would always tell me that if someone hurt me, he would beat the shit out of them. 

I was the one who caused myself harm. 

He would never hurt me, so I can only imagine the conflict he suffered through at the thought of my own distress. 

Clay was the backbone to his loved one's lives. 

He was reliable and he brought us back to earth in the gentlest way possible. 

Maybe that's why I stopped cutting. 

Because I realized I didn't need it just to feel something. 

I felt everything for Clay. 

I loved him. 

And I hurt him when I picked up the blade with the intents I had.

I was sorry that my little sister had to know such a shitty childhood, despite her not fully seeing how horrible it was. 

She thought she didn't have a father, and there was nothing we could do about it. 

When she was younger, she would ask us where her father was. She would list the friends that she had that had fathers home every day. 

Now I wasn't even sure if she'd remember our mother. 

She didn't have parents like I did; like even Lavender did. 

She had me. 

And I was a sad excuse of a replacement. 

That's why I knew she needed to have Clay. 

She loved him so much. 

I could tell 

Eve never wanted to be without the blonde. 

She never wanted to be alone, and I never wanted that for her, either. 

I didn't want my life for her. 

And I was so sorry that she had to know me as a person that didnt talk.

Didn't like touch.

Didn't seem happy. 

I hated that she always asked me if I was going to leave. 

I didn't want to be what my sister or mother or father was to her. 

I was all the family she had left, and I was determined to make it count. 

There was a knock on my door, and I hummed loud enough to let the person on the other side know they could enter. 

The door opened and Clay walked in, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. 

"Hey," he says. I smile at him in recognition. 

Smiles came so easily when it was Clay. 

"Can you talk to me?" he asked, looking untroubled by the prospect of my denial. 

"Hi, Clay." I say, my voice hoarse and scratchy, the words coming out with a strong British accent. The blonde smiles, his cheeks tinting a slight pink. 

"You still have an accent." he says, smiling still. 

I sit up and envelop him in a hug, climbing onto his lap and resting my head on his shoulders, my arms wrapping around his neck. 

"Is...this o-kay?" My words are broken and raspy. 

"Yes, it's fine." he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice, it drifting in between us and controlling the air around us to become one of contentment and.... I don't know. 

"I'm sorry." I say after a while.

"For what? You've got nothing to be apologizing for. Except for that bag of Takis you hit onto the floor - purposefully might I add- on Halloween when we were 14." he says. 

I giggle quietly. 

"I am not sorry for something that was well deserved and accidental. Karma's a bitch, huh. Anyway, I was more so sorry for the conflict and stress I put you through. You shouldn't have had to deal with this. I shouldn't have cut myself. It was wrong. I'm sorry you had to find out. You're more of an older brother to Eve than I am. You're so... wonderful for being here for both of us." I nuzzle my face into his shoulder. 

He sighs, squeezing me tighter and somehow knowing there wasn't anything I needed him to say. He knew I needed to apologize, and that there was nothing he could do to get me to not be apologetic. 

So we sat there for a little while, in each other's embrace. 

I didn't know how neither one of us was uncomfortable. I had talked more than I had all month. 

I'd been talking here and there, Eve getting excited and squealing when I did, but I hadn't conversed fully. 

Now that these words lifted from my lips, they took with them a crate of uncertainty that had settled in self onto my chest. 

My confession had unshackled my arms and legs that were bound by my cuts, leaving me free to do as I pleased without a shadow of guilt always following behind me, tainting my footsteps. 

Because that's what it was. 

A shadow. 

The shadow of insecurity that stayed behind me, weighing me down against the current I was busy fighting.

A shadow of guilt that lay in front of me, darkening the food that sat in ahead of me on the table, making me feel uneasy about eating it. 

A shadow of disgust that was on my right, whispering into my ear as I admired my side profile to analyze my stomach's flatness in the mirror held up by the shadow of shame to the right. 

A shadow. 

A shadow of the past now. 

I had the boy that always stood in the center of the shadows, bringing my eyes up from where they concentrated on the ground and into the calming green of his eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. 

I pulled away from Clay now, looking into the eyes I loved so much. 

He was smiling fondly, his cheeks dusted with a pretty pink. His eyes showing endless love, molded with gentility, and infused with the green of serenity. 

I gazed back at him, pressing a long kiss onto his cheek before laying back down on his chest, my arms tucked into my own, and his embrace enveloping and expanding my love for him.

We fell asleep together that evening. 

Awwwww!

Fluffy stuff. 

So cute, honestly. 

We needed a little bit of insight and a small time skip. 

So, update. 

I'm slowly earning back my privileges which means I should be writing more often, so there's that.

It is hot af over here, and packing up my room and going back and forth to the garage all day yesterday was literally hell. 

Love you all. 

Go check out SadlyHopelesRomantic as they are a champ for continuing our book The Weird Ways of Wheaton Florida (DNF) in my absence. I personally think it's hilarious. 

I hope you guys are doing well. 

Stay safe. 

Stay healthy. 

Stay. 

We all need you. 

Have a good day/night/evening/morning/dusk/dawn!

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